Still having trouble with finding effective approaches...

[Lights]

Things don't seem to change. I'm still having difficulty getting responses to a hi or to initial attempts at conversation. The rejections yield no information. How do I find out what's going wrong?

 

Also, what are some high-percentage direct approaches? I'm particularly interested in ones that work well in situations where I and the other are moving quickly, there is no previously-existing or borrowed rapport, and there is no information indicating that either will see the other again except by chance.

Edited February 20, 2008 by Lights

[monkey00]

Things don't seem to change. I'm still having difficulty getting responses to a hi or to initial attempts at conversation. The rejections yield no information. How do I find out what's going wrong?

 

Also, what are some high-percentage direct approaches? I'm particularly interested in ones that work well in situations where I and the other are moving quickly, there is no previously-existing or borrowed rapport, and there is no information indicating that either will see the other again except by chance.

 

Best to attempt to make EC with a girl and smile at each other and go over, comment/compliment on something cool she's wearing..always a good icebreaker. Or if you're in a work environment or class, you wearing something that stands out also works the same way by having girls compliment on it. Do some fluff talk, get her digits and bounce. So get in and get out without wasting much time.

 

There will always be flakey women, no matter what you do or where.

[xpaperxcutx]

Can you been a little bit more specific about your situation?

[Lights]

Best to attempt to make EC with a girl and smile at each other and go over, comment/compliment on something cool she's wearing..always a good icebreaker. Or if you're in a work environment or class, you wearing something that stands out also works the same way by having girls compliment on it. Do some fluff talk, get her digits and bounce. So get in and get out without wasting much time.

 

There will always be flakey women, no matter what you do or where.

 

If EC is an acronym for eye contact, I regrettably do not know how to get them to reciprocate it with any remote degree of reliability, and nor can I be assured that someone I might want to meet is necessarily looking in my direction at the time; this defeats the purpose, no doubt, but I haven't the slightest idea what to do about it.

 

I've never even once had anyone mention anything I've worn; actually I even wrote a post asking for advice on things like that. I'm not talking about work or class environments, but day-to-day situations wherein everyone is moving quickly.

 

What is fluff talk?

 

Can you been a little bit more specific about your situation?

 

Well, I didn't have a specific situation in mind. (I generally don't get to know where I'll be when a woman of potential interest passes through the area.) Recent locations have included hallways in malls, and at the gym. Also, in recent weeks I had traveled to a nearby major city and seen a few cute women at a distance, but was pretty much left helpless to do anything there; I've only once ever met someone directly off a city street, and I know of no method to close distance with sufficient speed and no high-percentage methods of getting a first date/meeting on the spot or even a positive response of any kind, and also not interfere with my own business.

[xpaperxcutx]

Okay so you're asking in general how to approach an effeminate attractive woman without getting politely turned down? Well basically there's no gaurantee that you won't get turned down, because your first acquaintance with any one person of the opposite sex is basically an assumption that they're single. The best thing would be to strike up a casual conversation, in the case of say at the mall, approach the female rin a laid back manner and compliment on her wardrobe/ hair/ shoes. You get the idea. Now that you got her attention, you can try introducing yourself to her and when you feel the opportunity is approachable, you can try inviting her to coffee or a light outing (if say she's not with any company), and if she chooses to turn you down, you can always hand her a card with your name and number and tell her to reschedule whenever she's free.

Of course I've never been approached randomly, but I say go for it if you're an assertive guy.

[Lights]

Okay so you're asking in general how to approach an effeminate attractive woman without getting politely turned down?

No, I'd like to learn what'd give me a higher chance of not being ignored outright. It's gotten to the point where it seems that even saying hi is generally a worthless waste of time.

 

I don't know what you mean by effeminate women, though; that's usually a word used to describe men who appear feminine.

 

As I mentioned, I'm having a hard enough time even getting responses to a hi or the like.

