littletoes Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Hey there, I wanted to post there excuses that my mate has been giving me for not answering his phone while being away for a bizness trip for a week. He goes away with this person a little too short notice then he goes away he doesnt answer his phone while he is out with him. He said that he would call me everynite to say good night. and he only called onece because I aksed him why he didint answer he said that he went out for drinks and that he couldnt hear his phone blah blah blah. Well then the following days he doesnt call me at night when hes in the Hotel. Red FLAG RIGHT there. They have phones right why couldnt he call me there. So. Tuesday he gave me the excuse that he forgotten his charger at home and only had the charger in the car so he would have to go outside and charge it while calling me. Wednesday he said he would call me later on in the nite and never did. His excuse was I fell asleep early. Friday he said he would call me back again and he never did. Please tell me if these excuses sound vaild please keep in mind whenever he's out with his co-worker being a week for biz or a nite out for drinks he never ever answers his phone. I'm not sure what I should do. I feel like I'm a wreck
Walk Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 If his excuses are valid, and he's told you the truth as he knows it, would you feel okay with the fact that he told you one thing and then did another? The other aspect you should think about is whether you feel he has valid excuses. Suppose he is telling you the truth as he believes it to be, and you honestly don't feel those things should prevent him from calling you. At that point, it comes down to differences in each of your expectations for communication, and the lengths you'll go to keep that communication going. But to answer your question... no I don't think those are valid reasons for him not to keep his promise to call you every night. It would've been okay if he had explained (once he got there) that he didn't believe he could follow through on his promise becasue the situation was different then he had planned on it being. I've been in situations where I realized I couldn't call my partner every day like I had said I would, and once I had realized that, I communicated that to my partner and got his verbal agreement to change the plan. Otherwise, I would go out of my way to ensure I kept my promise to call. I'd wait to talk to him about his level of communication with you until after he gets home. And don't call him anymore while he's gone.
curiousnycgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 It sounds to me like you are expecting him to call everyday, and he doesn't feel like doing it. However he tells you he will to placate you. He probably intends to call when he says he will, and likely forgets. How long have you two been dating? I understand the desire to touch base every day - I've discovered however that women tend to want that sooner than men do. If it is still fairly early days in the relationship (like under 6 months) I would let it go. If it's a long standing relationship, I'd be concerned that he is not that into you.
Author littletoes Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 If his excuses are valid, and he's told you the truth as he knows it, would you feel okay with the fact that he told you one thing and then did another? The other aspect you should think about is whether you feel he has valid excuses. Suppose he is telling you the truth as he believes it to be, and you honestly don't feel those things should prevent him from calling you. At that point, it comes down to differences in each of your expectations for communication, and the lengths you'll go to keep that communication going. But to answer your question... no I don't think those are valid reasons for him not to keep his promise to call you every night. It would've been okay if he had explained (once he got there) that he didn't believe he could follow through on his promise becasue the situation was different then he had planned on it being. I've been in situations where I realized I couldn't call my partner every day like I had said I would, and once I had realized that, I communicated that to my partner and got his verbal agreement to change the plan. Otherwise, I would go out of my way to ensure I kept my promise to call. I'd wait to talk to him about his level of communication with you until after he gets home. And don't call him anymore while he's gone. Hey there. Thanks for the advice. Actually he did come back home. When I tried confronting him about the situatiion he said that his phone didnt work because it was dead. SO he says what do u expect me to do go out in the cold and wait for the car to warm up and call . SO i turned around and said well u could of called me from the Hotel no????? he blew that part off and said that he was tired what tried to call me. Then he has the respect to say that Im being insecure. I'm being inseure because when we broke up oence he ignored my calls like he was doing on the biz trip and I panic He tried to reasure me by saying he will not go away for bizness anymore. Also he was on another CO-Worker date with that guy again this weekend and when I called him again he did'nt asnwer his phone. again. He never ever answers his phone while hes out with that guy. Honestyly what would u do in this situation.
