sunflower745 Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 OK well on myspace I put on a picture of me that I thought looked nice and pretty. Then my boyfriend ends up seeing it and says I look as if I'm trying to seduce someone. That word never even crossed my mind when I took that picture. I said well I'm not trying to do that and he says he knows but that he has family on his myspace and he doesn't want them to get the wrong impression of me because they don't know me yet. Then he went on telling me that if his family would say something he would defend me but that he shouldn't have to. So, basically he wanted me to take the picture away but if I didn't agree then I should just leave it. What would it say of me if I do take the picture off. Is it a big deal? Some advice would be great!
JamesM Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 How long have you two been together? If he is already thinking that you need to change and you two have only been together a short time, then this may not work out. He needs to accept you as you are IMO. If his family will judge you over a picture on Myspace (and this is a real possibility), then you need to decide if this is how you want them to see you. Does it matter in the long run? Or do you think his family will pressure him to break up based on a picture? I am curious as to why he thinks it makes you look seductive. What about the picture seems to be "offensive?"
Author sunflower745 Posted March 6, 2008 Author Posted March 6, 2008 I guess I'm just making this come hither look. But I don't if his family would tell him to break up with me that he would do it. He said he would "defend me to the grave." Yep those were his words. We have only been together for a little over a month.
allixia Posted March 6, 2008 Posted March 6, 2008 you know.. my ex would throw major fits if I ever put up a pretty picture of myself on myspace, or facebook.. if I put a flattering picture up, it was because I was trying to get another guy, not because I thought it was pretty (according to him). it didn't have to be a provocative picture (one I remember, was taken with my mother). he would threaten to break up with me every single time. it wasn't a good situation and in my experience, it is indicative of major issues/insecurities/control/etc.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 He is jealous one probably. But I tell you if my girl posted a picture on internet I would start to worry myself. Is she seeking attention? Is she trying to make some reaction from me? Is she that immature? And why? Is it the one where you stand, pursing your lips to a kiss and your boob is about to fall out of decolt?
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 you know.. my ex would throw major fits if I ever put up a pretty picture of myself on myspace, or facebook.. if I put a flattering picture up, it was because I was trying to get another guy, not because I thought it was pretty (according to him). it didn't have to be a provocative picture (one I remember, was taken with my mother). he would threaten to break up with me every single time. it wasn't a good situation and in my experience, it is indicative of major issues/insecurities/control/etc. How many Hey-you-are-hot anonymous messages do you get?
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 He is jealous one probably. But I tell you if my girl posted a picture on internet I would start to worry myself. Is she seeking attention? Is she trying to make some reaction from me? Is she that immature? And why? Is it the one where you stand, pursing your lips to a kiss and your boob is about to fall out of decolt? I don't think there's reason for her bf to worry, it's myspace. It's just a site for people to talk to their friends. It's not as if she posted it up on hot or not or a personals site. Then there would be reason to worry.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I don't think there's reason for her bf to worry, it's myspace. It's just a site for people to talk to their friends. It's not as if she posted it up on hot or not or a personals site. Then there would be reason to worry. You dont need a picture to chat with your friends do you? Let cut the bullsh*t here, when you post a picture other than hugging your bf/gf or holding a baby or a puppy or anything really sterile, you hope, just hope you get some positive reaction/attention from opposite sex Ive read a few threads on LS. It goes like this: OP: My bf is jealous over nothing Others: He is an insecure a**hole OP: Oh is it that bad? At least I met this new guy and he is so much more attentive Others: Yeah, dump the first. I just call for a bit honesty and introspection here before one makes THE VICTIM out of themselves. He is possesive jealous a**hole and he freaked out because he feels interest level/respect for him is going down. And it is going down because she wouldnt post it there if she was all over him. What he doesnt know is it is not a start., it is already late.