 

Well basically there's no gaurantee that you won't get turned down, because your first acquaintance with any one person of the opposite sex is basically an assumption that they're single. The best thing would be to strike up a casual conversation, in the case of say at the mall, approach the female rin a laid back manner and compliment on her wardrobe/ hair/ shoes. You get the idea. Now that you got her attention, you can try introducing yourself to her and when you feel the opportunity is approachable, you can try inviting her to coffee or a light outing (if say she's not with any company), and if she chooses to turn you down, you can always hand her a card with your name and number and tell her to reschedule whenever she's free.

Of course I've never been approached randomly, but I say go for it if you're an assertive guy.

So would you recommend something along the lines of "Excuse me a second. You look cute in that coat. I'm Lights and I'd like to meet you for some coffee later this week."?

Edited February 20, 2008 by Lights

[xpaperxcutx]

effeminate I mean more along the lines of a coquettish woman.

Ummm regarding a woman being approached by a stranger, your example was just a bit too straightforward. Place yourself in that woman's position, being approached by a stranger, I think being too fast and straightforward would spook her off. You have to be patient in striking up a meaningful conversation with her, regarding say if she was carrying a book by a author whom you've read of. You could talk about it's plot ( but don't give away the ending if she hasn't finish reading it) or anything about the author. Show her that your sincere enough so she wouldn't be so guarded against you. Try to show a bit of your personality i.e your sarcasm, or humor (if you have any). Lol but yeah try to make her feel comfortable talking to you, and if you get the sense that she is, you'll know that she would want to probably get a chance to spend a little time alone with you to get to know you better.

[Lights]

effeminate I mean more along the lines of a coquettish woman.

Well, I meant most kinds of women. It's unlikely that I'll know much of anything about her ahead of time.

 

Ummm regarding a woman being approached by a stranger, your example was just a bit too straightforward. Place yourself in that woman's position, being approached by a stranger, I think being too fast and straightforward would spook her off. You have to be patient in striking up a meaningful conversation with her, regarding say if she was carrying a book by a author whom you've read of. You could talk about it's plot ( but don't give away the ending if she hasn't finish reading it) or anything about the author. Show her that your sincere enough so she wouldn't be so guarded against you. Try to show a bit of your personality i.e your sarcasm, or humor (if you have any). Lol but yeah try to make her feel comfortable talking to you, and if you get the sense that she is, you'll know that she would want to probably get a chance to spend a little time alone with you to get to know you better.

 

Well, what would I do to get the initial approach to be more reliably effective to the point where all of this is even possible? That was what I wanted to know. What do I do when even saying hi has become nearly worthless?

 

Incidentally, the extended-conversation tactic is limited to situations wherein I and the woman are slow-moving and can afford time to stay in place or else are fortuitously moving in the same direction at the same speeds. What would work when everyone, likely including me, is moving quickly through the area?

Edited February 20, 2008 by Lights

[xpaperxcutx]

Well, what would I do to get the initial approach to be more reliably effective to the point where all of this is even possible? That was what I wanted to know. What do I do when even saying hi has become nearly worthless?

 

Incidentally, the extended-conversation tactic is limited to situations wherein I and the woman are slow-moving and can afford time to stay in place or else are fortuitously moving in the same direction at the same speeds. What would work when everyone, likely including me, is moving quickly through the area?

How would saying hi become nearly worthless? And why would you want to rush? I don't think any girl would appreciate being rushed especially by a stranger who wants to set up a date. If you really want to do that, I recommend speed dating.

[Lucasarts]

Hmm

 

well since you STILL seem to fail at initiating any form of contact or positive reception from a girl, I'd suggest maybe lowering your standards?

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, but the fact of the matter is that maybe you're shooting too high for who you are. You seem to have very little experience with the opposite sex in general, and the way that you're not getting any positive results despite what your doing/saying means that it's time to move on to another way of doing things.

 

Also, how is your appearance/demeanor to other girls? if you look like a serial killer or the unibomber i don't think you're going to get much of any positive response. If you walk around the same way you would at your mother's funeral, then its not a positive aura to be around. Also, how are you saying "hi"? is it chirpy? monotonous? droning? creepy? desperate? or just normal, comfortable, and calm?