City_girl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 (edited) Ok, here goes, I am going to say it because no one else seems to be going to spell it out. One of two things are going on here. Either 1) He is having an affair with the male co worker 2) He is actually out with a woman and has invented this male friend you have never met and know nothing about... Wake up and smell the coffee. You know in your heart what's going on. It's hard and I feel for you but your better off knowing or you will go nuts and , he's going to let you by the sounds of things. Edited March 9, 2008 by City_girl spelling
Author littletoes Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 Ok, here goes, I am going to say it because no one else seems to be going to spell it out. One of two things are going on here. Either 1) He is having an affair with the male co worker 2) He is actually out with a woman and has invented this male friend you have never met and know nothing about... Wake up and smell the coffee. You know in your heart what's going on. It's hard and I feel for you but your better off knowing or you will go nuts and , he's going to let you by the sounds of things. Hey there. Thanks for your honest answer. I appreciate this. Well today is the day where I come clean with my buried emotions and ask him straight out why he never answers the phone when hes with that guy. I'm going to tell him that I deserve to know. He can't have his cake and eat it at the same time. (I wont mention that part. Ill just ask him why he never answers. I dont want to become accusatory and say I Know ure cheating because I told have physical proof. The only evidence that I do have is that he never ansewrs and my heart tells me that hes cheating.
City_girl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 You are sooo brave.....I am sorry your going through this, it justs sucks... "I feel ".....is one of the best phrases I have found for getting my point across without allowing the other person to turn it into a row or ignore the question or statement... As hard as it feels now though, if you are right, you know it will only get harder and more painful if you let it go.
Author littletoes Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 You are sooo brave.....I am sorry your going through this, it justs sucks... "I feel ".....is one of the best phrases I have found for getting my point across without allowing the other person to turn it into a row or ignore the question or statement... As hard as it feels now though, if you are right, you know it will only get harder and more painful if you let it go. Thanks for getting back so quickly Honestly I feel like hes with another women and not that Co-Worker of his. If he was with a guy why wouldnt he answer the phone right, like big deal so ure girl firend calls and you pick up. Gosh this feels bad. We broke up a few months ago and I took his SA back if I knew he would be up to these tricks I couldnt have taken him back. I feel so betrayed and used up. I feel like I'm being taken advantage of. I'm going to tell him all of this if I dont get any reassureance I know that hes hiding something and time will tell. But I am not going to wait that long. SO he needs to fess up because I'm getting pissed off and its making me question his every move now. Because of this dam situation.
Walk Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 When I tried confronting him about the situatiion he said that his phone didnt work because it was dead. SO he says what do u expect me to do go out in the cold and wait for the car to warm up and call . SO i turned around and said well u could of called me from the Hotel no????? he blew that part off and said that he was tired what tried to call me. Then he has the respect to say that Im being insecure. I'm being inseure because when we broke up oence he ignored my calls like he was doing on the biz trip and I panic The first sentence about waiting in the car to warm up... it sounds as if he's attempting to make you feel bad for even suggesting he should've called. Like he shouldn't have to suffer just because you want something from him, and he pretty much said he's not going to. Then second part, where you mentioned he could've called from the hotel. Well, that doesn't fit into the making you feel bad about wanting a call from him. At that point, most normal people would've acknowledge that they could've called from the hotel, and allowed for the fact that they made an error in judgement and that it created pain for you. And then he pawns the entire problem off as a made up problem because you're insecure. He dismissed your concerns, and feelings. And ended the conversation without really addressing a single issue you brought up. He side-stepped the entire issue. He tried to reasure me by saying he will not go away for bizness anymore. Also he was on another CO-Worker date with that guy again this weekend and when I called him again he did'nt asnwer his phone. again. He never ever answers his phone while hes out with that guy. Honestyly what would u do in this situation. How can he promise you he won't go away for business trips anymore? Unless he's planning on getting a different job, then in my experience if the job requires business trips before today, they'll require them again at a later date. Do you really feel this is a valid promise? One he can uphold in the future? Or was this just more smoke and mirrors to escape the situation? If you think he's cheating, and he's being squirrely, then he's cheating. Trust your gut. I wouldn't bother asking if he is cheating or not, 'cause he'll deny it if he is. But his actions are not of a man who respects and values his partner. I'm not sure he's the type of man you would really be happy with in the long term. He's not dependable. He doesn't keep his promises. He dismisses your concerns, and turns them around to be your fault. He just doesn't sound like he's very invested in this relationship.
