nadiaj2727 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 Thank you broknhearted for you reply. Sounds like we are in similar situations and I am sorry for you saddness with the transfer. In my situation we live about an hour away which makes visits a bit more of a challenge. I would love to see him more but in our case my leash is the tight one, simply because my hubby works out of town alot leaving me with the kids. I hope it works out for you and would enjoy chatting with someone in the same boat as I am. To say I shouldn't have started this, or just divorce hubby, etc is easier said than done as you well know. This is what it is even if I created it. I know it is easier said than done to have never started it, but I also know it is not impossible to end it. It will just continue like this unless you want to do something or your husband finds out or OM ends it. I can't imagine the other two options being pretty so I don't know why you don't just end it while you still have control over it. Don't just wait for another "twist" to happen in your life's story. Write your own next chapter...
bish Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 To say I shouldn't have started this, or just divorce hubby, etc is easier said than done as you well know. This is what it is even if I created it. Oh bull. You and this other guy had the guts to screw around on your spouses, have the guts to either break it off completely or divorce your spouses. Don't give us this "easier said than done" tripe. Your little "feelings" for this other man are irrelevant and I'm not moved in the slightest. You need to grow the female equivalent of cahones and dump your OM, or dump your H. Make a decision because it isn't fair to your husband. But something tells me you don't care what is fair to him. Its all about you.
Author MOWnSouth Posted June 23, 2008 Author Posted June 23, 2008 Oh bull. You and this other guy had the guts to screw around on your spouses, have the guts to either break it off completely or divorce your spouses. Don't give us this "easier said than done" tripe. Your little "feelings" for this other man are irrelevant and I'm not moved in the slightest. You need to grow the female equivalent of cahones and dump your OM, or dump your H. Make a decision because it isn't fair to your husband. But something tells me you don't care what is fair to him. Its all about you. Well its funny that I have done one of those at this point; I say that only for those who can respond to people without bashing...clearly you are not one of those. I'm not trying to "move" you in the slightest and you don't have a clue about my life...so when you walk a mile...then I will care what you have to say about me and what you don't know about my feelings. Hope that bashing us who come to just have somewhere to say things we may not could anywhere else makes you feel like you are bigger than us. I make mistakes, I am far from perfect and I listen to advise from those who have been where I am. I do appreciate those who spoke honestly but didn't feel the need to belittle. I have seen a lot of that here directed at OM/OW just seeking a voice from someone in the same place. I guess I could go on but whats the point? Thanks for listening.
Meaplus3 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 While I can't say I'm in the same place at this time, I was not to long ago. I developed strong feelings for a mm. I like he was married with children. Before I even realized it I was in a heated emotional affair with this mm. I admit I was very unhappy in my marriage.. and was vulnerable to his charms. I acted very stupid and selfish. NO good came from the situation just more heartbreak then I thought was even possible. I would hate to see you get hurt here. If this mm is so appealing to you, then it's my guess that something is missing in your marriage. You need to put aside these feeling for mm and think of your family. I hope you don't feel like I'm bashing you, because thats not my intent here at all. Best of luck. AP:)
SerenityX2 Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 You know what I find amusing? That OW accuse others that are trying to help them as "bashing" simply b/c they don't agree with what they're doing. You come here with this tone of "I don't care who I hurt, as long as I'm happy and getting what I want for NOW" and then you wonder why people may recoil from that sort of attitude. I've not seen one post from the OW side that exudes happiness and contentment from their situation. Just frustration and denial. I don't ever mean to come across as harsh, however when you watch people who are destroying pieces of their soul trying to chase that elusive "happiness" by stepping on others to get it...then wondering why it's not working and the cycle continues...well that's the definition of insanity and it gets frustrating to those of us that know there's a better way. Nadia, and others have seen the light...they "get it" ....sadly you're not there yet, b/c you don't WANT to be. However that means you are willing to be selfish and not think about the others that you are hurting with your actions simply b/c YOUR pleasure is more important than not hurting another human being...that's not bashing, that's fact. What you're doing to your family (not having full disclosure with your H) and hurting this W...is FAR FAR worse than what you perceive as "bashing" on a forum. It will only bring you misery, but you refuse to see that as well. Do I feel "bigger" b/c I never had to walk down your road? No, I feel grateful for the path my life has gone...No matter what, I had more self respect and more human compassion than to hurt another woman....I wasn't born that way...it was something I learned and was taught I guess...so for that I'm grateful. If I didn't say it before. I feel sorry for you, I really, and truly do, and I'm sorry if that's perceived as condescending...not meant to be....I hope you find your way out of this fog and soon...there are many valuable insights here....unless like someone said, you're just here looking for validation.
