Yup, broke NC.... learn from me ...

[v33]

At the time (a couple pints in) it seemed harmless enough. Called to let her know there were a couple of things for her at the house. Rang twice and went straight to voicemail, obviously she screened the call.

 

It brought back feelings of rejection from when we first broke up and she wouldn't answer my calls, in fact she stopped answering my calls selectively BEFORE we split, and it hurt all over again.

 

Not as bad this time, and I was able to let it go, but I am telling you that if you have made some progress you don't wanna bring those feelings back again.

 

Yup folks, when they are done they are done. In my case I got screwed over big time, lied to and about, cheated on and abused emotionally for years yet SHE doesn't want to talk to ME!

 

Really it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

[borelandkaren]

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Yup folks, when they are done they are done. In my case I got screwed over big time, lied to and about, cheated on and abused emotionally for years yet SHE doesn't want to talk to ME!

 

Really it is best to let sleeping dogs lie.

 

 

Were you with Tony??!!! Oh, sorry, you just mentioned "dog"!!! I relate to every word you wrote. I walked away from the situation with a box of photographs and other assorted paraphernalia, my truck and clothing. Had to run away to another state, start all over again and HE doesn't want to talk to ME!!! I have nothing left. No business, no home, no furniture, no life. I hate his guts. I have a mattress on the floor of my room, my clothing, a bit of make-up, A BIG FAT ****ING NOTHING!!!! I am 42 ****ing years old!!!!! Bitter? Nooooo......Not at all!!! But I miss him. I love him. WTF is wrong with me??

[earthling]

Yup. You really shouldn't bother. I broke NC this week. Called. No answer. She's in love with someone else for sure.

[HeartOnSleeve]

Hang in there!!! They will realize their loss one day!

[v33]

Funny thing is, I don't love her anymore. I really was sure I didn't want anything to do with her, but I guess there was something in my mind at the time that missed part of what we had.

 

It was basically a drunk-dial, something I didn't think I would do but the mind works in mysterious ways.

 

I have been beating myself up over it for the last couple of hours and am just trying to come to terms with the fact that I made a mistake and I need to forgive myself and just keep doing my thing.

 

I do view it as a setback however. Partially because I have given her back some power by letting her know that I broke down (I was the one that told her I wanted NC) and also because I know I won't stop cursing myself out for screwing up for a couple days.

 

I've got a lot to focus on right now. Finishing school this weekend, on the cusp of a new relationship (I can only imagine how quick I would turn off the new girl if she knew I had just done something so pathetic), and been getting in the best shape of my life.

 

I guess I still have some learning and growing to do.

[0hpenelope]

We are always works in progress, bro.

 

Lesson learned, yes? Whenever I feel a particularly strong urge to contact Lawrence, I go on LS and remind myself "That hell. Is it worth it? Look at all of these kindred spirits who caved and then came back to remind us of the trip in that hell."

 

I know your story is for the benefit of the many, but I'd like to say thank you for reminding me why sticking to NC will work best for me.

 

Also... don't beat yourself up too badly for breaking NC. Sometimes you do what you feel is good at the time and we've all been guilty of doing that in some way or another.

[kizik]

Don't worry about it at all, V. It's not a big deal. So you tried to call her and her retarded ass didn't answer? WTF-ever. Who gives a sh*t. You feel you shouldn't have bothered, so you won't do it again.

 

Are you gonna get down on yourself- because you care about her? F*ck that. Like you said, you were calling to give her pertinent information (even if her cruel ass didn't answer).

 

There are bigger fish to fry than some ex GF not answering your well-intentioned call.

[foxh1234]

I also broke down and emailed my ex. It was a short goodbye type thing and I said I few things I have wanted to say for weeks. I ended it by saying take care and be happy. This is a very final thing for me and even though I broke NC, I feel better and have zero regrets. I do not expect a reply, nor do I need one. I simply sent the woman a short, to the point email saying good bye, good luck, have a good life. I am back on NC and I doubt I will ever talk to her again. The surprising part is I am not devastated at that thought. It was the right thing for me at this time and that's all that matters.

[flosslight]

I do not think it is a mistake to contact your ex. After my break up, I let myself do anything I wanted (within reason) and it is was okay. I did not do revenge but if I contacted him, I would try not to beat myself up about it. I know that even though it hurt, it was a good learning process.

 

By contacting your ex, you got reminded of the hurt but it was not as bad. I always felt stronger after that. I also stopped caring whether of not the ex thought he had power over me because I contacted him. Screw that. It was not really about him, it was about what I wanted. I know that some people should not contact their ex but sometimes it is a good reminder of why it is a good thing that you are not together anymore.

[kizik]

Goddammit you guys, you're making me wanna call her. But I Shall Not!

[Nevermind]

I think contact is acceptable if there is a reason to talk, if there is something you have to say. Posting it here doesn't help you every time. If you really need to tell them, then go forward. If you only want to cry and hear the voice, or don't really know what to say - don't.

 

I suggest envisioning the possible outcome first - worst and best, and see how you feel about it. If it's too stressing, then you're not ready.

 

kizik: I get the feeling from your posts that you're making progress. No contact has helped you a lot. Keep it up!

[0hpenelope]

Goddammit you guys, you're making me wanna call her. But I Shall Not!

 

Let the feeling flow and let it go. NC's been good for you. Stick with it as close as you can.

[sid3]

Well kizik, I hope you can stay with it.We're at the same time line in the n/c. Only difference is my breakup was a few weeks earlier. Getting her random texts only set me back. It was more hot/cold behavior and inconsitent actions. Consider yourself fortunate that your not getting mixed messages. When you think you need a reason why contacting should be avoided, reread some of cailguys posts, they've helped me. Hang in there, it'll get easier.

