I Failed.. I Broke 15 Day Nc Only To Be Hurt Again

[ninjaturtles]

You need to stop blaming yourself!!!!!

 

SHE wanted out. She left you previously...doesnt that say something to you??

 

How long did you want to go through this cycle?? Is it normal to keep being left? Is that your idea of a solid relationship??

 

It could only have gone thus far Richard. I agree with everyone else....DONT CONTACT HER! DELETE HER NUMBER..YES...physically delete it. Jeez, this case is a bit extreme because she has told she she wants nothing to do with you. Sorry to sound harsh, but sometimes we need to be told these things inorder not to forget.

 

 

Stop stop stop blaming yourself for her actions. She left before...perhaps those were signs that what you had was not stable.

 

I have not read your previous thread..or rather i cant remember them. I will view them now.

 

Talk to your male friends..or even females.

 

I am FEMALE....TRUST ME, ANYTHING YOU DO NOW IS GOING TO MAKE YOU LOOK CRAZY!!

 

With time, things WILL subisde. Believe it or not. However there needs to be A LOT OF TIME APART! A lot of NC.....Since you were good to her, when her anger/irritation subsides, she will not detest you so much etc. She will actually remember the 'good times'...Yes it is possible.

 

You never know, you may start talking again....bit by bit as friends....you know..However i am sure at that point, you will want nothing to do with her because your eyes will be open.!

 

All I am trying to say is this...' even if you are not going to contact her in the hope of things working out in the 'farthest' future, then DON'T

 

I am a girl and I know that after a period of time, anything could happen. Anything at all. In other words, things may begin to look more positive...in the light of friendship etc. Nevertheless, trust me...with time you will look back and say to yourself...'Love truly is blind'.

 

Please don't turn into the psycho guy....right now, to her, you are the guy who loves her so much..please don't allow it escalate to the guy who is crazy.

 

It hurts, I know...but you need to calm down and take control of your feelings.

I feel for you, no one said it will be easy.....but you need to stop blaming yourself.

 

xxxxxxxxxxx

Edited January 28, 2008 by ninjaturtles

[miami45uconn]

If any girl really think we look crazy when we are really emotional clearly they are @$$holes. I did some of the same things richard did and my x was the same way. Cruel and mean. She told me i was crazy told me mean things. However, Earlier in the relationship i had doubts and wanted a break and guess what she did? She called me 10000000 times, i turned off my cell. She called my house waking everyone up early in the AM. After i turned off my cell phone and left house phone off the hook, she then came to my house opened the garage and wanted to come inside, however i locked the door. SHE EVEN threw a tennis ball from my garage at my window a bunch of times. Guess what yeah i was annoyed at the time. Though i realized she ran out of ideas on how to handle her emotions. EVERYONE does crazy things when they are in love and if something they love is taken away from them. I never told anyone i never used it against her later on. I understood she either overracted or just was extremely emotional. On the other hand when i did these things she said it made me look unnattractive and made me look crazy. She also told her parents and told everyone my friends including to make me look like a psycho and to make me look like the bad guy when shes the one who broke my heart. Richard shes probably taking the guilt off her chest right now because she thinks your the one acting up and your freeing her guilt from her. According to the best friend im even hated now. If your a girl and you do these catty things like i see and hear, get over it if a man is emotional trust me, we dont know how to act emotions is not something we deal with everyday, use your girl "emotional" powers and have some compassion. Get over yourself, everyone has problems

[heartoutside]

Unfortunately, there are roles. And like it or not, when a girl acts out in this manner it probably doesn't seem as bad. And I'm not saying it is right, but regardless, when lines have been drawn, esp in this situation is best not to cross them.

 

I mean there are crazy things that people do for love, and then there are CRAZY things people do for love.