bish Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 While I can't say I'm in the same place at this time, I was not to long ago. I developed strong feelings for a mm. I like he was married with children. Before I even realized it I was in a heated emotional affair with this mm. I admit I was very unhappy in my marriage.. and was vulnerable to his charms. I acted very stupid and selfish. NO good came from the situation just more heartbreak then I thought was even possible. So you divorced your husband and set him free, right? I would hate to see you get hurt here. I'd hate to see her husband get hurt...and the OM's wife. If this mm is so appealing to you, then it's my guess that something is missing in your marriage.[/qutoe] Yup, gotta be her husband's fault, right? Yes I know, you are not excusing what she did and not saying it is her husband's fault....but come on, if she is missing something in her marriage, then it is to imply that her husband isn't doing something she "needs". hence, thats basically saying it is her husband's fault.
bish Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 You know what I find amusing? That OW accuse others that are trying to help them as "bashing" simply b/c they don't agree with what they're doing. Thats basically the gist of it. If she really wants bashing, I can accomodate. I told her, in stern wording, that she needs to have the guts to leave the OM, or leave her husband...one or the other, since she had the guts to cheat. If thats bashing, then so be it. Truth isn't always welcome. You come here with this tone of "I don't care who I hurt, as long as I'm happy and getting what I want for NOW" and then you wonder why people may recoil from that sort of attitude. Well, I don't know if she came here with the "I don't care who I hurt" attitude, but she definitely doesn't seem to sympathize with her husband at all. I don't ever mean to come across as harsh, however when you watch people who are destroying pieces of their soul trying to chase that elusive "happiness" by stepping on others to get it Yes, its rather frustrating. Knowing there is someone out there that is getting walked all over...in this case 2 people getting walked all over. Nadia, and others have seen the light...they "get it" ....sadly you're not there yet, b/c you don't WANT to be. However that means you are willing to be selfish and not think about the others that you are hurting with your actions simply b/c YOUR pleasure is more important than not hurting another human being...that's not bashing, that's fact. What you're doing to your family (not having full disclosure with your H) and hurting this W...is FAR FAR worse than what you perceive as "bashing" on a forum. EXACTLY!! Do I feel "bigger" b/c I never had to walk down your road? No Me neither. I just feel damn sorry for this husband and the wife of the OM. Someone needs to step up for them. I don't mean here in this forum, I mean in real life. Hopefully someone will get them the information they need since neither one of these two is going to come clean and stop the lies and deceit.
lovernotafighter Posted June 23, 2008 Posted June 23, 2008 You know what I find amusing? That OW accuse others that are trying to help them as "bashing" simply b/c they don't agree with what they're doing. I find it amusing the poster asked for MOW to reply yet people like you feel the need too. you said you haven't walked down that road so why do you need to reply to a thread that was specific to certian people in her situation?
