twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 There is no if about it I did cheat on him and I accept full responsibility for my actions also I never said I didnt give a hoot about that, I said i wasnt going to beat myself up over it...what i said is i do not give a hoot anymore about his lies, i am not going to dwell on that anymore either..we have moved on! do you understand this? If you have moved on, then why are you here complaining about him? now you seem just tad bitter here, are you a bs yourself? Was a bs, yes. or just one of those over judgemental freaks who thinks life is just as simple as waking up and turning on the tv to watch a rerun of the bill cosby show? everyone has their issues in life and in their marriages and not everyone can be so perfect not even you Nobody is perfect. But people like you just seem to think that there is nothing wrong with what you did. This quote from you says it all: "Actually im human and I have a free pass to do what ever the hell i want as long as its not illegal, I pay my taxes and I take care of my family" So as long as its not illegal, its a-ok to do whatever you want. its a-ok to sh#t on your husband, cheat, and do whatever you want eh? Like I said, that statement says it all. so instead of focusing on my wrong or my husbands wrongs why dont you focus on yourself for a change and stop bringing those of us who have faced our issues and moved on to a better life I have moved on to a better life....I divorced her. ...have a blessed day! Oh please, don't even try to pretend you are religious. and by the way im reformed Apparantly not, otherwise you wouldn't have the attitude that you'll do anything you damn well like, including cheating if it so strikes you again. But hell, I digress there, you're husband is willing to be a cuckold, so it doesn't really matter does it. So you do have a free pass to cheat again....enjoy. , so i guess that makes me a better person today then i was the day i cheated:bunny: Nope, because you still have the cheater's attitude, as posted above. Link to post Share on other sites
openingup Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I have to agree with Lizzie on this one. If I knew, I wouldn't be able to forget. Who wants the messy emotionally-charged nightmare? Mmm boy, let's open a big paper cut out in the salt water - doesn't everyone feel better? Aren't we righteous in our truthfulness? IMO, we Americans put too much stock in airing dirty laundry to others' detriment. IT IS NOT NECESSARY TO "EXPRESS YOURSELF" 24/7, it's self-indulgent and childish. What if (gasp) no one is interested? Just to put it all out there, psychotherapy seems to do little more than allow the self-involved to bend a stranger's ear talking about me, me, me. Blech - work out your own problems and let the Ph.d buy his own Jaguar, LOL. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 that your opinion is not valid and harmful to people who believe in committment and marriage. Everybody's opinion is equally valid. They're all opinions. You may not like Lizzie's opinion but it has exactly the same status as yours. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Everybody's opinion is equally valid. They're all opinions. You may not like Lizzie's opinion but it has exactly the same status as yours. bravo - just what I was about to post as well (though some DO seem to feel their 'superior' opinions have more value and merit than others) Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I have to agree with Lizzie on this one. If I knew, I wouldn't be able to forget. Who wants the messy emotionally-charged nightmare? Who wants to be with a cheater? And if you don't know they are cheating, obviously they are spending alot of time away from you to be with their f##k interest. So what kind of R is that? Link to post Share on other sites
Lyssa Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Who wants to be with a cheater? And if you don't know they are cheating, obviously they are spending alot of time away from you to be with their f##k interest. So what kind of R is that? The kind you're not interested in. Link to post Share on other sites
LakesideDream Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Who wants to be with a cheater? And if you don't know they are cheating, obviously they are spending alot of time away from you to be with their f##k interest. So what kind of R is that? That may not be the relevant question. The question may be who wants to be happy, until the relationship falls apart. Sometimes happiness however ignorant is preferable to the searing pain of disclosure. Link to post Share on other sites