 

I'm sure that you've also been researching the many possible ways of reading a girl. . . (or at least I hope you have) and try to see in advance which girl seems approachable. Look for signs of attraction, if there are any, and just go from there. It isn't really "rejection" unless you're asking the girl out and she says no. Simply not responding to a stranger's "hi" is not rejection, its the fact that he/she isn't in the mood to talk to you (especially if you're a stranger that he/she wont see again).

[Lights]

How would saying hi become nearly worthless? And why would you want to rush? I don't think any girl would appreciate being rushed especially by a stranger who wants to set up a date. If you really want to do that, I recommend speed dating.

 

Regarding saying hi becoming nearly worthless, I say that mainly because saying hi is more often than not simply getting me ignored outright. I'd like to learn how to have that change.

 

Well, it's not that I want to rush, but rather that I might be moving as well.

 

Hmm

 

well since you STILL seem to fail at initiating any form of contact or positive reception from a girl, I'd suggest maybe lowering your standards?

 

I'm not trying to be harsh, but the fact of the matter is that maybe you're shooting too high for who you are. You seem to have very little experience with the opposite sex in general, and the way that you're not getting any positive results despite what your doing/saying means that it's time to move on to another way of doing things.

I don't understand. How could my standards possibly be too high? Either someone talks or they do not. Either I meet someone at all and/or more than once or I do not. There's nothing less to be looking for really. If a response to a hi, a quick conversation, a first date, or other such things are unrealistically high standards, then that relegates pretty much all of dating-related activity solely to the realm of unrealistic fantasy.

 

As far as moving on to another way, well, that's why I asked for advice for other methods of approaching.

 

Also, how is your appearance/demeanor to other girls? if you look like a serial killer or the unibomber i don't think you're going to get much of any positive response. If you walk around the same way you would at your mother's funeral, then its not a positive aura to be around. Also, how are you saying "hi"? is it chirpy? monotonous? droning? creepy? desperate? or just normal, comfortable, and calm?

I don't violently threaten anyone, no. I'd hope I don't look serial-killer-ish or unabomber-ish.

I try not to get more bitter about this as it continues, but it's not really working. I like to think I hide it decently enough, though, but I don't have any evidence to prove such a claim.

I have no idea how to describe the manner in which I am saying hi.

 

I'm sure that you've also been researching the many possible ways of reading a girl. . . (or at least I hope you have) and try to see in advance which girl seems approachable. Look for signs of attraction, if there are any, and just go from there.

 

This just doesn't happen in my life. No one necessarily is "approachable". If I knew how to close any distance, directly get her attention if she happens not to be looking in my direction at that moment, and start causing signs of attraction, I would do that. I haven't a clue how to do that, though.

Edited February 20, 2008 by Lights

[Walk]

Here's a couple of generalized tips:

 

Smile like you mean it.

 

Stand up straight, head up, shoulders straight, and do this without being so tensed up you look like a board.

 

Those are the two most important aspects in attempting to make someone feel secure in talking to you. Their first assessment of you will be based on how you look. Not always how attractive you are, but simply whether you seem shify, or confident, or upset, or happy.. Women are masters at picking up the non-verbal clues the body sends out.

 

Go where people are not in a hurry. Streets are probably not your best bet. Try the park, or a sit down coffee shop, or bookstores... join a club, go to seminars for topics that interest you, etc. Stopping people while they're hurrying home to fed fido isn't going to net you good results. Just a fact of life.

 

Strike up conversations about THEM. Direct the conversation into areas they can talk about. (Not their looks, or what they are wearing. Would you tell a man you met on the street that he was handsome? You'd probably get punched. )

 

If I were you, I'd read everything I could get my hands on regarding talking to people and making them feel at ease. Not the "how to pick up chicks" books... but more along the lines of how to win friends influence people, etc. Books that will help your creative side to see options for conversation starters or how to approach people in different ways to get different responses. Then practice the hell out of it. Try it on men, women, old people, kids... everyone. Until you feel comfortable with striking up conversations and you're getting results. THEN use those skills to strike up conversations with the woman are interested in getting to know.

