Aubrey24 Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Hi. I've been seeing this guy since the beginning of January. We had known each other for a few years as friends that saw each other once every few months. We were probably more acquaintances than friends. Anyway, he had a girlfriend who he had been dating for a while and broke up with her about one year ago. I had been dating someone for a while and broke up with him a few months before January. In January, we went out one night and ended up kissing. Ever since then, we've been hanging out as more than friends with neither of us pushing for a definition. He understands that even though I've officially broken up with my ex, that it's a complicated situation since we dated for a number of years. I think he especially understands this since he only recently stopped speaking with his ex. My problem is I can't figure out what he wants. When we're together, everything is great. He says things like he can't believe that I'm with him because he thinks I can have whatever guy I want. One night he even told me that he was just happy that he was with me. The other night he asked me what I wanted from him, and I said that I hadn't decided yet, but that I knew that I liked him. I guess I looked away when I said the "I like you" part, because he replied "I like you too and I can look at you when I say it, too." (He initiated this whole conversation, by the way.) That's the good part; here's the confusing part. It feels like I'm the one always calling him and asking him to do things. Whenever I call, he answers and is eager to get together, but I feel like I'm always the one initiating it. Also, I feel like he never touches me unless he's drunk, to the point where we will go out to lunch together and he won't even hug or kiss me hello or goodbye. I'm assuming that these are dates because he treats them like they are by opening the car door for me and insisting on paying. He'll let whole weekends go by without so much as a phone call to say hi. We're both extremely busy, so the weekends are the main time when we would see each other and he knows this. I would say he's playing me, except that he's a nice guy and has even asked me to slow down before, saying that he wants to get to know each other better before we do anything. So our relationship has been stalled at kissing for this whole time, a major frustration for me. He says that it's because he's concerned that he may be leaving for work in July because he said and he didn't want to start something and then be like "Well that was fun... see ya later". It's a strong possibility that he'll have to move, but my take on it was to deal with that when, and if, we got there. Any insight? Should I just let this one go?
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Hon you can't let him go if you've never had him to begin with. Do you want to be with him? Do you want to be in a relationship with him? His actions says he's frustrated with the hot and cold attitude you're giving him, all these mixed signals about wanting, yet not ready.... I dk..... If you don't want to string him along anymore, then just be direct and tell him you can't be more than friends. You have to be direct in such cases. Now unless you really want to be with him, have a talk with him on how he feels on being in another relationship at this time especially with you.
Author Aubrey24 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Hon you can't let him go if you've never had him to begin with. Now unless you really want to be with him, have a talk with him on how he feels on being in another relationship at this time especially with you. Perhaps let him go was a bad term. I guess I meant more just give up on this guy. I actually do want to be with him and would like this to progress into a relationship. I don't think I've been playing hot and cold. I've always call him back; I usually answer. If he invites me to do something, I'm there. I just feel like it's always me asking him to do things. Despite what he says, I just don't get the feeling that he likes me. His actions and words aren't giving me the same signals.
xpaperxcutx Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Perhaps let him go was a bad term. I guess I meant more just give up on this guy. I actually do want to be with him and would like this to progress into a relationship. I don't think I've been playing hot and cold. I've always call him back; I usually answer. If he invites me to do something, I'm there. I just feel like it's always me asking him to do things. Despite what he says, I just don't get the feeling that he likes me. His actions and words aren't giving me the same signals. Sorry reread your post. I think he's reading like a huge red flag. Follow your instincts. It doesn't seem like he's potential bf material.
dreamergrl Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Is it possible he's not initiating things because you're not giving him signals that show you want to be more then just friends? Example, looking away when saying you like him? Maybe by him saying he can't believe that you're with him, he's looking for assurance that you want to be with him? I tend to show less interest if I'm unsure if the interest is mutual.
marlena Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 My take on this is that your friend may have issues with his sexuality. It sounds like he is afraid of getting physical with you. Of course, I may be wrong. Won't be the first time.
Author Aubrey24 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 Is it possible he's not initiating things because you're not giving him signals that show you want to be more then just friends? Example, looking away when saying you like him? Maybe by him saying he can't believe that you're with him, he's looking for assurance that you want to be with him? I tend to show less interest if I'm unsure if the interest is mutual. I also tend to show less interest if I'm unsure that it's mutual. Perhaps I have been giving him mixed signals, but only in response to his mixed signals. But, I've also given him clear signals that I want to be more than friends. When he called me out on looking away when I said that I liked him, I immediately looked him right in the eyes and repeated "I like you." I call him somewhere around twice a week. I even admitted to having a mini crush on him the entire time that we've been friends. I don't know how much clearer I can be without similar signals from him in return. He says the right things, but I believe that actions speak louder than words.... and his actions say that he's scared of something or he's just doesn't like me.
Author Aubrey24 Posted March 3, 2008 Author Posted March 3, 2008 My take on this is that your friend may have issues with his sexuality. It sounds like he is afraid of getting physical with you. Of course, I may be wrong. Won't be the first time. This thought has crossed my mind a few times. He seems to want to have these deep conversations when we're in the middle of kissing. He's the only person that I've ever dated that complains that I'm moving too fast. I usually get just the opposite... that i move too slow. If he is gay, I'd be fine with that and still love him as a friend. But, why initiate something with me? Because he initiated this, not me. I was coming off of a bad break up and he was a nice surprise. Ironically, just what I needed to offically end it with my ex.
Max Overclock Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 Aubrey, To be honest, if I were him, I'd probably be questioning where this can go. I think he's swimming around your bait, but you just need to get him on the hook. So ... what are you going to do about this? Max
Author Aubrey24 Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 Aubrey, I'd probably be questioning where this can go. If he stays here, it could be a great relationship. He'll find out in about 3 weeks. If he doesn't stay here, then at least we could have a good time until he leaves, and perhaps address the long distance thing if it gets to that point. I think he's swimming around your bait, but you just need to get him on the hook. So ... what are you going to do about this? Max This is my problem. I don't know what to do. If I make myself any more available, I appear desperate. I guess I would just like him to chase me for a little while. Any ideas on how I get him to do that?
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