So Tired of ducking and hiding...

[twice_shy]

I see. So if that did happen to me, then I should also be bitter and angry because....uhh, why?....it makes the whole situation better?

 

Has nothing to do with making the situation better, it has everything to do about your attitude changing because someone basically just killed your life in one way or another.

[twice_shy]

Tramp??? Wow, people on this site can be vicious. It's kinda sad really.

 

She is cheating on her husband...so yes...tramp will suffice nicely.

 

 

Well, I don't recall saying a single word about hoping someone else gets hurt in the process.

 

You don't have to say it outright. When you condone an affair, that is what you are doing.

 

 

There are a whole lot of people here suggesting that Confused tell his ex-wife about the affair and I think it's an incredibly bad idea for the very reason that it will hurt her.

 

I think he should have told her when it happened. But since he was too chicken to do so and he is now divorced, its a moot point.

 

 

I'm not condoning affairs, dear lady

 

First off, yes you are.

 

Secondly, I am a man, not a lady.

 

 

I don't have an STD from my husband's affair but I know myself well enough to know that nothing and no one will ever turn me into someone I don't want to be. So, the next time you decide to judge someone, you may want to be more certain of your facts.

 

Who is saying anything about the discussion of STD being a fact. The discussion on contracting an STD is hypothetical. Or did you not realize that?

 

You do know what a hypothetical is right?

 

 

[qutoe]

As for Confused, I would again suggest that you tread very carefully before passing judgement. You don't know what he's been through or what he has sacrificed in his lifetime. Your unkind words are so uncalled for.

 

I don't care what his situation. He cheated on his wife. Ok, so lets just play cheaters advocate and say its his wife's fault and she deserved it.

 

Rather than cheat with someone single, he screws around with someone elses wife.

 

unkind words are uncalled for? What is uncalled for is betrayal, cheating, and sleeping with someone elses spouse.

 

Funny how all that betrayal and hurt can be dished out in real life, but "unkind" words in a forum are just uncalled for. Get real.

[twice_shy]

Has nothing to do with making the situation better, it has everything to do about your attitude changing because someone basically just killed your life in one way or another.

 

side note: this was in regards to the discussion about getting an uncurable STD, not simply being betrayed.

[Chrome Barracuda]

You know what's sick Twice is that angel was a BW and now she sees no wrong in cheating herself I figure a woman who's been hurt emotionally to have sympathy and compassion for others would empthasize with others pain.

 

I truly wonder if there was a reason her ex cheated on her? makes me question it alot!

[twice_shy]

You know what's sick Twice is that angel was a BW and now she sees no wrong in cheating herself I figure a woman who's been hurt emotionally to have sympathy and compassion for others would empthasize with others pain.

 

I suspect she is more than just a BW. I suspect she has done her share of cheating too which is why in more posts than not she seems to come to cheaters' defense.

[hot123]

Here is my situation.... I'm the MM having a affair for 2 years 6 months with MW. When it began it was a very harmless discussion of marriage and religion. We realize how much we had in common and before you knew it we got emotionally attached. This continued for sometime in with eventually 6 months down the road it became physical. Even though physical was not how it started it was the icing on the cake.

 

We have been talking about starting our lives together but certain things had to happen. Both of our sons turned 18 this year and graduated from H.S. Now the clock is ticking and their really isn't any excuses to continue our marriages since we both feel the same way. So back in February I finally told my wife that I was leaving her and proceeding with the divorce. She's not happy but she agrees we've been roommates for sometime. I filed and moved out and took my kids (21 and 18) with me. I do understand statistically it's unusual for the man to file for a divorce, But I wanted to show this MW that I was serious about our future.

 

I've been in out of the house since April and it kills me that I have to duck and hide cause our situation. Personally I could careless if we get caught. So at this point in time I guess I've become the OM now. She's has told me that she plans on getting out of her marriage by August. What I don't understand why August when her son just graduated. It makes me wonder if she's seeing how far I go with the divorce or whatever. It should be final in Sept. I do know she wants to get out but I wonder if she's capable of it.

 

Weekends are the hardest cause the BS is feeling something is going on....so he tends to monitor every minute of her time. I'm just wondering how much longer I can go one with all of this. I'm already at a point where i've lost 40lbs can't sleep at night and have anxiety attacks.

 

So what did you do when you got tired of ducking and hiding? or am I getting to a point where there is doubt in my mind? I'm really not enjoying the being away from her.....

sounds like it was all a romantic idea for her before you actually left your wife...now shes like uh-oh i was talking all that bs and he actually went through with it...now wtf do i do...