[kizik]

I appreciate everyone's encouragement. I don't know if I am getting any better, and I don't if NC is helping. All I can tell you is I haven't cried in over 2 weeks. I kinda feel weird, like I need to cry.

 

Whatevs. I have been hanging with friends lately. Had a really good convo with this 40-year-old chick last night. Got drunk. Was flirtatious and funny with a group of classmates.

 

And it's like, I never would have been that way if I was with my ex. First off, she would have been there and making me feel as if she was embarrassed of me. Second, she's f*cking suppressed my personality so much, it's finally starting to emerge.

[v33]

Hang in there Kizik. I made a lot of mistakes through the aftermath of the break-up and not going NC right away I think was one of them.

 

HOWEVER, it took me a lot of rejection from her.... ie : never returning calls or texts, turning and walking away from me if I said hello to her on the street, etc, etc for me to really get it. She wants nothing to do with me. No matter how I feel that I got the short end of the stick when she left me, no matter that she cheated and lied for months, I am the enemy, and by default she is mine.

 

But it took a lot of pain for me to get it. I don't suggest you go that route.

 

I am fortunate that I do not love my ex anymore, I do not wish we could be together, but I do wish that we could just be in a place where she would be willing to share a simple hello with me. I don't feel there is any need for us to be at odds with each other. Hell, if *I* am willing to forgive her I would expect it wouldn't be much for her to be civil to me.

 

Anyways, please stay strong. I've always respected your posts and advice and would hate to see you suffer needlessly because of a momentary lapse of reason.

 

Go enjoy some of those great Oregon microbrews (not too many... no drunk dialing!)!

[kizik]

V,

 

thanks for your kind words. I will use YOU as an example NOT to break NC and thus hurt myself / set myself back. Theoretically, since I've handled the break-up so well as far as not begging, etc., I should have a smoother recovery path than you...?

 

I'd like to think I'm insightful and intelligent (thanks for the compliment), but no matter how "keen" one is, he or she still must suffer the heartbreak of constant memories and the knowledge of a love that was once pure and real, and is now corrupted and painful.

 

I'll have a Mac's for you, V. And I've been drunk several times since the break-up, but never drunk dialed! It's not gonna happen.

[v33]

I don't remember Mac's. It's been many years since I was in that part of the country.

 

I begged, pleaded, romanced (tried to), all that crap. Made a fool of myself, and for nothing.

 

I think *I* needed to go through that though to get over her. I realize now I didn't even really want her back, I just didn't like the way things ended and was mad at myself for not ending it back when I should have.

 

It sounds like your recovery is going well. I guess there are a few ways to go about it. One is to just go NC and get on with you life till you eventually wake up and just don't care anymore. I don't know how long that would have taken me.

 

Am I over it now? Hard to say. I still think about her, but it doesn't make me sad when I do. I look back at previous exes (granted ones that I had left) and I can say that they have just become vague thoughts and memories to me. I suppose one day I will feel that way about her. The biggest problem I am having with this is that I didn't do anything wrong. She is a very disturbed person with a bad addiction and that pretty much took over her life an drove us apart. The thing I find most difficult these days is remembering that she isn't the good, loving person she once was. She turned into a real monster and really mistreated me.

 

I guess I am lucky in that sense because if she was always wonderful and I felt like I was missing this great girl it would make things even harder. I no longer have difficulty accepting that she isn't my GF and doesn't love me anymore, but am finding it hard to cope with the fact that someone I shared 4 years of my life with is gone from my life for good. It's just surreal.

[v33]

Well, she called back this morning. Was following up on my message.

 

We chatted briefly and civilly but of course I came away from the convo knowing way more than I wanted to.

 

She is still with her new father figure, got a sunburn out on his boat, and supposedly has stopped drinking for the last week because "he helps her so much".

 

All this from a simple chat with her.

 

Man, this stuff burns me up. I am so pissed off that she is out having fun when she wouldn't do a damn thing with me and is making an effort to get sober for this new guy.

 

I was so damn good to her. We used to have fun. We were a cute couple that did cool things. Now she is just an old man's companion and toy. And I am alone. And though our relationship was crappy for a long time I wish she would still spend a weekend with me.

 

I guess I need to make more money.

[kizik]

Please stop the contact, V. It's obviously hurting you. Don't compare yourself to this greasy pimp. Just stop it.

 

This girl is not the end-all! Sounds like a bitch to me, actually. I'm sorry about her problems, but you should be glad you are liberated from them.

[kizik]

For once, I wholeheartedly agree with Y.

[v33]

Ya, no kidding. I had tricked myself into thinking that I didn't really care anymore, but I guess I do. I wish I could see her as a bitch and hate her but I keep making excuses for her, or just thinking it was all her drinking that made her do the things she did. But she really was ****ty to me, though she vehemently denies it.

 

I was happier thinking that they were not together anymore and had really gone out of my way to not find any evidence to the contrary by avoiding her street, places she goes, etc.

 

Really I just can't have any contact with her. Even if they weren't together anymore it wouldn't matter as I could never go back to her. I'd like to say I am glad she is doing well but really I'm not glad in the least.

 

Just need to bide my time until I simply don't think about it or care anymore. Contact of ANY kind does not help.

 

Thanks, guys.

[v33]

Try and find a new chick to give you some NEW problems and headaches.

 

Haha, I am working on it. It won't take long, I find problem chicks pretty easily. I've been doing it for years!

 

But seriously, getting out and dating has helped a lot. Now if I could just find someone to go out with that wasn't as flakey as the one I went out with on the weekend!