[ninjaturtles]

If any girl really think we look crazy when we are really emotional clearly they are @$$holes. I did some of the same things richard did and my x was the same way. Cruel and mean. She told me i was crazy told me mean things. However, Earlier in the relationship i had doubts and wanted a break and guess what she did? She called me 10000000 times, i turned off my cell. She called my house waking everyone up early in the AM. After i turned off my cell phone and left house phone off the hook, she then came to my house opened the garage and wanted to come inside, however i locked the door. SHE EVEN threw a tennis ball from my garage at my window a bunch of times. Guess what yeah i was annoyed at the time. Though i realized she ran out of ideas on how to handle her emotions. EVERYONE does crazy things when they are in love and if something they love is taken away from them. I never told anyone i never used it against her later on. I understood she either overracted or just was extremely emotional. On the other hand when i did these things she said it made me look unnattractive and made me look crazy. She also told her parents and told everyone my friends including to make me look like a psycho and to make me look like the bad guy when shes the one who broke my heart. Richard shes probably taking the guilt off her chest right now because she thinks your the one acting up and your freeing her guilt from her. According to the best friend im even hated now. If your a girl and you do these catty things like i see and hear, get over it if a man is emotional trust me, we dont know how to act emotions is not something we deal with everyday, use your girl "emotional" powers and have some compassion. Get over yourself, everyone has problems

 

 

No, you are getting it all wrong.

First of all, I have done things that other people may regard as crazy...Nothing extreme ONLY because I came on LS and got advice.

 

I am simply being honest. If i were his girlfriend, I would not behave the way she did to him. It is so so unfair and I feel really bad for him. I went through similar incidents in the past. He asked for a break, and i kept calling and calling him. It got him irritated and gave him room to disrespect me etc.

Only 2 weeks ago, i sent him a message because I heard he was really ill. He was so.....emotionless...his response made me sad. However, I can only take the rest of my pride and walk away.

 

 

Life is tough. This girl CLEARLY has no regard for him at this point in time. She ignored him, told him to lose her number, left him standing in the rain..the list goes on. I can only advice Richard not to contact her, inorder to avoid things going over the top.

 

Some people say you should not visit people unannounced bla bla etc. I personally dont' see what's so wrong about that! However, we live in a world where people are not as sensitive or understanding as we are. It is sad but its the truth. Once their emotions are gone, they turn off. They switch..from hot to cold! They simply dont understand or better put , 'they dont; want to understand' the pain their broken hearted SO is going through. she CANT feel the pain richard feels. She is thinking logically (being as she is not hurt) and he is still thinking with his heart. What they had is gone...she is NOT the same person he thought she was.

 

HE has to accept that. It is hard and very very painful..but there is nothing richard can do except live life daily. She does not even respond to his messages.....There is NOTHING he can do now except leave her alone.

 

One day, she will seat back and think about what she has done. Not now..she does notwant to listen..she does not care. She wants to be left alone and richard can only give her that space.

 

So please dont miscontrue what I wrote. Sometimes we all lose our grip...during these times, we need to be reminded of reality.

 

Richard, pls keep posting. It is hard but you need to divorce all thoughts of contacting her from your mind.

 

You sound so nice, caring and great. However, think back to an Ex you felt nothing for. If she kept on calling you, trying to meet up with you, texting you, sending you flowers on vals day, wouldnt you think she was overdoing it..after you had left her standing in the rain, ingored ALL texts, basically avoided her like a plague? I know you will not be as harsh as your EX girlfriend is to you, since you have a heart..however wouldnt you feel like she was a big pest who could not get into her head that you didnt care anymore? (Even if you did not behave cruel to her)?

 

Keep posting and when those urges come, remind yourself that anything you do will make you look a bit off. Its not my opinion, its just the way the world works.

 

Its not fault she behaves this way. She is unsympathetic...a trait you would not want with a SO.

xxxxx

Edited January 28, 2008 by ninjaturtles

[ninjaturtles]

I just went through Richard's posts.

 

It was only his birthday a few days ago....and she is behaving this way to him??

 

 

She has lost her human touch for you Richard..She is very unkind. That's all I can say.

 

Her behvaiour screams..' I don't care how you feel and I am going to show you with my actions that I don't'.

 

Please keep posting. This world is truly cruel

[s_n_d]

 

