Home made love videos but still there is ..ugh Porn

[Lizzie60]

hum... strange that it never bothered you before.. the porn, your inner lips.. but all of a sudden... it does bothers you... what exactly changed?

 

I think that 'confidence' is the most sexy trait one can have...

 

The most attractive guy is not-so-attractive if he's not confident... it's a huge turn-off.

 

You are around 47-48 I suppose.. so I would say that you still look very sexy.. but ONLY if you're confident about your own body...

 

Relax.. enjoy what you have.. life is too short..

[JerseyShortie]

Fral

You've stated several times you think you know how men would respond in certain situations.

 

I said I have seen how men have responded to certain situations and often what they say is true, and what they do, seem to contradict themselves from my female perspective. And quite plainly it sucks.

 

We choose to make women struggle with this issue? So it's our fault. How? You choose to make it an issue to struggle with. I didn't choose to be born with a penis and sexually excited by millions of different women. Frankly, life would be a lot easier if I wasn't sexually aroused by different women. I could accomplish a lot more in life. It is just the way I am.

 

And I didn’t choose to be born with a vagina, trying to have a meaningful relationship with a man only find that no one woman is good enough for any man because there are always millions of other different options out there for him that he does take on a daily basis in his heart and head into his fantasy world. That special little world where men showcase what they *really* want women to be that no real woman will ever live up to. Just like you have no control over who you are attracted to, I have no control over feeling hurt and rejected and unimportant when men are always are on the look out for the next new set of boobs to ogle. Funny how you make excuses for your hormones but you condemn women for theirs and say things along the lines of just choosing to not let it bother you. I can no more do that then you can choose the fact that porn sexually excites you.

 

Many women have learned not to make it such a big issue. There may be women who feel the way you do, but they do not choose to react the way you do.

 

So you are saying women should choose to bury their own needs and wants and desires so that a man can have his, so that his needs are all met, so that he can have his cake and eat it too and she can scramble for the scraps he wants to throw her way when he isn’t looking at porn or thinking about the girl he just saw at Starbucks.

 

You realize that men can choose to not react to porn about as easily as a lot of women can choose to to react to the feelings their husbands/SOs looking at porn can cause don’t you? It is extremely frustrating how men suggest women to control themselves yet can’t do the same in return when it comes to porn. Do you not see how unfair that is? Do you not understand how porn minimalizes the importance of a woman in a man's life?

 

It's not unfair because men and women are different. We are comparing apples and oranges, not apples and apples. You're attempting to apply a standard that is true for women to men.

 

But it’s okay for men to have their cake and eat it too is what you are saying? Honestly I am confused by your comments here. Women and men are apples and oranges so it’s okay for men to have their porn and their women because their “men”, and women should sacrifice their desire for a committed partner to them so that men can have this? Is that what you are getting at?

 

All of your arguments about porn I can counter with examples from romance novels. Most men cannot meet the expectations met in those books. All of them involve generally a tall, dark, well-muscled tycoon chasing one woman. Think we don't feel "disheartened"?....... Both provide completely unrealistic views of the opposite sex and ideals of what we would like in the opposite sex. But they are fantasies and escapes from reality, and they satisfy our needs when they are not being met. As long as people don't begin using them in place of the real thing."[/

 

But men do use it to replace the real thing ALL THE TIME. Women are replaced all the time for porn. Even if it's not forever, there are lots of times, where lots of men replace porn for real woman. Do you understand how that makes a woman feel like less? Or do men just not care that it makes women feel this way sometimes?

 

I have said it before, I don’t really find romance novels a fair comparison. Romance novels don’t call men names and show them in degrading acts. I don't know one woman that masturbates to them.

 

Are real women so awful that men need to escape from them in to a fantasy of a woman that no real woman could ever be? A fantasy that men highly prize above all else. And if men didn’t prize it so, you and the other guys here wouldn’t defend your right to it so fondly.

 

It really hurts to know where women stand but I get the message. Sucks for women, great for men. You win, women loose..got the message. Next time men out there with their aging wives, that had their children and saggy boobs and stretch marks are looking for a little understanding and love, then can be reminded that men REALLY want 18 year old breast implanted beauties. Because that is exactly what porn does. It reminds a lot of women how completely lacking they are compared to what their own men really want. And the message couldn’t be more painful or clear that what even the men in our own lives show us everyday.

 

-------------------------------------------------------

Ah, so now I understand the standard you're looking to set. Not only does a man need to conduct himself in a way you approve, but his thoughts are also subject to your review and consent. Good luck with that

 

Mr. Lucky

 

No. I said there is a difference between a man innocently observing an attractive female and thinking about bedding her. If you don’t see the difference in that, then I don’t know what to tell you.

 

The Collector

As has been mentioned, 'chicks flicks' and romance novels present impossibly attractive men for women to fantasize over. If this 'upset' me, would it be ok to ask my partner to never watch or read them.

