Author 1_More_chance Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 O.K. You f*cked up. 1st You need to question yourself why are you player. Are you attention wh0re? Do you need constant approval from various girls? Does it boost your confidence more than anything? 2nd Do you really love the girl? Or are you just sorry for her? You could messed her up more if you pretend to love her. 3rd Have some STD testing but dont bring up your affairs. Never do that. Conffessing only burdens the other person too. You should be confessing to yourself and Mighty Creator only. And of course if there is a chance you will regret something - then DONT DO IT. So, Dont bring It Up. Say You are sorry, not because you want her back but because you mean it. I suggest for you to have some deep thinking about What do you really want. If I'm not confessing then what am I saying sorry for? she's going to want to know why I'm sorry, she's going to want to know if I sexed that girl or not, should I say so? or should I just say I bragged and it was I who started the rumor, but we did not make out. or should I go all out and tell her everything. what would you do?
Author 1_More_chance Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 This is not the same thing. Cheating involves an emotional betrayal, perhaps with guilt....or not. Stealing from a bank is faceless. Not necessarily psycho. Are you saying you think cheating is ok then? Sounds like you consider it ok under certain circumstances. Perhaps it's a little cold-blooded though, if the other person's emotions are secondary to the justifications one has for cheating. ie, "I love my g/f but that other chick was so hot I couldn't resist". You have already implied as much that "all men will cheat, that it's instinctive". Then again, if a guy thought cheating was ok, he wouldn't be keeping it from his g/f, right? Although if he's keeping quiet about it, it might not have to do so much with guilt, but as self-preservation. I think it's obvious that she already knows. That you have lots of female friends, have cheated in the past, and like to party without her leave little to be said. Apologize, make a sincere effort to be a changed man, and move on. If you don't honestly believe it's in you to change, don't hang onto her just because "she's hot" and you can't envision her with another man. You think I should tell her that we had sex this all that, this girl gave me head and all that too? just wondering. because the rumors did say that one girl gave me head, so I was wondering if I should include that i say I was exxagerating. It just sucks to say, yeah i got head from this girl. I just don't know how to come out and say it to her.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 If I'm not confessing then what am I saying sorry for? she's going to want to know why I'm sorry, she's going to want to know if I sexed that girl or not, should I say so? or should I just say I bragged and it was I who started the rumor, but we did not make out. or should I go all out and tell her everything. what would you do? Dont lie. Say sorry that you havent had enough respect for her and you didnt cherish your relationship enough. Dont I repeat dont burden her with some sleazy details. And if asks for details tell her that you dont want her to know because you would like to forget it yourself. When you puke in someones flat, is it better to say " Im sorry I did a mess in your flat but I clean it up" or "I puked in your wardrobe and on your toothbrushes but I washed it". Just make sure it is clean. She doesnt have to have some horrible nightmares about puke on her gabana shoes. What would I do? I would have a deep thinking if I want her back or not. If the answer would be yes I would ask myself - do I mean it serious this time? If the answer would be yes then I would make a date with her. Said to her that I f*cked up and that Im sorry I hurt her. And that I realised now what I really want and that it is her. Look, if a girl did to me what you did to her, I would walk away and havent turned back. Because she had low interest level in me and it wont get better. I have a suspision that you want her back because your ego cannt get over the fact she doesnt like you anymore and the small boy in you want everyone to forgive him and like him again.