 

Give yourself a fighting chance man. Find places where people aren't currently on their way some where. Take some time to refresh in your mind the skills you need to succesfully interact with people you've never met before. Practice on people you don't want to date, aren't going to emotionally invest yourself in. And when you have honed those skills, then go after the women you want to get to know.

[monkey00]

If EC is an acronym for eye contact, I regrettably do not know how to get them to reciprocate it with any remote degree of reliability, and nor can I be assured that someone I might want to meet is necessarily looking in my direction at the time; this defeats the purpose, no doubt, but I haven't the slightest idea what to do about it.

 

I've never even once had anyone mention anything I've worn; actually I even wrote a post asking for advice on things like that. I'm not talking about work or class environments, but day-to-day situations wherein everyone is moving quickly.

 

What is fluff talk?

 

 

I agree with Walk, there's a term that's been around "fake it till you make it". It works because it forces you into uncomfortable situations to build your tolerance and helps gain confidence because you expect failure to happen.

 

Anyway as I said earlier a lot of women will be flakey, even if it's online or in person. Some women may be too shy/nervous/intimidated to even make EC or smile to a guy, as I'd hate to say it a lot of women are. Though the next possible sign to look for is if she stays within your proximity and tries to get your attention or into your line of sight...or you might notice her looking over.

 

Back to probability, you'd probably have more chance of getting a girl's # if she makes EC and smiles with you. These types of girls are confident enough to talk to you and believe you're interested in you as much as she is in you...and these types expect you to ask them out. The ones that don't have enough confidence are a waste of time if you ask me because they just wind up crawling back into their shells or play too much hard to get.

[blackbird]

I agree with the above poster who said that the streets are not your best bet, or anywhere where the women you are trying to approach aren't just killing time. As a woman, I can tell you that when I'm just walking down the street going to grab some groceries, I'm not looking to get picked up. That's not the zone I'm in, and it's off-putting when a stranger suddenly tries to put me into it. Sure, it's a little flattering when strange men approach me out of nowhere while I'm walking around minding my own business just to say 'hi there' or to give me a non-sleazy compliment, but it's unnerving if they then try to get me to commit to a date or give them my number or take their number or something on the spot.

 

If a woman just passing by catches your eye, pay her a simple and sincere compliment, or just smile at her briefly, then walk away, or let her walk away. Consider it valuable practice, plus you've just brightened her day a bit. Don't put her in a situation where you're demanding that she reciprocate communication with you, unless she gives you a clear signal that she's receptive to it. Go somewhere where you know people are going to be more receptive to meeting other people - bars, cafes, clubs, parks if you want to try to pick people up.

[xpaperxcutx]

I agree with the above poster who said that the streets are not your best bet, or anywhere where the women you are trying to approach aren't just killing time. As a woman, I can tell you that when I'm just walking down the street going to grab some groceries, I'm not looking to get picked up. That's not the zone I'm in, and it's off-putting when a stranger suddenly tries to put me into it. Sure, it's a little flattering when strange men approach me out of nowhere while I'm walking around minding my own business just to say 'hi there' or to give me a non-sleazy compliment, but it's unnerving if they then try to get me to commit to a date or give them my number or take their number or something on the spot.

 

If a woman just passing by catches your eye, pay her a simple and sincere compliment, or just smile at her briefly, then walk away, or let her walk away. Consider it valuable practice, plus you've just brightened her day a bit. Don't put her in a situation where you're demanding that she reciprocate communication with you, unless she gives you a clear signal that she's receptive to it. Go somewhere where you know people are going to be more receptive to meeting other people - bars, cafes, clubs, parks if you want to try to pick people up.

 

Yes I agree with blackbird. Not alot of women likes to be approached, especially where I'm living at, it might seem like sexual harrassment . But every girl does like getting some sort of attention, be it eye contact or a compliment. So a compliment would be a plus in my book.

