Gunny376 Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 Will they life to regret it? Perhaps? But probally not? People that cheat? Be they men or women? They're selfish, self-centered, its all about "Me, me, me!" They're very insecure people and they're in need of constant reinforcement? Because they're insecure? They're weak-minded individuals, which is why they got with people such as ourselves to begin with? Thing is? We were the stronger minded ones, the more disciplined ones ~ which is why their parasitic ass sought us out in the first place?
lovelorcet Posted March 26, 2008 Posted March 26, 2008 This sounds a bit like an "oh sh$t he might be moving on..." reaction. I think women really hate this, they want to leave us and then know that we are sitting somewhere suffering. This makes her really insecure and most likely for many reasons. Number one in your situation is that if you start to move on then she may loser her financial sugar daddy. Don't under estimate that one... And of course she will have other real emotions of finally losing you BUT this does NOT mean that she actually wants you back. Do you get what I am saying? Try not to analyze her behavior too much because you will be trying to look for some kind of "signs" or trying to figure her out. Just try to accept that she is acting like a lunatic and just let it go. Your goal is indifference, that will bring you the most safety.
Author john30 Posted March 26, 2008 Author Posted March 26, 2008 This sounds a bit like an "oh sh$t he might be moving on..." reaction. I think women really hate this, they want to leave us and then know that we are sitting somewhere suffering. This makes her really insecure and most likely for many reasons. Number one in your situation is that if you start to move on then she may loser her financial sugar daddy. Don't under estimate that one... And of course she will have other real emotions of finally losing you BUT this does NOT mean that she actually wants you back. Do you get what I am saying? Try not to analyze her behavior too much because you will be trying to look for some kind of "signs" or trying to figure her out. Just try to accept that she is acting like a lunatic and just let it go. Your goal is indifference, that will bring you the most safety. Yeah, I get what your saying. I won't be spending too much time worrying about her actions, or reading anything into them. I read your story, very similar to mine in many ways. Glad to see that you got through it, sometimes it's tough as hell, been the worst 6 weeks of my life, but it's getting better slowly. John.
Author john30 Posted August 8, 2008 Author Posted August 8, 2008 Hi everyone, Not been on here for a while, thought I would let you know whats happening. Well, started coming through the fog now and feeling much better, although I still have my off days, but it's only been 6 months so it's to be expected I suppose. Got divorce papers through my door a few weeks ago, not signed them yet, wife keeps texting me asking if I've sent them back. My son hasn't been for about 8 weeks despite attempts by me to get him to come visit me, wife text about a week ago saying he wants to come down but still no sign of him coming. Oh well, I'm sure things will work out just fine in the end, got through the worst of it I think, just gotta keep going now. John.
cyabye Posted August 8, 2008 Posted August 8, 2008 I mentioned over us paying half each to our outstanding debts and she went off her head at me saying how do I expect her to pay when shes had to move out and pay for another house. I said I'd pay it all just to calm her down, so I have payed everything since she left, she asked me for money because she was broke and I gave it her. I also let her have all the money out of our bank account so she could rent a house. The point i'm trying to make is, I am being more than fair with her but she doesnt even seem to have any respect for me whatsoever. If you keep being a DOORMAT, she will keep walking all over you. Let her handle all her own finances. Too bad, too sad if she's broke. Remember you didn't give up on your marriage, SHE DID. Now take some of that money that you are throwing into that bottomless emotional pit of yours and seek LEGAL advice for a DIVORCE. It is the only thing you can do at this stage. Sorry for your loss. Good luck to you. C'YA BYE! Sorry, just saw your updated post. Keep moving forward.
glynnroy Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Thanks for all your replies, I am getting some great advice off you guys and its really helping me. I know my story is the same as a thousand others but it helps to post on here and see what other people think of it all. I have since spoke to my wife and I finally managed to get her to talk to me calmly. She said she wasnt coming back and that her feelings have changed. I asked calmly was there anyone else and she said no. She told me that her and my stepson were moving to spain in 12 months time when he leaves school (Me and him are very close, I have brought him up since he was 5 years old and he is nearly 15 now). She also told me that she is a lot happier and doesnt drink that much anymore(She has drunk very heavily in recent months). Its like shes trying to prove shes better off without me, or trying to rub salt in my wounds. At the end of the conversation, I mentioned that a friend of ours had stopped me and said he knows that we have split up. I asked how he knew and she started to get annoyed again and said that I better not have been bad mouthing her to people. I remained calm and left. I still wasnt happy with what she told me so I decided I needed to try and get some answers of my own before I go mad. She has had an account on Facebook for a while but she has kept the password from me. I know this was wrong but I hacked into her facebook account and found a very explicit conversation between her and another man which even mentioned that they have already slept together. I rang her and asked her who he was, she was very shocked that I even knew his name and she didnt know what to say. In the end she asked how Id got into her account and I didnt answer, I just totally lost my temper and gave her a right mouthfull. She started shouting back so I hung up, couldn't listen to anymore BS. About 2 hours later she rang me and I didnt answer it. Then she sent me a text message saying its over. I replied with Too f**kin right. She rang me 2 more times after that and I still didnt answer it. She then sent me a message saying grow up. I have to say that you guys are right, she is seeing someone else and wants to treat me like a piece of S**t on top of that. Maybe what Ive done is wrong but I dont care anymore, I needed to know what all this was about and now Ive found out. Its not nice and it hurts like hell but at least I know and now Im going to have to get a lot tougher with her. I now accept the fact that its over between us. The last 3 or 4 months have been hell for me, like being on an emotional rollercoaster. All I can do now is grit my teeth and keep going, thanks again everyone for your help. John. Dude how on earth did you get the face book info i would love to know .My ex has one and i feel there is something she is not telling me i feel it
