Joebo Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 In brief for those not familiar. I was on the receiving end of a break up. We were in pretty regular contact for months due to me being a desperate fool. I felt that I had good reason for not giving up on things. These are the type of things I heard fairly regularly... "I love you but don't know if I'm in love with you." "I can't be in a relationship with you just now." "No-one else can make me happy when I'm not happy myself." "You never wanted marriage but then dumped all this on me at the breakup. You expect me to just decide instantly." "Marriage is a big decision. I need time to think about it." "I'm not interested in meeting someone else." "I don't want to see anyone else. Don't you trust me?" "Never say never, we don't know what the future holds." "You know I'm not seeing anyone else. You don't need to ask." "I can't just change my feelings back instantly." Nearly three weeks ago we met for coffee and exchanged the last of our things. It was very amicable. I told her what I wanted. That I wanted us to work on things. That we could take it at her pace. I made it clear that she would have to initiate any contact and she thought that was ok. I told her that I would like her to be in touch but I don't expect it. There was nothing needy/desperate. I quite calmly stated that I was ready for commitment and that she could think about it. Needless to say, I haven't heard from her. There has been no contact from either of us. Thats the longest I've managed. I was ok/ish up until the last day or two. Now I'm really having trouble dealing with it. Its a nightmare. The thing is... I really thought/hoped that she would be in touch. I feel pretty angry with her for not contacting me. I'm on holiday for a couple of weeks just now and its a nightmare. I've even booked up to go away on holiday on my own next week yet I can hardly bear the thought of it now. I work out regularly but its been a real struggle the past few days. Things are pretty lonely just now. I really want to see her. Its like there's a piece of me missing. I really want to get in touch with her. Its like a craving. And yet my pride will not allow me to. As I said, we both agreed that she would have to contact me if there is to be any change in the situation. I just cannot put my head above that parapet for it to be slapped again. I haven't shed a tear for a long time yet I can't help it as I write this. Thanks for listening. JB.
datingmum Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 it's ok. we're here with you. Tell us more about the breakup. I hear the very same words consistently, with smatterings of affection in between. It's heart-rending. But you're doing a great job!
ReasonToChange Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 I know that pain mate. Not easy when all contact is lost. A very close friend of mine is going through a bad breakup just like me, yet his ex keeps contact. We can't help but chuckle about who really has it worse, one with contact, or the one without. Its hard. keep the faith mate.
Author Joebo Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 Thanks for the kind words guys. I always get this feeling when the holidays come around. I feel as though I want to call and see whats up. I know if I called her to go for a coffee or something she would say yes but that doesn't seem to progress things any. I just need to drum it into my thick head that she would get in touch if she wanted to. Whats there to hold her back? For all I know she probably doesn't even think about it that much any more. My story (and link to) is here DM.. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=144431
Quiksilver ca Posted March 27, 2008 Posted March 27, 2008 You must respect yourself first and foremost. Ask yourself, what is RIGHT for you? Then do it, no questions asked. If it's No Contact for two years... Do it. If getting back with her is what you think you should do, then do it. Be willing to learn from your mistakes, but also be willing to MAKE mistakes.
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