 

Chick flicks are comparable to Guy flicks. Movies such as James Bond where there is always some beauty there by his side. Chick flicks are not comparable to what porn is to men. Women have nothing for them that is comparable what porn is for men.

-------------------------------------------------------

Fral:

I nor almost any man on earth would be threatened by my wife reading a romance novel (or watching porn). It's a fantasy, who cares? I'm never going to have sex with the woman in the porn video and you will never have sex with the man in your romance novel.

 

Again, I don’t know one woman that masturbates to a romance novel. I also don’t think you really understand the other issues that come into play when it comes to porn. The fact that women are humiliated and degraded and not treated like real people in porn, compared to romance novels that I have never see call men degrading names or humiliating men to the degree I have seen in porn. If your only reason for thinking these outlets are safe is because you will never actually have the oppurtunity to have sex with the women in the porn movies, that’s a pretty indirect way of saying that if the women were around to have sex with, it would be more of a tough spot and that those women would actually have a chance. This, for me, acts as another reminder of how unimportant women are to men.

 

I must be talking to a brick wall. I didn't say you chose to be hurt. I'm saying you choose how you respond and/or react (bolded for emphasis).

 

You also choose how you respond/react to porn, just as much as a woman chooses how she response or reacts to her man’s porn use. To say that that theory can only be applied to how women react to porn, and not how men react to porn wouldn’t be fair now would it.

 

 

I would agree that most women do not like it. The problem is that many of those women don't really understand or care to understand how we men work. There are some enlightened women, like LucreziaBorgia and other women on here, who actually understand the power of the male sex drive & the effect of visual stimulation for men and aren't threatened by it. Once you realize that it is not a threat and purely an escape/fantasy for most men, you will be better off.

 

In turn Fral, I don't think many men really understand or care to understand how it can feel to be a woman with a man that looks at porn.

 

The only reason you say that these women are “enlightened” is because it best goes with your own agenda. The agenda of having both a real woman, and x amount of fake women that don’t care about you to fill yourself with. You make excuses for the male sex drive and yet tell women that they need to control their own emotional response when you make it clear that you and other men don’t want to even control yours!

 

It is very easy for you, as a guy, to sit there and say that porn isn’t threatening. Porn is all about catering to what men want and desire of women. And when you date enough men, have enough relationships with men, and see the difference between what men truly desire, and what men *settle* for in a real women, you can not begin to understand how defeminizing that can feel to a woman. It’s easy for any man to say not to be threatened by it when that is exactly what porn does. It exploits women for all those things we worry about in ourselves and all those things we worry that men only want us for. And when we realize we don’t live up to what men want, it is very telling about how men feel about women. And not promising towards trying to have faith in a man in his loyatly and honoriblty. How are women suppose to trust men?

 

 

That is fine, if you find a man who meets that criteria, good for you. I'm just emphasizing (like most others here) that 99% of men use porn and finding those men who don't is like finding a man that has never masturbated. You and JS will be passing on some good men with other great qualities just because of this one issue.

 

“Great qualities” in a man is not something you can define for all of us by your own standards. A man who picks porn wouldn’t be exactly a great quality I would admire and respect him for. And to suggest that it should be makes little sense to me.

 

I'm just curious and trying to understand your viewpoint (and this is directed to you and JS): Do you consider masturbation bad? If a man imagines another woman naked while masturbating do you consider that equal to a man watching porn and masturbating? Is just the thought itself a problem for you?

 

I don’t consider masturbation wrong. I don’t have an answer for the second question. When I am with someone I care for, I don’t need to fantasize about other men. I fantasize about him. Isn't he lukcy? He gets my attention but I guess I don't get his. Too bad a woman can’t be her man’s fantasy, even when she tries hard to meet his needs. Too bad that title gets to go to some woman that never did jack for him.

 

I wish you could be in a man's body for a day & experience what goes on in a man's mind & body sexually in one day. I think it would be a very eye opening experience.

 

You realize that your argument here works both way. I wish you could be in a woman’s body for a day and experience what goes on in a woman’s mind seeing her husband/boyfriend seek out other women to get off too, staring at other women in public..and the x amount of other things men do in regards to other women that doesn’t exactly speak of their loyalty to their own. And all the excuses men make for it because they don't really care about doing what's right by their girlfriends and wives. Why do men not value these things?

 

That is a pretty rare occurrence. And you said he had a problem with porn. I imagine you and JS's strong anti-porn views come from having both had past relationships where porn was a major problem

 

With most men, porn is always a problem. Because porn proves to always be a very important part of men’s lives. It sucks and is hurtful but that is the reality of men today. And we are in a time in history where more men ares spending more time looking at more porn. Depressing. Men around the world pathetically sitting infront of their computers more engaged with creating a relatoinships with their hand and the computer then a real woman.