[carhill]

OP, not to minimize your obvious serious thought processes here, but relationships aren't a math problem. That's how I'm seeing your logic played out here. I love math, but relationships are more like abstract art, if that makes any sense.

 

Oh, and wear a wedding ring. That works like a charm

 

I've been traveling a lot the last couple years and have found women are quite approachable if I just hold their gaze (if they do) and smile. Words inevitably follow. Since I'm a "nice guy", this even happens with my wife around. I just connect better with females emotionally. Inevitably, the conversation turns to hair (my wife is a stylist) and I go back to doing my math problems

[Lights]

Here's a couple of generalized tips:

 

Smile like you mean it.

 

Stand up straight, head up, shoulders straight, and do this without being so tensed up you look like a board.

 

Those are the two most important aspects in attempting to make someone feel secure in talking to you. Their first assessment of you will be based on how you look. Not always how attractive you are, but simply whether you seem shify, or confident, or upset, or happy.. Women are masters at picking up the non-verbal clues the body sends out.

I try to smile if I'm feeling happy enough to be able to. I don't know how I stand, but I'll try to be more conscious about standing in future. (Although I don't know what I look like walking either.)

 

Go where people are not in a hurry. Streets are probably not your best bet. Try the park, or a sit down coffee shop, or bookstores... join a club, go to seminars for topics that interest you, etc. Stopping people while they're hurrying home to fed fido isn't going to net you good results. Just a fact of life.

I wish I could claim that those venues had any effect for me, or that clubs or seminars of things that I'm interested put me around any single women at all. They don't.

 

Strike up conversations about THEM. Direct the conversation into areas they can talk about. (Not their looks, or what they are wearing. Would you tell a man you met on the street that he was handsome? You'd probably get punched. )

Well, conversation can only happen if they talk at all. I don't know how to arrange that at this time. Although I'll avoid mentioning their looks or anything they're wearing in future.

 

If I were you, I'd read everything I could get my hands on regarding talking to people and making them feel at ease. Not the "how to pick up chicks" books... but more along the lines of how to win friends influence people, etc. Books that will help your creative side to see options for conversation starters or how to approach people in different ways to get different responses. Then practice the hell out of it. Try it on men, women, old people, kids... everyone. Until you feel comfortable with striking up conversations and you're getting results. THEN use those skills to strike up conversations with the woman are interested in getting to know.

I'll look for those books, Walk. Thanks for the tip.

 

Give yourself a fighting chance man.

Sorry, I'm not really sure what this means?

 

Find places where people aren't currently on their way some where. Take some time to refresh in your mind the skills you need to succesfully interact with people you've never met before. Practice on people you don't want to date, aren't going to emotionally invest yourself in. And when you have honed those skills, then go after the women you want to get to know.

Well, the issue isn't that I'm bent on finding people while I or they are on the way somewhere, but rather that I just don't know ahead of time where I'll be when someone passes by. I'll do what I can to practice though.

 

Back to probability, you'd probably have more chance of getting a girl's # if she makes EC and smiles with you. These types of girls are confident enough to talk to you and believe you're interested in you as much as she is in you...and these types expect you to ask them out. The ones that don't have enough confidence are a waste of time if you ask me because they just wind up crawling back into their shells or play too much hard to get.

Ok, but how do I generate these responses?

 

I agree with the above poster who said that the streets are not your best bet, or anywhere where the women you are trying to approach aren't just killing time.

But what's my alternative? I don't get to choose where I am when someone of interest passes through the area.

 

If a woman just passing by catches your eye, pay her a simple and sincere compliment, or just smile at her briefly, then walk away, or let her walk away. Consider it valuable practice, plus you've just brightened her day a bit...

I wish this was true; they sure don't act like it's brightening their day.

 

Go somewhere where you know people are going to be more receptive to meeting other people - bars, cafes, clubs, parks if you want to try to pick people up.

I don't mean to belittle your advice, but I've found bars and clubs to be entirely worthless, and I've yet to discover even one location type that necessarily involves people being receptive to meeting other people.