glynnroy Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Thanks for all your replies, I am getting some great advice off you guys and its really helping me. I know my story is the same as a thousand others but it helps to post on here and see what other people think of it all. I have since spoke to my wife and I finally managed to get her to talk to me calmly. She said she wasnt coming back and that her feelings have changed. I asked calmly was there anyone else and she said no. She told me that her and my stepson were moving to spain in 12 months time when he leaves school (Me and him are very close, I have brought him up since he was 5 years old and he is nearly 15 now). She also told me that she is a lot happier and doesnt drink that much anymore(She has drunk very heavily in recent months). Its like shes trying to prove shes better off without me, or trying to rub salt in my wounds. At the end of the conversation, I mentioned that a friend of ours had stopped me and said he knows that we have split up. I asked how he knew and she started to get annoyed again and said that I better not have been bad mouthing her to people. I remained calm and left. I still wasnt happy with what she told me so I decided I needed to try and get some answers of my own before I go mad. She has had an account on Facebook for a while but she has kept the password from me. I know this was wrong but I hacked into her facebook account and found a very explicit conversation between her and another man which even mentioned that they have already slept together. I rang her and asked her who he was, she was very shocked that I even knew his name and she didnt know what to say. In the end she asked how Id got into her account and I didnt answer, I just totally lost my temper and gave her a right mouthfull. She started shouting back so I hung up, couldn't listen to anymore BS. About 2 hours later she rang me and I didnt answer it. Then she sent me a text message saying its over. I replied with Too f**kin right. She rang me 2 more times after that and I still didnt answer it. She then sent me a message saying grow up. I have to say that you guys are right, she is seeing someone else and wants to treat me like a piece of S**t on top of that. Maybe what Ive done is wrong but I dont care anymore, I needed to know what all this was about and now Ive found out. Its not nice and it hurts like hell but at least I know and now Im going to have to get a lot tougher with her. I now accept the fact that its over between us. The last 3 or 4 months have been hell for me, like being on an emotional rollercoaster. All I can do now is grit my teeth and keep going, thanks again everyone for your help. John. Dude how on earth did you get the face book info i would love to know .My ex has one and i feel there is something she is not telling me i feel it
the2gman Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Glad to see you are doing much better today. I am still fresh and wounded....I want to be where you are today....and further....thanks for sharing your story.
Author john30 Posted August 9, 2008 Author Posted August 9, 2008 Glad to see you are doing much better today. I am still fresh and wounded....I want to be where you are today....and further....thanks for sharing your story. When she left, I thought I would never get through it. I know exactly how you feel but all I can say is that it DOES get better. Just get through one day at a time, nothing more. Good luck.
the2gman Posted August 9, 2008 Posted August 9, 2008 Thanks again John. It certainly is one day at a time. Next month would have been 20 years for us! It is hard. How dare her just up and leave. How blind was I to not see the signs of how she said she has been feeling for 7 years! Its painful. I want to hold on. Fearful of not having her. Our family. But she has rejected me. This feels very final to me. She is distant and cold. Most likely someone else. But I ask and she says NO! If she was and wanted me to pull away all she would have to tell me is that there is someone else. She knows this. Oh well. Going to a new church today. UM not very religious but I need to be in a different environment. I've been trying to take differnt ways to work. Trying to change my patterns. Its hurts but I do sense a small change in. I am becoming indifferent to her a bit. Angry I guess. But in a non destructive way. Thakna again for sharing your story. More of me and my wifes story is here in a posting I put if your interested. I just don't know how to link it here since I'm on my cell. Thanks again. One day at a time!
Author john30 Posted August 10, 2008 Author Posted August 10, 2008 20 Years, thats a long time gman. It's good if your reaching the anger stage, it shows signs of moving forward a little. It took me a long time before I started feeling angry, and up until that point, I got well and truly walked on by my W. The odd thing is, as soon as I started defending myself and telling her where to go, she started showing me respect. One thing I did do from quite early on, was never to contact her first, if she called me then I would answer and deal with the situation. You see, while I was weak and dancing to her tune it got me know where, so I've learned to completley turn the situation around, difficult I know. I also learned that nothing that I could ever do or say was going to make her change her mind, so I quickly gave up on that as well, no sense flogging a dead horse is there? In the beggining, I thought I was to blame and spent countless hours trying to work out what I'd done to ruin our marriage, fact is, there's no point even thinking about it because it all comes down to one simple fact, if she loved me and wanted to be with me, THEN SHE WOULD BE! Just let your wife get on with it gman, and you get on with your own life, think about yourself. You can't change what you can't change. Good luck. John.
Recommended Posts