Hoffle Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I don’t see anything remotely wrong with posting your pictures on myspace, facebook or whatever else a person uses, at the end of the day, it’s your myspace and your photo’s, you can pose however you wish providing it obeys the guidelines of myspace. I personally wouldn’t have a problem with my partner posing for pictures on myspace, and I wouldn’t care if my partner had a thousand ‘you’re hot’ comments, because when you’re in a relationship with someone, they have chosen to be with you. It’s type of insecurity which causes wedges in relationships and ruins so many perfectly good relationships. If you want to take the picture down, then do so, if you don’t, then don’t, it’s your boyfriend being unreasonable and demanding, when you have only been going out for a month. And who cares what his family think of you, if they are willing to pass judgement on you before they have met you in person, that’s their problem, not yours.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I don't think there's reason for her bf to worry, it's myspace. It's just a site for people to talk to their friends. It's not as if she posted it up on hot or not or a personals site. Then there would be reason to worry. You dont need a picture to chat with your friends do you? Let cut the bullsh*t here, when you post a picture other than hugging your bf/gf or holding a baby or a puppy or anything really sterile, you hope, just hope you get some positive reaction/attention from opposite sex Ive read a few threads on LS. It goes like this: OP: My bf is jealous over nothing Others: He is an insecure a**hole OP: Oh is it that bad? At least I met this new guy and he is so much more attentive Others: Yeah, dump the first. I just call for a bit honesty and introspection here before one makes THE VICTIM out of themselves. He is possesive jealous a**hole and he freaked out because he feels interest level/respect for him is going down. And it is going down because she wouldnt post it there if she was all over him. What he doesnt know is it is not a start., it is already late. And OP does here the naive one. "Oh I lived with that?" No, it is the last drop. Im sorry OP if I misjudged you...I dont know you after all. But I think it might be a lot easier for you if You just made it clear to yourself. You dont need our or anybodies approval or some kind prove to dump him. Declining interest level/chemistry for whatever reason is enough. And it is the best reason. Or you find yourself pulling some partly innocent, partly not stunts like this only to find an excuse to dump him. And it will only bring out bad blood. Honesty is the way.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I personally wouldn’t have a problem with my partner posing for pictures on myspace, and I wouldn’t care if my partner had a thousand ‘you’re hot’ comments.... I wonder what reasons your SO has (would have) to be attention showered like that. I know tons of beautiful girls who dont have that urge. And when you ask them why they dont put up their pictures on net? They will tell you "Naaah Im not a teenager" etc.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 You dont need a picture to chat with your friends do you? Let cut the bullsh*t here, when you post a picture other than hugging your bf/gf or holding a baby or a puppy or anything really sterile, you hope, just hope you get some positive reaction/attention from opposite sex Ive read a few threads on LS. It goes like this: OP: My bf is jealous over nothing Others: He is an insecure a**hole OP: Oh is it that bad? At least I met this new guy and he is so much more attentive Others: Yeah, dump the first. I just call for a bit honesty and introspection here before one makes THE VICTIM out of themselves. He is possesive jealous a**hole and he freaked out because he feels interest level/respect for him is going down. And it is going down because she wouldnt post it there if she was all over him. What he doesnt know is it is not a start., it is already late. And OP does here the naive one. "Oh I lived with that?" No, it is the last drop. Im sorry OP if I misjudged you...I dont know you after all. But I think it might be a lot easier for you if You just made it clear to yourself. You dont need our or anybodies approval or some kind prove to dump him. Declining interest level/chemistry for whatever reason is enough. And it is the best reason. Or you find yourself pulling some partly innocent, partly not stunts like this only to find an excuse to dump him. And it will only bring out bad blood. Honesty is the way. There is nothing wrong with posting pictures on MySpace. If there's nothing provocative about the picture what is the big deal?? So she shouldn't post pictures with her and her friends either?? You automatically assume that she's posing in a slutty way that suggests she's looking for something. Isn't it possible that her bf is just jealous? Maybe insecure? I've got lots of pictures posted on mine - including a set of photos a friend took. My friend does photography, and does shoots with several people - and they aren't anything slutty - all fully clothed. I thought they turned out beautiful, and I wanted to share them. I also have pictures from vacations, pro basketball games, birthdays, ect ect - I've never had a man tell me to take them down. I had a past boyfriend actually tell me to leave them up - he was proud to have a girlfriend who was as beautiful on the outside as well as the inside.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I wonder what reasons your SO has (would have) to be attention showered like that. I know tons of beautiful girls who dont have that urge. And when you ask them why they dont put up their pictures on net? They will tell you "Naaah Im not a teenager" etc. So what if a not so beautiful person, who lacked confidence, or didn't think they looked good but still wanted to share photos from various things in their life posted their picture? I know many people who don't feel they look good or photograph well who still post pictures.