[luvmy2ns]

Discussing religion huh?

 

Ironic, ain't it?

[Angel1111]

You know what's sick Twice is that angel was a BW and now she sees no wrong in cheating herself I figure a woman who's been hurt emotionally to have sympathy and compassion for others would empthasize with others pain.

 

I truly wonder if there was a reason her ex cheated on her? makes me question it alot!

 

Yeah, there was a reason. My ex was abusive and he cheated because I told him that I was leaving him. He talked me into staying and then cheated 2 weeks later. In his words, he cheated to get back at me for saying I was going to leave. I filed for divorce and he acted like his world was coming to an end.

 

I don't recall saying that I see no wrong in cheating. But because of what my ex did, there was a time when I would've happily cheated on him just for the sake of pissing him off because he deserved it. But then I came to my senses and realized that I would only be hurting myself by stooping to his level.

 

I do understand how a person can feel trapped - for whatever reason - and feel that there is no way out except to cheat, or to feel that they really don't care what happens and they throw all caution to the wind. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying that it happens when people feel cornered, trapped or hopeless. When they feel they've given all they can give and that they're going to be selfish this one time. That's the rationale. It's an extremely dangerous place to be.

 

If you think it's funny being married to an abuser, or that it's something you can be sarcastic about, I can clear that up for you. His cheating, on top of the abuse, was a double whammy and it took a long time for me to get past it. Oh, but that's right - you don't know me and you couldn't have possibly known the severity of your careless words, could you?

 

I'm sure you and the other poster here will have plenty of additional negative and sarcastic comments about this post but, please, spare me and let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

[Angel1111]

I truly wonder if there was a reason her ex cheated on her? makes me question it alot!

 

So, what you're really saying is that sometimes there ARE reasons for cheating. Like, as long as a guy cheats on a woman who you have decided deserves it, then it's ok?

 

Wow, how could I possibly argue with such flawless thinking?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Yeah, there was a reason. My ex was abusive and he cheated because I told him that I was leaving him. He talked me into staying and then cheated 2 weeks later. In his words, he cheated to get back at me for saying I was going to leave. I filed for divorce and he acted like his world was coming to an end.

 

I don't recall saying that I see no wrong in cheating. But because of what my ex did, there was a time when I would've happily cheated on him just for the sake of pissing him off because he deserved it. But then I came to my senses and realized that I would only be hurting myself by stooping to his level.

 

I do understand how a person can feel trapped - for whatever reason - and feel that there is no way out except to cheat, or to feel that they really don't care what happens and they throw all caution to the wind. I'm not saying it's right, I'm saying that it happens when people feel cornered, trapped or hopeless. When they feel they've given all they can give and that they're going to be selfish this one time. That's the rationale. It's an extremely dangerous place to be.

 

If you think it's funny being married to an abuser, or that it's something you can be sarcastic about, I can clear that up for you. His cheating, on top of the abuse, was a double whammy and it took a long time for me to get past it. Oh, but that's right - you don't know me and you couldn't have possibly known the severity of your careless words, could you?

 

I'm sure you and the other poster here will have plenty of additional negative and sarcastic comments about this post but, please, spare me and let's just agree to disagree and leave it at that.

 

I aint gonna sprout no negative comments to you but lets be clear aint no women in the world these days are the damn victim let's get that clear. I dont condone affairs....you do. This woman the OP is messing with is bad news and you encourage him to continue it in the name of love? are you freaking kidding me???

 

Was that what your ex-husband was saying when he was F-ing the OW?

 

Do you not see the correlation to what I am basically pointing out!!!

 

C4N is basically destroying this BH life, destroyed his family and for what some piece of mentally scrambled hypocritical gutter skank who cant get her mind right?

 

Get the F outta here! stop playing yourself angel. please.

 

Your basically condoning a man to cheat with a married woman when your husband cheated on you with someone else? WTF are you smoking?

 

True love is not cheating! true love is not destroying your wife and kids and reputation for a piece of tail. Yeah some affairs work out much to my chargin but I tell you this much they may not last, if the doubts are gonna be in your head.

 

"If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you!"

[Angel1111]

I aint gonna sprout no negative comments to you but lets be clear aint no women in the world these days are the damn victim let's get that clear. I dont condone affairs....you do. This woman the OP is messing with is bad news and you encourage him to continue it in the name of love? are you freaking kidding me???

 

Was that what your ex-husband was saying when he was F-ing the OW?

 

Do you not see the correlation to what I am basically pointing out!!!

