totalwreck Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 ... of two very young children. I am terrified. I have only met them once and this is going to change everything. I love him so much I can't just let him go but I'm not ready to take on a parental role either. His ex wife attempted suicide two days ago so now he has the kids for good (He is obviously not going to let her have them!)
Lizzie60 Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 ... of two very young children. I am terrified. I have only met them once and this is going to change everything. I love him so much I can't just let him go but I'm not ready to take on a parental role either. His ex wife attempted suicide two days ago so now he has the kids for good (He is obviously not going to let her have them!) Unless she is ruled by a psychiatric to be unable to take care of her kids.. I doubt he can take them away from her.. One suicide attempt does not mean you are unable to function any longer... You better prepare yourself.. cause this is probably a deal breaker.. if you survive the parental role.. then 'chapeau' to you.. this is NOT easy... Good luck!
datingmum Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 Please do not make any crazy rash decisions. If you love this man, he is already going through enough. He is dealing with the fact that someone whom he loved enough at one time to have children with has now tried to kill herself. He is dealing with the fact that he will have to completely change his life to have full custody of the children. He is scared of your reaction. Let me ask you this, do you love him? You say you do, but how long have you been together? Tread lightly in this situation as if you make the wrong decision, you will only add to his stress levels. Also, you knew he had chidren before? Why is this an issue now? I am here to talk it through with you if you wish.
compassion42 Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 It's true-one suicide attempt does not mean she will automatically lose custody of the kids. Yes, it is a huge change if he is awarded custody... but hopefully with good communication between the two of you it won't be the end of your relationship
whichwayisup Posted March 1, 2008 Posted March 1, 2008 ... of two very young children. I am terrified. I have only met them once and this is going to change everything. I love him so much I can't just let him go but I'm not ready to take on a parental role either. His ex wife attempted suicide two days ago so now he has the kids for good (He is obviously not going to let her have them!) Yes it is going to change everything, unfortunately for you, his children come first and if you aren't ready to be a part of his life which will include his kids, then you need to take a step back and re-think your relationship with him. Don't make him choose between you and his kids, ever... Anyway, I'm sure there's alot more to this story about his ex's mental health too - If this is it, he'll always have them fulltime, or will be joint custody in the future, once she gets better. How long have you two been together?
sally4sara Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 I think you should ask yourself (if you haven't already:)) If you saw a long future with BF. How invested did you want to be before this happened? Did it ever cross your mind before all this how big of a role you saw yourself having with the children in the long run? For what its worth, my BF never saw himself wanting to be a father. In fact, intended never to be one. Now he has a 10 year old around him everyday. He is good at it too. Far cry more dependable than my ex husband and teaches my son new things all the time. I love him all the more because of this......something to think about.
Author totalwreck Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 Hi all, Just wanted to say thanks for all of the advice. After a couple of nights of sleeping on things I have decided to continue to see him. We will keep our own places (even though we had plans to move in together in July), and just take it one day at a time. I am scared but I love him too much to let him go... Here goes nothing!
Lizzie60 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Hi all, Just wanted to say thanks for all of the advice. After a couple of nights of sleeping on things I have decided to continue to see him. We will keep our own places (even though we had plans to move in together in July), and just take it one day at a time. I am scared but I love him too much to let him go... Here goes nothing! This is the best decision.. one day at a time.. each keep their own place.. WOW.. this is good.. take it slow for the sake of the kids.. it shows how mature you are.. I wish you good luck..
Author totalwreck Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 I'm going to need luck! How can I walk away from someone with enough charachter to turn his life upside down for the sake of his children? We plan to have children together someday and he is certainly showing what kind of father he is! I'm a lucky girl!!!
Author totalwreck Posted March 2, 2008 Author Posted March 2, 2008 She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. The night she made this attempt she was out using cocaine and crystal meth and actually left the 7 and 3 year old HOME ALONE!!!! This has been a long time coming and now he has what he needs to win custody of the children.
Lizzie60 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 She has a history of drug and alcohol abuse. The night she made this attempt she was out using cocaine and crystal meth and actually left the 7 and 3 year old HOME ALONE!!!! This has been a long time coming and now he has what he needs to win custody of the children. Good for the girls.. at least they'll be in a secure environment.. poor little ones... they sooo don't deserve this... You seem to be an amazing person.. I'm sure you'll get used to the girls and them to you... be patient.. the little ones will have to go through some kind of adaptation.. your bf too.. just be there for him.. support him.. and the best way to do this is to let him have his space with his girls... They will love you to pieces if you're patient... btdt... my first ex had 3 girls when he moved with me.. the girls missed their dad so much.. that they were at our place every single day..for years... They had no rigid arrangement regarding the kids.. the girls' needs were the most important thing... for both parents.. so it was all good... the girls could travel from the mother to the father as they wish... it was hard at first.. but I knew I had to be patient and loving.. kids ALWAYS have to come first... And I should add... you are a lucky girl... he's a great dad.. that tells a lot about himself as a man. he's a keeper for sure..
maryjane1 Posted March 2, 2008 Posted March 2, 2008 Hun. You love the guy. It's time to grow up and be a big girl. That is what life is about.
ahotmess Posted March 3, 2008 Posted March 3, 2008 This is why I LOVE LS. I am in the same situation, only he has 3 children. And we (me and the girls) haven't met yet. It is a loooong road ahead, but I'm just trying to give him his space and not put anything else on his plate. I don't know if you feel like I do or not, but I want to help him. I'm totally a "fixer" and I just want to hold him and tell him things are going to be alright. He totally had to move into a new house (so the girls can stay in the same school) and we have unofficially put "us" on hold. It sucks....but we have to be strong;) Good luck TotalWreck....PM me if you ever want!
Author totalwreck Posted March 4, 2008 Author Posted March 4, 2008 I came on here this morning because I was with him last night and I got really sad about the situation. I miss him already... He actually took 3 days off from work to spend time with me while the kids are in daycare. He is working so hard to make this work. I actually saw him cry for the first time (This is a type A soldier that DOESN'T cry... EVER!). He is so afraid that I'm going to leave. It just broke my heart. I honestly don't know what is going to happen. I'm going to try like hell to make this work. Just wanted to throw an update out there... I love coming on this site because you guys give such encouraging words... thanks!
Lizzie60 Posted March 4, 2008 Posted March 4, 2008 I came on here this morning because I was with him last night and I got really sad about the situation. I miss him already... He actually took 3 days off from work to spend time with me while the kids are in daycare. He is working so hard to make this work. I actually saw him cry for the first time (This is a type A soldier that DOESN'T cry... EVER!). He is so afraid that I'm going to leave. It just broke my heart. I honestly don't know what is going to happen. I'm going to try like hell to make this work. Just wanted to throw an update out there... I love coming on this site because you guys give such encouraging words... thanks! wow... he feels trapped... double your support.. trust me, he needs you more than ever now.. Thanks for the update.. good luck!
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