Thank you all for reding my threads. Your posts are greatly appreciated. Well everyone here it goes, after 15 days I broke NC..It was pouring rain out here and it was just adding to my depression so I did what I knew I shouldn't have and I texted her. My text read "hey I was wondering if you could have dinner with me maybe today or tomorrow." I didn't get a response. I patiently waited for 4 hours yet still no response. I text "well what do you think." I get nothing. I get incredibly frustrated because I know she is ignoring me at this point. So I decided to make it worse and I go to her place of work. I call her from my company cell (which she cant recognize) and she picks up. I say "hi." She asks who is this. I tell her its me. She stays quiet. I tell her If she had received my texts. She simply says yeah. "Did you respond" I ask. She says no. "Why?" I ask. she says "just." I told her "Look ______, I don't want things to end like this between us. Can we at least still talk?" She says "no there is nothing to talk about. You ruined things completely. That night that you came to my house when I wasn't picking up..that was crazy. Please dont ever contact me again. Delete my number and don't ever call me." "But wait" I say. She hangs up on me. I just wanted to talk to her but she would'nt gve me the chance. I wanted to see her face to face just to see if maybe she felt something again. I knew she would be getting out soon so I waited for her. 5 minutes later I see her walking to her car. I call her name. She doesnt even turn around. She quickly gets into her vehicle slams the door and speeds off. Im out in the rain gettin completely soaked just looking at her taillights. I go home and send her a long text of how I just wanted her to hear me out and how cold she was being and that I was finally gonna move on and never contact her or seek her because I was too hurt and tired of getting ignored and treted like crap. I told her that I deleted her number and threw our pics away. I close with "Good bye forever" (crying while im typing)..And that was it guys. She obviously never replied back. And now I know I will never hear from her again. I feel like I let down everyone here that has been giving me advice and support and most importantly I let down myself. I'm so sorry. This happened on Thursday and I haven't came on loveshack because I felt it would just make it worse by typing it out and basically reliving it. I know that I may come of as being obsessed with her and I'm sure thats what she thinks too. I don't know why I did what I did now. But I guess I did what I felt I had to even though it was the wrong thing (crying). I've lost her forever now. Nobody comes back from being that cold and heartless. I just wanted to talk to her, and she wouldn't give me the time of day, even though she saw me standing there in the pouring rain. I guess love makes you do some stupid things. I really don't know. And I know that I cant do anything more to bring her back. Even I can see that even though im dissolutioned by all thats happening. I don't want her to get a restraining order or something. I've been crying every night since. I threw away our pictures because the only reason I was holdng on to them was because deep down I wanted her back and I didn't want to lose hope. But now there is NO hope and I know she will never come back. I feel like I ruined my relationship. Why didn't I give her the space she wanted when she asked for it. Would the end result still have the same. Would she still have told me at the end of time that she had lost her felings for me. Even though she had left me 3 other times throughout our relationship, she always came back because I never persued her or tried to force her. If only I would've done the same. I really feel like its completely my fault and that I ruined things. How can someone that loved you so much and told you they couldn't live without you turn around and tell you that theyve lost all feelings for you and treat you like complete trash. Its been 4 days since I called her and I understand its over even though my heart just aches and tears still come out of her eyes. I can't have her love anymore and now I have this large void in me and everytime i touch it, it brings back memories and images of her and I don't know what to do anymore. I've contemplated the fact of OD'ing on sleeping pills or pain killers but Ive ran that scenario over and over and I guess I don't have that in me. Although I wish I did right now. I couldn't do that to my family. I just couldn't go through with that. I know the only reason I've even considered that is so that she can feel the pain of losing me. So she could get the full impact of what she did to me by treating me like dirt. People say that the truly suicidal typically wont tell anyone anything about thses type of thoughts. They just do It. Like I said I guess its not in me because here I am taking about it. So Im stuck in between a rock and a hard place. I don't wanna hurt anymore. It really really hurts (crying). Im tired of my every thought being about the times when I was happy with her. I'm tired of feeling sick to my stomach about all of this. I feel like throwing up. Im tired of having all of the regrets that I destroyed things. Im tired of telling myself things are going to get better when I can't possibly see how. Im tired of the realization that no matter how good you are with someone, they can always screw you over. Im tired of the realization that words are meaningless. I don't want to hurt anymore.

 

I truly feel your pain.

Hang in there. Itll get better.

I know its hard hearing things like "Move on" and "Dont ever contact me ever again". But just think about how shes been treating you. Someone who loves and cares about you would NEVER treat you like this.

I guess I really need to follow the advice Im giving you. My ex has treated me like a stinking pile of dog s*** over the last month and yet, somehow, I still love him more than ever. I guess its always like this when you love someone. Nothing they do or say will make US change how we feel about them.

[miami45uconn]

Her behvaiour screams..' I don't care how you feel and I am going to show you with my actions that I don't'.

