OWoman Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 he is probably spooked big time over the near miss pregnancy thing.... You will want to understand that when reality crashes into an affair like that, it can permanently destroy what you had. I had a pregnancy scare early on in my A with MM. It was probably his response to that that made me realise he was a keeper. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 It's odd, I've found this board to be very supportive (so far). I was a pilgrim on a different forum (gloryb, TOW website) before I came here and they were BRUTAL over there. I left quickly. Keep your head up, mdl. There's good people here. Link to post Share on other sites
OWoman Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I had a pregnancy scare early on in my A with MM. It was probably his response to that that made me realise he was a keeper. Oops - half my post seems to have disappeared! The rest said: "LB is right - something like that can totally change the dynamic of the R. But if he values the friendship as much as you do, it can also serve to bring you closer." Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Why do some of you feel the need to dump all of your anger and resentfulness all over newbies who come here, desperately needing to talk and get some support? Sure, they're not doing things in their life that you agree with, but this place is FOR DISCUSSION AND SUPPORT FOR OTHER WOMEN/MEN. I don't think this forum was created to be "Dumping Ground for Those Who Are Mad About What Happened to Them". If you're so riddled with anger and rage at infidelity, why not talk to your WS or a counselor instead of slashing and tearing at newbies???? That would seem a far more productive, constructive way of healing your pain. Yeah jmc, you couldn't tell lately that is what it's for. Full of betrayed BS slashing away madly Link to post Share on other sites
Author maddoglover Posted March 8, 2008 Author Share Posted March 8, 2008 thanks you guys.... you have been a big help.... minus the few rude individuals.... We actually are talking a little today... it's light talk..... just kidding around stuff.... not like it was... but i think we can get back there....... it feels like he wants it to go back the way it was too but being a little cautious.... (that's how it FEELS to me)... We work together so it was hard seeing him today, didn't talk to him, but we usually don't speak to each other around other people because of rumors.... If you even look in someone of the opposite sex, where I work, you are sleeping with them.... so we just don't ackknowlege each other in the work place. It's much easier that way. but I did initiate contact with him, just a playful little email and we've been chatting a little since then...... Link to post Share on other sites
trifecta Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 Yes Lookingforward, I am living proof of Mega-Bitch, sadly I never got my kingdom to rule as queen. I have no doubt many people live in bad unions, but problem solving (my )dilemmas, does not involve inflicting pain upon others or using them as cop-outs for (my) downfalls. I/we need to take responsibility for my/our own happiness. If anyone is unhappy in their marriage,try and fix it if thats what you want or leave if thats what you want-using a spouse or especially a child as an excuse to manipulate another is nothing short of pathetic... TriMax Link to post Share on other sites
GreenEyedLady Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 If anyone is unhappy in their marriage,try and fix it if thats what you want or leave if thats what you want-using a spouse or especially a child as an excuse to manipulate another is nothing short of pathetic...TriMax I think what's pathetic is when people refuse to admit their part in the problems of the M...Just because one is happy with status quo, doesn't mean their partner is...Either contribute to making it better or perhaps it is better that the union is terminated... Link to post Share on other sites
Author maddoglover Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 pathetic..... that is how I am feeling right now..... pathetic.............. Link to post Share on other sites
phoenixgirl Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I feel pathetic quite a bit myself, too. Some days are better than others, though - it *is* a roller coaster. I'm in the process of learning "appropriate coping skills" and learning to love myself first and foremost - THAT'S what's most important. I try to take time out every single day to do a little something that's just for me, just to make myself happy, even if it's something as simple as eating a piece of chocolate or watching an rerun of Charmed. Just wanted to let you know you're not alone. {{{hugs}}} Link to post Share on other sites
trifecta Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 maddog- I believe you deserve better, believe it or not I hold no ill will against you or any other OW-it is your situation. In the beginning soon after my husbands affair-I directed a lot of hatred towards the OW. It was unfair of me to do so. She was never the problem-my husband was, and in effect so was I. My husband holds 100% responsibilty in his choice to have an affair. I have no problem addmitting my contribution to the climate within our marriage that led him to his bad choices. I would have much preferred that he walked out of the marriage, but that did not happen...to this day I believe-his personal recovery was a lot more difficult than mine- I hope it gets better for you... and Phoenixgirl is right-on, treat yourself, you are worth it. TriMax Link to post Share on other sites
ih8billg8ts Posted March 9, 2008 Share Posted March 9, 2008 I am so sorry to hear that your relationship ended like it did but sometimes things are better left alone. He is a married man and I would not have anymore contact with him in anyway until he has filed divorce papers in court. What you are going through emotionally is very hard to deal with, I know I have been there to. You thought you were prego and he freaked out about it why do you think that is? Does he not want to let go of the family he actually has with his current wife? Is he just looking to have his cake and eat it to? If he is unable to be up front with his current wife he will not be up front with you or anyone for that matter. "If they will cheat with you they will someday do it to you!" Take Care and Good Luck Angie Link to post Share on other sites
Author maddoglover Posted March 9, 2008 Author Share Posted March 9, 2008 I do try to "give myself some grace"... He's told me he will not leave his wife/daughter for me.... And I have told him I don't want him to. I honestly don't. He was having his cake and eating to too (oh my!) I still dated other guys while we were sleeping together.... I just have some pretty big issues in my life right now that I can't have a real committed relationship with someone. When I got to the point that I felt like I didn't WANT to be with anyone else, that's when I knew we had a situation... that's when we talked about it, our feelings, he felt the same way, we slept together one last time, then all crap broke free.... And then last night.... Oh I cried myself to sleep last night.... I think I'll start a new thread about that though...... Link to post Share on other sites
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