 

Yes I agree with blackbird. Not alot of women likes to be approached, especially where I'm living at, it might seem like sexual harrassment . But every girl does like getting some sort of attention, be it eye contact or a compliment. So a compliment would be a plus in my book.

I'm not being given any choice. No one ever approaches me. If I don't approach people, I don't meet anyone in my entire life, and even then approaching people is a very poor method of socializing, given how low-percentage talking to people is.

 

What would I do to have the eye contact and/or initial words (a compliment if I can come up with one in time) be viewed more favorably more often?

 

OP, not to minimize your obvious serious thought processes here, but relationships aren't a math problem. That's how I'm seeing your logic played out here. I love math, but relationships are more like abstract art, if that makes any sense.

 

Oh, and wear a wedding ring. That works like a charm

 

I've been traveling a lot the last couple years and have found women are quite approachable if I just hold their gaze (if they do) and smile. Words inevitably follow. Since I'm a "nice guy", this even happens with my wife around. I just connect better with females emotionally. Inevitably, the conversation turns to hair (my wife is a stylist) and I go back to doing my math problems

 

I don't know about math problems vs. abstract art, but all I can say is that all I'm finding is a painful bunch of nothing.

 

Why a wedding ring? Wouldn't that cause them to be more suspicious of flirting in most cultures?

 

What else is involved in the smile and hold gaze method that lends itself to words inevitably following? I'm still having a hard time getting their side of a gaze at all.

 

 

Thanks for the advice all.

[cutegirl]

To be completely honest i never respond back to any guy when they say "hi", it doesnt matter if they are cute or ugly. I am just usually going about doing my ow thing in the store or mall whatever and have no interest in talking to anyone whatsoever. I am willing to bet other women do the same thing to or feel the same way. I am just not interested in getting to know any strangers/anyone new.

 

Sometimes people just do not want to talk and NOTHING you can do can make them talk.

Edited February 26, 2008 by cutegirl

[carhill]

Why a wedding ring?

Short version is women want what they can't have Or, perhaps, a married person is "safer"

 

I can say with authority that, having been single about 23 years before getting married at 41, women have been much more "friendly" to me since I started wearing my wedding band than in all the years prior. I'm the same guy; nothing really has changed physically or emotionally. My wife would likely say I'm still a "geek".

 

What else is involved in the smile and hold gaze method that lends itself to words inevitably following?

Nothing really; just being relaxed and enjoying their aura. I might make a comment about their hair ("nice bob; really acentuates your features") or eyes or jewelry ("those pearls sure compliment you") and see what response I get. I've been surprised how many female seatmates find me "safe" to talk with during flights. Had some great convo and made a few friends this way. I tend to meet women most when I do mileage runs, since I'm more focused on the ride than the destination.

 

Perhaps it's just the act of not looking for something which brings it ones way

Edited February 26, 2008 by carhill

[Trimmer]

Lights:

 

In the "Similar Threads" list at the bottom of my screen as I view your thread, I see that 3 of the 5 threads listed are yours, from May 2005, June 2005, and April 2007. All ask for "approaches", methods..... "High-percentage" is a common mantra, and you seem to be almost exclusively confronted with situations where "conversation is impractical or unlikely" or places that don't "lend themselves to socializing."

 

And these are only a few examples that come up because they have "approaches" in the subject line.

 

It sounds like you are still asking the same question, and continue to be mystified by the way it all works. Are you making any progress, or have you been stuck in the mud for 3 years now?

 

Is there anything that has shown a glimmer of success for you - maybe some kind of small positive result that you can build on?

[monkey00]

Ok, but how do I generate these responses?

 

Attraction. Maybe not so much in the physical sense, but more so how you carry yourself (confidence) and what clothes you wear (how you dress) that makes you unique from everyone else. You don't have to look like brad pitt, as long as there's a vibe to you and a sense of style that no other guy is able to match, you're already better than 50% of the population. Better yourself, make yourself more well rounded. Be ambitious, have a goal in life.