 

C4N is basically destroying this BH life, destroyed his family and for what some piece of mentally scrambled hypocritical gutter skank who cant get her mind right?

 

Get the F outta here! stop playing yourself angel. please.

 

Your basically condoning a man to cheat with a married woman when your husband cheated on you with someone else? WTF are you smoking?

 

True love is not cheating! true love is not destroying your wife and kids and reputation for a piece of tail. Yeah some affairs work out much to my chargin but I tell you this much they may not last, if the doubts are gonna be in your head.

 

"If they cheat with you, they will cheat on you!"

 

What my ex did is not my barometer for measuring everything else in my life. I do understand what you're saying but I just don't believe that life is that black-and-white. As I said, we can just agree to disagree.

[Confused4Now]

 

C4N is basically destroying this BH life, destroyed his family and for what some piece of mentally scrambled hypocritical gutter skank who cant get her mind right?

"

 

Well I guess you have your opinion and just like most people say we can agree to disagree. As for the BH life....his life as he see's it is almost over. He's an Emotional Abuser in the worst way. He's done things just recently as call escorts and even put him and his wife on craigslist for some fun without letting her know....

 

I believe that was the last straw. She's been going to therapy and the therapist gave her a name of a lawyer. I've always taken the supported role with her cause I love her. She's finally starting to engage with her family and she plans on getting out soon. She has a plan now. I really don't know how this is going to turn out.

 

But I can tell you I love reading Chrome's posting throughout the whole forum. I love his approach on everything....I have to say it's almost very predictable now.

[bish]

But I can tell you I love reading Chrome's posting throughout the whole forum. I love his approach on everything....I have to say it's almost very predictable now.

 

Me too. its called consistency.

[Angel1111]

Well I guess you have your opinion and just like most people say we can agree to disagree. As for the BH life....his life as he see's it is almost over. He's an Emotional Abuser in the worst way. He's done things just recently as call escorts and even put him and his wife on craigslist for some fun without letting her know....

 

I believe that was the last straw. She's been going to therapy and the therapist gave her a name of a lawyer. I've always taken the supported role with her cause I love her. She's finally starting to engage with her family and she plans on getting out soon. She has a plan now. I really don't know how this is going to turn out.

 

But I can tell you I love reading Chrome's posting throughout the whole forum. I love his approach on everything....I have to say it's almost very predictable now.

 

Hey C4N! I'm glad to see you're back, and I'm glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction. I know you love her and I believe she loves you, too. I wasn't aware that she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I know how difficult it is to get out of them. She's lucky to have you and I hope it all works out....(well, uh....you know...except for the home-wrecking stuff and the tramp thing, and the fact that you're both low-lifes....all that. Otherwise, I'm really happy.)

[Chrome Barracuda]

Hey C4N! I'm glad to see you're back, and I'm glad to hear that things are moving in the right direction. I know you love her and I believe she loves you, too. I wasn't aware that she was in an emotionally abusive relationship. I know how difficult it is to get out of them. She's lucky to have you and I hope it all works out....(well, uh....you know...except for the home-wrecking stuff and the tramp thing, and the fact that you're both low-lifes....all that. Otherwise, I'm really happy.)

 

 

^^^^^Ok now see this is exactly what i was pointing out!!!!

 

Garbage like this is exactly what i was pointing out. enabling, conspiring, not doing the right thing.

 

but hey C4n it's your life. you wanna mess it up then do so. You say this husband of hers is a emotional abuser, hmmm so I guess that makes things okay huh? god you guys and your justifications for this so called love crap is pathetic. You wanna waste the best years of your life pining for a man or a woman who's a cheater and has the propensity to cheat again is your choice.

 

Angel you are one screwed up in the head woman. You cant have it both ways. Say it's wrong for your husband to cheat but then turn around and say to C4N it's cool if you do it? WTF?

 

but hey god gave you guys free will, dont mind me.

[Confused4Now]

2 things....

 

MM told her husband marriage is over and she didn't love him anymore and she wants a Divorce. He's packing his stuff and moving out. He was busted with posting Craigslist ad and messing with escorts.

 

My wife which I'm divorcing just confessed to me she had an affair back in January before I told her it was over. She was certain I knew about it but I didn't say anything.

 

Wow I'll remember 7/23/08 forever.....stay tuned

[angie2443]

:sick: What a jacked up group of people.

 

Wow! You're right! I must admit, I haven't followed this thread that much but caught that last post. No respect or dignity for anyone of them. I hope there weren't kids involved.