DanielMadr Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 So what if a not so beautiful person, who lacked confidence, or didn't think they looked good but still wanted to share photos from various things in their life posted their picture? I know many people who don't feel they look good or photograph well who still post pictures. side note: You know the beautiful ones Im talking about just dont lack confidence and it is not only because they are pretty. Actually pretty girls are more prone to be attention-addictive, because they think it is all they have and need constant gratification. It is different person to person. Insecurity is ingrained in all forms of creatures. Internet is new phenomenon. So it is hard to judge but one think is clear: When you post a picture It does sparkle a lot of question in your SOs head. Thats maybe why girls and guys who find their SO tend to delete pictures from their profiles which could be seen as problematic.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I have to agree with you Daniel. You don't need to post up a picture for your friends. For that matter, why does anyone need myspace? Even if your friends are far away, you can always communicate with them via IM, email and heaven forbid, via phone. Long distance is so cheap nowadays and can be free, if both of you are on the same carrier. Posting a pic is a form of attention-getting, particularly if it's on myspace. People cruise myspace to find attractive women to hit on.
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 I have to agree with you Daniel. You don't need to post up a picture for your friends. For that matter, why does anyone need myspace? Even if your friends are far away, you can always communicate with them via IM, email and heaven forbid, via phone. Long distance is so cheap nowadays and can be free, if both of you are on the same carrier. Posting a pic is a form of attention-getting, particularly if it's on myspace. People cruise myspace to find attractive women to hit on. Hah, that's not true. Most of my friends have their profile set to private - in which case no one but your friends can see your profile or pics. I like myspace, it's easy to stay in touch with people. I post bulletins about the baby, I post pictures of vacations I went on, I'm waiting for a friend of mine so I can scan some ultrasound picstures of the baby, pics of special events that not everyone could go to (for distance reasons - like my HS reunion that happened last summer). I have gotten in touch with old friends from middle school and HS - I wouldn't have been able to otherwise, I had no idea where they were, and most have changed their names, and I had no way to get their email. The cool part is that friends can post comments to your pictures, and see what other people have commeted. Same with bulletins - it's like a mini message board just for your friends. So EVERYONE can be in on the convo. I don't ever use IM, I just dislike that form of communication. I also do not text, and I rarely use my cellphone. I just got one last year to stay in touch with SO and my mom. No one else even knows my cell number
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Hah, that's not true. Most of my friends have their profile set to private - in which case no one but your friends can see your profile or pics. I like myspace, it's easy to stay in touch with people. I post bulletins about the baby, I post pictures of vacations I went on, I'm waiting for a friend of mine so I can scan some ultrasound picstures of the baby, pics of special events that not everyone could go to (for distance reasons - like my HS reunion that happened last summer). I have gotten in touch with old friends from middle school and HS - I wouldn't have been able to otherwise, I had no idea where they were, and most have changed their names, and I had no way to get their email. The cool part is that friends can post comments to your pictures, and see what other people have commeted. Same with bulletins - it's like a mini message board just for your friends. So EVERYONE can be in on the convo. I don't ever use IM, I just dislike that form of communication. I also do not text, and I rarely use my cellphone. I just got one last year to stay in touch with SO and my mom. No one else even knows my cell number Are you keeping in touch or attention getting? There are ways to setup groups within email, to do the same thing. It's how I handle mass mailings. As for the private setting, do you also hide your main profile pic? Myspace is a form of posturing, without necessarily having real interaction with people. Look at me and my life. If you want to post a comment, do it. It doesn't mean I have to respond, if I don't feel like it.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 side note: You know the beautiful ones Im talking about just dont lack confidence and it is not only because they are pretty. Actually pretty girls are more prone to be attention-addictive, because they think it is all they have and need constant gratification. It is different person to person. Insecurity is ingrained in all forms of creatures. Internet is new phenomenon. So it is hard to judge but one think is clear: When you post a picture It does sparkle a lot of question in your SOs head. Thats maybe why girls and guys who find their SO tend to delete pictures from their profiles which could be seen as problematic. I don't feel the need to get attention, with or without having a boyfriend. While there are people who do it for attention, that does not mean everyone does. I find this rather judgmental. I have to agree with you Daniel. You don't need to post up a picture for your friends. For that matter, why does anyone need myspace? Even if your friends are far away, you can always communicate with them via IM, email and heaven forbid, via phone. Long distance is so cheap nowadays and can be free, if both of you are on the same carrier. Posting a pic is a form of attention-getting, particularly if it's on myspace. People cruise myspace to find attractive women to hit on. People do use myspace for other things then cruising for attractive women. I've found friends from school, and people I havent' seen in a long time through myspace. A friend I had growing up found me there, and we've rekindled our friendship because of it. I think it's fun to be able to see friends from the past, or friends that are far way.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 People do use myspace for other things then cruising for attractive women. I've found friends from school, and people I havent' seen in a long time through myspace. A friend I had growing up found me there, and we've rekindled our friendship because of it. I think it's fun to be able to see friends from the past, or friends that are far way. Do you communicate with these people outside of myspace?