juliebijoux Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I think that if you really love her, you both should go for INDIVIDUAL counseling. You both have been together for so long, that maybe you guys feel like that you need one another to be a complete person. Plus you started dating in highschool, when the brain sometimes thinks in a nonrational way. I have felt this way before. In the end, I did not get back with my ex, but after focusing on my own life and future, I am much better in relationships/dating.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I understand from a female's point of view, this is digraceful and disgusting. Trust me, I understand. In no way am I trying to justify my actions for cheating on her. But you have to understand that I'm a guy. And MOST guys cheat, sorry I should change most to ALL. When given an opportunity, they will cheat if they have a penis. The male sex drive is crazy, either that or I'm just a horny bastard. Now, the question is when and how they will change is a different matter of it's own. But as I said, in no way am I brushing this off, because it is clear to me I did wrong, it is clear that it was I who was "selfish" and "greedy". I love her yes, but at the same time I wanted more. I wasn't quite ready to settle down, I wasn't ready to be committed though she has been from day one. Now I have to see what I need to do to move on from this. I have asked my friends and I know the answer is silly. They say what every guy probably would. Yeah you did wrong, but guys cheat all the time, it doesn't mean anything, it might even help your relationship and make things stronger. This is my main reason I came to this forum, I rather have a more educated post from many perspective. It's just not easy, snitching on yourself, and it's just not easy to look in her eyes and see how hurt she'll be. It's not easy for her to leave me, because she loves me. She only knows me of ME and who she thought I was. Her dream man, now that dream man is a nothing but a fairy tale. Reality is just hitting her hard and as much as I can't see her with anyone else, she probably feel the same way. Which is why we're still talking, etc. I am a good person, I love being in relationships, I just also love being single. And like I've said, it all boils down to selfishness and greed. I just need to learn how to pass booty even though it can be tempting that's what it is. NO, not ALL men CHEAT. That statement is just a way for you to feel better about your actions. Listen to the way you talk about the females you've slept with.. "they were just toys". Obviously your ex was just a toy if you were capable of playing with other "toys". Do her a favor, and let her go. I think you need to figure out why you continue to sleep with other girls before you can be in a relationship. You love being single, but you love being in a relationship - you can't have both worlds. I don't think it's so much that she can't see you with another girl, I think she feels as though she's invested so much time and energy with you that it would be easier to try and forgive you then move on. My ex treated me badly, and I had a hard time letting go for similar reasons, but in the end it was for the best. Hopefully she realizes the same.
Author 1_More_chance Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 Dont lie. Say sorry that you havent had enough respect for her and you didnt cherish your relationship enough. Dont I repeat dont burden her with some sleazy details. And if asks for details tell her that you dont want her to know because you would like to forget it yourself. When you puke in someones flat, is it better to say " Im sorry I did a mess in your flat but I clean it up" or "I puked in your wardrobe and on your toothbrushes but I washed it". Just make sure it is clean. She doesnt have to have some horrible nightmares about puke on her gabana shoes. What would I do? I would have a deep thinking if I want her back or not. If the answer would be yes I would ask myself - do I mean it serious this time? If the answer would be yes then I would make a date with her. Said to her that I f*cked up and that Im sorry I hurt her. And that I realised now what I really want and that it is her. Look, if a girl did to me what you did to her, I would walk away and havent turned back. Because she had low interest level in me and it wont get better. I have a suspision that you want her back because your ego cannt get over the fact she doesnt like you anymore and the small boy in you want everyone to forgive him and like him again. Everything you just told me I've done, it doesn't work. As I said, I already told her I f'ed up. It's just now she found out MORE. So should I continue Lying or should I just spit the truth, nothing but the truth. You suggestion is a step behind me. And no, it's not that she is no longer feeling me anymore, if that was true, I wouldn't be this afraid to tell her. I'm afraid she will no longer be able to take it anymore after I actually tell her. That's what I'm afraid of.
Author 1_More_chance Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 NO, not ALL men CHEAT. That statement is just a way for you to feel better about your actions. Listen to the way you talk about the females you've slept with.. "they were just toys". Obviously your ex was just a toy if you were capable of playing with other "toys". Do her a favor, and let her go. I think you need to figure out why you continue to sleep with other girls before you can be in a relationship. You love being single, but you love being in a relationship - you can't have both worlds. I don't think it's so much that she can't see you with another girl, I think she feels as though she's invested so much time and energy with you that it would be easier to try and forgive you then move on. My ex treated me badly, and I had a hard time letting go for similar reasons, but in the end it was for the best. Hopefully she realizes the same. Only thing is I'm not your ex...
Author 1_More_chance Posted March 7, 2008 Author Posted March 7, 2008 I think that if you really love her, you both should go for INDIVIDUAL counseling. You both have been together for so long, that maybe you guys feel like that you need one another to be a complete person. Plus you started dating in highschool, when the brain sometimes thinks in a nonrational way. I have felt this way before. In the end, I did not get back with my ex, but after focusing on my own life and future, I am much better in relationships/dating.exactly how I feel. I feel as in, whatever my ex does, I'd always love her and we feel the same for each other. Ever since we met in HS, we did everything together, we grew up together, both went to college and both learned a lot from each other. I can see myself with other woman, I just can't see myself with a woman like my ex. But in the end of the day, I understand I did wrong, so like I said. I will tell my ex the truth and beg for forgiveness. And hopefully I get "1 more chance". If not, I'll have to understand that nothing last forever, and if it was meant to be, then we'll be back together again.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Only thing is I'm not your ex... No you're not, but you follow almost the exact same pattern. And you're questioning on whether or not to keep lying to her?? How do you expect trust to be rebuilt if you can't be honest with her. I think it will only be more heartbreak for her in the long run. You're all she's known for the last how many years?? When one grows accustomed to having a person around, it's harder to let go - even if staying with the person means more trouble in the future. Don't drag this poor girl down any further until you can keep your d*ck in your pants.
