eeyore1980 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 That is one thing I have also tried to remind myself (after trapping myself into thinking about becoming the OW) if i weren't around...he would be with her...if it wasn't me engaging in this affair with him...it would be someone else! This is so true. I joined this as a BS, and I have never cheated on my husband, but I have had chances to. I used to work at this place with this guy. I'm a good listener, and guy had been complaining about his wife for some time. At some point, I realized he was deliberately seeking me out, showing up in the breakroom for little one on ones when I used to be in there by myself, dropping little suggestive comments, etc. At this time, my M wasn't great, H was being his usual selfish neglectful self, and after reading so many posts justifying cheating, I see now I 'had every right' to step out on my marriage. (Sarcasm.) But I didn't. As soon as I saw where MM was trying to take this, I stepped out of it. I started talking about H, and my kids, etc., to convey NOT INTERESTED, and I started taking my breaks with other people, so I couldn't be ambushed. Eventually he turned his attention elsewhere, and actually hooked this poor friend of mine. What she couldn't/wouldn't see, but was crystal clear to me, was he was just looking for an out. They started seeing each other, W found out, MM got divorced, then dumped my friend for a newer, shinier version. Yeah, he also kept my friend strung along until he was sure he had new girl all lined up and ready. Pretty sorry, IMO. MM wanted out of his marriage, and used someone as a gateway so he didn't have to be alone. She is now heartbroken, W is heartbroken, kids are heartbroken...but MM comes out smelling like a rose. Being pretty much an outside observer, I see W as being duped and victimized, OW (my friend) as at best a fool, and MM is a piece of scum. The sad thing is I think W and OW would both take him back in a heartbeat if he was willing. It's sad to me that so many women out there are willing to be treated this way. I can't stand the OW in my situation, but I also feel sorry for her in some respects. Like she thought she could take H away from me, oh, please. I have been trying to get rid of him for the last 2 months, and he won't go. As far as I am concerned, they can have each other, I don't need this crap in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 (edited) This is like a scret society of cheaters, mistresses and abused wives... Why didn't I find this place sooner??? Like 3yrs ago sooner, when I was crying in a dark room and felt that the whole entire house had collpased on top of me sooner?!??! Sorry guys... I just had a moment! I guess each situation is different, since "each head is a different world". Statistically, affairs end in dissaster! Even if you do end up with the MM, and have the "Fairy Tale" ending. Can you really base your happiness on someone else's misery??? Can you live with your conscience?? Can you really ever trust you now "BF/GF", knowing that they have a history of being unfaithful? I have heard plenty of chicks who have been in the OW situation say- "He Knows better than not to do it to me", after they are in a serious relationship with the MM. In most cases, he does it to her too! (speaking from what I've seen). Edited March 7, 2008 by MimiMe Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 This is so true. I joined this as a BS, and I have never cheated on my husband, but I have had chances to. I used to work at this place with this guy. I'm a good listener, and guy had been complaining about his wife for some time. At some point, I realized he was deliberately seeking me out, showing up in the breakroom for little one on ones when I used to be in there by myself, dropping little suggestive comments, etc. At this time, my M wasn't great, H was being his usual selfish neglectful self, and after reading so many posts justifying cheating, I see now I 'had every right' to step out on my marriage. (Sarcasm.) But I didn't. As soon as I saw where MM was trying to take this, I stepped out of it. I started talking about H, and my kids, etc., to convey NOT INTERESTED, and I started taking my breaks with other people, so I couldn't be ambushed. Eventually he turned his attention elsewhere, and actually hooked this poor friend of mine. What she couldn't/wouldn't see, but was crystal clear to me, was he was just looking for an out. They started seeing each other, W found out, MM got divorced, then dumped my friend for a newer, shinier version. Yeah, he also kept my friend strung along until he was sure he had new girl all lined up and ready. Pretty sorry, IMO. MM wanted out of his marriage, and used someone as a gateway so he didn't have to be alone. She is now heartbroken, W is heartbroken, kids are heartbroken...but MM comes out smelling like a rose. Being pretty much an outside observer, I see W as being duped and victimized, OW (my friend) as at best a fool, and MM is a piece of scum. The sad thing is I think W and OW would both take him back in a heartbeat if he was willing. It's sad to me that so many women out there are willing to be treated this way. I can't stand the OW in my situation, but I also feel sorry for her in some respects. Like she thought she could take H away from me, oh, please. I have been trying to get rid of him for the last 2 months, and he won't go. As far as I am concerned, they can have each other, I don't need this crap in my life. I commend you for being strong and fighting temptation! Evil is around us 24/7!!! See the trouble you saved yourself!? Your poor friend was just weak in spirit to not see the obvious. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I thought nixson is Lyssa's (former) MM (now BF)? Maybe I read something wrong somewhere along the way. I don't understand your hang-up on pointing out the spelling/ grammatical errors/ typos of posters whose opinions you don't like. In my opinion doing something like that all the time is pretty immature and petty. As (well-behaved) adults there are some things we just have to let slide out of politeness. I'm sure your posts aren't always perfectly written but I'm too busy reading the content of them to notice and I'm too mature to waste time pointing out mistakes -- I have better things to discuss. John Who is actually here to give us his opinion, and if you don't like it, that's fine, say something constructive and useful. But I don't think he (or anyone) deserves to be picked on for spelling errors. We don't even know the first language of a lot of posters on here, let alone their education level... how rude of you to pick on them for not spelling something correctly. That just shows you are trying to throw everything at him including the kitchen sink because you have something against his opinion. That is really, really telling to me. Word! I just got here and agree with you. OWOMAN- Lighten up Baby! Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1980 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 I commend you for being strong and fighting temptation! Evil is around us 24/7!!! See the trouble you saved yourself!? Your poor friend was just weak in spirit to not see the obvious. LMAO!!! Don't give me too much credit, there was no temptation. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 LMAO!!! Don't give me too much credit, there was no temptation. Well you know... He was probably not your type (if that's what temptation may mean to you- lol!) but you walked away from it by choice. Link to post Share on other sites
eeyore1980 Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Well you know... He was probably not your type (if that's what temptation may mean to you- lol!) but you walked away from it by choice. Well, I'm just going to come right out and say it. There was no temptation because I was married. That's it. For me, and I seem like a rare breed reading some of the stories in here, an affair wasn't an option. If I were single, it still wouldn't have happened, because he wasn't. There was no angst, no doubts, nothing, and this isn't the only time by far something like this has come up for me in my life. Once, years ago, I was drawn to a man. I didn't realize it at first. H was treating me pretty shabbily, I was going through the worst crisis of my life, pretty much alone, and I was so lonely. This guy was nice, he was cute, he acted like he cared about me. He would ask how my day was, ask after my kids, etc. A few weeks, and I realized what was going on, and I immediately shut it down. Nothing inappropriate happened, but I realized I was on the brink of having feelings. I didn't pursue it, I didn't rationalize, I stopped cold. It would have been wrong, no matter how H was treating me. So many people in here act like this is rocket science, but it isn't. Link to post Share on other sites
MimiMe Posted March 7, 2008 Share Posted March 7, 2008 Eey... I agree with you. If only more people had the same mentality like yours (there wouldn't be so much traffic on this site. LOL!). Cheaters and those who facilitate it, destory the lives of people that perhaps have offered the best of them and not to mention what it does for kids. All it takes is a load of morality and values. Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Obviously im not meaning all men in general like i said most MM,that is how MM see OW. If you are M have have never had a EA or PA on your wife then obviously this doesnt apply to you. Now just because i say this about ow does not mean i don't respect woman. I respect respectful women,now i know alot of you will say where was the respect for your wife. My answer to that is i was being a sh-t face selfesh bast-rd Actually, I was married. It was a marriage I wanted to leave for so long. I have even mentioned the D word to my ex-wife twice before it actually happened and very well before I met my girlfriend. Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Nixson was an MM who had an A. He was challenging your view of "how MM see OW" as he himself was one and didn't view OW the way you do. He left his W for his OW and is still happily with her. And loves and respects her. Something that you've illustrated SOME MM are incapable of. You've got that right! Link to post Share on other sites
Nixson Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 I thought nixson is Lyssa's (former) MM (now BF)? Maybe I read something wrong somewhere along the way. Nadia, I was formerly married now turned Boyfriend. You remember! No, you didn't read something wrong. Link to post Share on other sites
John Who Posted March 8, 2008 Share Posted March 8, 2008 Like i said neddle in a haystack Link to post Share on other sites
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