OW/Pregnant and Suicidal

[porter218]

GG

 

Hi there. Congrats on the pregnancy. It should be a grand time, once you decide on parenthood. Your family may or may not come around, but don't let that deter you from giving this child the best life you can.

 

The situation with this man is really bad. I read the W's thread and I feel really sorry for her. Apparently, he used her to get over you only to find out that he wasn't over you and blamed her for not being you. Of course, he feels that she doesn't pay attention to him. He wasn't looking at her. He wasn't looking to fill in a plug for himself to feel better.

 

Now, he's gotten you back into his life and he's screwing things up for you and his family (W and kids). If he does D, I wouldn't want him. The drama will never end if he leaves her and their kids for you and the child you two will share.

 

I said all that to say this: minimize your exposure to him. He is toxic. Not just to you, but also to his W. He has spent years demeaning her and making her feel bad about herself and telling her that she only wants him for his money and status that she has started to act like it. He is controlling and manipulative. He will do to you what he has already done to her, and you don't deserve that. Neither does this baby.

 

(An aside, I can't believe he said he was disappointed in his kids with her. They are HIS. Just imagine how he lives his life. Whenever something doesn't work out the way he wants it, HE'S disappointed in it. He needs to take a good look in the mirror, this one does!!!!)

I don't share your opinion of MM. I read the the Ws thread very thoroughly, and she freely admits that he tried for years to speak to her about their growing problems until they finally stopped speaking for an entire 2 years. In this time frame he only went out to seek Grumpy in the last several months. And she also happily admits she only cares about the lifestyle he provided, if she says this then I am betting it is true. I think MMs only fault is that he at this point doesn't have the balls to leave his toxic M. That in itself would be enough of a turnoff for me to not want him either. No M can survive such a huge lack of communication, but he shouldn't be such a spineless pussy to stay in it by her threats.

[NoIDidn't]

I don't share your opinion of MM. I read the the Ws thread very thoroughly, and she freely admits that he tried for years to speak to her about their growing problems until they finally stopped speaking for an entire 2 years. In this time frame he only went out to seek Grumpy in the last several months. And she also happily admits she only cares about the lifestyle he provided, if she says this then I am betting it is true. I think MMs only fault is that he at this point doesn't have the balls to leave his toxic M. That in itself would be enough of a turnoff for me to not want him either. No M can survive such a huge lack of communication, but he shouldn't be such a spineless pussy to stay in it by her threats.

 

 

Did we read the same thread? Maybe. I must have missed that part.

 

Either way, it seems that he used the A to hurt his W and get her attention. Now he has it. And, either way, he and his R with his W is toxic and not going to be good for GG to get into. Can we agree on that?

[OWoman]

I don't share your opinion of MM. I read the the Ws thread very thoroughly, and she freely admits that he tried for years to speak to her about their growing problems until they finally stopped speaking for an entire 2 years. In this time frame he only went out to seek Grumpy in the last several months. And she also happily admits she only cares about the lifestyle he provided, if she says this then I am betting it is true. I think MMs only fault is that he at this point doesn't have the balls to leave his toxic M. That in itself would be enough of a turnoff for me to not want him either. No M can survive such a huge lack of communication, but he shouldn't be such a spineless pussy to stay in it by her threats.

 

Porter I know we should read all threads at face value, but that original BW post (and its duplicate on the other forum) screamed TROLL to many of those who responded. The OP then did a double take and changed tack and got some more sympathetic posts, and then this thread appeared and that poster disappeared (after the comment linking them). Others have commented on the BW thread about the similarity in posting styles raising the question whether they aren't the work of the same person, posting allegedly from the two perspectives. Certainly there's a great reliance of cliche and stereotype to support that argument, and insufficient evidence of character development through the posts.

 

But then, GG claims to be a professor, too - and I understand that in America that term isn't used as it is elsewhere to describe someone at the apex of an academic career; in American any old lecturer has "professor" somewhere in their title and so it could be applied to a junior staff member too - though I don't know to what extent American colleges appoint people without PhDs into teaching positions. Certainly in my country, or others I've visited, there would need to be exceptional circumstances for that, and perhaps there are, but GG's posts don't reflect the kind of conceptual confidence of someone teaching at tertiary education level. I don't know what field she's in - I don't think that's been covered anywhere - but even if it was beauty therapy, one would expect a degree of discursive mastery and not some lame, condescending excuse of "higher education teaches you to talk to the masses".