 

Unless you desire variety? News flash: 100% of men desire sexual variety, including your husband. Some choose to live the live of variety and some choose not to. Most choose a middle road where they settle down with one woman but look at some porn to satisfy their desire for variety instead of sleeping with multiple women

 

I have said this a million times and have yet to see one man really address it. It’s fine if you want variety! PLEASE have it! Please! Go out and have the variety you so crave. No one wants to take that away from you. But the issue comes when you claim you want one woman, and once you have her, you turn around and now say you also need variety. Do you not see how completely unfair that is? Why do you even have relationships if variety is REALLY what you want? Do you want to hurt women? Seriously? Or do you just not care? Why do you get into a relationship and turn around and change the rules on her saying that you also now need “variety”. If you think saying porn satisfy those needs instead of sleeping with other women, this doesn’t exactly make men look like the our Heroes, I hate to tell you.

 

 

Most men, even if they married a playboy bunny, will eventually get tired of her sexually and desire another woman. Men are designed to be sexually insatiable. I am not telling you this and expecting you to like hearing it. I am just telling you because that is the way it is.

 

 

Not very promising then for us woman right? Then by all means, men shouldn’t control themselves what so ever. This just proves that no matter what you do for a man, it just plain doesn’t matter to him because he is never happy. Seriously, do you men even care about women even a little bit. Do you know how hurtful that is to realize that no matter what, you are basically a comodity to men and just basically crap to them.

 

LOL, I'm glad you can't get into our heads. I don't think many women realize the kinds of sexual thoughts and desires we have in a normal day. If we told you everything we thought you would definitely go gay. A lot of men downplay their porn use and sexual thoughts/desires/fantasies because they know most women would probably be shocked by them

 

I am aware of this, that is why men are untrust worthy. They don’t really care about women and aren’t really ever happy with what they have. And they rather have their loyalties go with their porn then they would the real woman that is actually a part of their lives everyday. It's very telling about what is really important to men. They could be thinking about god knows what and being competely disrespectful to the preson they claim the care about most.

 

I certainly wouldn't be very tempted by other women if I had a good woman at home who kept things interesting between the sheets.

 

This whole time you have been making it a point to say the exact opposite is true. From what you say, it doesn’t seem to matter what a woman does for a man. He is never happy. So why should we even try. Seriously. You don't give much hope about why women should even try to make men happy when it's clear what men really want and really value. It certainly isn't their SOs

[The Collector]

JS, you keep saying the same things over and over (especially the phrase 'having your cake and eating it), and are disregarding and side-stepping any valid points put to you.

 

1. Do you consider the large number of women who don't care about their partners watching porn, or actively enjoy it, wrong?

 

2. Women aren't going to tell you they masturbate to romance novels. They do though. They are porn for chicks, and one ex of mine used to love reading this trash and later enjoy a little naughty pillow session. Did I mind? On the contrary, I liked that she has a dirty mind.

 

3. Women masturbate and it's not always about their SO. Should these men stick their noses in and ask them to stop if it 'upsets' them? Where do you draw the line between asking for consideration and using supposed victimhood to be controlling?

 

4. You are positive porn degrades women. I disagree and so do plenty of women, feminists included. It celebrates their sexual power and is mostly quite vanilla and features consensual sex the woman is enjoying. And not all men like huge fake tits you know.

 

5. You think featuring attractive young (though not always) women is an impossible standard for most female viewers and engenders feelings of inadequacy? How do you think the size of those huge male members could make the men feel short-changed? And yet they still watch.

[Jersey Shortie]

JS, you keep saying the same things over and over (especially the phrase 'having your cake and eating it), and are disregarding and side-stepping any valid points put to you.[/QUOTE]

 

I try very hard to address all the points I can. I actually often feel alot of the valid poinst I make are side stepped by men. And I keep saying "having your cake and eating it too" because that is exactly what most men seem to want. It's frustrating and upsetting and I don't even know why men have relationships if they want variety because the person that ends up getting hurt for it isn't him, it's her.

 

1. Do you consider the large number of women who don't care about their partners watching porn, or actively enjoy it, wrong?[/QUOTE]

 

Well I am not convinced that a "large number of women" don't care about their partners porn use. If there is one thing I have learned about this from talking to other women is that alot of women dislike it but put up with it even though they are hurt over it. And I don't think that is right. Alot of men just seem to want women to shut up about it and they don't even want to try why, as a woman, it can be hurtful. I do think some women enjoy it and use it and considering how porn for the most part repersents women, I think there is something messed up about it. "wrong"

 

2. Women aren't going to tell you they masturbate to romance novels. They do though. They are porn for chicks, and one ex of mine used to love reading this trash and later enjoy a little naughty pillow session. Did I mind? On the contrary, I liked that she has a dirty mind.

