. Coping with finding of a cheat..again.

[tears_89]

Hi everyone, well my bf cheated back in dec swore it was a mistake bla bla so gave him another ahnce.

 

Anyway it wasn't going that steady texts popping up from the 'other woman' etc and well we were just starting to sort it..or so i thought.

 

 

Was speaking to 2 friends tonight who confessed they saw him in a club dancing with a girl, then kissing her who they described as her! Theyve never seen her before then so couldn't make it up.

 

Hes totally denying it, swearing it wasn't him etc, but I know him and her were both in the said club, and funnily enough he got a text the next night saying she needed to talk to him! Ane the two people know him well enough..

 

Im done with him, I confronted him and hes just saying I didn't over and over calmly, if i was being accused of this and was innocent Id be adament I hadn't and desperate to prove my innocence. So i gave him a black eye. knew I shouldn't have but I was so angry and after all he put me through, all we talked about, tried to resolve, all the times hes text me, said he loved me etc, and now this.

 

Id just like to know how to cope with this from now on. How to stop being so upset I cant function, how to stop myself giving into him, how to stop forgetting how awful he is. How to stay calm around people talking bout him.

 

Please I need as much help as poss

 

Thanks x

Edited March 6, 2008 by tears_89

[xpaperxcutx]

A black eye is what he deserves. But maybe a castration would be even better. Nothing's going to stop him from cheating until the latter happens. And it's not gonna happen, so I'm glad to hear you broke it off. It's nothing to get upset about, you're just ridding yourself of something that's keeping you from moving forward. The best thing to go about healing? Delete his number, burn his pictures and break off all contact. Should he come crawling to beg you back, don't fall for him. He's just a wolf in a sheep's clothing. The only thing you need to remember is that the only reason he wants you back is not because he loves you, but because he always knows he has a go-to girl on the side should his conquests with other girls fell. So don't be that option. Slam the door on him and find yourself a better man.

[Cobra_X30]

Im done with him, I confronted him and hes just saying I didn't over and over calmly, if i was being accused of this and was innocent Id be adament I hadn't and desperate to prove my innocence. So i gave him a black eye. knew I shouldn't have but I was so angry and after all he put me through, all we talked about, tried to resolve, all the times hes text me, said he loved me etc, and now this.

Id just like to know how to cope with this from now on. How to stop being so upset I cant function, how to stop myself giving into him, how to stop forgetting how awful he is. How to stay calm around people talking bout him.

Please I need as much help as poss

Thanks x

 

Ever hear that song by Shaggy "Wasnt Me"?

 

Yeah... I'm sorry you have to go through this. I hope you know that most of us guys are not like that. We are not all desperate attention seekers. When we find a good woman we treat them like gold.

 

You deserve better. I know your hurt and angry. Moving on is the best revenge you could ever... ever take.

 

If I do the math... you are 19? Don't rush things... you don't need a man anyway. Some day you will meet a guy who will make your world spin in a good way. Until then, leave the bad ones in the dust where they belong!

 

Just remember, Your The Catch, Not Him! Believe It!

[D-Lish]

Somehow we seem to condone a black eye when it's a female punching a male.... But I make no judgements because when I found out my now exH had gotten another women pregnant- well, I pelted him with pots and pans and stilleto's (one pow to the forehead) and proceeded to lock him in the basement for the day. SO.... I know where that is coming from- the momentary pain caused rage that causes one to lose their judgement. He'll it's a defence in a murder case- so..... Black eye.... lol.

 

Anyhow- how do you get over this?

You walk away from him and leave him in the dust. It's clear that he doesn't respect you enough to remain faithful to you. He's broken your trust and your heart. It's your turn to take the reigns and show him that he may not respect you ~ but you respect yourself.

 

The only way you can show him that is by stepping out of his life permanently. It's easier said than done, I know that. People sit on the other other end of a computer screen and give you advice when they aren't in your shoes.

 

I'd be looking to outside support on this to get you through it.

Your friends, family, parents, etc.... should be the people you turn to right now.

 

He doesn't deserve you. I am sure if you walk away he will come back with more empty promises~ but at what point do you say enough is enough? Do it now while you are angry. Don't listen to his excuses, don't take his phone calls, tell him it's over and be gone.

 

As hard as it is- there is no use in prolonging this. If you get back with him you are sending the message that he can get away with cheating and win you back with a little denial and charm. Send him (and yourself) a clear message that you are worth more than that. He will continue to cheat and decieve you if you stay with him. I promise you that.

 

I know how upsetting it can be.

You're confused and hurt and enraged...as you should be after such betrayal.

 

You're young and you have a long life ahead of you- also a long line of boys waiting to meet you. Not all men engage in this kind of behaviour- you owe it to yourself to meet someone who will treat you with the respect you deserve.

 

I am sorry you are in pain over this.

What an *ss.

[NuTuDating]

He cheated. Deserves worse than a black eye. Make yourself feel better - dump him and date other people. You'll find someone who doesn't cheat. There are lots of guys who aren't lying sacks of crap. It will hurt at first, but in six months you'll be happier. Promise.

[MimiMe]

Coming from someone that was cheated on by her stbxH...

Run while you can!!! It doesn't get any better and he will continue to do it as long as he gets away with it!!!

 

It takes a real mature person to realize that they truly just made a "mistake" (which we all make) and not let it repeat itself. My stbxH, got away with it for almost 4 yrs. Everytime he got caught (with the same person) he justified it or just cried his lungs out for me to forgive him and take him back. Me, like an idiot will believe him and wasted all that time in such a "dark place". It was torture to live in that perdicament. Not knowing if he was saying the truth or not. Anyhow, he is now incarcerated and 6 months into his bid, he decided to kick me to the curb and go after the "Sparks" and "lil hearts flying" that he says he feels for that whore. (sorry, no pun intended to al the "OW" out there). So to that I say... BETTER HER THAN ME! and like Carrie Underwoods says... "Next time he cheats, it wont be on me".

You should sent him to take a hike and let someone else deal with his nonsense. Most likely he will do it to the chick he was smooching with, the next time he goes out to the club.

 

Ask youself: Will I be able to sleep fine next time he's out with the "boys"?

 

Bounce babygirl!

[MimiMe]

He cheated. Deserves worse than a black eye. Make yourself feel better - dump him and date other people. You'll find someone who doesn't cheat. There are lots of guys who aren't lying sacks of crap. It will hurt at first, but in six months you'll be happier. Promise.

 

 

Ditto! and a black eye hurts less than trashing his whip. If he has a ride... a nice lil carving wont hurt!