Author littletoes Posted March 9, 2008 Author Posted March 9, 2008 The first sentence about waiting in the car to warm up... it sounds as if he's attempting to make you feel bad for even suggesting he should've called. Like he shouldn't have to suffer just because you want something from him, and he pretty much said he's not going to. Then second part, where you mentioned he could've called from the hotel. Well, that doesn't fit into the making you feel bad about wanting a call from him. At that point, most normal people would've acknowledge that they could've called from the hotel, and allowed for the fact that they made an error in judgement and that it created pain for you. And then he pawns the entire problem off as a made up problem because you're insecure. He dismissed your concerns, and feelings. And ended the conversation without really addressing a single issue you brought up. He side-stepped the entire issue. How can he promise you he won't go away for business trips anymore? Unless he's planning on getting a different job, then in my experience if the job requires business trips before today, they'll require them again at a later date. Do you really feel this is a valid promise? One he can uphold in the future? Or was this just more smoke and mirrors to escape the situation? If you think he's cheating, and he's being squirrely, then he's cheating. Trust your gut. I wouldn't bother asking if he is cheating or not, 'cause he'll deny it if he is. But his actions are not of a man who respects and values his partner. I'm not sure he's the type of man you would really be happy with in the long term. He's not dependable. He doesn't keep his promises. He dismisses your concerns, and turns them around to be your fault. He just doesn't sound like he's very invested in this relationship. Wow all these opinons are very insightfull. I wil be seeing him later, Something I will ask when I see him later will be why he doesnt answer his phone when hes with this guy. I'd like to hear waht he has to say.
City_girl Posted March 9, 2008 Posted March 9, 2008 Have to agree with all of the above. I got this kind of sidestepping from the guy I was seeing. He wanted complete freedom but me there whenever he felt the need or wanted company. Don't even think it was commitment issues, just plain self centred. I felt like a freak for having emotions. You can't thrive with an invalidating man. I have decided that I don't want what he has to offer because I feel so alone when I am with him. Maybe youre not there yet but even without the so called friend I would have dumped him and have just dumped mine. Life's too short babe and were not getting any younger. Snap the hook he has caught you up in and go fishing while you still have the bait
Author littletoes Posted March 10, 2008 Author Posted March 10, 2008 Have to agree with all of the above. I got this kind of sidestepping from the guy I was seeing. He wanted complete freedom but me there whenever he felt the need or wanted company. Don't even think it was commitment issues, just plain self centred. I felt like a freak for having emotions. You can't thrive with an invalidating man. I have decided that I don't want what he has to offer because I feel so alone when I am with him. Maybe youre not there yet but even without the so called friend I would have dumped him and have just dumped mine. Life's too short babe and were not getting any younger. Snap the hook he has caught you up in and go fishing while you still have the bait Thanks so much for the reply. I have some major thinking to do. about this guy. Also I seen him yesterday and I ask if I could meet this so called Co-Worker, I just wanted to get his reaction to see how he would react. He said that he would like me too meet him as well. SO Imust of had his little self centerd head thinking. Heheheheheheheheh. Well I'm just going to let him sink in the ocean about this. Next week is judgement day. LOLOLOLOLO. Well will see if I get to meet this co-worker of his. Not to metnion to see if he goes on another little date with him this weekend. Time will tell and ure right I'm not getting any younger. Please get back to me tell me what u think.
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