 

Again, this is not something I really agree with. Maybe some women do, but the over whelming majority of women I don't think masturbate to romance novels. You would be surprised what chicks say to each other about themselves and this is something I have also talked to alot of women about. I also don't see romance novels degrading and using men to the degree that porn degrades and uses women. I really think that is an important factor that shouldn't be glossed over.

 

3. Women masturbate and it's not always about their SO. Should these men stick their noses in and ask them to stop if it 'upsets' them? Where do you draw the line between asking for consideration and using supposed victimhood to be controlling?

 

The fact that you use the phrase "supposed victimhood" is a put down to the women that it truly hurts. I am not trying to be a "victim". I am being honest about my feelings and opinions on porn. Do you think I like feelings this way? Well I don't. But I can't change it anymore then a man can change feeling sexually excited by porn.

 

Maybe women don't always think about their SO while they mastrubate, but I do. And it seems that there is a complete inbalance in the relationship if I am caught up in him and he is caught up in whatever girl at the moment tickles his fancy. Do you not think most women want to be what their man fantasizes about? Are there other things in a relationship? Of course. But that doesn't mean that it doesn't make a woman feel beautiful and special when she is what her guy is fantisizing about. Not some 18 year old with implants that has a pound of make up on.

 

4. You are positive porn degrades women. I disagree and so do plenty of women, feminists included. It celebrates their sexual power and is mostly quite vanilla and features consensual sex the woman is enjoying. And not all men like huge fake tits you know.[/QUOTE]

 

That's fine. But there are plenty of women and men that also do think porn degrades women. I mean just look at the titles of most porn movies. They include some kind of 4 or 5 letter word to describe the woman. You don't see wome ncalling men names in romance novels. How come there is so much name calling with women in porn? That is really just one example. there is so much that seems to go on in porn that is degrading to femininty in general. Instead of showcasing what is really feminine about women. It is this freak show circus where everything is over exploited.

 

If porn was such an advocate of giving women power and celebrating their sexuality, most porn wouldn't be what it is today. Most women by now would be sexually free. And yet we still have me nthat call us names if we are too sexual. We arne't exactly a healthy sexual society. And I think porn actually hurts sexuality in many ways. Infact most porn seems to be about male power and what men like. Most porn is male domianted to men. How much porn is out there always seems to show the guy finishing but rarely focuses on the girl getting off is one example of this.

 

Maybe all men aren't a fan of huge fake tits..how about most men? I don't really know. What I do know is that when men see them they ogle, make comments and that most girls in porn seem to have huge fake tits. And men like porn and men like porn girls.

 

5. You think featuring attractive young (though not always) women is an impossible standard for most female viewers and engenders feelings of inadequacy? How do you think the size of those huge male members could make the men feel short-changed? And yet they still watch.

 

I think when you are a normal everyday woman, and you have a man you care about, and you watch him through the years getting off to porn where the girls never get any older, have plastic surgery and put on this air of "I want to do anything for you, you big strong man". It's hard for real life women to live up to those expectations. I think when I am in my 40s and the man in my life is still watching 20 year olds, I am going to feel even more replacable and unattractive and useles too him. Because after all, men get better with age and women don't and men don't like women getting older right? At least that is the message men seem to be sending. Men want a purpetual bevy of young beauties and their aging wives/giflriends are left in the dust. Nice right. The size of those men in the movies might be bigger then average, but those movies are made and catered to largely by men themselves.

 

And I also think porn has a way of focusing more on the woman and her attributes then it does the man. That's why men watch it. If it focused on the man and was really about his body, then men wouldn't be watching it! Men created the medium that is porn and what it is. I don't need to sit there and watch men with huge penisis to get turned on. Most women don't. That something men created in their own heads. However, young women with perfect tight bodies and huge boobs aren't something women created in their heads. And their husbands can happily go on masturbating and having real women in their lives while their real woman is on the side lines reminded very day of all the ways her man finds her inadequate because she can't meet the standard he so loves in porn.

[angryyoungman70]

My only comment after wading through this loooooong thread is that insecurity and unrealistic expectations are clearly prevalent.

[kikiD]

I don't think most of us guys, put that much thought behind it.

 

Do you really think that he mentally compares you to porn stars or wishes you were more like that?

 

Ha. I laughed at this. I know my husband will occasinally peek at porn, no big deal for me. Sometimes I'll watch what he did just so I can see what he's looking at. For the most part it makes me chuckle. As if those chicks are REALLY lesbians and REALLY roommates... . But do I think for a second that he sits there and says to himself, "I wish my wife looked like that"... NO! It's not that complicated. He pushes play and enjoys the view. Doesn't probably think at all!!!

 

Well, good luck anyway.

[kikiD]

Because after all, men get better with age and women don't and men don't like women getting older right? .