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I understand from a female's point of view, this is digraceful and disgusting. Trust me, I understand. In no way am I trying to justify my actions for cheating on her. But you have to understand that I'm a guy. And MOST guys cheat, sorry I should change most to ALL. When given an opportunity, they will cheat if they have a penis. The male sex drive is crazy, either that or I'm just a horny bastard. Now, the question is when and how they will change is a different matter of it's own. Just because a little more than half of men cheat is no excuse. That's just crappy. But as I said, in no way am I brushing this off, because it is clear to me I did wrong, it is clear that it was I who was "selfish" and "greedy". I love her yes, but at the same time I wanted more. I wasn't quite ready to settle down, I wasn't ready to be committed though she has been from day one. Now I have to see what I need to do to move on from this. I have asked my friends and I know the answer is silly. They say what every guy probably would. Yeah you did wrong, but guys cheat all the time, it doesn't mean anything, it might even help your relationship and make things stronger. This is my main reason I came to this forum, I rather have a more educated post from many perspective. It's just not easy, snitching on yourself, and it's just not easy to look in her eyes and see how hurt she'll be. It's not easy for her to leave me, because she loves me. She only knows me of ME and who she thought I was. Her dream man, now that dream man is a nothing but a fairy tale. Reality is just hitting her hard and as much as I can't see her with anyone else, she probably feel the same way. Which is why we're still talking, etc. I am a good person, I love being in relationships, I just also love being single. And like I've said, it all boils down to selfishness and greed. I just need to learn how to pass booty even though it can be tempting that's what it is. Grow up.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 See, I don't believe you actually feels bad for his actions. It's not as if you cheated one time (not that it makes it okay) but you did it over and over. You were fine with your actions until it meant losing the icing on your cake. I don't think you feel bad for hurting her, I think you're having issues owning up to your mistakes. You want to lie to her AGAIN. I just don't understand why you think a relationship can be rebuilt on more lies. Relationships need loyalty, honesty, and trust to work. Not to mention communication. All areas that you failed horribly at. You start off the post by saying you're a player and she knows it, as if that makes it okay. Then you try to justify your actions because your a man. All you're doing is placing the blame everywhere other then where it should be placed. You can't see her with someone else, because you know deep down that someone else will probably be better for her - and you want to be able to keep her for your own while treating more women like toys - as you put it. This type of behavior really is disgusting. I truly hope you that you get some counseling to figure out why you continue to do this, because it will only be destructive for you and the women you encounter in future relationships. You say that you started dating her when you were 16, and mention that you had 6 girlfriends prior to that. You seem to have a pattern of going through many women in a short period of time.
NuTuDating Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 exactly how I feel. I feel as in, whatever my ex does, I'd always love her and we feel the same for each other. Ever since we met in HS, we did everything together, we grew up together, both went to college and both learned a lot from each other. I can see myself with other woman, I just can't see myself with a woman like my ex. But in the end of the day, I understand I did wrong, so like I said. I will tell my ex the truth and beg for forgiveness. And hopefully I get "1 more chance". If not, I'll have to understand that nothing last forever, and if it was meant to be, then we'll be back together again. Why do you want another chance if you say in the same post that you can't see yourself with her in the long haul. You're going to literally scar this woman and ruin it for whoever comes after you, and I assure you, there will be someone after you because she'll eventually learn that you don't have your head screwed on straight. What do you want us to tell you? It's okay that you cheated? It's not. Coming from the other side than you, I can tell you that being cheated on is pretty effing painful, especially with someone you've been with for years. It's worse than any kind of physical pain and it takes longer to heal. You need to break up with her now, because you're just going to ruin her life, and that's not fair to her or whoever she meets after you.