Owl Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 That may not be the relevant question. The question may be who wants to be happy, until the relationship falls apart. And THAT is a very, VERY relevent question. And the next step in that is...if you don't know if the BS would rather remain happy in ignorance or if they'd rather know the truth....what do you do? Darn good point, LSD. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 1700666Apparantly not, otherwise you wouldn't have the attitude that you'll do anything you damn well like, including cheating if it so strikes you again. TS - has it occurred to you that the problem is how you tend to shove your opinions down everyone else's throats? Her point was that YOU don't have the right to tell her (or anyone else, for that matter) what she can and cannnot do. Everyone knows you're still angry about what happened in your life. But could you please just step back and take a couple of breaths? Everyone knows you don't approve of cheaters. Nor do you approve of forgiving a cheater. But since you so obviously don't approve of practically everyone on this forum, nor do you couch your opinions so that they can have any positive effect, why do you come? Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 TS - has it occurred to you that the problem is how you tend to shove your opinions down everyone else's throats? Her point was that YOU don't have the right to tell her (or anyone else, for that matter) what she can and cannnot do. Everyone knows you're still angry about what happened in your life. But could you please just step back and take a couple of breaths? Everyone knows you don't approve of cheaters. Nor do you approve of forgiving a cheater. But since you so obviously don't approve of practically everyone on this forum, nor do you couch your opinions so that they can have any positive effect, why do you come? Good question silk, but it's been asked before and so far no real response, but it IS sad that some only seem happy when berating others for their perceived faults....... Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 That may not be the relevant question. The question may be who wants to be happy, until the relationship falls apart. Sometimes happiness however ignorant is preferable to the searing pain of disclosure. Until that disclosure comes and the person realized that years of their life had been wasted. Years they will never get back. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 TS - has it occurred to you that the problem is how you tend to shove your opinions down everyone else's throats? Her point was that YOU don't have the right to tell her (or anyone else, for that matter) what she can and cannnot do. Nobody does have that right. Everyone puts an opinion out there. Or do some people have supernatural mental mind powers and what is written is what happens? And I know nobody can tell her what to do. As she said, as long as it isn't illegal...no matter who she hurts, she will do what she damn well pleases. Everyone knows you're still angry about what happened in your life. Nope. Sure, it pisses me off that there are people out there who are selfish and could care less who they hurt as long as they get "theirs". I am free from that. Still doesn't mean I don't despise that in other people. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 some only seem happy when berating others for their perceived faults....... Perceived? She said herself she'll do whatever the hell she likes. In other words, if she wants to cheat again she will. Sure that is her right. But it is despicable. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I am free from that. Clearly not. Have you considered counselling? Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Clearly not. Have you considered counselling? Nope. She is someone elses problem. its kind of like murder. You don't have to be affected directly with regards to a loved one by a murderer to despise the murderer himself/herself. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Nope. She is someone elses problem. I meant for yourself. Individual counselling. You know, like therapy? Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 its kind of like murder. You don't have to be affected directly with regards to a loved one by a murderer to despise the murderer himself/herself. Typically, you do. Anyone who takes Ted Bundy (for example) personally enough, unless they have lost a loved one, to DESPISE him (rather than feel disapproval, mild aversion or distaste for his crimes) would be on the flakey side of the mental health spectrum. It's a bit like feeling personally aggrieved by the weather, or developing paranoia because the traffic lights all turn red as you approach. Perspective is everything. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Nope. She is someone elses problem. its kind of like murder. You don't have to be affected directly with regards to a loved one by a murderer to despise the murderer himself/herself. OK, TS. I'll even buy that. And I do NOT want to turn this into a "let's dog TS" thread. I do, though have one question that I'd like to know the answer to. You seem to have extreme disdain for those of us who have reconciled with our formerly WS. We haven't done anything that crosses societal boundaries. We actually are practicing what is taught in most of the world's great religions - forgiveness. Why do you have disdain for us? Link to post Share on other sites
