NoIDidn't Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 The subject of what *kind* of OP gets support here gets brought up a lot. It is felt by the OW that stay in the A that they aren't getting any support. And that those that are ending get all the support and *advice*. That may be true to some extent, and I can tell my reasons for doing so. I cannot lend support to someone who is doing what I feel is wrong for all parties involved. I cannot, in good and clear conscience, support an A. To do so makes me feel like I am doing something wrong. I don't like feeling like I am helping someone down the road that I think will lead to their destruction (will deaden them to other wrongs and the like). Its just easier to support someone that is trying to do "the right thing" for whatever reasons they may have. Whether the A is ending because the MP won't leave their spouse, the OP is just tired of it, or some other reason, its just easier to support a person that is getting out rather than staying in. I also have a hard time congratulating someone when the A produces the desired results - ending a previously committed M (which I feel is far more important than the non-committed types - MO, remember) for one that was conducted in the shadows aided by deception on the parts of the two that will be together. I am not saying that I am judging them. Its just hard to be happy when I know someone else is really hurting. It just doesn't feel right. But on a contradictory note, I have no problem supporting a married couple that started out as an A. Can't change the past is my motto. Deal with what you have in front of you now. Does any of this make sense? I think I am doing the late pregnancy rambling. LOL.
Tomcat33 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I think I am doing the late pregnancy rambling. LOL. I think so too, BUT if you want to let people know why you refuse to support them via a thread in a forum for people seeking support for what they are doing that you refuse to support, I suppose you have your right to do so!?!?
Author NoIDidn't Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 I...if you want to let people know why you refuse to support them via a thread in a forum for people seeking support for what they are doing that you refuse to support, I suppose you have your right to do so!?!? Wow that was a confusing sentence. But I did understand it. I think. There are probably others that feel similar given the percentage of posters that are alledged to help the leavers and not the cleavers. I just thought it would be an interesting thread to say why I do it. But yeah, the rambling pregnant woman. That's me. Eight months and counting.
Lyssa Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Given some situations, I do feel it's better for OW to leave the A. Saves her from the heartache and emotional rollercoaster ride.
Author NoIDidn't Posted February 9, 2008 Author Posted February 9, 2008 Given some situations, I do feel it's better for OW to leave the A. Saves her from the heartache and emotional rollercoaster ride. That's a good point too.
Tomcat33 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Wow that was a confusing sentence. But I did understand it. I think. There are probably others that feel similar given the percentage of posters that are alledged to help the leavers and not the cleavers. I just thought it would be an interesting thread to say why I do it. But yeah, the rambling pregnant woman. That's me. Eight months and counting. I know, and I'm not even pregnant at least you have a valid reason!! :lmao: Congratulations didn't realise you were that far along!! I think deep down people know why people do things, especially here...let's face it no one accepts affairs there is nothing to accept really... here, there, anywhere they are wrong they are hurtful they are no good all around. The affair itself is wrong and it it denotes dispicable qualities but the people involved in them are not necessarily horrible people. And it's not that they want to be coddled they just don't want to be kicked even more. If you can deconstruct the affair to the actual people involved it's like no other crisis that a human being can go through and I know it is selfinflicted but that does not mean people are not suffering alike. I guess it all boils down to the emotional state a person is in and it's like everything some days we are open to criticism and we can handle it like a true adult other days not so much. So because we can't see just what kind of a day a person is having because mood is not conveyed online, it's prob easier to assume someone else is feeling more sensitive than not. But it's really hard to keep that in mind sometimes in the heat of a discussion. I know THAT all too well.
LakesideDream Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 This is a place for people to go and discuss their experiances. Family and friends are often not an option. It's easy to be "black and white" and judgemental when you don't have a dog in the fight. I know I've been there. I also know how important it is/can be to have someplace to turn to when you are in pain, or unsure. There are times when another person saying "I've been there, I know how you feel" is worth the world to the person suffering. There are many forum's on LS. Many places where "Black and White" are the order of the day. This isn't usually one of them.
GreenEyedLady Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 The subject of what *kind* of OP gets support here gets brought up a lot. It is felt by the OW that stay in the A that they aren't getting any support. And that those that are ending get all the support and *advice*. I understand exactly what you're saying...I'm with TC though...This is a forum for support for OP's specifically...Not only ones who want to leave... I don't consider myself the OW anymore but it seems like if you can't give support to the OP's the forum was created for, why would people come here? Why would people like to come and tear down others? So I see what you're saying...Do you see what I'm saying too?
Lizzie60 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 Here we go again... I think you're obsessed with OW.. I don't know your story but you must have been betrayed at some point... I am in As and I do not need support ... really I don't.. and I don't come here for support.. I think you know that.. It is MY choice. I like to come here to discuss and give my point of views.. I cannot lend support to someone who is doing what I feel is wrong for all parties involved. Who said you have to... you are free to support anyone YOU want..
bentnotbroken Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 This is a place for people to go and discuss their experiances. Family and friends are often not an option. It's easy to be "black and white" and judgemental when you don't have a dog in the fight. I know I've been there. I also know how important it is/can be to have someplace to turn to when you are in pain, or unsure. There are times when another person saying "I've been there, I know how you feel" is worth the world to the person suffering. There are many forum's on LS. Many places where "Black and White" are the order of the day. This isn't usually one of them. There are some of us who live our lives in black and white, no matter the circumstances or what forum you are in. It is who we are.
Cobra_X30 Posted February 9, 2008 Posted February 9, 2008 I understand exactly what you're saying...I'm with TC though...This is a forum for support for OP's specifically...Not only ones who want to leave... I don't consider myself the OW anymore but it seems like if you can't give support to the OP's the forum was created for, why would people come here? Why would people like to come and tear down others? So I see what you're saying...Do you see what I'm saying too? We need to recognize the uniqueness of each situation. Support means different things to different people. I believe it is most important that everyone consider what is best for the OP when posting. Also, not everyone deserves the kind of support your talking about. I've seen some evil selfish people come here, and I for one rufuse to support that. I have a low tolerance for people who hurt thier children. It's the one thing almost nobody seems to care about within these affairs. Kids have no voice here, and are often the biggest victims. Sorry to go off on a tangent.
Author NoIDidn't Posted February 10, 2008 Author Posted February 10, 2008 I think you're obsessed with OW.. I don't know your story but you must have been betrayed at some point... And your point is? I like to come here to discuss and give my point of views.. So do I!!!! Go figure. Who said you have to... you are free to support anyone YOU want. Yes, and you can ridicule whomever YOU want. I start a thread with my honest sentiments and there is always someone that wants to stir the pot. Always.....
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