 

 

 

And that is exactly how i feel my exgirlfriend looks at me. She just forgot the 2.5 years of her telling me she'd never let me go and if i even seemed like i wnated out she did ANYTHING to keep me. She must have been planning to break up or losing feeling for months before she broke up with me. She she had to be lying that she wanted me was in love with me and all that. That is what hurts too. Richard and i seem to be still in shock that they did this. It never seemed like it could happen before. Its not like i didnt try t fix things she didnt like about me or try and do things she liked or whatever the case may be, i tried to make it work up until the very end i didnt half ass anything. Even her friends are jerks to me. They hate me too, even when they saw how much i loved their best friend. Its just hard to fall out of love its hard to get off the dream they built for the both of us and they left you with it alone. Richard, we are in for one hell of a next couple months. Im just like you its every morning its every night im sick. Going out isnt the same talking to girls makes me sick nervous even like if i talk to a girl whos interestd in me my head and body feels like im "cheating" because i actually love someone else. Until we stop loving and caring for these girls more than friends, we are gonna be in a $**t storm. Good luck man im praying for the both of us.

[PLAYBRAT]

Hi RC....

 

I am sorry things turned out this way for you...but I can see how you

would react the way you did. You feel out of control because all you want is for her to hear you out and she won't even give you that.In her

opinion, anything you say is a moot point because emotionally she has already check out of the relationship completely. Anything you say or do

will not change the outcome...so she is not even going to give you the

chance to try.

 

I agree with another poster in that you are not only dealing with the breakup, but accepting that she is NOT the person you may have thought she was. If you knew six months ago she was capable of being so cold, heartless and emotionless in dumping you, would you have continued dating her?? I doubt you would have judging by the sensitive nature

of your posts. Unfortunately none of us ever know what people are capable of until they are pushed to that limit.....

 

The fact that you are EVEN considering sending her flowers on V-day is a sign that you have a ways to go accepting that she is gone. Please do not humiliate yourself any further. I think you have a serious problem with accepting rejection..and THAT is not HER issue..it is yours.

I will not say you are obsessed with her....but you are teetering on the edge. There is a great book out there called "Obssessive Love" By Susan Forward. I think it will help you understand yourself a bit better..and maybe let this relationship go. Please read it before you make any decisions to do anything else....

 

And keep posting..

[miami45uconn]

I guess its always like this when you love someone. Nothing they do or say will make US change how we feel about them.

 

 

I really hate that i feel like that aswell. Its like nothing can hurt me more than you leaving so whatever you do after is just a joke. I really hope thats some kind of sign that the feelings i had for her were real, id really would hate it if long down the road i look back and realized i was just obsessed or soemthing about her. And i think alot of times when people break up with someone who still loves them. They are mean to push them away. Clearly if they really love you it doesnt work. Breaking up with them hurts the most being mean is just a joke, well atleast to me. Yeah it still hurts but its nothing like the gut wrenching pain you go through knowing they loved you once (or said they did) and now they dont or somehow are hiding it or whatever. Its funny someone told me something my x's bestfriend posted on facebook, im in college, that her best friend was coming back home because all her roomates and her + my ex were going to have a depressing valentines day. And it made me mad because if my x thought valentines day is going to be depressing, she HAS SOMEONE here that loves her and would give her every chance he could. Just felt like sayin that been botherin me.

[richardcruz]

Yeah it just completely hurts, and I've never been this broken. I've had a broken heart before so I'm not new to this, but this is completely on a different level. My ex ex cheated on me and that really hurt. I found out a few months later after she broke up with me that she was getting married and moving to another state. Talking about moving on quickly. After that failed relationship, I met my current ex. She was different (or so I thought). I always told her that she came into my life right when I had all but lost hope with love and trusting a person with my heart. I took all my defenses down and gave her my heart. She was extremely kind to me, very caring, and l_v_d me with everything in her. Last year, I had to leave town on business and she was hugging me tightly and she was crying on my shoulder because she knew she was going to miss me. These are the kind of memories I have of her. I was certain that she would never hurt me. My gut instinct told me that if there was ever someone I could trust with my heart, it was her. Fast forward to today...She completely treats me like I never meant anything to her. She hangs up on me and won't even give me the time of day to just talk to her. She has completely broken my heart and she knows how much its hurting me. She heard me audibly crying for her on the phone when i was telling her that it all hurt too much but it had no effect on her and instead she just told me that i was overreacting and that she didnt have time for it and just hung up. It extremely hurts because I trusted her with my heart and soul and in the end she treated me with no regard for me,my feelings, my heart. None. Just completely unremorseful. The only person that mattered to her was, well her. Even though I did so much good in our relationship. She pretty much just got my heart and threw it in a trash can and walked away.

