Civil Ceremony = lifetime of memories?

[quankanne]

allina, some brides (because most of the time the grooms don't give a rat'sarse, but just nods so he can get some peace) want to go all out, it gets ridiculous. One of my HS classmates scoured S. Texas looking for purple aquarium gravel for table decorations, and had like 9 bridesmaids (that's more than double the number of her brothers/sisters ... and their spouses!). My best friend stood in that wedding, and overheard one of the guests talking to an usher, who wanted to know where they would be seated. Oh, they told the kid, we have no idea who is getting married, we got the invitation through my husband's job ... see, Bride-to-be had sent out 1,000-plus invitations for the wedding, a lot of them were to people she didn't even know personally! (lol, of course, she did the same thing a few years before at our HS graduation, because she was expecting to rake in the gifts by sending out such a huge number of invites)

 

the hawaiian package sounds awesome – just be sure to price transportation to & from the mainland, as well as accomodations. If you've immediate family in the military, one option is to see if you can score lodging on base, that'll save tons of money. We did that for the last two out-of-town funerals and it worked out really well, even got a two-bedroom apartment we were able to share with my aunt and two uncles at Fort Sill!

[Walk]

the hawaiian package sounds awesome – just be sure to price transportation to & from the mainland, as well as accomodations. If you've immediate family in the military, one option is to see if you can score lodging on base, that'll save tons of money. We did that for the last two out-of-town funerals and it worked out really well, even got a two-bedroom apartment we were able to share with my aunt and two uncles at Fort Sill!

 

Do you think a former reservist from the military could get into something like that? (Only active military I know are stationed in California.)

 

I spent about 10 grand on my first wedding. I had an impressive one too.. if you don't mind me bragging a moment. But I think things are a bit cheaper around where I live then other parts of the country, so that helped a lot.

[quankanne]

check around, though DH says Hawaiian bases are harder to get access to because they're really popular "vacation rentals" ...

[GeorgiaSongbird]

Food- for 80 people at keast $4,000 and an open bar add another $1,000.

 

than for my tents and tables etc.. if is another 3 grrand but our first qoute was $4,500.

 

than you have flowers nad the cake and I kid you not the cake can go up to $800. the photographer $1300 the dj at least $900 if you want live music. $550 - $800 an hour. the dress etc...etc...

 

omg.

 

I got off lucky the 2nd time around. We only spent around $1200. My 2nd husband really wanted a ceremony of some kind as a gesture for his mom (he is an only child) and he was sure she would want a somewhat traditional service to see her son get married.

 

My dress (originally tagged at $699) was only $99. I got the bridemaids' dresses for $10/each (3). A friend we know who works as a photographer did our pictures for us for free as a wedding present. Another friend did the video and invitations for us as a present -this friend's minister father did the service for us. I went to Sam's (like Costco) and just bought the food, it was $250 to $300 - a family member and my SIL took care of cooking and setting it up. We were able to get the wedding cake and Groom's cake at a steep discount, only $120 We rented an historic home that has been restored as used a community center. The rental fee was only $99. Of the things that really eat up a budget, that's how we got buy with such a small budget. Of course it was very small. Only like 20 to 30 people.

 

I was just lucky or maybe a smart planner.lol. For instance, I wasn't going to get a traditional dress until I found that one for $99. My brother and SIL got married about 6 months later. They had about the same size service (at a church neither she nor my brother were members of..cost $300 for the booking! eek) an they spend over $6k.

 

Here are some packages I found online:

 

Sandals: http://www.sandals.com/general/wedding-pb.cfm

 

Vegas: http://www.lasvegasleisureguide.com/lasvegas/calls/c-wcfr1.htm

 

And of course most of the major casinos have packages.

 

If I hadn't had my MIL to consider, I would have been dragging him to Vegas and getting married at the Bellagio.

Edited February 5, 2008 by GeorgiaSongbird

[quankanne]

okay, DH says that Puerto Rico would be a very close second to Hawaii, and chances are you wouldn't pay an arm and a leg for flights over there (one of our priests, who is from there, says he hops a plane from Dallas to Tampa, then takes a puddle jumper to San Juan, and it's pretty cheap).

 

A friend we know who works as a photographer did our pictures for us for free as a wedding present.