 

Which isn't to say that GG is necessarily a troll - I'm sure many posters here cover their tracks and disguise their situations a little by fudging some details to avoid giving TMI and being outed - but just that so many of the inconsistencies and narrative disjunctures flicker warning lights on the "willing suspension of disbelief" circuit.

[porter218]

I don't know OWoman. My brother did teach at a local university( a well respected one) after his masters degree briefly. He now has his PhD, but even back then he was referred to as a "professor". Whether that was his actual title I am not so sure but he still liked being called one. When not at work he spoke and wrote how he always had, then changed everything while under the scrutiny of the school.

 

As far as the thread by the wife, she was just inconsistent because she wanted people to feel sorry for her. However in moments of anger and pain the truth kept coming to light, and this is when she looked schizoid as you put it. She stopped posting probably because with the OW here she can't paint things to suit her better. Possible to be a troll but I doubt it.

[grumpygirrl]

Hi porter,

I have read other post and from reading other threads everyone has their thoughts and Owoman is entitled to hers. In America if you have a Master's degree and you are in academics then you are a professor if you are teaching full-time. I have seen what others have said in many threads and if Owoman feels that i am a troll as she puts it, it is ok, but i would like to continue to converse with you, in some way. I find it interesting the concentration in this thread about my education. You know with hard work anyone can do the same. What I am doing is no miracle it is just determination. And personal growth.

As far as the other thread, it would not be in my best interest to post about it. I would like to talk to someone about it, but not in this forum. As far as the other thread exposing oneself that way can not be a good thing. And commenting on it will not be in my best interest. Well thank you for your support, but you don't have to defend me against these people, I have learned in life that when people hold their views to respect them and move on. And i am not going to spill all of the beans to appease people into believing me. As with any situation when something is not good for me I have options and I choose not to do so with Owoman.

I came here for advice and I am greatful for that advice, but with everyday being a struggle seeing post about me being a troll does not help me in the least and if someone believes that at all times if you are a profesor or doctor or even an attorney and you are to be that way 24 hours a day, then I can tell you that it must be an American thing because we are more laid back in this regard and really don't take the titles that come with a profession as validation of who we are, well for the most part there are pompous asses everywhere! Believe it our not, professionals Salsa Dance, go to bars and even sports games! We know when to let go and just be who we are and having a title that a person has worked so hard for, is suppose to make that person humble not shout to the world with words that the average person does not understand and which can isolate people from you who might feel inferior. I pride myself on not being that way, and believe me my family would have something to say about if I thought I was better than... But, I would like to keep in touch with you in some way, please let me know. I could really use a friend.

[porter218]

Hi Grumpy,

Feel free to PM me. I only continue to comment on the disbelief of these threads because I find both your thread and that of your nemesis interesting. I do also understand that higher education does not make you speak or act a certain way. I come from a family of doctors and many PhDs who find education to be very important, but at home we are just normal and down to earth people and aren't trying to impress. If I remember correctly OWoman is from England or somewhere in that vicinity so her doubts are understandable because things are different over there.

[mistresswchildren]

He claims that his wife has taken no interest in his life for years. They lived seperate lives and it hurt him. And he assumed that she did not give a damn. But, now she wants to talk to him and he said they have nothing in common. He also tells me that she has threatened to kill herself and blah blah blah. He says that it is getting unbearable but he just can't up and leave. He got scared today when I keep telling him this was not in my best interest when he felt that he could not reach me he said ok give me three years, when I asked him was that what he really wanted to do he said no, he does not like time frames although by the time the baby is born who knows what will happen giving him time frames bothers him. And porter I tell him fine this is ok with me but I will not be around for this. He says that i am putting pressure on him!

So, he says that we dont have to talk about his life; he just want to talk about my life. But, as long as he knows what is going on in my life then he has a heads up on me. Oh and his mother who never married tells him that he is making a mistake and to stay with his wife. Hey, again I tell him fine, but i have the right to say that this does not work for me. Oh and he said that the time frame of three years to him is like getting divorced tomorrow. Fine i said do what you like , but Porter he is getting angry with me when I am the one that should be angry. His family want to believe that I am some homewrecker and I refuse to play into that. I dont call him I dont harrass him I keep my distance. This is the right thing to do?

 

You know I am southern baptist and my family is going to basically disown me. On the positive side I have a daughter who got accepted in one of the top colleges in the US, and I raised her alone. i have two years to complete my education and then the sky's the limit and I have a great career where I am making a difference in people lives everyday. These are the things that keep me going and I know that if I dont stop this with him these things will not matter.