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Are you keeping in touch or attention getting? There are ways to setup groups within email, to do the same thing. It's how I handle mass mailings. As for the private setting, do you also hide your main profile pic? Myspace is a form of posturing, without necessarily having real interaction with people. Look at me and my life. If you want to post a comment, do it. It doesn't mean I have to respond, if I don't feel like it. You're totally entitled to your opinion, but I think you're wrong. Also, to me - if you've never used it, then how do you know what it's like? Again, you can have your own opinion of it but why so judgemental of the people who do like to use it?? I don't see how posting pictures of vacations that I want to share with all of my friends is attention getting? And I don't have the email addresses of all my friends. Many of them use myspace to communicate to the exclusion of email, so I would have to stop communicating with 50% of my friends. As I said in my previous post, I found many many many old friends on myspace that I had no way of getting in touch with otherwise. If I hadn't been on myspace, I would never have been able to get in touch with them. And my main profile picture is me looking down at my SO from a second story window. My head is a tiny little bump. Sometimes I use pictures that are my SO and I together, or alternately I will use a picture much like my avatars on LS.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Are you keeping in touch or attention getting? There are ways to setup groups within email, to do the same thing. It's how I handle mass mailings. As for the private setting, do you also hide your main profile pic? Myspace is a form of posturing, without necessarily having real interaction with people. Look at me and my life. If you want to post a comment, do it. It doesn't mean I have to respond, if I don't feel like it. I have a friend who was living close by, but moved across the country. She was pregnant and had her baby after she moved. I love being able to see all the pictures of her son growing up! Myspace makes it so all of her friends back here can do that - with out sending out mass emails. It's about how someone uses myspace. Not everyone uses it for the same reasons - so that doesn't mean OP, Blind_Otter, or myself for that matter use it for attention.
blind_otter Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Myspace is a form of posturing, without necessarily having real interaction with people. Look at me and my life. If you want to post a comment, do it. It doesn't mean I have to respond, if I don't feel like it. I completely disagree with this assessment. When I use myspace, it's ALL about interaction. I comment back and forth on friend's pages. We send messages and talk about things. Some of my friends keep a blog, so (as I said before, hahahahahaha) it's like a message board - exclusively for your friends. EVERYONE can be in on the conversation, simultaneously.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 You're totally entitled to your opinion, but I think you're wrong. Also, to me - if you've never used it, then how do you know what it's like? Again, you can have your own opinion of it but why so judgemental of the people who do like to use it?? I don't see how posting pictures of vacations that I want to share with all of my friends is attention getting? And I don't have the email addresses of all my friends. Many of them use myspace to communicate to the exclusion of email, so I would have to stop communicating with 50% of my friends. As I said in my previous post, I found many many many old friends on myspace that I had no way of getting in touch with otherwise. If I hadn't been on myspace, I would never have been able to get in touch with them. And my main profile picture is me looking down at my SO from a second story window. My head is a tiny little bump. Sometimes I use pictures that are my SO and I together, or alternately I will use a picture much like my avatars on LS. This is true, as most of my friends use myspace for communication over email as well. I don't see what the big deal is of using a community network to stay in touch with people. And so what if some people meet another person from it? It's free - opposed to dating sites. I met the man I'm dating off of there, and he's been nothing but great to be around.
dreamergrl Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 Do you communicate with these people outside of myspace? Most of them, some live in other states. I like networking with people who share similar interests as well.
Trialbyfire Posted March 7, 2008 Posted March 7, 2008 You're totally entitled to your opinion, but I think you're wrong. Also, to me - if you've never used it, then how do you know what it's like? Again, you can have your own opinion of it but why so judgemental of the people who do like to use it?? I don't see how posting pictures of vacations that I want to share with all of my friends is attention getting? And I don't have the email addresses of all my friends. Many of them use myspace to communicate to the exclusion of email, so I would have to stop communicating with 50% of my friends. As I said in my previous post, I found many many many old friends on myspace that I had no way of getting in touch with otherwise. If I hadn't been on myspace, I would never have been able to get in touch with them. And my main profile picture is me looking down at my SO from a second story window. My head is a tiny little bump. Sometimes I use pictures that are my SO and I together, or alternately I will use a picture much like my avatars on LS. I have used myspace due to some friends, and know its capabilities very well. I've since killed the account. I'm as entitled to my opinion as you are. If they're negative opinions v. your positive opinions, it's both our right. I find myspace the perfect place for cheaters and attention-getters. That is my opinion.
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