pelicanpreacher Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I've read a number of posts here and, while watching an episode of the "Sopranos", Tony's wife, Carmella reminded me of things that many women posters have said while in the throes of an affair: "I feel like I'm walking on air" or "I feel like a schoolgirl again" or "I've never experienced these feelings before" or "I think I found my true soulmate"! I think we can all agree that these feelings of dizzying elation to be all too common at the onset of an affair so, in that sense, your affair is probably not as unique as you might believe. The danger of these emerging feelings is that they can make you look back on your life to completely exaggerate any perceived unhappiness in your marriage to completely skew your perception of reality. Now that you've stepped back from the affair a bit and have a chance to assess your marriage with cool introspection you need to critically analyze the true state of your marriage. Begin by making a list of all the things you feel contribute to your unhappiness in your life and marriage and prioritize them by importance. Next, make another list of everything that contributes to your happiness. When your husband gets home have him do the same thing while out of sight and out of mind. When he's completed his task trade lists and compare what's written to determine where you are unified and divergent on perspective. You might be shocked at just how close and how far apart you are on those foundational issues that comprise and support the most important entity in your life, your marriage. Too often we can become complacent in a relationship, take each other for granted, and make errant assumptions based on past experiences or faulty notions that can put us into a rut. I read so often that some spouses feel more like good friends or roommates than a committed lovers whose eyes light up when in the presence of each other that I'm starting to wonder how any relationship makes it. In my situation I believe I allowed the stresses of "life" to crowd into our lives which let an individual of the opposite sex to get too emotionally close to our relationship and accelerate the breakdown in communication and commitment between us. It started when I seemed to have magically authorize myself to vent at her when I got laid off at work, resented her over comments she made about my unemployed status, and grew angry at her over her unrestrained spending habits. I'd apologize, we'd have makeup sex, and feel closer for a while but this pattern couldn't be sustained longterm because I sense she just began to shut down on me after awhile. As time rolled on the "spark" was the first to die which might have opened the door to her seeking solice in the arms of another man, her boss. Without knowing what was happeining on that front I'd still continue to resort to lashing out in arguments over money because by then I'd temporarily found another job making a lot less income while we were putting too much on my credit cards before I could find work making equitable wages elsewhere to match those prior to the layoff. This put her walking on eggshells to prevent "rocking the boat" and created a larger and larger wedge betwen us. In the end we had little communication or connection at all...just two ships passing in the night. I've learned that whether one holds the negative angst in, or explodes on contact with conflict the relationship inevitably meanders into indifference for the unhappier spouse because its easier to coexist under those conditions until they get the gumption to leave or someone sweeps them off their feet. Sorry to t/j but I hope your lives aren't experiencing the same parallels because there's no "happy ending" to that route unless both parties make adjustments to avoid disaster.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 You know what I find amusing? That OW accuse others that are trying to help them as "bashing" simply b/c they don't agree with what they're doing. You come here with this tone of "I don't care who I hurt, as long as I'm happy and getting what I want for NOW" and then you wonder why people may recoil from that sort of attitude. I've not seen one post from the OW side that exudes happiness and contentment from their situation. Just frustration and denial. I don't ever mean to come across as harsh, however when you watch people who are destroying pieces of their soul trying to chase that elusive "happiness" by stepping on others to get it...then wondering why it's not working and the cycle continues...well that's the definition of insanity and it gets frustrating to those of us that know there's a better way. Nadia, and others have seen the light...they "get it" ....sadly you're not there yet, b/c you don't WANT to be. However that means you are willing to be selfish and not think about the others that you are hurting with your actions simply b/c YOUR pleasure is more important than not hurting another human being...that's not bashing, that's fact. What you're doing to your family (not having full disclosure with your H) and hurting this W...is FAR FAR worse than what you perceive as "bashing" on a forum. It will only bring you misery, but you refuse to see that as well. Do I feel "bigger" b/c I never had to walk down your road? No, I feel grateful for the path my life has gone...No matter what, I had more self respect and more human compassion than to hurt another woman....I wasn't born that way...it was something I learned and was taught I guess...so for that I'm grateful. If I didn't say it before. I feel sorry for you, I really, and truly do, and I'm sorry if that's perceived as condescending...not meant to be....I hope you find your way out of this fog and soon...there are many valuable insights here....unless like someone said, you're just here looking for validation. Yeah, I agree... they are so miserable yet they only accept help from others who are also miserable. I guess that's where they get the saying the blind leading the blind! Oh well. Now I only spend my time giving advice to people who actually want it... there are so many who stay stuck in a bad situation and criticize those who try to help them out of it because they were once there too. I have no time for those people. Believe me, when they are ready for some real help they PM me. But at a certain point it's denial and focusing on the fantasy that they WANT out of the situation instead of reality. There are a lot of people waiting to be rescued by white knights. But not all of them. Some of them decide to be their own knight in shining armors and rescue themselves from the situation that they themselves got them into. And everyone else can just go on living crappy existences until they are ready to change their own actions. As someone who has BTDT, I know that real change comes from within and unless they are truly willing, they are all about blaming the situation/ the AP/ the BS etc.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I find it amusing the poster asked for MOW to reply yet people like you feel the need too. you said you haven't walked down that road so why do you need to reply to a thread that was specific to certian people in her situation? I was an engaged OW and I am giving my viewpoint and my help but she doesn't feel like listening. Oh wel c'est la vie. So since you are a MOW why don't you give her some help? Instead of just criticizing other people's posts?... let's hear your secrets to happiness. But you're the one who said: "I went through a hatred stage too. then I realized I am the one who excepted [sic] the situation, I am the one who hurt me most." So you and I agree-- it is our actions we have control over, and I am just telling OP to change her actions because they are self-destructive.