 

I think a really good way to meet women and make yourself approachable is to stay socially active. Just today, there was a transfer girl from my company which is in another state visiting for training purposes. My supervisor introduced me to her. Shortly later in the day she came and sat on my desk and we were talking for about 20 mins. I knew she was going back to LA in a couple of days so I gave her my business card and to shoot me an email sometime, she said she will. Though whether or not she does it is out of my control. (In this instance I'm not being pushy, assertive, or asking for her #, or pressuring her, I'm giving her the option to talk to me again if that's what she wants) I just have to stay socially active and open to women (being friendly too). There's absolutely nothing wrong with being friendly to women, the worst thing is being a doormat or being someone that lacks an opinion of his own.

 

A lot of times women like to be approached and meet sweet charming guys. Though I think the biggest difficulty when meeting or interacting with women is that they feel comfortable with you and that they feel you don't have an ulterior motive (like getting laid). Though if they like you, they won't mind you making an effort.

[Lights]

Short version is women want what they can't have Or, perhaps, a married person is "safer"

 

I can say with authority that, having been single about 23 years before getting married at 41, women have been much more "friendly" to me since I started wearing my wedding band than in all the years prior. I'm the same guy; nothing really has changed physically or emotionally. My wife would likely say I'm still a "geek".

You wouldn't suspect that they'd find it strange that I asked them out while wearing a wedding ring on my finger? I would think it would at least give them pause.

 

Nothing really; just being relaxed and enjoying their aura. I might make a comment about their hair ("nice bob; really acentuates your features") or eyes or jewelry ("those pearls sure compliment you") and see what response I get. I've been surprised how many female seatmates find me "safe" to talk with during flights. Had some great convo and made a few friends this way. I tend to meet women most when I do mileage runs, since I'm more focused on the ride than the destination.

 

Perhaps it's just the act of not looking for something which brings it ones way

 

I don't get it--how does it happen? There has to be something else to it, otherwise my own attempts at eye contact would have also inevitably resulted in words, and that's not what's been happening.

 

Lights:

 

In the "Similar Threads" list at the bottom of my screen as I view your thread, I see that 3 of the 5 threads listed are yours, from May 2005, June 2005, and April 2007...It sounds like you are still asking the same question, and continue to be mystified by the way it all works. Are you making any progress, or have you been stuck in the mud for 3 years now?

 

Is there anything that has shown a glimmer of success for you - maybe some kind of small positive result that you can build on?

 

Some things don't seem to change, no matter what I have tried.

 

I don't have anything I can rely on as being reasonably successful. If I did, I wouldn't be asking these sorts of questions.

 

I think a really good way to meet women and make yourself approachable is to stay socially active.

What good is attempting to be active if virtually no one even appreciates it?

 

 

 

I can't even think about this anymore and still keep my head on straight. I'm going to go cry now.

[Storyrider]

Lights, maybe you should practice flirting on LS. It is a pretty safe environment with many willing particpants. Not actually for the sake of meeting people, necessarily, but just to warm up for the real thing.

[DanielMadr]

Here's a couple of generalized tips:

 

Smile like you mean it.

 

Stand up straight, head up, shoulders straight, and do this without being so tensed up you look like a board.

 

 

Yeah. Just pretend you are the best f@ck in the area of 100 nautical miles (when you stand up straigt, you are laid back and smiling with head up and shoulders straight you are actually telegraphing that). It works. At least you get 'hi' before they see through you.

 

If you are not the best f@ck or you dont want to pretend to be, then go to the club or bar and chat up some fat/drunk/single momma.

 

If you are average f@ck then go to anywhere and chat up some average drunk woman possibly without kids.

[lino]

hi Lights,

 

I remember you from when I originally joined this site.

IMO the best way to meet girls is through friends or acquaintances. Do you have many of these? If not, are you ok at making friends and/or acquaintances?

In the gym, street or shops is not good at all. In those settings the girl has to come to you, that's it. If you hit on them in those settings 99.9% of them won't like it no matter what approach you take.