 

BULL$HIT! I'm 37 and my husband is 26. I can guarantee I got better with age!

[Jersey Shortie]

My only comment after wading through this loooooong thread is that insecurity and unrealistic expectations are clearly prevalent.

 

 

Insecurities and unrealistic expectations aren't something that just come from women or men. Usually the things that men and women are insecure about are different and neither sex wants to be exploited for these things. As for unrealistic expectations. Porn is all about unrealistic expectations so it looks like men have just as many as those as well.

 

BULL$HIT! I'm 37 and my husband is 26. I can guarantee I got better with age!

 

I am not trying to be mean but while you consider yourself someone who has gotten better with age, men don't consider women better with age. That is why most porn has young women in it even if there is some porn with older women. So as men get older they replace their wives indirectly with the younger versions.

[Mr. Lucky]

No. I said there is a difference between a man innocently observing an attractive female and thinking about bedding her. If you don’t see the difference in that, then I don’t know what to tell you.

You're so busy bashing "all men" (as if all men could agree on anything ) that you're not even taking the time to read what others have posted. Again, here's what I said:

But it's no different than the emotional response I might have if I'm sitting at Starbuck's and a pretty girl walks by. Unbidden, into my head pops "I wonder what she looks like naked" ? Does that make me an "emotional cheater" ?

 

Mr. Lucky

The key phrase being "unbidden, into my head pops" - I'm not pondering, ruminating, considering, plotting or thinking about anything. As a man, I have no more control over these kinds of thoughts then you have over the reflex to sneeze when you look at a bright light. I don't know if women have these kinds of sexual stream of consciousness moments - if they do, I certainly don't judge their intent as to the frequency or content. More power to 'em...

 

Mr. Lucky

[JerseyShortie]

You're so busy bashing "all men" (as if all men could agree on anything ) that you're not even taking the time to read what others have posted. Again, here's what I said:

 

 

 

I am not bashing men. I hate how men say that when you mention anything negative about men that isn't perfect. I always get the impression that men know they aren't perfect but they rather the woman in their lives just shrug their shoulders and smile at them as if the issue was endearing, when it can be anything but. I am being honest about what I have seen/do see when it comes to men and porn and stuff. I think there is alot of truth into what I say.

 

The key phrase being "unbidden, into my head pops" - I'm not pondering, ruminating, considering, plotting or thinking about anything. As a man, I have no more control over these kinds of thoughts then you have over the reflex to sneeze when you look at a bright light. I don't know if women have these kinds of sexual stream of consciousness moments - if they do, I certainly don't judge their intent as to the frequency or content. More power to 'em...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

Fair enough. You can't control what pops in your head but you can control what you do with it afterwards. I wonder how many men though do sit there and runinate about any cute girl walks by while his own wife/SO is even sitting by his side. Don't you understand how that can feel like a knife in the back sometimes?

 

I am pretty certain most men are like you and don't judge women on their sexual thoughts. That's because if a woman was thinking of sex in the same terms as a man, men promote it because he relates to her having a reaction closer to his own. (Actually it is something both sexes do). However, there are other things men judge women for in the same manner even if the subject is different.

[angie2443]

BULL$HIT! I'm 37 and my husband is 26. I can guarantee I got better with age!

 

 

Physically, you can't get better with age. If this were true, there would be immortal people walking among us. We all die. Our boddies all begin, in a sense, to deteriorate.

 

I think what many people mean when they say they became better with age, is they take better care of themselves at 40 then they did at twenty, or that they've improved in the mental and/or emotional compartment.

[angie2443]

5. You think featuring attractive young (though not always) women is an impossible standard for most female viewers and engenders feelings of inadequacy? How do you think the size of those huge male members could make the men feel short-changed? And yet they still watch.

 

It's not, for the most part, women who want to see big, big members in these movies. It's the men. I don't mean that women wouldn't be put out by something that was extemely small, but most women don't go around comparing men's members. Honestly, that John Holmes (I hope the name's right) is scary to me. I don't think this is the type of guy that most women fantisize about at night.

[angie2443]

I remember reading about a study somewhere that men loved their wives less after looking at pictures of young women in, I think, Playboy. It kind of makes sense.

 

I don't know how to feel about porn. My husband looks at it from time to time and I just ignore it. If he looked at it more often, it might become an issue.

 

I will say that I wish more of it was made with a woman's feelings and desires in mind. The last one I've seen was about these old men, sometimes stepfathers, getting it on with these young girls. Gross! I think more women would be less upset with porn, if more of it was made to please the women also.

 

The other thing I want to add, I do have a pet peave with the images of women that are often presented in the media, not just porn. Even an attractive women would have a hard time competing unless she was flawless. In magizines, women are airbrushed and computer digitalized so their skin looks flawless, their breast appear larger and their waists appear smaller. Yes, this does have an impact on the confidance of young girls and many women. It would be nice if they showed women who looked good but not unrealisticly good.