lovernotafighter Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I was an engaged OW and I am giving my viewpoint and my help but she doesn't feel like listening. Oh wel c'est la vie. So since you are a MOW why don't you give her some help? Instead of just criticizing other people's posts?... let's hear your secrets to happiness. But you're the one who said: "I went through a hatred stage too. then I realized I am the one who excepted [sic] the situation, I am the one who hurt me most." So you and I agree-- it is our actions we have control over, and I am just telling OP to change her actions because they are self-destructive. yes I most defiantly did say that. any relationship has a grieving process and it's perfectly natural to have those feelings. you answered your own question as far as my happiness goes: I except my lions share of responsibility for my part of that relationship and realize if theres a component in my life that's making me some what unhappy I am the only one in control to change it. the moment I don't take responsibility and start blaming everyone else for my issues then I will never move on from that place that was making feel what ever at the time. To most surprise however I am incredibly happy. not everyday but is there anyone who really can say they never have a cloudy day? I seriously doubt it. the OP's original post only asked for other MOW's to lean on for support. so now she knows I am one and can pm me any time. As far as me criticizing others in this thread I suppose I am criticizing the critics, I'll give you that. I'll not be a critic the minuet I don't see the usual suspects doing the same. so till then I will just be the little hypocrite LNF
share&care Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I won't bash you either. I am not a MOW, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. There must be a reason you were led to each other and I hope you can tell us later what you feel that is. Good luck.
bish Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I won't bash you either. I am not a MOW, but I do believe there is a reason for everything. There must be a reason you were led to each other and I hope you can tell us later what you feel that is. Good luck. Yes, there just HAS to be some justification for it.
OWoman Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I've not seen one post from the OW side that exudes happiness and contentment from their situation. Just frustration and denial. I'm happy. Was happy as the OW and am happy now he's left the W. If I wasn't happy I'd have walked.
broknhearted Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Ugh... you only seek validation for what you do. There are many here who will happily provide that. Be wary of the company you keep. What? Your children become your excuse? Your a sick person to use your kids in that manner! What kind of adult hides behind a child? YOU choose your actions, and when you put cowardice aside it becomes easier done than said. You know.... i appreciate your opinion. but thats all it is. I'm sick? hiding behind my kids? whats wrong with wanting to protect them? sounds a little like bashing to me. i've visited this website for months and it makes me sick how judgemental some of the people here are. no one knows how it feels till they go through it. i came here for a little support, advice and even some opinions i didn't want to hear. not bashing. i know what i'm doing is wrong and i'm the one who has to make a decision. it's not easy. i know my marriage won't last, regardless of my affair. i'm not depending on the MM. yes i love him, but let me tell ya. will he be there for me in the long run, i don't know. i'm having my doubts since he's wanting to take a night shift position where he will never see me, except for about 5 minutes a day. maybe i'm answering my own question.... if he loved me, really loved me, he wouldn't want to go. geez.... life sucks, but it is of my own making. sorry i got off the subject but i really want to thank everyone who has posted their opinions in a nice way. its easier to work things out and get advice if you talk to people who HAVE BEEN THERE.
