Ally Boo Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Is it really a crime to not have been in love by your mid-thirties? Be careful not to read too much into it all. I mean, the guy could have just had other things he was more interested in all of this time than a relationship. It could work out in your benefit. Less baggage. It's odd, yes, but when you consider the fact that some people would rather focus on getting through school, starting a career/life, etc., it's not that unbelievable. In fact, I would have confidence knowing that he is at this point in his life and is now going after what he wants in a relationship.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 As for almost winning a state title, that's impressive. I won two regionals and two nationals in law school. Neener neener.
k10k Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Hey, I'm a "newbie" to this side of LS, but, I met a guy who said the exact same thing to me on our first date, ".. because I'm a late bloomer" Never had his heart broken, never been truly in love and always did the dumping (has had a couple of 2 year relationships). He is 37. Well we had an awesome 2 months together, got on really well, never had any issues, but as soon as it came time to "mesh" our lives together, meeting friends, ect. he bailed. Any guy who has never fallen in love by the time he reaches his mid-thirties, will either have intimacy, commitment or control issues. Still trying to figure out if it's just because I'm "not the right one" or because of one of the above reasons.. but thinking back I should've been a bit more careful with my heart, I kinda fell for him. Anyway, just thought I'd share my experience, the guy you are dating might be totally different, but, if I were you, I would be a little wary and take things really slow while getting to know him better.
grogster Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I won two regionals and two nationals in law school. Neener neener. Well, aren't we Clarence Darrow. Nice doing: I'm impressed. I find with oral argument, as with legal writing, you either have it or you don't. Some counsel lack presence both in their oral and written advocacy. I suppose some lack a relationship presence, too. It's the New Invisibility.
Art_Critic Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I find with oral argument, as with legal writing, you either have it or you don't. Boy isn't that the truth.. nothing worse than getting oral after an argument if she doesn't have it
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Boy isn't that the truth.. nothing worse than getting oral after an argument if she doesn't have it :lmao: As for the poster who commented about my "neener neener," that was said JOKINGLY. Lighten up!
sb129 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 No offense, but this attitude is why you're still single. I see you are still winning friends there C. Star- chill woman. I think this one is OK as a starter- give it a chance and see what happens on the next couple of dates.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Star- chill woman. I think this one is OK as a starter- give it a chance and see what happens on the next couple of dates. I'm planning on it, but I think we might have another incompatibility issue.
sfsassy Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 SG, I really get your concern. As I have gotten in my 30's, I date with intent a lot more. When I was in my 20's, I would date anyone if I found them cute, and we had a few common interests. Now, I'm at a point where I want to be married and have kids. Dating just to date doesn't seem fun to me anymore. I understand it is a process, and do give guys chances, but don't want to just date a guy endless without having a clear direction of where things are heading, so I look for signs of compatiility a lot earlier. I would see your concern as a yellow flag, but then again, he has "been hurt" which seems to inicate he has feelings, lol. One concern I would have is he might think of love and relationships in fantasy terms that no one could live up to. My last ex was like this, and after we broke up, he told me that "relationships shouldn't require work." I do think too much work required. (like if ALL you talk about is issues, or you are CONSTANTLY processing the relationship) isn't good, but no, he meant ANY work.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 SG, I really get your concern. As I have gotten in my 30's, I date with intent a lot more. When I was in my 20's, I would date anyone if I found them cute, and we had a few common interests. Now, I'm at a point where I want to be married and have kids. Dating just to date doesn't seem fun to me anymore. I understand it is a process, and do give guys chances, but don't want to just date a guy endless without having a clear direction of where things are heading, so I look for signs of compatiility a lot earlier. I would see your concern as a yellow flag, but then again, he has "been hurt" which seems to inicate he has feelings, lol. One concern I would have is he might think of love and relationships in fantasy terms that no one could live up to. My last ex was like this, and after we broke up, he told me that "relationships shouldn't require work." I do think too much work required. (like if ALL you talk about is issues, or you are CONSTANTLY processing the relationship) isn't good, but no, he meant ANY work. I totally see your point. I do date with intent now, as opposed to my early 20's. I've also been blind or have intentionally avoided paying attention to big huge waving red flags, only to be smacked in the head with the flagpole at a later date, causing exteme emotional injury. I look out for those flags now, even if I have to use binoculars to find them. Is that the right way to go? Maybe not. But if there's a problem, I'd rather find out about it NOW.
Krytie TV Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I think you're falling into a trap of trying to find something to worry about with everyon you date. IMO, you have become too analytical and critiquing to the point that you're attempting to create barriers after first dates. You've fallen into the soup. You need to get out of the bowl.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 I think you're falling into a trap of trying to find something to worry about with everyon you date. IMO, you have become too analytical and critiquing to the point that you're attempting to create barriers after first dates. You've fallen into the soup. You need to get out of the bowl. But I just fell in and the stock feels nice!! I guess I went from one extreme (willfull blindness) to the other, eh?