[Jersey Shortie]

I remember reading about a study somewhere that men loved their wives less after looking at pictures of young women in, I think, Playboy. It kind of makes sense.

 

I read that too actually. I read it on Pyscology Today. They found that men felt their SO was less attractive.

 

 

I will say that I wish more of it was made with a woman's feelings and desires in mind. The last one I've seen was about these old men, sometimes stepfathers, getting it on with these young girls. Gross! I think more women would be less upset with porn, if more of it was made to please the women also.

 

The other thing I want to add, I do have a pet peave with the images of women that are often presented in the media, not just porn. Even an attractive women would have a hard time competing unless she was flawless. In magizines, women are airbrushed and computer digitalized so their skin looks flawless, their breast appear larger and their waists appear smaller. Yes, this does have an impact on the confidance of young girls and many women. It would be nice if they showed women who looked good but not unrealisticly good.

 

I am in agreement with this as well. As a chick, I totally check out those celebrity before and after airbrushed pictures and even women like Jessica Simpson or Eva Longeria are photoshopped to make their waists look smaller and boobs bigger. In relation to that, when you actually get real photos of celebrities, people rip them apart for actually having the audacity to have flaws. This doesn't happen to male celebrities to nearly the same extent. So I think it's easy for men to roll their eyes and be insensitive to all the struggles women have to go through when they aren't targeted like women. There are pressures for men as well, but not like there are for owmen in this regard. And when we have men in our lives that we care about that buy into these things, it makes it harder to feel like we have a safe haven from those ideas.

 

I will also ad that out of my experience with porn it very rarely shows the woman enjoying herself like it shows the man. It's more the fact that the woman is a prop for the man and it shows him finishing and her just yelling loud and making faces. But we all know how that is easily faked. I really wonder how many women in the pornos are actually having orgams. Probably not as many as that are faking it.

 

The problem is that women can't do it alone. But these things are never going to change because men buy into them and it ends up hurting themselves, women and relationships in general.

[kikiD]

Physically, you can't get better with age. If this were true, there would be immortal people walking among us. We all die. Our boddies all begin, in a sense, to deteriorate.

 

I think what many people mean when they say they became better with age, is they take better care of themselves at 40 then they did at twenty, or that they've improved in the mental and/or emotional compartment.

 

You are very right. I definitely take better care of myself now then I did back in my 20s. I actually look better and feel better. And even though I have great genetics in that my mother, grandmother, etc. all aged slowly (on a physical standpoint), I know it doesn't last forever. As far as emotionally, I am the healthiest I've ever been.

[Ruby Slippers]

I remember reading about a study somewhere that men loved their wives less after looking at pictures of young women in, I think, Playboy. It kind of makes sense.

I read about a similar study, in which men watched videos of other women and afterwards rated the appearance of their wives/girlfriends lower than they had previously. I just did a search for the article but couldn't find it.

[The Collector]

I read about a similar study, in which men watched videos of other women and afterwards rated the appearance of their wives/girlfriends lower than they had previously. I just did a search for the article but couldn't find it.

 

Porn women or just regular women. I'm sure a similar phenomenon occurs in some women after they've just watched a George Clooney movie. God knows there are enough dissatisfied wives out their comparing their rubbish husband to the Mr Right they never got. It's human nature.

 

Insecure people are controlling. It's the same drive that makes some men force their women to wear burkas and cover their lovely legs or sinful hair that makes some women want to put blinkers on their men so they can never see another woman.

 

Ruby Slippers, how old were you when your dad left your mom, and was it because of your mothers controlling behaviour?

[MrsHellnoFire]

LOL! OK WE GET IT! YOu have a fantastic sex life!

But it seems men still have a taste for variety or find other things pleasurable as well, one of them just happens to be porn for some.

[MrsHellnoFire]

I remember reading about a study somewhere that men loved their wives less after looking at pictures of young women in, I think, Playboy. It kind of makes sense.

 

 

Ok come on now! LOVE their wives less? I'd buy "find them less attractive", but loving their wives less? I don't buy it. I'd want to hear more studies on the issue.

[LakesideDream]

I am not trying to be mean but while you consider yourself someone who has gotten better with age, men don't consider women better with age. That is why most porn has young women in it even if there is some porn with older women. So as men get older they replace their wives indirectly with the younger versions.

 

 

Here's where I stop lurking and jump in. Many men, including me "consider" that women get better with age. I'm a 58 year old man. I don't find girls / or women under the age of 35 or so even passingly sexually attractive. Personally I prefer women from 40 or so to my age. A girl the age of my daughter (28) does not excite me.

 

I would probably be an active porn viewer if there was "porn" available depicting grown up women. It doesen't exist. And don't even get me started on "enhanced" breasts. Enhanced breasts look gross to me. I doubt I would view a womans breasts after reconstructive surgery, or other medically necessity gross.. but I have no experiance.