[Angel1111]

2 things....

 

MM told her husband marriage is over and she didn't love him anymore and she wants a Divorce. He's packing his stuff and moving out. He was busted with posting Craigslist ad and messing with escorts.

 

My wife which I'm divorcing just confessed to me she had an affair back in January before I told her it was over. She was certain I knew about it but I didn't say anything.

 

Wow I'll remember 7/23/08 forever.....stay tuned

 

Whoa! And so many people were saying to tell your ex so that she could move on and heal. Sorry, but that's really funny.

 

Glad to hear MW has made a decision.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Wow... I'm so easy to read. that's obvious!

[Confused4Now]

Again with a lot of hypocrites around here... I can guarantee everyone has skeletons in their closets...yes its sad and pathetic and that's why I'm trying to fix myself.

[Dark-N-Romantic]

I read a few of the comments hear and the original post. And you know this world is SERIOUSLY lucky we have laws that prevent just deserts from being served. Don't get me wrong, I know all marriages aren't happy little things that everything goes right. That is why if the two can't work things out, man up and woman up and get the heck out before you involve someone else. And while adultery and being the other person is wrong, it is doubly gross, disgusting, scummy, and downright disturbing when two married people do it. And we wonder why men and women run the streets killing their cheating spouse, their lovers, or their lovers go coo coo and wind up going after that married person, that spouse, or other people important to that couple.

 

And we wonder why our kids are screwed up and why they suffer so in their relationships. Its because there are no adults out there doing the whatever is right of me or us thing and ignoring everyone else around them that has a connection to it. It is like very few people know or even care what the bonds of marriage and decency are for.

 

 

DNR

On and stop lying and telling people that ducking and hiding is not for the sake of the woman. No, he is ducking and hiding so that he does not get caught. He is ducking and hiding so he does not get his butt whipped. He is ducking and hiding because he knows he is doing wrong (for if he was doing what is right he would boldly stand and proclaim it even to her husband). He is ducking and hiding because ultimately he is a coward.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Again with a lot of hypocrites around here... I can guarantee everyone has skeletons in their closets...yes its sad and pathetic and that's why I'm trying to fix myself.

 

Fixing yourself by having an exit affair with a married woman...

 

Fixingf yourself by introducing her as your mistress to your mother at someone else's wedding.

 

You call us hypocrities!!!!!??

 

C'mon man smell the coffee!!

 

I'm young but I dont have skeletons in my closet, y? because I know right from wronfg and aspire to do right in my life. not destroy my life like you have. What makes it worse is that you know it's bad and yet you continue to do it.

 

Now that your wife came clean about her affair? what have been going on since then? have you come clean about what your doing?

[hot123]

I read a few of the comments hear and the original post. And you know this world is SERIOUSLY lucky we have laws that prevent just deserts from being served. Don't get me wrong, I know all marriages aren't happy little things that everything goes right. That is why if the two can't work things out, man up and woman up and get the heck out before you involve someone else. And while adultery and being the other person is wrong, it is doubly gross, disgusting, scummy, and downright disturbing when two married people do it. And we wonder why men and women run the streets killing their cheating spouse, their lovers, or their lovers go coo coo and wind up going after that married person, that spouse, or other people important to that couple.

 

And we wonder why our kids are screwed up and why they suffer so in their relationships. Its because there are no adults out there doing the whatever is right of me or us thing and ignoring everyone else around them that has a connection to it. It is like very few people know or even care what the bonds of marriage and decency are for.

 

 

DNR

On and stop lying and telling people that ducking and hiding is not for the sake of the woman. No, he is ducking and hiding so that he does not get caught. He is ducking and hiding so he does not get his butt whipped. He is ducking and hiding because he knows he is doing wrong (for if he was doing what is right he would boldly stand and proclaim it even to her husband). He is ducking and hiding because ultimately he is a coward.

If that aint the truth than I dont know what is...

[Angel1111]

Now that your wife came clean about her affair? what have been going on since then? have you come clean about what your doing?

 

Seriously, what difference does it make???

[Angel1111]

Again with a lot of hypocrites around here... I can guarantee everyone has skeletons in their closets...yes its sad and pathetic and that's why I'm trying to fix myself.

 

If people weren't attacking your character, I doubt that you would feel inclined to talk about fixing yourself. You were fixing your life in the best way you knew how at the time. Probably in retrospect, you would've gone about it another way but that's not how it happened. Leave it at that. It's obvious that everyone was unhappy in both marriages and I'd prefer to see them end than go on for another 10 yrs.