Author justice Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 I would ask a marriage counselor. I remember this being a debate on a show like Oprah or Phil Donahue, and they both gave good points. Be careful how you play this. Not playing. I'm already divorced because exh lied to me when I asked for the truth when he said he wanted to work on our M. I wanted complete and total honesty about his affair. He couldn't do that and I couldn't rebuild our relationship because I kept on finding lies that he had told me even when he was supposed to be honest. It just doesn't work. Link to post Share on other sites
Lookingforward Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 By the same token I am sure there are relationships where the whole truth isn't wanted. The kind that just 'forget it and move on' (they think) Link to post Share on other sites
madame x Posted March 11, 2008 Share Posted March 11, 2008 In my opinion, the wronged party definately needs to hear all of the truth so that they can make an informed and wiser decision. You make an excellent point, justice. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justice Posted March 11, 2008 Author Share Posted March 11, 2008 You make an excellent point, justice. Thanks, it comes from experience. Link to post Share on other sites
danavladeem Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Spoken like someone who doesn't want an honest existance. I don't like liars, so I don't lie. If that is a problem with the people I interact with, so be it. Since I follow God, he said to tell the truth, I do. I don't think so. Telling the absolute truth on everything? Impossible. What about little 'white lies'? What about massaging the 'truth'? What about spin doctoring? Link to post Share on other sites
JMC Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Justice: In all sincerity, and complete respect....I am with all my heart asking you: Why is it so important for you to know? Why is this information so compelling for you? I can tell it is; I could feel it in your question. So what a great way to ask what I wonder sometimes, from some here: Why do you guys care so desperately what us OW/OM do with our lives? I know it isn't "us" per se you're concerned about, it is what we do, have done, or are doing with MM/MW. But Why? My $1,000,000.00 Question: Why can't we just live our lives, go thru what we need to go thru, and more importantly than anything, POST HERE about it without some here being so concerned about it they feel they must tell us what they think of it, how wrong and terrible and evil we are, and how we must-stop-immediately (not you Justice, but some people). Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author justice Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 I don't think so. Telling the absolute truth on everything? Impossible. What about little 'white lies'? What about massaging the 'truth'? What about spin doctoring? Yes, absolute truth on everything. NO while lies, NO massaging and NO spin doctoring. You can't possibly hope to save a relationship if you don't have complete honesty. Link to post Share on other sites
Author justice Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 Justice: In all sincerity, and complete respect....I am with all my heart asking you: Why is it so important for you to know? Why is this information so compelling for you? I can tell it is; I could feel it in your question. So what a great way to ask what I wonder sometimes, from some here: Why do you guys care so desperately what us OW/OM do with our lives? I know it isn't "us" per se you're concerned about, it is what we do, have done, or are doing with MM/MW. But Why? My $1,000,000.00 Question: Why can't we just live our lives, go thru what we need to go thru, and more importantly than anything, POST HERE about it without some here being so concerned about it they feel they must tell us what they think of it, how wrong and terrible and evil we are, and how we must-stop-immediately (not you Justice, but some people). Why? This post was not intended to tell anyone how evil they are nor to throw flames or anything like that at all. It has nothing to do with degrading or judgement at all. There are some here who say that they are going NC with the om/ow and are wanting to work on their marriage. My question is this; how can you say you are working on the M, if the other spouse doesn't know the whole truth? When I was in this situation, my now ex H claimed to high heavens that he wanted us to work out our marriage. I agreed to do this on the condition that he tell me everything, no matter how much it hurt, I felt I needed to know. As time went on, I was being honest with him about how I was feeling and what I was thinking regarding his affair with the OW. However, I kept on finding out things that he had chosen not to tell me and was still lying to me about. Things that I considered to be crucial in working out our problems. He never could tell me the whole truth and the result was that I left him and divorced him because there was this huge lie laying in between us, and I felt that if he was still keeping things from me and lying about it, that he might cheat again as well as keeping the lie instead of cleaning it out and being able to go forward in our relationship. I don't like being lied too, and I don't like it when something is kept from me that I very much consider my business as it affected my marriage. Is that so hard to understand? I gave him every chance to own up to things and come clean and he couldn't, I tried but it only works when you are both trying, not just one. I really would like to know how you can ever hope to save your marriage if you can't come clean and own up to what you did that helped make your marriage weak? There should never be any lies in between you and the person you love and are committed to. EVER. Everything should be out in the open and there should be nothing hidden. That is what my question relates to. It is a question for OW, OM and BS. I wanted to know if I was the only one that felt this way. Link to post Share on other sites
Meaplus3 Posted March 12, 2008 Share Posted March 12, 2008 Yes, absolute truth on everything. NO while lies, NO massaging and NO spin doctoring. You can't possibly hope to save a relationship if you don't have complete honesty. You are 100 % correct here! AP:) Link to post Share on other sites
Author justice Posted March 12, 2008 Author Share Posted March 12, 2008 You are 100 % correct here! AP:) Thanks AP! Link to post Share on other sites
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