White Flower Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hey! I am new to post but been reading on the forum for sometime now. Really seen some interesting stories and experience that are so helpful. I guess I am looking for someone in my similiar situation to be able to talk with some. I am a MW involved with a MM. We have both been married about 11 years and both have 2 wonderful boys. We have amazing chemistry and probably both developing feelings much deeper although we have not said it openly...because the truth is neither of us come into this looking to change our situations at home for the sake and love of our children. But it does get more complicated and since we don't live that close, it is work to see each other. Just looking for some MOW to lean on if out there.Hi MOWnSouth, I was a MOW to a MOM. I am divorcing now, but I will not say it was because I left for MM; rather, I was shown a better kind of love and now know that something better is out there than my H. Thanks to exMM, I know I am capable of finding someone who is successful, gorgeous, and respectful of women. I was hanging in there for the kids sake but they kept witnessing me being cut down and hurt by my H. I kept having discussions with my kids and it was them who encouraged me to D. When my youngest finally agreed with the two older ones, I went straight to my attorney with the retainer the very next Monday morning. It took over 20 years, but I finally russled up the courage and strength to leave him. You haven't shared much of your story, but you certainly don't sound happy at home. Have you considered that divorcing might actually benefit your children as opposed to hurting them? For us, my kids needed to see that negative behavior will not be rewarded. They deserve to witness their mother being respected, cherished, and loved. I'd rather have them see me lonely as opposed to neglected or even worse, hurt. Good luck and keep us posted.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 You know.... i appreciate your opinion. but thats all it is. I'm sick? hiding behind my kids? whats wrong with wanting to protect them? sounds a little like bashing to me. i've visited this website for months and it makes me sick how judgemental some of the people here are. no one knows how it feels till they go through it. i came here for a little support, advice and even some opinions i didn't want to hear. not bashing. i know what i'm doing is wrong and i'm the one who has to make a decision. it's not easy. i know my marriage won't last, regardless of my affair. i'm not depending on the MM. yes i love him, but let me tell ya. will he be there for me in the long run, i don't know. i'm having my doubts since he's wanting to take a night shift position where he will never see me, except for about 5 minutes a day. maybe i'm answering my own question.... if he loved me, really loved me, he wouldn't want to go. geez.... life sucks, but it is of my own making. sorry i got off the subject but i really want to thank everyone who has posted their opinions in a nice way. its easier to work things out and get advice if you talk to people who HAVE BEEN THERE. I have been there. I do know. Your at start... I'm years past the end. I'm telling you that what you do now, affects your children in often harmful ways. So, that's bashing? I think anything you don't want to hear is bashing. I will say this one thing... and then never respond to you again... so you won't have to suffer hearing from my experience. Your marriage will last... as long as your willing to drag it on. Your children are not just some excuse to drag things on. Don't you see that isn't right? Every day they learn about marriage from what you do now. Every day you teach them how to love and respect themselves... or not.
Owl Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Your marriage will last... as long as your willing to drag it on. Your children are not just some excuse to drag things on. Don't you see that isn't right? Every day they learn about marriage from what you do now. Every day you teach them how to love and respect themselves... or not. You teach them how to treat others by how YOU treat others. By lying to your H, by remaining in the marriage solely because it benifits YOU, regardless of the impacts to your H...you teach them that its ok to treat someone that you're supposed to love (remember, they're kids...they believe that LOVE is what your marriage is about) the way that you have. Why not teach them to do what's RIGHT, instead of what's CONVENIENT FOR YOU? RIGHT would be to tell your H the truth about where your marriage is at, the affair, and how you're feeling right now...and then decide from there what actions the BOTH of you need to take. Fix the marriage if you choose to...or end the marriage ifyou choose to. But staying where you're at is only doing so at the expense of a continuous lie to your H...its doing so only because it works for you, with no thought about what HE deserves. Being honest about all of this teaches them honesty. Continuing to lie by omission will give them what view on honesty going forward?
herenow Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'm happy. Was happy as the OW and am happy now he's left the W. If I wasn't happy I'd have walked. This proves the point that a MM will leave his wife if he really wants to be with someone else. Thank you OW.
bish Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 You know.... i appreciate your opinion. but thats all it is. I'm sick? hiding behind my kids? whats wrong with wanting to protect them? sounds a little like bashing to me. i've visited this website for months and it makes me sick how judgemental some of the people here are. no one knows how it feels till they go through it. i came here for a little support, advice and even some opinions i didn't want to hear. not bashing. i know what i'm doing is wrong and i'm the one who has to make a decision. it's not easy. i know my marriage won't last, regardless of my affair. i'm not depending on the MM. yes i love him, but let me tell ya. will he be there for me in the long run, i don't know. i'm having my doubts since he's wanting to take a night shift position where he will never see me, except for about 5 minutes a day. maybe i'm answering my own question.... if he loved me, really loved me, he wouldn't want to go. geez.... life sucks, but it is of my own making. Thats all very fine well and dandy. Only one problem, your decisions affected other people. sorry i got off the subject but i really want to thank everyone who has posted their opinions in a nice way. its easier to work things out and get advice if you talk to people who HAVE BEEN THERE.