noforgiveness Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 Typically, you do. Anyone who takes Ted Bundy (for example) personally enough, unless they have lost a loved one, to DESPISE him (rather than feel disapproval, mild aversion or distaste for his crimes) would be on the flakey side of the mental health spectrum. It's a bit like feeling personally aggrieved by the weather, or developing paranoia because the traffic lights all turn red as you approach. Perspective is everything. :sick:This alone says so much about you. You actually think most people only feel mild aversion disapproval or distaste for someone like Ted Bundy? Wow I guess I am what you consider on the flakey side of mental health because I think I would vomit if I was in the presense of Ted Bundy. Maybe you need to ask yourself why you are so detached from the feelings of others and have so little empathy for strangers that you are not sickened by his behavior and think people should only find him distasteful. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I meant for yourself. Individual counselling. You know, like therapy? No, point was she is someone elses problem. thats all I need to know and all the therapy I need. Best way to solve your problem is to eliminate it. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 OK, TS. I'll even buy that. And I do NOT want to turn this into a "let's dog TS" thread. I do, though have one question that I'd like to know the answer to. You seem to have extreme disdain for those of us who have reconciled with our formerly WS. Not true whatsoever. My sympathies will ALWAYS lie with the betrayed. I simply don't understand why anyone would stay with a WS. Believe me, I know the emotions that one goes through trying to deal with betrayal. But once I started thinking clearly, there was no way I was going to settle for someone who would betray me. And I simply don't understand why anyone else would. But I am not going to dog anyone for staying. Everyone has their reasons. I wish them well. We haven't done anything that crosses societal boundaries. We actually are practicing what is taught in most of the world's great religions - forgiveness. Why do you have disdain for us? show me where I had disdain for a BS because they stayed with their WS. I may have had a few words with someone I'm quite sure, but it wasn't because they were a BS that stayed with a WS, it was because it became a pissing contest over something else. Link to post Share on other sites
silktricks Posted June 12, 2008 Share Posted June 12, 2008 I may have had a few words with someone I'm quite sure, but it wasn't because they were a BS that stayed with a WS, it was because it became a pissing contest over something else. OK. :lmao::lmao::lmao: Link to post Share on other sites
mistresswchildren Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 Not true whatsoever. My sympathies will ALWAYS lie with the betrayed. I simply don't understand why anyone would stay with a WS. Believe me, I know the emotions that one goes through trying to deal with betrayal. But once I started thinking clearly, there was no way I was going to settle for someone who would betray me. TS I just have to ask you something. I actually value your opinion because of where you are coming from, and I have to ask, what if both spouses were cheating. That means that both spouses were equally betrayed. Betrayal is betrayal, right. No matter what the reason, right? I only ask because in my case, my xMMs W decided to cheat on him claiming that she thought he was cheating on her (which at that time, he wasn't). Who do you sympathize with then? I just was wondering really. There is no hidden agenda. I just kind of wondered what your take on it was. Link to post Share on other sites
bentnotbroken Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 TS I just have to ask you something. I actually value your opinion because of where you are coming from, and I have to ask, what if both spouses were cheating. That means that both spouses were equally betrayed. Betrayal is betrayal, right. No matter what the reason, right? I only ask because in my case, my xMMs W decided to cheat on him claiming that she thought he was cheating on her (which at that time, he wasn't). Who do you sympathize with then? I just was wondering really. There is no hidden agenda. I just kind of wondered what your take on it was. May I take a stab at this one? Did he tell you she cheated? Did you see her cheat? Because he could have lied to justify his A and she could have lied to hurt him. It could very well be true that they both cheated and in that case I have no sympathy for either of them. They both sank into the lower levels of decency and respect. They got what they both wanted, to demean and hurt the other. Sad really, because life doesn't have to be that way. Link to post Share on other sites
twice_shy Posted June 13, 2008 Share Posted June 13, 2008 TS I just have to ask you something. I actually value your opinion because of where you are coming from, and I have to ask, what if both spouses were cheating. Then they both are pieces of sh#t. That means that both spouses were equally betrayed. Betrayal is betrayal, right. No matter what the reason, right? Nope. If someone is betrayed, but then turns around and cheats, then they cease to have my sympathy. And if both are cheating and didn't know it, they lost the right to complain about being betrayed. I only ask because in my case, my xMMs W decided to cheat on him claiming that she thought he was cheating on her (which at that time, he wasn't). Who do you sympathize with then? Neither of them. My sympathies lied with people who are betrayed and wouldn't stoop to the level of a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
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