Enchantica Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 I'm back again with another silly problem in my head and I'm attempting to get to the root of the problem. I thought maybe you guys could give me a hand, very much appreciated as always. I have been with my bf for 7 months and things are going great. I have been on a hen weekend this weekend so I only saw him for Friday night and Saturday morning. I hadn't seen him for 5 days before this due to work and bad weather (he rides a motorbike) so it had been a little while. I was coming back home on the train and I thought about calling my bf and asking if he wanted to bike it over to my flat and stay the night. Then I thought to myself that he would say no, because he couldn't be bothered to come through, that he would make up an excuse but I would know that it's just because he couldn't be bothered to come and see me. And then I would tell him that this hurt a bit and it would turn into a big situation. Then I started to think about this ex that has contacted him on Bebo recently, it's all public comments, so I know if he replies etc. I wondered if he had replied and what he had said. She had mentioned something about the music festival they met at, and how she didn't have anyone to go with this year, which sucked, and that she couldn't very well do what she did last year. Last year they met up and shared a tent together and hooked up. I imagined that my bf would reply saying "yeah I wish we could do that this year". Even though I know that he wouldn't really say that because he doesn't feel anything for her. It seems that I make up these long drawn out situations in my head of bad things my bf could do to me. And what I'm trying to figure out is why I think of these things, instead of thinking about nice things like what we will do next weekend or something. I have a feeling that it's because I was bullied in school quite a lot and began to feel very worthless. And I guess a few exes made me feel kind of worthless; incidents with other women. That's what I think is the root of it. What do you think?
luckyinlove Posted March 10, 2008 Posted March 10, 2008 Hey Enchantica! I don't know if I'll really be able to give you the help you're looking for, but I'm the same way! Two of my very best girl friends are the same way as well. My boyfriend and I have been together for almost two years, and it wasn't until very recently that those thoughts have started going away. Even when he goes out with friends and doesn't answer his phone, I start thinking about how he may have decided to drive out of town to go visit his ex or something totally ridiculous (even though I know it's something he would never do). I think I've just had a lot of issues with self-confidence when it comes to having a significant other, and speaking my mind when I'm unhappy with something. But, I've really worked on not being so bad about it. I've started accepting his compliments, and really listening to him when he tells me how much he means to me. Everytime I start thinking up something, I remind myself that he cares about me, and I'm the only one there is for him. These drawn out scenarios for things just make things worse in the end, for both partners usually. First of all, you're doubting your relationship and making YOURSELF unhappy, and secondly a lot of times the anger ends up being taken out on your bf. For me, it took a lot of arguing with my boyfriend, but eventually I realized that I was sick of being unhappy with things he's not even doing. There are too few moments in life for them to be wasted on such unnecessary thoughts. You may feel crazy at times, but if I can get over it I know you can!
Author Enchantica Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Thanks very much for your reply, it makes me feel better knowing that I'm not the only one out there thinking like this! I'm going to try my best to listen to his compliments more and try to stop thinking so negatively.
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