 

Do you and I have the same MM? I just have to ask because everything you are saying he said is EXACTLY what my xMM said to me. Trust me, certain men come up with any excuse in the book. Please, know that I am coming from experience on this. I have been going through it for what seems like an eternity, and the only good thing that came out of it was my children. You are doing what is right by leaving him. Going through the pregnancy alone may be tough, but no tougher than going through it "with" him. He won't be there no matter how much you want him to. He won't care about the first ultrasound. He won't be there to rub your back at night when you have thirty pounds of extra weight to carry. He won't be there to hold your hair back when you are vomiting because of morning sickness. Don't go through it. I promise you, it is NOT worth it. In the end, he won't leave. The second you got pregnant was his real chance to leave his marriage, and he didn't. I understand where you are coming from. I REALLY do. Just don't do it any more. You and your baby deserve so much more. Leave him. RUN! Run as fast as you can. You still have a shot at a life. Just leave! I promise you that in the end you will regret it if you don't.

[grumpygirrl]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I have been doing everything to help me stay positive. I have gotten into self-help books and have re-committed myself to my career. Being negative is not helping me anymore. I have been ostracized from my family and this hurts but I am tired of the power I have let them have over me. My mother who I have raised since I was five years old because my stepfather was physically and mentally abusive for years, is not happy with this. (Her third husband just left her for another woman, so I understand her feelings about my situation.). To cut to the chase she has been having a problem with me asserting my newfound power. She says horrible things about my choice to have this baby and I told her that no matter what I was going to work my life out and find happiness and MM no longer had power over me. I am in control of my life and no matter what he does with his life is his choice and what I do with mine is my choice and I will make this work for the baby and me.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] [/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]See, my stepfather left his wife and six-month-old daughter for my mother who was 15 years older than my mom. I am tired of her telling me what I am doing is wrong but she justifies her life choices. I never judged her. She said that she was seduced. Her and my step dad was married for 18 years. Well after that she told me today that she doesn’t care about the baby or me and I told her that I know this, but I still love her anyway. After an hour of arguing I told her that what I told her was in confidence (MM issues) and she has used my pain and hurt as a weapon to hurt me and I told her that I would no longer tell her anything about my personal life. She has been doing this to me for years and I am just tired. It was really really bad.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]I have never felt so alone in my life.[/FONT][/COLOR]

[sIZE=3][FONT=Times New Roman] [/FONT][/sIZE]

Words of hope anyone?

BTW: for those of you who know my story, the reason why I did not move with my MM when we were younger all those years ago (we were first loves and both single) was because I was afraid to leave my mother.

 

She knows he wants me and the baby to move closer to him. (This is another story; sorry.). She HATES him, but always have. Now she has an excuse.

[NoIDidn't]

But you are not alone.

 

You have a little baby growing inside you until it is time to deliver him or her.

 

When life threw me for loops during my pregnancies, I bonded with my babies. Just thinking about them made me feel hopeful regardless of what was stressing me.

 

My kids are growing up now and no longer babies, but I still remember the talks that I used to have with my belly, rubbing it and stroking it, releasing those great endorphins instead of cortisol into our joint systems.

 

Go take a slow, leisurely stroll and clear your head. Buy some balloons, they always make me smile. Check out funny videos on YouTube for the laughs.

 

But don't let this get you down.

[grumpygirrl]

Hi KnowIdidnt,

I wanted to thank you for your previous posts to me. I am going to take a bath and like you said rub my little tummy. I have a baby on the way by a MM, I am doing eveything that I can to stay positive and everyone around me has shut me out. Once I have this baby I will not let them back into my life. They have shown me what they really feel and it hurt and they will not get the chance to do this to me again. I look at this as a time for me to tie up my lose ends with my so called loved ones so I can take off in this world without the invisible constraints that I have place on myself. I'm gonna fly real soon and leave them all behind and take my baby with me. Everyone wants me to feel dirty, but I dont and I am looking forward to having my baby alone. I rather be by myself then to bring a baby into this world surrounded by hurtful unsupportive family members. If only I can get through this...

[Tomcat33]

My kids are growing up now and no longer babies, but I still remember the talks that I used to have with my belly, rubbing it and stroking it, releasing those great endorphins instead of cortisol into our joint systems.

 

.

 

 

What? what happened to the baby that you were about to have a few months ago when you were claiming the pregnancy was making you grumpy?

[pelicanpreacher]

What? what happened to the baby that you were about to have a few months ago when you were claiming the pregnancy was making you grumpy?

 

NoIDidn't is pregnant?

[Tomcat33]

NoIDidn't is pregnant?

 

Well that is what she said back in Feb according to what she said here, post #3:

 

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t143891/?highlight=pregnant+NoIdidn%27t

 

!?!?

