eagle5 Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Hello all, I've been a true believer in NC, my thread http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t142986 was about not crying for so many days after doing NC but today - 8 days after that post I've cried my eyes out and everything I think about has brought her to mind. I'm now thinking about things we did together and it's like sticking a knife in my heart, I've been able to think these things in the past 8 days and have been ok but it's all come rushing back now! I suppose this is normal but I just don't understand why it's happened now. Please tell me this is ok and I'm not reverting to the way I was a month or two ago. Sorry I just need a bit of inspiration, I need to keep moving forwards not backwards, Thanks Eagle..
Geishawhelk Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Life is like a heart monitor. It goes up and down, then up and then down again....but at least you know you're alive.... it's when it flat-lines that you get problems. Goodness, give yourself time. Don't listen to those who say things like "you should be over it by now!" or "come on man, get with the programme, cheer up!" Everyone takes their own time. it's like a bereavement. You've lost someone close, and it leaves a black hole in your life. only they're still alive, breathing and very much around.... There will be times when the sun breaks through the grey clouds and you get a glimmer of scintillating blue. Then maybe, it will cloud over again. But there's always blue clear skies beyond the clouds, and sooner or later, you'll see more blue than grey. Hang in there. What you're going through is normal. You have a heart, so go with the beat. Take care.
sedgwick Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Progress in getting over a breakup isn't linear. For the first two months I cried every day, multiple times a day. For the last month I haven't cried much (it's almost 7 months since the breakup and 5.5 months since we talked.) But then I'll see or hear something that makes me think of him and it's agonizing all over again. The other night I walked past a venue where I used to see him play and remembered the night he met me outside, took me around the corner, and started kissing me. It was awful. I still miss him terribly every day. But I just have to remember that overall I'm better than I was 7 months ago!! Much, much better. At least now I can function.
Author eagle5 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 It's not about calming down, it's about coping!
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Eagle, I've been trying to follow your story and progress. Has she tried to contact you lately? Does she want you back? If she did would you take her back? Did she find someone else? I'm trying to fill in the gaps. Btw, I think your doing really well! Don't be so down on yourself!
Author eagle5 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks prisonbreak, My story is - I met her last Feb and fell very deeply in love after coming out of another long term relationship, we became very close and I truely believed she was my life. She bought a house last June and I spent most of my time off with her there. We talked about our future, children (I have 2 boys from my previous relationship) etc, everything seemed perfect. Towards the end of November she came home of a trip (she works for an airline) and seemed different. I asked her what was wrong and she repeatedly said nothing but I could tell otherwise. Eventually she told me she'd been chatting with a male colleague who told her how difficult it would be for her to have a future with me because of kids etc. I said that was rubbish but she had always had a slight issue with the kids situation so that obviously made it worse. We were argueing a bit after this and it was a bit tense but didn't seem too bad. Then on Dec 7th she said she wanted time out, but just to think, not particularly to end it. I agreed but it killed me and I pushed her a bit to find out what she really wanted. We had little contact until after Christmas but on Christmas day I found out she'd been seeing another guy who she met at the end of November. I don't know if it was serious or if she used it as a rebound but it killed me so I told her I knew and she still denied it. At this time I was desperate for her to contact me and make it alright. She did call and txt but just to see how I was, she did say it was over and that it was for the best for both of us!! So after new year I started NC, it was killing me but I had to do it for my sanity. She still called and txt'd a few times to see how I was etc, but on the last occasion(about the 25th Jan) I said to her that it was really hurting me to talk to her. She sounded sad and reminded me that I had confided so much in her about my past etc, like she still wanted a friendship. Well my NC was going well but today I don't know what happened, everything I thought about just look me back to her and I started asking myself all the why and what if questions, I also had a cry which really annoyed me. I still feel I would take her back because she was my entire world, I know I may even get hurt again if that was to happen but I'm just not strong enough yet to be able to say no. I hope that covers it, thanks for taking an interest, it means alot. Eagle...
prisonbreak Posted February 5, 2008 Posted February 5, 2008 Thanks for sharing. It sounds like this isn't easy on her either. Maybe over time she will realise. Hang in there and be strong for those boys. I also have 2 boys and I've been such a horrible mother lately. I need to get a grip for their sake too. We can do it! I haven't heard of anybody dying from a broken heart, some days I feel like it's possible though. Mine left me Dec 1st, Christmas sucked big time. Some how we talked every so often and ended up spending New years eve together. The next day I was at square 1 with the pain again. Jan 27th was last contact. Some days are harder than others. I can't stand when people tell me to stay busy. That just takes too much energy. I'm so drained. Well, anyway, I'll keep following your progress. Keep it coming! Oh, one thing that has helped me; God has a plan for Your life, unfortunately it's not on a need to know basis.
Author eagle5 Posted February 5, 2008 Author Posted February 5, 2008 I know what you mean about keeping busy, I have done that but sometimes I need to chill out a bit. You are in a similar situation then, well like you say we can do it, I've just hated today. It's probably a good thing we don't know our life plan, that would make it too easy, a sneak preview once in a while would be nice tho.....Take care Eagle...
richardcruz Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 This is the first time that I have posted on someone else's thread since my breakup (wow.. I can actually admit to myself now that i'm broken up). I'm on day 12 of NC. The reason why I haven't posted on anyone' thread is because I have been taking my breakup extremely hard and I feel as I am in no position to offer anyone any advice at this point. But what I cant tell you this. What you are experiencing is normal as I too am in the same boat. This weekend as I was driving out of town alone, I started remembering the times between me and my ex and I started bursting into tears as I was on the freeway (thank god for tinted windows). The tears kept coming to for about 15 minutes. Later on that day as I drove back home, the same thing happended. I don't know why but it is definitely true that some days are harder then others for no apparent reason. All I can say is I absolutely feel your pain and suffering and I hope that things get better for you and I both. I've been through some pretty painful physical stuff, but nothing as painful as a broken heart. We'll make it through somehow..I mean how much worse can it get relationship-wise..It can't. We've already lost the person we love and are at rock bottom. Things have to get better. Only way to go once your at the bottom is to the top.
micahmo77 Posted February 6, 2008 Posted February 6, 2008 Hey Eagle5, jsut wanted to say that I feel your pain. Im going through the same crap, ex left me for another guy, needed time and a break etc. All the same crap you heard. It does suck and for sure hurts more than anything, crushing infact. I dont feel real comfortable about giving any advice since im only on day 7 of NC. However Ill pray for you bro, keep your head up bro.
Author eagle5 Posted February 7, 2008 Author Posted February 7, 2008 Thanks richardcruz and micahmo77, I'm sorry you are in the same boat, it's horrible isn't it. I'm def on a roaler coaster at the moment, I had a better evening last night, but it always seems worse when I wake up, I have to spend some time getting my head back into gear for the day. We can do it can't we!? Cheers guys, keep strong.....Eagle.
prisonbreak Posted February 7, 2008 Posted February 7, 2008 Keep your chin up! I know it hurts, but obviously she has her issues and this is not about you. Don't allow her to determine your self-worth. You were great before you met her and you are still great without her. Just because someone walks away from you, doesn't mean your not great! Your heart may be broken, but don't give her the power to steal your self-esteem. You still have a purpose and something to offer someone, that no one else on earth can give. You may not be able to see what's going on behind the scene, but something big is being done here and God is working things out in your favor. You have to believe all this pain is not in vein. Keep pressing forward, you can do it!
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