ConfusedGirl004 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Just a pet peeve of mine....I am on an online dating site and was Instant Messged by a handsome guy. I look at his profile and he has several pics of him with different girls. So naturally, I ask if any of those girls are his girlfriend....he says Oh no, they are just friends....So I then asked why on earth he would include pics of himself with other women on a SINGLES dating site? He reacted angrily...obviously this is a turn off to me...Are men so insecure that they need to act that women fall at their feet...even when they are trying to get a date on an internet site?...lol Just bizarre to me....anyone else thinks this is weird? OH, and then there are the guys that crop the girl out of their pic..but there was clearly women in the original...some sort of statement?? Or am I just a picky biatch...
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 OMG... That annoys me to no end. Guys have no clue that when they post a picture of themselves with their arms draped around chicks that it's a HUGE turn off to women. It's almost like them saying: Hey- look- you'll have lots of girls to compete with. They don't get it. SOme guy messaged me over and over and kept asking why I wouldn't talk to him. "BECAUSE YOU HAVE YOUR ARMS DRAPED AROUND STRIPPERS IN YOUR PICTURE GUY!" lol.
SeraBella Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 No, I feel the same way. When I was on dating sites I was instantly turned off by that. Come on, you have to have at least ONE picture to put on there without a female in it. And the tips they give on how to create a good profile even say not to put pics like that up!
loveratud Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 It let's women know that you're desirable and your attention is a commodity. As a veteran hot or noter, I can say you do much better when you have pictures of yourself with other women. When I tried going with just me, it was, "If you're so cool howcome you're not surrounded by hot girls?" Jealousy, desire, competition, superiority, all feelings that women feel when they see a guy with other girls. Easily used to your advantage. YMMV.
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Not for this girl it doesn't work. I see it and I delete the message immediately. What it says to me is: I am insecure, and therefore I need to SHOW everyone how desireable I am. Yeah- just my way of thinking- as a woman- It's a huge turn off.
Author ConfusedGirl004 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 It let's women know that you're desirable and your attention is a commodity. As a veteran hot or noter, I can say you do much better when you have pictures of yourself with other women. When I tried going with just me, it was, "If you're so cool howcome you're not surrounded by hot girls?" Jealousy, desire, competition, superiority, all feelings that women feel when they see a guy with other girls. Easily used to your advantage. YMMV. I think you're projecting...because I know it is a HUGE turnoff to me...and if anything, it shows the man has insecurities. It has nothing to do with jealousy being you we're all clearly strangers on these sites, at least initially.
SeraBella Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I'd hate to start off a relationship based off of jealousy. And I don't think a man I know nothing about (except for what he has posted in his profile) is worth competing for. I suppose it depends on what you are looking for to determine if it "works".
shadowofman Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 It wouldn't bother me a bit to see a girl with a bunch of guys on her profile. I would especially like to see pics of her hanging out with other girls. I'm tired of women that can't get along with other girls.
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 It wouldn't bother me a bit to see a girl with a bunch of guys on her profile. I would especially like to see pics of her hanging out with other girls. I'm tired of women that can't get along with other girls. I don't post group photo's because my friends would kill me.... but all my gf's that are on the same dating sites are on my fav's lists.
xaneurysmx Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Some people put the dumbest pictures up! On myspace, I always wonder about the people who make their default pic one where they've clearly cropped their friends out of the picture. Why would you do that? I mean, really, is that the ONLY photograph you think you look good in, because you really look silly!
D-Lish Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I'd hate to start off a relationship based off of jealousy. And I don't think a man I know nothing about (except for what he has posted in his profile) is worth competing for. I suppose it depends on what you are looking for to determine if it "works". I think that is where men and women think differently when it comes to posting a dating profile... I won't even read a profile when I see a guy with his arms around a bunch of random girls- or girls that look like strippers (which is common on the dating sites).... The first thing that comes to mind isn't that he looks like the kind of guy I want to get to know.... lol. Yeah SB, I think you're right when you say it immediately screams "you have to compete for me"... I couldn't actually put my finger on what my subconscious turn off is everytime I see it- but I think that's a pretty good summation. I also look at them as "trying way too hard"....
shadowofman Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Yeah, I just don't understand that mentality. I don't really view potential lovers as prizes that need to be achieved, but I guess that is just because I'm not the possessive type.
NuTuDating Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 You're not picky and it's not just dumb guys that do this. Girls do this, too. Half the profiles I see have the woman hanging off of some other guy. I will NOT e-mail a girl who posts a picture of them hanging onto some other guy if they're not disclosing that it's a brother.
SeraBella Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Honestly, I don't see why you need to post pictures with anyone other than yourself on your profile. If you want to share more pictures to show how "fun" you are or whatever, you can do that once you've started contacting each other. I don't see the need for a million pictures on the profile. Just a few...RECENT pictures gets the job done. Ever notice people with like 10 different pictures, and none of them look alike? Leaves you wondering WTF? I don't need to see what you looked like when you were 10 years younger to know if I want to date you now. Don't post your friends and family, they aren't looking to be picked up from your profile, and if you'd ask I'd bet most (not all but most) would probably not want you putting them on there. Don't post your children. Don't post your nieces or nephews. Don't post your friend's children. Don't post your pets. Don't post some random people you met at the bar last week. Don't post your ex. Don't post the strippers from your friend's bachelor(ette) party. Don't post the strippers from YOUR bachelor(ette) party. I'm talking just dating sites...not social networking sites. Social networking sites are a lot different. Personally, I only use those to stay in touch with friends and have reconnected with old friends, but I do know a lot of people use them for dating. If you want people to see your children, family, pets, friends etc. because they are cute and you want to show how important they are to you, share it LATER...once you've started talking you use it to find more about each other. Heaven knows there plenty of people on those sites who cannot maintain a conversation past "Hi, how are you?"
LOVE DAISIES Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 Guys with a pic of friends are no big deal to me.... I kind of LIKE a pic of a guy playing with his dog or something.I think that's kind of sweet. I don't even mind a pic of a guy with his kids...it tells me a lot about his priorities.....but I agree..a guy with pics of him and other women is kind of cheesy. Even a turn off. I understand the guy WANTS to seem like he's in "demand"..but seriously, women are competitive enough.We don't need the added burden from the get go to "win you over". We will likely learn in due time whether you are worth fighting for or NOT. So save the pics for a later time!!
electric_sheep Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 There are several possible explanations: 1) Possibly they don't have that many good pictures of themselves (alone). 2) They are very social people, and their friends are really important to them. 3) They feel like losers for being on a dating site, so they want to post pictures of themselves with real/live friends to counterbalance this loser aspect. 4) They are not very intuitive, and clueless about the effect these pictures may have on some people. 5) They have read too many dating advice/psychology books, and think that this will make them MORE desirable (as one commenter said). Perhaps true, to a certain type of girl. I'm not convinced it is always intentional, and I bet #4 is the reason more than you would think (surprisingly). Even if nothing is meant by it, dating such a clueless individual would present it's own challenge. BTW, girls do this all the time too, and I pretty much have the same reaction. I'm not a terribly social person either, so the prospect of having to hang out with my new social butterfly girlfriend, chit-chatting about inane topics with all her smiling friends sort of puts me off tremendously.
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