[Can'tGiveUp]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1739622#post1739622

 

According to this post, her baby is 3 months old.

[Tomcat33]

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1739622#post1739622

 

According to this post, her baby is 3 months old.

 

 

Sorry I didn't get that, why according that post? That post talks in the past but makes no mentions of a three month baby?? Did you mean to post another link maybe?

[porter218]

Grumpy, do you have any close friends? If you do then replace your family with them, make them your new support system. Family loses is value when they start to judge and stop supporting. In my mind they have lost the right to use or should I say abuse that word " family". If I were you I would tell your mom that God doesn't like ugly, and her behavior is nothing but pure ugly. You should say that and let that be your last words to her unless she snaps out of this and turns back into a mom.

[Can'tGiveUp]

Sorry I didn't get that, why according that post? That post talks in the past but makes no mentions of a three month baby?? Did you mean to post another link maybe?

 

2nd last paragraph...

 

My point. As frustrating as it is, you are just going to have to wait until its time for that little one to grace you with his presence. My little one that I carried for a while during your pregnancy is now three months old. He came just in time.

 

Good luck! I wish I had a Birth Center birth, but I probably wouldn't have made it to the only one in my area as mine just come to fast when they FINALLY decide to come.

[porter218]

Tomcat, CGU posted the right link here is what it said:

 

My little one that I carried for a while during your pregnancy is now three months old. He came just in time.

 

[Tomcat33]

Thanks for clarifying that Can'tGiveup and Porter, I missed that!

 

so then I find it really odd she would say this here last night:

 

When life threw me for loops during my pregnancies, I bonded with my babies. Just thinking about them made me feel hopeful regardless of what was stressing me.

 

My kids are growing up now and no longer babies, but I still remember the talks that I used to have with my belly, rubbing it and stroking it, releasing those great endorphins instead of cortisol into our joint systems

 

 

Am I missing something here too?

:confused::confused:

[Can'tGiveUp]

Thanks for clarifying that Can'tGiveup and Porter, I missed that!

 

so then I find it really odd she would say this here last night:

 

 

 

 

Am I missing something here too?

:confused::confused:

 

Oh what tangled webs we weave... ??

 

Of course, it is the internet and you can't believe everything you read.

[Tomcat33]

Oh what tangled webs we weave... ??

 

Of course, it is the internet and you can't believe everything you read.

 

 

Hmmmmmmmm.

[grumpygirrl]

[quote=porter218;1745957]Grumpy, do you have any close friends? If you do then replace your family with them, make them your new support system. Family loses is value when they start to judge and stop supporting. In my mind they have lost the right to use or should I say abuse that word " family". If I were you I would tell your mom that God doesn't like ugly, and her behavior is nothing but pure ugly. You should say that and let that be your last words to her unless she snaps out of this and turns back into a mom.

 

Hi Porter!

No friends, they abandoned ship as well. To be honest the people that have been in my life are the biggest sinners and they are the most judgemental. It is a blessing that they are not in my life anymore. They are giving me the silent treatment, but I have to say that there treatment goes much further then this current situation. (Still hurts though.).

 

As far as mom, I have had enough she is just a bitter horrible woman and because I understand why she is this way I have let her emotionally abuse me all of my adult life, but I just can't allow this anymore. I am determined to start a new life and eventually find supportive positive friends.

 

This too shall pass...

[Tomcat33]

Oh what tangled webs we weave... ??

 

Of course, it is the internet and you can't believe everything you read.

 

 

I guess we are not going to get an explanation about this mystery.

[NoIDidn't]

I guess we are not going to get an explanation about this mystery.

 

Typical "Mommy Brain" situation, that's it.

 

My little one is three months old, but I was only thinking about the older siblings when I responded to Grumpy.

 

In fact, he's nursing right now and looking up at me with those little googly eyes so happy to be getting "mommy's milk".

 

Sorry for the confusing. I may not enter my life story here, but I certainly am not going to lie about it. And I haven't gotten online in a couple of days - I DO have four kids to take care of in addition to myself and my H, you know. LOL.

[Tomcat33]

Sorry for the confusing. I may not enter my life story here, but I certainly am not going to lie about it. And I haven't gotten online in a couple of days - I DO have four kids to take care of in addition to myself and my H, you know. LOL.

 

 

Well no one is asking for you to "enter your lifes story" but when a person who just had a baby claims "all my kids are growin up, but I remember when they were babies...." it does raise special attention.

 

Let's hope you don't forget that baby at the mall, "Mommy Brain" and all...