richardcruz Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 hereis my original threads about the last time I broke 15 day NC: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142704/ Anyways Well tomorrow is going to be my 15 day NC marker. Last time I broke my 15 day NC and it was an absolute disaster. She completely treated me like crap when called her and she hung up on me. Right after, I texted her and she plain ignored my texts. So here I am now 15 days later, but it has felt more like 15 months. It has taken everything in me to keep myself from calling her. Every single day has been a struggle. Throughout the day I have high points and low points. Sometimes there are times when all of a sudden I am hit with severe anxiety and I almost feel that I have to text her. My heart starts racing and I start breathing quickly. These are the toughest times, and there have been many these incidents. So much so that I've been to the point where I'm actually trying to figure out what to text her but I keep deleting the message that I've created only to type something else. That's when I realize that the text that I am about to send her won't do any good and that nothing I can do or say will change things. I have cried several times on many of these days. Today, I thought i was going to cry when I was leaving the gym but nothing came out. I don't know if I'm done crying over the heartbreak. I'm really not sure. I doubt it though. Things still really hurt. the urge to call her hasn't really gone away yet, but much of the advice that I have received on this forum is finally starting to sink in. The advice that I recieve on this forum now counters my feelings of calling her and it leads to an emotional "tug of war" every single day. But the NC side of me seems to be getting stronger and thus far has preveiled. So many people have told me "why should you be the one contacting her when she completely treated you like sh*t." I guess am finally starting to ask myself the same question when the urge comes around. Then I remember how mean and messed up she was to me. This part always hurts. I think this will be the part that will linger the longest. The betrayal is what keeps me up at night even though Im learning to accept it now. I'm really worried what NC has for me in the next few weeks to come. Things seem to be getting progresively worse these last few days. It seems like I have climbed a mountain with these two weeks of NC when In reality it was just a ant hill. I can't believe its barely been two weeks. I read other posts on this forum and it always terrifies me that there are many out there that are still hurting 7 months +after there breakup. I can't take much more of the pain and just to think If I felt the same way I do for the next several months... that just makes me want to go to sleep and never wake up. I'm really worried that NC is just gonna get worse and worse. Ive never ventured past 15 days of NC and thats tomorrow...Please..any encouragement would help me through my NC journey.. Thank you..
vivrantflo Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Dude, I've read your posts from the beginning and I do feel for you. I can feel your pain just by how you write.. I, like you, am a Christian.. so we should be allowing God to satisfy our needs in times like these.. No one person, should ever determine how we live, and how we feel. Your ex is young, she has growing to do. But right now, you should be just looking after yourself. Remember, God does not allow us to go through anything that we can't handle.. and do you know what that means?? It means God KNOWS that you can get over this, and get through this.. just turn to Christ. Every time you get the urge to call her, or text her.. Pray, read a chapter of Psalms and by the time you've read it, the urge will go away. Reach out to GOd every single time you feel down and out. 15 days of NC is good man.. but maybe it's time to stop keeping track of the days.. just make it a natural thing to not talk to her. Let her go, and let her grow. Just continue to pray for her, cast all your cares on God.. He knows how you feel about her.. and just leave it to Him. Keep strong man.. and let go of the past.. let go of her and stop dwelling... and in no time, you'll be alright..
Author richardcruz Posted February 8, 2008 Author Posted February 8, 2008 Your words definetly made me feel alot better. Lately Ive been going to sleep intentionally late so as soon as my head touches my pillow, I'm out instead of laying there thinking. I think I can go to sleep now, but not without praying first. Thanks for supporting me since I first started posting. Its posts like these that keep me going. Lately when I've been down, I open up my threads and just read everyones posts over and over. I don't know what i'd do without this forum, and of course, without people like you.. God bless..
prisonbreak Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 You are so right vivrantflo!!!!!!!!!!!!! I know I've said this before on LS, but She is not your source of life! She is not where you get your self-worth from. Try to see the blessing in all of this. Know that God is working things out in your favor, even though you can't see it. He is doing things behind the scenes. Trust Him. You can't see it but God is making a way here, trust Him. This is no longer about her, it's about you! I'm praying for you! You can do it, you have been doing it, for 15 days now. I bet there were days you thought "I'm not going to make it thru this day"...well, guess what? You did. And you will continue to. It will get easier.
serendip Posted February 8, 2008 Posted February 8, 2008 Remember Richard...you can only make it worse by contacting her. There are no magic words to make her come back to you If you contact her again...she will see it as you not respecting her wishes and harassing her...while you will view it as her treating you like crap and not caring about you Stay strong
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