 

I did that for the first time just before Christmas, and it worked out okay – normally I take my camera along and shoot tons of photos, pick out my favorite and have it enlarged and framed, then give the whole kit to the bride and groom. Or the parents of the baby's baptism or birthday party. I figure I'm out $30 the most, which is usually how much I give in cash when gift-giving, but this gives them memories instead of mere funds. And it's kind of fun trying to come up with different shots that aren't "ordinary"

[BareGoddess]

What I don't get is why people want/need so many people at their weddings. It's beyond me. I had three people (besides the ex and I) at my first wedding. And I had 5 people (besides H and I) at my second wedding. What's so great about having a lot of people at your wedding? I say the less the better.

 

My theory is that if you have over 50 people you have a huge chance of having the marriage fail. It's just my little dumb theory.

 

Anyway, I've never even liked more than maybe a few people at a time in my life.

 

But that's just me.

 

I will say that both weddings were under $2,0000 and out of a fairy tale.

 

The first one was at the Breakers in Palm Beach. It was incredible. With a fantastic dinner and dancing in the dining room there after the ceremony which took place in the beautiful open courtyard with the fountain. We hired a trio that played classical music.

 

My second (and last) wedding took place on our deck that had a view of the mountains. The daisies and the rhododendrons were in full bloom. My stepdad walked me down the "aisle" (which was our deck.) It was very special. We had set up an arbor at the end of the deck. My mother decorated the arbor with flowers from her garden. It was beautiful.

 

I had a table all ready with foods I made and also foods I had catered. We played some great music on the stereo. We all danced and toasted and generally had a great time.

 

And because we didn't spend a ton on the wedding (or the ring for that matter) , we were able to take a honeymoon in Europe. We went to Paris, Belgium and Holland.

 

Our honeymoon was so memorable that we still to this day (almost 13 years later) talk about it. We want to do it again.

 

Anyway, good luck Walk with whatever it is you decide to do. Sorry, I was harsh. It's just that your relationship always reminded me of my first marriage. I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong about that.

 

I only wish you the best.

[quankanne]

What I don't get is why people want/need so many people at their weddings.

 

I've often wondered if bridal couples don't get corralled into adding people to their lists because mom/dad/granny/sis/etc doesn't want to offend someone by not inviting them! Remember the movie "My Big Fat Greek Wedding," where Tula complains that she didn't know a certain couple on the guest list, and her sister told her that it was her husband's relative, that they couldn't NOT invite them!

 

my fantasy wedding would be in a church with my parents, my husband's mom, me, him, our witnesses and a priest – nobody else – as we exchanged vows. Then afterward, a kick-*ss party/reception for friends and family. Because I just hate hate hate the idea of being the center of attention, though the party would be different because everyone's too busy enjoying themselves.

 

I think that's the main reason I chose to elope, so we could just get to the business of being married, rather than stuck inside hoopla ...

 

I will say that both weddings were under $2,0000 and out of a fairy tale

 

I love hearing stuff like this, because it shows that with ingenuity, you can pull off something like this! My best friend said they kept the wedding budget low so they could split it four ways (her, groom, his parents, her parents) and she looked for ways to save money. The minister was a friend of hers; she found the wedding ensemble at a bridal consignment shop; us two attendants were given a choice of dresses from Dillards; the reception was at an out-of-town restaurant that handled food, cake and decorations; her SiL's family donated all the floral stuff from their business, as well as the favors. And it was just a lovely, lovely wedding featuring a not-harrassed bride and groom!

Edited February 6, 2008 by quankanne

[a4a]

Do you happen to have any ideas on how to search for non-religious officials who do marriages? Maybe I'm using the wrong key words or something.

 

You can get a ordained official to do a non religious ceremony...... I did.

 

Just ask how much $$$ they want to do so.

[Walk]

Our honeymoon was so memorable that we still to this day (almost 13 years later) talk about it. We want to do it again.

That's what I want. The honeymoon that blows all vacations out of the water!

 

Anyway, good luck Walk with whatever it is you decide to do. Sorry, I was harsh. It's just that your relationship always reminded me of my first marriage. I hope with all my heart that I'm wrong about that.

 

I only wish you the best.

No need to say sorry. You were right, things were bad. I'm about bowled over with the difference, and it's been consistently good for about a year now. Not that a year is really that long, but we figured out how to communicate so we both understand. At least for the most part. Sometimes we screw up, and get pissy at each other, but nothing like before. That used to suck.

 

I like this relationship though. I feel free.

[Walk]

okay, DH says that Puerto Rico would be a very close second to Hawaii, and chances are you wouldn't pay an arm and a leg for flights over there (one of our priests, who is from there, says he hops a plane from Dallas to Tampa, then takes a puddle jumper to San Juan, and it's pretty cheap).