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Plus I know I'm the least confident with guys. At work, with frinds, family, I'm fine. Get me with a guy I like (or fancy, I LOVE that British term.) and I'm a complete mess. Lol about Cal. I hear ya! Anyone who's ever read my threads about my relationship woes knows I put up with far too much crapola, from far too early on. Touche has been trying to train me into being a Goddess instead of a doormat for YEARS!!
sb129 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Plus I know I'm the least confident with guys. At work, with frinds, family, I'm fine. Get me with a guy I like (or fancy, I LOVE that British term.) and I'm a complete mess. . Absolutely. Most of us are! I have definitely done that thing where some hot guy talks to you, and instead of being witty, charming and super intelligent all you can do is giggle like a teenager.
sfsassy Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Absolutely. Most of us are! I have definitely done that thing where some hot guy talks to you, and instead of being witty, charming and super intelligent all you can do is giggle like a teenager. On my last get together with a guy I like. (complicated sitution that I should do a thread on) he and his friend were making preverse jokes, and at one point I spilled all my coffee on me. (luckily, it was in one of those after dinner cups, and not a mug.) That boy drives me to distraction.
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Grrrr...you ladies aren't helping any. All this talk about guys who make you palpitate, makes me want to start dating again. I think I might!
sb129 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 I know there is a softie underneath that hard candy outer shell you have TBF.... you can't fool me. xx
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Haha...I won't dispute that I have a very soft core. You just have to get to it, like an M & M. Hard candy coating on the outside, melt in your mouth chocolate on the inside.
sb129 Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Haha...I won't dispute that I have a very soft core. You just have to get to it, like an M & M. Hard candy coating on the outside, melt in your mouth chocolate on the inside. Thats exactly how I would have described you. Still delicious.... So.... do you chew or suck M&Ms?
Trialbyfire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Thats exactly how I would have described you. Still delicious.... So.... do you chew or suck M&Ms? Shouldn't you be asking this of my exes? Btw, you're a good judge of character.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 "On a side note... That almost won me a state title in Mock Trial back in high school. Gotta love that latin legal terms." I was just playing with SG--lawyer to lawyer. Ya gotta find amusement somewhere. As for almost winning a state title, that's impressive. Many litigators have no idea how to construct and deliver a persuasive oral argument. It's sad to watch sometimes--unless the guy or gal is your opponent. LOL... I was not the impressive one. We had a guy on my defence team that was A-mazing! We had lawyers of 30 years stand up and say he was the best they had ever seen. As for me... I was good not great, better oral than written... ect. I did learn however that law was not a place for me. I have a tendency to be a win at all costs type. I won two regionals and two nationals in law school. Neener neener. Now that IS impressive! Doing anything Friday night? :lmao: As for the poster who commented about my "neener neener," that was said JOKINGLY. Lighten up! With Calisto I think you should stick to knock knock jokes!
Jilly Bean Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Star - I noticed you wrote that you believe there may be another incompatibility issue. What's that?
Touche Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Touche has been trying to train me into being a Goddess instead of a doormat for YEARS!! You're funny! Yes but you're getting closer. I can see such a change in you. I'm proud of you. Better to err on the side of caution. But yeah, you can go too far the other way. I don't think you're doing that though. Keep it up! OH and SB boy did you ever nail my lil sis. Tough as nails on the outside but sweeter than sweet on the inside.
Author Star Gazer Posted June 30, 2008 Author Posted June 30, 2008 Star - I noticed you wrote that you believe there may be another incompatibility issue. What's that? Well, I had to flake on him once due to work issues. I had a huge filing that day, muy importante...much more important than a first date. Anyway, in a round about way he mentioned that when in a relationship work-related stuff cannot come before the relationship. As far as I'm concerned, if my client has a crisis at 5 p.m. on a Friday that requires working over the weekend, so be it. Although I try, I can't always control my opposing counsel nor the dates the court sets hearings. I don't love it, but work sh*t does pop up at inopportune times. If that's going to be a huge issue for him, we have problems already.
Touche Posted June 30, 2008 Posted June 30, 2008 Well, I had to flake on him once due to work issues. I had a huge filing that day, muy importante...much more important than a first date. Anyway, in a round about way he mentioned that when in a relationship work-related stuff cannot come before the relationship. As far as I'm concerned, if my client has a crisis at 5 p.m. on a Friday that requires working over the weekend, so be it. Although I try, I can't always control my opposing counsel nor the dates the court sets hearings. I don't love it, but work sh*t does pop up at inopportune times. If that's going to be a huge issue for him, we have problems already. How did you respond to that? My opinion? Very presumptuous of him at this stage of the game. Unless he's offering to pay all your bills. (Oh and ignore the troll on here.)
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