Re: Ex called me on my birthday...Should I call or ignore him on his? reply

[ninjaturtles]

Hi everyone,

 

It's me again. I hope I do get lots of replies this time. Pretty please Thank you so much in advance.

 

I will make it as brief as possible.

 

These are the relevant threads. This one is about my birthday question. It is short...do not worry. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t144879/

 

 

This follows subsequent to the birthday question.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t146857/

 

If you do not know my background story, this a summary..If you do, then skip this and jump to highlighted part of this thread, at the bottom of the thread. Thanks .

 

Summary for those who are not aware or those who want a summary of the recent developments, he ended things with me about 5/6 months ago. He turned into a cold person afterwards. He did not contact me. I contacted him about two weeks after the breakup via email. I wrote him a long letter (I did NOT ask him back). In the letter included reasons why I was upset that things ended this way and also wondered why he treated me so coldly etc. He replied me via text saying he avoided contact with me because inroder to ensure that we moved on.

 

Well, after that I think I contacted him twice via email However, he was cold and did not sound happy to hear from me. It was very upsetting for me but I got a lot of answers about closure and coldness from the ex here on LS.

 

Anyway, we resumed NC. I had no choice anyway.

 

He called me on my birthday last month...after months of behaving so coldy to me. I was SHOCKED to say the least and did not pick up the phone. I then text him about 9 hours later, thanking him for the message. He replied via text, with 'Hope you had a good one'. I replied and he replied and that was it. A few days afterwards, I sent him a text telling him he looked like a musician I knew. He replied, I replied, he replied and I replied.

 

Anyway, his birthday is coming up soon.

The main questions goes as follows, should I A) Call him B) Text him. C) Ignore him.

 

Sometimes I feel that ingnoring him may close the door finally. However, HE broke up with me right? Therefore he should contact me if he truly cares, not out of pity.

 

Sometimes, I feel that ingnoring him will allow me gain my dignity.

 

Sometimes, I feel he does not deserve to hear from me after the way he treated me.

 

I reckon I should ignore him. However I dont want to appear bitter and childish. What do you think? Thanks so much.

[Kamille]

You're overthinking this which is a sure sign that : You shouldn't call or text him.

 

It doesn't matter what he thinks of it.

 

What matters is that you make the best decisions in order to heal yourself.

[LuCidiTy]

I agree. Let it go.

[Kamille]

There's always next year. I tend to still remember exe' b-days.

 

There's no rush.

[xpaperxcutx]

How much resentment do you still harbor against him?

 

Let it go. I doubt he will miss one wishful happy bday from you.

If anything, go out yourself and have a good time. Celebrate he's one year older and still a jerk

[e.clipse]

The main questions goes as follows, should I A) Call him B) Text him. C) Ignore him.

 

if you want to wish him a happy birthday--which is what it sounds like--then wish him a happy birthday. why are you over-thinking something that is so simple? it's this thought process that builds so much worry and anxiety in people, thinking: will he care? will he miss me more? will he be angry?

 

that's just unnecessary. if you want to wish him a happy birthday, then wish him a happy birthday. he will appreciate it, on some level, but most importantly, it won't leave you wondering all of these questions.

 

and, if you do, i recommend something in writing, like a text, email, or a birthday card in the mail. having an actual oral conversation may be too on the hard side still, so send him something in writing which you can respond to if you so chose, not because you have to.

 

Sometimes I feel that ingnoring him may close the door finally. However, HE broke up with me right? Therefore he should contact me if he truly cares, not out of pity.

 

sure. if you want to get back together, given that he broke up with you, then yes, you should wait for him to make some moves. but not forever, of course. and preferably not too long a time, if you can so help it.

 

but this is about telling someone "Happy Birthday, you." this isn't asking him back or groveling or anything like that--not even close.

 

further, he did wish you a happy birthday, so consider that. do you think any less of him because he did, like he somehow lost his dignity? i think not.

 

Sometimes, I feel that ingnoring him will allow me gain my dignity.

 

giving someone birthday felicitations has nothing to do with gaining or losing dignity. if he was a major *******--and i mean major--then he probably wouldn't deserve it, and you wouldn't be wanting to, anyway.

 

Sometimes, I feel he does not deserve to hear from me after the way he treated me.

 

maybe, maybe not. the fact is that it sounds like you want to reconcile and that you want to wish the boy a happy birthday. whether you two reconnect or not, seriously, what is the big deal in wishing him well on his birthday?

 

all of this, "oh, no!! take your power back! NC!" is so absurd sometimes. why waste oh so much time thinking, wondering, and running around in circles, when you know what you want to do? if a big setback is not the foreseen aftermath, then just do it. save yourself the agony of wondering "what if?"

[vivrantflo]

I'm gonna lean towards no contact for this one... of course there are pros and cons to contacting him.. but I have a feeling the cons will outweigh the pros.

 

The Pros for contacting him are: You get it off your chest. You have this slight urge to contact him for his birthday, so once you do.. the void will be filled and your fix will be satisfied. Another pro is that you're a nice person and you care about him still.. so wishing him happy birthday is the humane thing to do. And the last one, is that you're returning the same courtesy he showed by calling.

 

The Cons for calling him are: He doesn't want you back.. so contacting him is kinda pointless.. especially since you still have feelings for him. You'll be setting yourself back. Another reason.. you should be comitted to NC. And NC means NC. You shouldnt initiate ANY contact with him.. unless it's an emergency.. this is not an emergency. Another reason, you may not get the response from him that you would expect.. or want. What if he ignores your text, or email?? You'll start questioning whether he got it or not, or if he's just ignoring you... or a text reply of "thanks"...you don't need that.. you would be at square one again.

 

I just feel that there is much more risk of you getting hurt if you contact him, than if you don't contact him. There's no point.. he'll have a happy birthday whether you call him or not. And don't sweat it..if you don't call him, he won't forget about you. He has proved that by calling you on your birthday after 5 months NC.

 

I would just leave him alone, and continue on with you life!

[ninjaturtles]

You all are amazing!!!!

 

 

I am in a rush now, but will be back to reply.

 

Just wanted to say a big thank you to all who responded. I never imagined decent people on the internet, I have never even met would help solve little problems like this.lol.

 

Thank you and chat soon.xxx