 

Broad, sweeping generalizations are always bad. Each and every person is different. I for one don't currently know any men over the age of 40 or so that are attracted to 20 year old women, porn stars or not. I cannot imagine that many are.

[Enema]

I would probably be an active porn viewer if there was "porn" available depicting grown up women. It doesen't exist.

 

Oh man are you wrong. There is TONS of "mature" porn out there with genuinely older non-fake women.

 

I run a few porn sites for extra cash and the mature stuff is one of my best sellers.

 

The only other types of porn that sell as well for me are gay porn and trannies.

[Jersey Shortie]

Enema, your avatar and your post, don't do each other justice.

 

 

You are very right. I definitely take better care of myself now then I did back in my 20s. I actually look better and feel better. And even though I have great genetics in that my mother, grandmother, etc. all aged slowly (on a physical standpoint), I know it doesn't last forever. As far as emotionally, I am the healthiest I've ever been.

 

And all that is truly wonderful and I am glad you are in that spot in your life. However, even as someone in my 20s, it has become glaringly obviously that being young and having a perfect body trumps all over this for men. Right now I am young but I really worry about the day I turn 30,40 and 50 and have a man in my life I love that keeps viewing girls/women and porn of 18-25 year old girls.

 

 

 

I would probably be an active porn viewer if there was "porn" available depicting grown up women. It doesen't exist. And don't even get me started on "enhanced" breasts. Enhanced breasts look gross to me. I doubt I would view a womans breasts after reconstructive surgery, or other medically necessity gross.. but I have no experience.

 

Broad, sweeping generalizations are always bad. Each and every person is different. I for one don't currently know any men over the age of 40 or so that are attracted to 20 year old women, porn stars or not. I cannot imagine that many are.

 

But don't you see the oxymoron in that? You say that you would be an active porn viewer if they showed more mature women. The fact that it doesn't, tells us women that men idealize a certain age group of women. What are women who are married and love their husbands who are only getting older everyday suppose to do with a man that keeps on wishing for his college days and fantasizing about coeds? It doesn't seem like exactly something wonderful men bring to the table.

 

I actually think you are the minority and that most men are the opposite.

 

At the end of the day I have learned that women just loose out on so much because men are never happy and never think women are good enough for them compared to the idealized ideas of porn and women in porn.

[Siphon9a]

Here's where I stop lurking and jump in. Many men, including me "consider" that women get better with age. I'm a 58 year old man. I don't find girls / or women under the age of 35 or so even passingly sexually attractive. Personally I prefer women from 40 or so to my age. A girl the age of my daughter (28) does not excite me.

 

I would probably be an active porn viewer if there was "porn" available depicting grown up women. It doesen't exist. And don't even get me started on "enhanced" breasts. Enhanced breasts look gross to me. I doubt I would view a womans breasts after reconstructive surgery, or other medically necessity gross.. but I have no experiance.

 

Broad, sweeping generalizations are always bad. Each and every person is different. I for one don't currently know any men over the age of 40 or so that are attracted to 20 year old women, porn stars or not. I cannot imagine that many are.

 

Wow! I wish I had been in on this post from the beginning. To go along with this post. I'm 28 and have had my own issues with dealing with porn but I agree some of the mature porn that I used to watch was the best. I know all us guys look at every women that comes by and says this to themselves..."Yes or No in certain perspectives". There's a older lady I work with, short blonde (not normally my type), single, and comes off as flirty and receptive. Her personality, free spirit nature, and looks are definitely a turn on at times.

 

Now to the OP if your still reading. Just so you know and AAlike if you have posted in this long one your gonna learn one thing about me that you haven't heard yet! LOL!!! I'm in a pretty new relationship dealing with pebbles that look like moutains to me. Anyways, when I first got with my girl I never got off to porn, but as this short time, 4 months, went on I have started back to my old ways. Does she know about it, I highly doubt it. Do I think it would bother her if she knew? Hmmmm.....given her and her past actions and what she chose to do and the things I have problems with, also her self-esteem issues with her weight, looks...etc. I think she would probably want to know the kinds of girls I look at and what they do when I'm doing my thing without her there.

 

To add to this and this will probably get all kinds of flames from all the ladies here and if so I apologize in advance. After I learned a few things about her and realized on some things I regret missing opportunities to take on when I was single, I have found that here lately for me to get off, I think of other women such as the older woman that I work with when we have sex. Now would I ever ever ever ever ever do anything with this woman given that if the right circumstances occured she would be the older woman "teaching the younger guy a few things" without any hesitations. NO. A resounding NO! I love my g/f enough to not cheat on her. She's took the time to learn and is still learning what I like and wants to be the best I've ever had.

 

In the first post paragraph, OP, given your views of porn and all that, you may see me as a dog, POS, that should be single. But I assure you that I love my g/f and have never had someone treat me better, spoil me, love me, do everything to please me. I do give back in that situation, as her, her best friends who are now my close friends, her mother/father/sisters all see that I have turned her life around and made it better and can see that she's really happy. She has broken down telling me things before about how she has been treated in comparison to what I do for her now. I would never dream of doing anything with another person to degrade the relationship we have.

 

For most people, at least guys, we deam of having the perfect, wholesome, untainted woman that loves and respects us and that we can hold higher regard for to other women.(My own fantasy I'm working to get rid of) But on the flipside we also get off to the dirty nasty porn chicks on occaison or frequently. Do I think about them when we are doing stuff, not a chance. Those girls have problems and will probably never be happy. It's a passing urge that some guys have more than others. Now to be honest if I didn't have some of the issues I am presently dealing with because of my own insecurities, jealousy, anger issues, would I do these things???? Probably not...I have been in relationships in the past that I have felt, as a guy, the way the OP felt. Never even gave a chick the time of day cause I knew what I had at home.

 

OP, I really believe it's tied to more than just one concept. It's male human nature, the idea of being bad, and the physical need or urge so many of us feel. For me, it's a passing fad and it does not impact the physical relationship we have. Could it, if she found out, affect the emotional relationship we have like it has you? It's very probable, but then there are things that some guys deal with that do emotionally affect us that we are in a sense scarred or hurt by them. Again I said some guys. I do not think anything less of my girl when these other people come to mind, as I think she is beautiful. For me she's what I want. Those thoughts I have dont mean a thing. I would never act on them. She finds flaws with herself as alot of women do. But the funny thing is, alot of what she finds wrong is alot of what turns me on. Curves, size, I dont like this or that about me. I see her with the eyes of someone in love and to me, she's beautiful. I love all of her and do any and all things she wants or that I think she wants so she feels that. I think your worrying too too much about the whores and should be more focused on you and him cause the male human nature will never change.

[Ruby Slippers]

JS, I myself have some reservations about porn, but I think you really have some ideas about men and porn that you are just stubbornly clinging to. I would advise you to read some of the comments here with a more open mind. I think you are really not giving men much credit or benefit of the doubt. Some of what you say is true, but you go overboard on some other points.

 

One of the things I value most in my relationship with my boyfriend is the fact that he is extremely honest with me. I don't always like what he tells me, but at least I know it's the truth. Finally, I have found a guy who is as honest as I am. I find it to be quite a relief and a comfort.

 

He and I have discussed a lot of the things you're talking about, such as female age and corresponding sex appeal, and from that I have learned that not all men value youth as the ultimate in feminine beauty. He has explained to me that he thinks a woman (or a man) can be sexy at any age -- 20s, 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond -- if she makes an effort to take care of herself and not resign herself to the fact that she's old and hence unsexy. (We're both 31, BTW.)

 

He has told me that women in their 20s have lost a lot of appeal for him because they're so juvenile and immature, and he's glad to be with a woman who's strong and in charge of her life (that's me ).

 

As for some of your other points, again, he departs from the picture of the norm that you paint. He said his favorite kind of porn to watch is vanilla and amateur, the kind with real people having real sex and enjoyment. No abuse or names, no weird trendy porn tricks. Just good old-fashioned sex. He hates makeup and fake boobs and says he doesn't understand why women make themselves into caricatures because they are most beautiful without all that crap.

 

It was actually kind of comforting when I first stumbled upon his two porn DVDs. First of all, they were just sitting out with other DVDs, which I thought was much better than him having them hidden away somewhere. Secondly, they were of 1. plain old sex, and 2. blow jobs. With all the weird stuff out there these days, I thought that was almost cute.

 

I appreciate that you are arguing your beliefs here, but I think you have to open your mind a little bit and listen to some of the input you're getting. Otherwise, it makes everyone feel like they're talking to a brick wall, like there's no point because you won't listen to reason at all.

[Jersey Shortie]

Ruby, but I feel the same way when I try to talk about this subject with men. I feel like I meet a brick wall. They always make the same excuses and justifications for porn and it seems like they rarely truly try to understand the other perspective. It's frustrating. And every time I hear another justification for porn, I also hear another vote for porn and a thumbs down for real women. It seems like guys rather stick up for it then really try to learn what it can mean to the woman in their lives.

 

 

I think your worrying too too much about the whores and should be more focused on you and him cause the male human nature will never change.

 

Then I hope I can come back as a male and be as callous and insensitive about my "male human nature". Maybe if men stopped focusing their attention on porn and every woman that wasn't their SO, and instead focused on him and his partner, there would be alot more happy women out there. That would be your own advice I also think the reasons you call them "whores" is because it makes you feel better to put them down.