bish Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 Hi MOWnSouth, I was a MOW to a MOM. I am divorcing now, but I will not say it was because I left for MM; rather, I was shown a better kind of love and now know that something better is out there than my H. Thanks to exMM, I know I am capable of finding someone who is successful, gorgeous, and respectful of women. If he was respectful of women, he wouldn't have cheated on his wife. cheaters by definition are disrespectful
SerenityX2 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I'm happy. Was happy as the OW and am happy now he's left the W. If I wasn't happy I'd have walked. OH, dammit OW you caught me! When I make that statment I have in the past said "with the exception of OW" I forgot this time. Your situation is far too off the norm that I'm never including you. And, please, I don't mean that badly. Pretty much every other OW has followed a script Plus with your situation and the abuse, I almost cried when I read about those kids... that they had to suffer that sort of abuse...I'm happy to hear they're doing better. It broke my heart to read that his exW would yell and throw things...and basically terrorize them. I remember too many nights comforting my son when he came back from his father's house...then as he got older the self blame if my ExH didn't want to see him....That's one of the greatest things about my H, my son has blossomed with him in our lives...no matter what I did...he still craved that good role model, so I know far too well the ill effects of abuse... but I know there is definatley light on the other side and I'm just as passionate about people reaching it. So even though I may not always agree with you, respect is there.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 yes I most defiantly did say that. any relationship has a grieving process and it's perfectly natural to have those feelings. you answered your own question as far as my happiness goes: I except my lions share of responsibility for my part of that relationship and realize if theres a component in my life that's making me some what unhappy I am the only one in control to change it. the moment I don't take responsibility and start blaming everyone else for my issues then I will never move on from that place that was making feel what ever at the time. To most surprise however I am incredibly happy. not everyday but is there anyone who really can say they never have a cloudy day? I seriously doubt it. the OP's original post only asked for other MOW's to lean on for support. so now she knows I am one and can pm me any time. As far as me criticizing others in this thread I suppose I am criticizing the critics, I'll give you that. I'll not be a critic the minuet I don't see the usual suspects doing the same. so till then I will just be the little hypocrite LNF I'm glad you're happy and I'm also glad you take personal responsibility for your actions, that's refreshing to hear. I just meant that I think all opinions should be expected in a public forum no matter what our backgrounds are and I think we can all learn from each other. When someone says they only want to hear from people who have been in their situation, they are neglecting the fact that people have been on the other side of the fence in the same situation and I think it's a bit blind or narrow minded to not want to hear all sides of a story. Plus in reality it just doesn't work out, as soon as someone says that a bunch of people are going to chime in their opinion anyway and I say, why not, if it hurts to hear it might be what they need to hear sometimes. At least for me when I was an OW, I began to realize that the things that hurt the most were showing me that they were calling out for my attention to be listened to. If I had only gotten advice from OWs who were as lost and confused as I was at that time, I never would have gotten anywhere. Now if I were a happy OW or whatever it's called, which to me sounds like an oxy-moron , then maybe I would have only wanted to talk to other happy OWs and not the naysayers who were involved in regular relationships without cheating going on. But that doesn't seem to be this OP's situation and she can correct me if I'm wrong but it seemed that although she particularly desired to hear from others who are in her situation, she more or less wanted to discuss and hear anyone's opinions.
nadiaj2727 Posted June 24, 2008 Posted June 24, 2008 I have been there. I do know. I have been there too OP. I wasn't married but I was engaged and living with my fiance. My xOM was married. My decision to cheat on my fiance and help xOM cheat on his wife filled me with guilt, confusion, unhappiness and it filled my life with drama. Those may not be your feelings but they are my feelings based on being involved in something very similar. So that is why I am speaking from my own experience and telling you to stop while you are behind instead of really really really behind. You are making a bunch of bad decisions and I truly believe that nothing good can come out of lies, betrayal, broken promises and deceit. If that feels like bashing, well, I'm not sure how else to say it. *shrug*
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