SoStupid Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Let me know how telling the truth goes, Im curious! I know how hard it is. Good Luck!
disco Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 i just wanted to chime in on this one. The three most important things in a relationship are trust, honesty, and commitment; and you have violated all three. I don't say that to sling mud in your face or make you feel more guilty; but rather for you to seriously think about those 3 aspects of a relationship. Whether you should tell her is a decision only you can make. But if you want to have those 3 things be a part of your relationship with her, then you know the answer. Being honest and vulnerable with someone is risky and a bit scarey, but without those 3 things, their will never be any depth to your relationship and it will be meaningless. Be brave bro.
audrey_1 Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Definitely. I feel sorry for her. If all of this was coming from someone I had opened up and given my heart to, you would be history no matter how hard it was for me to let go. I can deal with a lot, but you're looking for and trying to legitimize your abuse of this seemingly very nice girl. It's lame and lousy. This precise scenario is why I am a commitment-phobic. I'd rather be alone than have my heart ripped out of my chest while it's still beating. Be honest with her, reform your behavior, or leave her alone.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 exactly how I feel. I feel as in, whatever my ex does, I'd always love her and we feel the same for each other. Ever since we met in HS, we did everything together, we grew up together, both went to college and both learned a lot from each other. I can see myself with other woman, I just can't see myself with a woman like my ex. But in the end of the day, I understand I did wrong, so like I said. I will tell my ex the truth and beg for forgiveness. And hopefully I get "1 more chance". If not, I'll have to understand that nothing last forever, and if it was meant to be, then we'll be back together again. Sounds to me you have hardly any remorse for your actions. You're trying to keep this girl chained to you because she will always be that backup you have from all the flings, and one nighters. Am I wrong to say that she should get over you? You hardly seem repentant for all your faults and is still trying to justify your needs over hers. Why is it that you can see yourself with other women, yet you cant see her with other men? That just reads selfishness to me. So unless you have better proof that you can truly change your ways, she's better off without you.
Walk Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) 1_More_chance, What I saw in your post is that you've been with this girl since you were 16. Even if you did have 9 gf prior to her, those were kid relationships. They're different. I'm not trying to devalue them, but people change a great deal between 16 and 30. Relationships are different. I know you love your gf, and I don't think you wanted to hurt her. But you do need to be completely honest with her. I cheated on my ex (when I was about your age) and the only way to ever attain a solid healthy relationship after that (even if not with your current gf) is to lay yourself out like an open book . Hide nothing, speak only the truth. You've been with this girl since your teen years, and you don't want to lose her, but you also need to evaluate why you want to hold onto her. Not just because she's hot, and good in bed. But what do you need in life in order to be happy and not feel the need to seek attention outside of a relationship? Would you be happy spending the rest of your life with this girl, and NEVER touching another woman again? There isn't anything wrong with wanting to experience other people. But be honest with yourself about it. If you lie to yourself now, then you won't be able to be happy in your life. I don't think you really want the relationship you have. I think it's comfortable. I think it makes you feel safe and secure. And I think you're afraid of being pushed out into the world all alone. But I know from experience, that if you really wanted this relationship with your gf then you wouldn't have fooled around with the other women. I'm not saying you're a bad person, I'm not judging you for your actions. But I really think it will help you in your life if you can figure out why you've acted the way you have. If you understand the underlying reasons, then you can make the changes you need to make in order to have a happy fulfilling life. And maybe that life isn't with your gf. Maybe it's time to let go of this relationship? Tell your gf the whole truth. You need to do this for yourself as much as she needs you to do this. Otherwise you'll be stuck at pre-pubecent boyhood the rest of your life. You don't want that, do you? Its time you stepped into being a man. Edited March 7, 2008 by Walk
mscaprine Posted March 8, 2008 Posted March 8, 2008 You think I should tell her that we had sex this all that, this girl gave me head and all that too? just wondering. because the rumors did say that one girl gave me head, so I was wondering if I should include that i say I was exxagerating. It just sucks to say, yeah i got head from this girl. I just don't know how to come out and say it to her. I personally don't think you need to tell her all the graphic details. What purpose would this serve, except to hurt her more? If you don't think she will think about that when she's alone, you're wrong. Better to leave the details to her imagination. A simple, "people don't know what they're talking about" should suffice. I can see myself with other woman, I just can't see myself with a woman like my ex. I think that says a lot. Obviously you've already considered the idea of having other women again. Sounds like you are just hanging onto her because she's not one of your usual cheap lays, but a "real lady". You will never find a woman that will stay home and happily wait for you while you're out catting. Might as well face that right up front. You have to choose. Tell her you're sorry for the past and will do your best to change. That's all that you can say and be honest about. That is, if this is your real intention. Otherwise, tell her you're sorry you hurt her, that it isn't working out.....and move on. Give her the opportunity to be happy.
Recommended Posts