pelicanpreacher Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Waaaaaait a minute people. She's been intimately close to her husband for X number of years and has a child with him. She is now back at his parents home due to his financial immaturity as if they were newlyweds! She is now questioning the content of his character regarding his financial irresposiblilty and immaturity regarding the inept manner in which he's managed money. Thus far, he's demonstrated that he's neither inclined nor pressed to meet her needs on this issue, after several arguments on the same, and has the "safety net" of his parents to bail him out of whatever stupidity he wishes to pursue. If he has a serious addiction problem to gambling and risk-taking then this is not a problem of the marriage but, an individual issue that only he can address!. Her husband may be having an open affair with himself via an addiction! I do agree that you need to lay it on the line and either make your husband surrender all financial matters(including his paycheck) to you in your marriage or give him his walking papers and find your nirvana elsewhere. Either way, he'll be forced to reconcile with his financial immaturity and you will find peace! Screw his "big plans" for the future and put a pin in his balloon. Welcome this "mama's boy" to adult reality! Link to post Share on other sites
Author ObsessedAsUsual Posted June 8, 2008 Author Share Posted June 8, 2008 Again, thank you all for such detailed responses...I'm amazed! I wonder if many of you are professional counsellors. The combined wisdom here (gained from experience, I am assuming) is fabulous. Well...I am still in limbo, and that is entirely my fault. This is what happens when you are not independent (financially - despite all of his mistakes, H still provides me with a roof over my head and daily necessities in addition to the occasional trip) and haven't taken care of yourself before. You are stuck with "tolerating" a marriage because it's better than what you could do on your own. This is where I am...wanting to find happiness with someone who I feel cherishes me - but there are no guarantees/commitment with this yet - or living a strained existence for the rest of my days because I can't bring myself to take a huge leap into the unknown. I am smart enough to know that I can't rely 100% on OM to rescue me if I leave, because as some of you have mentioned, we may just be in our fantasy land for now, and he is in the midst of the thrill of the chase, seeing as he can't fully have me. I DO love him, though...I really long for this guy...but I understand he may not hang around forever, though he says he will. Let me think about all of this...I think it would be easier if I were not an emotional, romantic person. I think I could just do what I can to fix the marriage, even though I am not in love. And yes, it was my mistake to get married, but I didn't realize that full-on passion and security could exist. I always thought that if you met a halfway decent guy who you cared for, that was enough to build a life on. God, was I wrong. Will go and figure things out...I appreciate all of your insights so much... Link to post Share on other sites
tinktronik Posted June 8, 2008 Share Posted June 8, 2008 Waaaaaait a minute people. She's been intimately close to her husband for X number of years and has a child with him. She is now back at his parents home due to his financial immaturity as if they were newlyweds! She is now questioning the content of his character regarding his financial irresposiblilty and immaturity regarding the inept manner in which he's managed money. Thus far, he's demonstrated that he's neither inclined nor pressed to meet her needs on this issue, after several arguments on the same, and has the "safety net" of his parents to bail him out of whatever stupidity he wishes to pursue. If he has a serious addiction problem to gambling and risk-taking then this is not a problem of the marriage but, an individual issue that only he can address!. Her husband may be having an open affair with himself via an addiction! I do agree that you need to lay it on the line and either make your husband surrender all financial matters(including his paycheck) to you in your marriage or give him his walking papers and find your nirvana elsewhere. Either way, he'll be forced to reconcile with his financial immaturity and you will find peace! Screw his "big plans" for the future and put a pin in his balloon. Welcome this "mama's boy" to adult reality!I got a lot of this as well , but I would still assure the OP to do one thing at a time. Do not start an affair before you are D. You never have any assurances that another person will be willing to do anything so if you are walking you are walking away blind. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts