Ovulating Mistress Remorseful

[bentnotbroken]

i agree 100%. i should have paused to consider everything i'm considering now. i didn't. and that is my failure and selfishness.

 

Recognition and acknowledgment, it appears that wisdom is beginning. Good job.

[mistresswchildren]

Just so you know, she disgrees with me on everything. That's her personal goal.

 

You're continue to be selfish for not doing what you're supposed to do. Believe me, what you plan to do or not to do, you will only get support from OW/OM like GreenEyedLady, the ones without morals.

 

According to you no one in this world has the moral standards that you do. Again you are playing God. Call me what you would like, but you really are ridiculous. If you have so many morals then you would realize that judging other people is immoral as well. Unless you are Christ reborn, you do not have the right to judge what you do not know. Someone hurt you, that is clear. Instead of being angry with you, I feel for you. I am sorry for your pain. I am sorry that someone hurt you so much that you must now seek revenge online (think about it, it sounds even worse when you think it over). Until you are whole again, I am sure we will see much more from you Rain, but I will always feel for you regardless of the fact that I am an immoral OW.

[TheRain]

I am sorry that someone hurt you so much that you must now seek revenge online.

 

Not yet, and probably never will. I think I am aware of how to prevent it, so that it will never happen to me, but I can't be sure of the future.

 

Do I have more credibility now?

[GreenEyedLady]

Just so you know, she disgrees with me on everything. That's her personal goal.

 

you will only get support from OW/OM like GreenEyedLady, the ones without morals.

 

You know, you have a lot in common with MM-You seem to think everything is about YOU...

 

And I feel good knowing I'm the complete OPPOSITE of you...Try and cast stones...Doesn't mean JACK to me...

 

I'm happy and you're jealous of that...Perhaps you should explore why someone you deplore is happy with life and someone who is so righteous is bitter and miserable?

 

I hope you find peace with yourself, honey...

 

Or at least some good Anti-d's, ya think?!

 

GEL

[mistresswchildren]

Not yet, and probably never will. I think I am aware of how to prevent it, so that it will never happen to me, but I can't be sure of the future.

 

Do I have more credibility now?

 

Not if you keep judging other people the way you do. If you continue that most of us will believe that you really do have a cross to bear (EVEN THOUGH YOU ARE NOT CHRIST). Either way, I just hope that you start feeling better about whatever it is that is eating at you. We are not perfect people here. NONE of us are. Until you are pristine and perfect and have no "skeletons" in your closet, you cannot judge. Why don't you tell us your story? All we get from you are rude comments. How do you know that we wouldn't care about what you had to say? You assume that OW/OM do not have compassion for others, and care about no one but themselves. You do not know this because you have never allowed anyone in this forum to befriend you. You are completely callous. It does not bother me anymore because I have realized that you start drama to feel important. You like the fights. I'm not fighting you, I am pitying you. Take that as you will and God Bless.

[mistresswchildren]

Now back to the issue at hand. I have no idea if you should tell the W or not. This keeps going back and forth. I think right now you just have to concentrate on you and what you should do about your issues right now. All the rest can wait. You will find a way to handle anything that comes your way. Just relax and wait. The world is not crashing down by any stretch. One way or another you will have to handle the situation and getting upset about it now is not going to help you. What is done is done. It is what you will do in the future that is important now. Keep your head up. Things will work out the way that they are meant to.

[used2saynvr]

Now back to the issue at hand. I have no idea if you should tell the W or not....What is done is done. It is what you will do in the future that is important now. Keep your head up. Things will work out the way that they are meant to.

 

yes, i think like someone else said on this post, i just need to take things one step at a time. wait to find out if i am pregnant, then proceed from there. I will keep my head up.Thank you

 

As for rude comments that contain absolutely no positive encouragement, I have come to understand that some people are just that way at certain times in their lives. They don't know how to build people up to make them better. They only know how to destroy what is already broken. These are the people who definitely should stray away from these types of situations. They will never be able to forgive themselves. Their children will never feel safe confiding anything (any of their mistakes) in them for fear of the close-minded, knee-jerk, uncompassionate, automated responses. Everyone knows the "natural" (robotic) response to disappointing/disapproving news or circumstances. Like when you're at the checkout and the person in front of you has an item that requires a price check. I've observed that people's "natural" (automated/robotic) responses are to blow out air, roll their eyes, look around at other people in line to see if they, too, share their aggravation, and to basically make both the checkout person and the customer uncomfortable (as if it was their fault the item was not scanned into the system, by the way) even if they themselves are not even truly in a rush of some sort. It could be an Easy Sunday. No traffic. No agendas to attend to. No plans. Yet, still, this is their impatient, natural, I-gotta-stand up-for-me-and-my-feelings, so-let-me-express-my-disapproval response. It's just what they feel they "should" do in this circumstance. I used to do this too. It was automatic, though much more subtle. Classic Pavlov's Law. This was the situation (stimulus) and that was my (only readily available, I thought) reaction. I've learned to stop "reacting" to things this way. Just like in traffic. Car wants to get in front you, you automatically grow angry and defensive.

 

I only say this to illustrated how while I do understand the automated "i don't want to hear it, i don't care how you were feeling at the time, you were wrong, wrong, wrong, that's all there is to it, you can never convince me of your humanity ever again, you are just a bad, rotten, unforgivable person, period!"-response, it's not the only avenue (position or stance) one can take. This is what Rain is doing. He/She has assumed the role of the Intentional Antagonist. Similar to how Spitzer so vehemently prosecuted "johns and prostitues" when all the while he was doing the same thing (or later in his life would). There are numerous examples of such hypocrisy in our judicial system and in the world. Yet, I don't even judge them after their "fall from grace" and their "I am holier than thou" stature. If my situation has taught me anything it is that blanket judgments are so inaccurate. And useless. Just 1+1 does not always equal 2. The 1's are more like variables (X's), than constants when it applies to people. Like when I said before. One must consider the totality of a person's character, not just their indicretions. Everyone makes mistakes. And the "my mistake is smaller than youuuurs" chant is so immature and, in God's eyes, completely irrelevant.

 

You need to stop and consider whether or not you have processed all the information and offered a response based on what has occured and how it can be improved (b/c it can't be changed), or if you are just spewing the first and obvious reaction/judgment that comes to mind or heart. That's easy. Anyone can do that. It takes no effort, no thought, no ponderance, no compassion, no consideration, no stretch of yourself whatsoever. All you have to do is hear something wrong and react worse. Perhaps you think the "tough love" is constructive, but it's not. Nor is it effective. And if it's not effective that means you're just wasting time, mainly yours.

 

I know I was wrong. I'll always know that I was wrong. But I also know why I was wrong. And it's not b/c I am a rotten, inconsiderate, uncompassionate, home-wrecking human being. I know my deception does not compare to an uncoded item at the grocery store. BUT...the rude responses are deaf to any arguments, and feelings of remorse. They consider nothing outside of the fact that I did this. They are completely closed-minded responses to things we (as people) have done (and will continue to do) in our quest to learn, grow, and better ourselves here on this planet.

 

Also, I may be a person who made a mistake by doing what I've done, but I am not a "ish-starter". And me telling his wife would be just that. It wouldn't be b/c I really think that I should be the one to tell her. It would be to get some sort of revenge (which i am not even seeking) on him. That's usually why the OW tells the wife. My situation is different in that I don't hate him. I am not angry with him. Not yet, anyway. So, me seeking out his wife to tell him what he has been doing would be me behaving in a manner that is not honorable, but vengeful. Don't confuse the two.

[twice_shy]

My emotions are all over the place today. Right now, I am just crying so hard. This situation is so heartbreaking on so many levels. I am so frustrated with it all. I am starting to think about his wife more and more. She doesn't deserve this. I don't know her, nor what she has done in her life, but my heart tells me that despite any of it, she doesn't deserve to be betrayed this way. .

 

Well usually I have nothing but contempt for OW/OM, cheaters, whatever. And yes, I usually would jump your sh#t.

 

However, you do truly seem remorseful. As you said yourself, you'd be angry at the OW for doing what you are doing as well.

 

I'd really be anxious to hear the results of the preg test. If you don't want to offer them up, I'd understand.

 

I hope that it comes out negative and you can move on. And unlike alot of the OW/OM that come here, I truly think you will not ever knowingly be an OW again. And thats great. I think you have learned from this and will serve you well in the future.

 

now if you were a cheater, I wouldn't be saying all that. I have a much different take on that.

[81West]

I'm definitely in the "don't tell" camp in this situation, for all the reasons used2saynvr has eloquently listed. I think not telling is almost always the better route, though there are exceptions.

[Love4Eternity]

My emotions are all over the place today. Right now, I am just crying so hard. This situation is so heartbreaking on so many levels. I am so frustrated with it all. I am starting to think about his wife more and more. She doesn't deserve this. I don't know her, nor what she has done in her life, but my heart tells me that despite any of it, she doesn't deserve to be betrayed this way.

When I began this affair, I wasn't sleeping with her husband. What I mean by this is that I wasn't thinking about her and how I was tampering with something that "belongs" to her. I was sleeping with him. Only him. I was sleeping with this wonderful person that I was both attracted and attached to. I was only thinking about he and I and how much I wanted to experience him, and for him to experience me. I wasn't thinking about her at all. And that makes me selfish. Lonely, and selfish.

Now, I'm crying for myself. I've already come to terms with the fact that this verdict could go either way, and whatever the outcome of my pregnancy test, I will deal with it maturely and with a heart of acceptance. But what hurts the most is the fact that of all the people in the world, this is the man that my heart fell in love with. This is the man who my eyes fell in love with. This is the man that I chose to give myself to after all these years. It makes me sad to know that what I want the most out of life, peace and companionship, is what I have the least of in this situation.

Though my original title "Ovulating Mistress with Mixed Emotions" may come across a bit cavalier, the truth is, I've had more heartache, more torment, in this situation, than peace and pleasure. That is the sad truth. The back and forth (post-coital) regret he expressed over these past seven months, the ocassional guilt, the worry of this secret getting out, it all has added up to me losing weight, sleep, and part of my dignity. That is the truth of it all.

I don't know why fate (or whatever you want to call it) has led me to a place where my love, my attraction, my desire for someone stands the risk, if discovered, of hurting someone else. And from what I hear of her (from a coworker who knew her, but does not know what has been going on) is that she is nice and beautiful. I don't know if this is true, but it doesn't even matter. I know that if I were her I would not want to share my beautiful husband with another woman.

I wish I never met him. I wish I can figure out why our paths had to cross. There must be a reason for it, right? I mean, there must be a lesson or a blessing of some kind that has to result from this. Otherwise, I understand life less and less every day.

I wish I didn't fall in love with a man I can't have. A man, I shouldn't have had.

This has to stop.

 

thats how i feel ... when i met my mm over 8 yrs ago, he told me he was divorced i didnt find out that he was married till after i had fallen so deep in love with him and even though i didnt see him for many years i still carried that love inside and when we reconnected back in june of last year i realized i never stopped loving him and my love for him grew deeper even though i knew he was married and i am married too its just hard i wish i could be in love with the man im married to and not the man i cannot have or be with...i feel for you and agree with what you have said

[Lookingforward]

Sorry to inform you that I have no skeletons in my closet, only clothes and some other stuff that don't have any problem being seen by anyone.

 

I know what you mean, but, I really don't have any skeletons hidden anywhere. I have stole cookies from the jar or something to that nature, but nothing major and I am proud of that.

 

But as you've never seen fit to share your story with us, we can only assume you have something you're hiding.........or, being "perfect" you just have no other place to pass judgement in real life lol

 

All the posts you make ripping into OM/OW would lead an observer to wonder why you are SO bitter, and I know I for one am curious.

 

Believe it or not, there ARE worse "crimes/sins" in this world than falling in love with someone who happens to be in a supposedly committed relationship, and I note this forum is for those who find themselves involved with a committed partner - it doesn't say who went after a MM or MW does it ?

 

Come to think of it, just how "committed" are they anyway if this is the OW/OM forum ? Hmmmmm

[Lookingforward]

I wish I didn't fall in love with a man I can't have.

 

and that's the hardest part to get over isn't it ?

[used2saynvr]

I truly think you will not ever knowingly be an OW again.

 

That's a definite! I will NEVER EVER get involved with another unavailable/married man ever again.

[used2saynvr]

and that's the hardest part to get over isn't it ?

 

it is very very hard.

but, what's hard now, is thinking that I may have ruined the wife's life. I mean when i say that she doesn't deserve this from me. I just hope it's not too late to start again.