Puerto Rico sounds cool. Sounds different, not the norm. I'll check that out this weekend. Run it past the man and see how he feels about it. Do they have meatballs and squeezy cheese in Puerto Rico?

[HokeyReligions]

What are people's thoughts about getting married in a court house? A civil ceremony wedding. My city does civil ceremonies at the court house but I've never seen one, or talked to anyone who's had one. Does any one have any experiences to share regarding a civil ceremony?

 

I've been thinking this might be the best option, but I'm not sure. No one in my family seems to want anything to do with me getting married. And my fiance's family initially told him he was making a mistake asking me to marry him when he bought me the ring. So in all honesty, any ceremony we chose would be just for the two of us.

 

I'm having problems with the whole thing though. Do I invite the parents who are ambivalent about it? Should I invite his family who initially opposed it? Should I plan a ceremony that allows them to witness it, and feel part of our union? Or say to hell with them, and potentially ostricise them even further? How do you talk to family who is trying their damndest to pretend there's no issue, and therefore nothing to talk about?

 

Plus, I was married before and I really don't care about the wedding part of it. I'm happy with a civil cermony in a court house. But my fiance hasn't been married before, and although he says he's fine with whatever I choose, I wonder if I shouldn't make this more of a defining moment in his life (or something). Does anyone have any thoughts on this?

 

I got married in a civil ceremony at a court house - 'bout 25 years ago and we ae still married.

 

We did it because we didn't want to spend a lot on a party - and to me, a wedding is just a fancy party. I wanted my mom there and we just told everyone else when it would be and that there would be a party afterward and they could show up to that if they wanted.

 

I actually worked a half day on my wedding day. I left work and came back to the apartment where my mom and my SIL were waiting for me. We drove to the courthouse together and hubby and his best friend went in another car. We sat and waited while each couple was called into the judges chambers to be married.

 

We were actually the last couple of the day and they nearly forgot about us - the judge was on his way out when someone stopped him and said WAIT! We ended up just standing in the courtroom itself, with no one else in there, but the door was open and we stood up in between the lawyer tables and the bench and got married. LOL!

 

Then mom, SIL, and I left in the car we came in; hubby & his friend left in the car they came in so they could stop at the store and pick up some soft-drinks! We got back to the apartment where a few other friends showed up for the 'reception' and we ordered pizza!

 

My brother showed up late from his work, wearing bib-overalls and a flannel shirt and a tracktor log baseball cap. I didn't realize until then that I had a 'redneck' wedding! Mom had bought us a real pretty two-tier wedding cake and we did the cake-cutting stuff at the apartment and everyone had a great time (except for my FIL who got drunk and tried to get my mom to place a bet with him that the marriage wouldn't last six months-obviously he lost!)

 

It was a nice, relaxed time and I have no regrets at all! The marriage is what's important after all.

 

Do what's right for you. Once your family comes around you can always renew your vows and have a wedding party later on.

Edited February 7, 2008 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[Walk]

I talked to my parents, finally. Actually, I emailed them. I'm chicken and I'll admit it, but it embaresses me to discuss my feelings and fears with them. I don't know why, but I get so nervous about it that I'm literally a mess.

 

Anyway, my parents are the greatest in the whole world! They rock. They voiced their concerns regarding my fiance, they expressed faith in my judgement, and they said they supported me in my decisions.

 

But now they said they would be hurt if I didn't invite them to the wedding. I can't afford to fly them to HI, or anywhere else for that matter. Heck, we're skrimping and saving just to get us to a tropical wedding.

 

And on top of this, my parents want me to throw them a 40th anniversary party in 4 months, and their tastes in what's acceptable are incredibly pricey. I'd be hard pressed to afford what they would consider "average" even if I wasn't saving for my own wedding.

 

I can't count on my brother to help with the costs because he's a complete waste of human flesh. He can't even pay me back the money he owes me now. He gave me a dvd he'd already bought for himself as my christmas because he can't ever find money for anyone other than himself.

 

Geez, I just want to scream. They take my brother on vacations, buy him houses and cars, pay his internet bill... and I get to pay for the fancy anniversary party. *Sigh* I feel like I have to give up my wedding in order to put on this party for them. While my brother gives up NOTHING! I'm freakin' going to beat the crap out of him next time I see him. Then I'm going to take everythin of value that he owns and pawn it to pay his share of the party costs. GRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr... :mad:

 

All I wanted was a simple dream of having a little house, a dog, and be married to the man I love. Why is this so freakin' hard?!?!?!