[miami45uconn]

I swear every time i read your posts i think i wrote it. I used to never trust people because usually they let you down. Thats why people usually have their whole life one or two real good friends. Most of the others if it doesnt affect them then they arent gonna help. I had a hard time being emotional and i learned. She also was uncomfortable with things and we fixed each other and had a good relationship, yes with some passionate fighting but who doesnt have some of that. She must have just liked the idea of me because maybe i treated her better han every guy or I made her feel really good about herself and upped her confidence to a level where she realized she was that good and ha i wasnt good enough so she left, oh the irony. Yup threw it in the trash thats exactly how i feel she used up her time with me and when she was done she tossed me and forgot everything. She told me she never felt this way blah blah cried when i gave her suprise gifts and even a month or two before she broke up with me i left my ipod at her house. I had a playlist called hurting when she wanted a break 2 months before she actually ended it(she came back to me within three days) but she cried and got upset that i had that and was upset she hurt me and begged for forgiveness because she listened to the songs and they i guess were depressing or sad maybe some hinder or something sanctus real i cant remember. But isnt it so hard to think they all of a sudden changed after doing things that someone deep in love would do??? its a M***h*r F*****r aint it

[Zapbasket]

Richard, I've read through your thread and I just *had* to reply because I really feel for you. I am in the aftermath of a situation very similar to yours--sudden breakup, nasty rebuffs on every effort to discuss things, and then finally a chilling e-mail telling me to get lost. Then, when I called 7 months later just to try one last time to leave things on a better footing, while we had a relatively nice conversation, when I asked if we could meet up he evaded the question, and never ventured to apologize for the cruelty of his e-mail. That call I made was in early September, my birthday was shortly thereafter and he did not contact me, and in all this time I have heard nothing. I am now 99.9% certain that he intends to leave things this way and not look back, and while I haven't entirely let go of the hope that I'll hear from him one day, the factt that he could be this silent this long suggests he's perfectly capable of never contacting me again. And this time it *will* have to come from him; I made the effort, and I'll not try again.

 

What you're experiencing is agonizing, I know. It will take a long time to work through this...and there is nothing wrong with that. I'm still taking it day by day. But one thing has changed: my self-respect mechanism has kicked in and at this point I don't have him on a pedastal. You know what I think now?

 

I think that it is very very easy to just slam a door and have nothing to do with someone whom you once loved again. It doesn't take any character, or courage, or discipline, or ethics, or compassion to make that choice. His coldness is no indication of strength or superiority whatsoever. The people who are truly worth loving for life, those who truly are worth pining over, are the remarkable few who will reach out, not for selfish reasons, but because they want to make sure you go forward in your life knowing you mattered. I think the way my ex handled the breakup shows him to be much, much less of a prize than I ever thought. The same is true of your ex.

 

I know how much it hurts to remember the good times, the times when you felt secure that you were with a person who would always be good to you even if she ultimately couldn't give you all you might want, and then to have to deal with this unexpected cruelty (and it IS cruelty; don't let your lovesick heart contort it into something it's not). There will probably always be a clot of pain deep in your psyche from this experience. But you must remember that you are the only true advocate for yourself you ever will have, and you must hold your head up each day and through all the pain and tears and confusion endeavor to make the most of this precious life given to you. You owe it to yourself.

 

Keep posting; it really helps. Many of us understand exactly what kind of pain you're experiencing and you will always find a compassionate ear here. If you like, you're always welcome to PM me, to vent if you need.

 

Hang in there, okay?

[richardcruz]

I got out of work today and came straight home. I felt like I have been holdng myself together to keep from breaking down and it takes alot out of me. I decided to go to sleep for a while, but then I started having a dream of her and I woke up. Waking up always is the worst because there is a slight delay of bliss after opening my eyes but then reality always comes rushing in. I sat up in my bed and cried. I stayed crying for a while and then I went over to the bathroom to rinse my face. I look up at the mirror in front of me and I see that my eyes are red and swollen. It hurts to see myself like this. It hurts because I look at myself in the mirror and I know that didn't deserve to be treated this way. I hate myself for allowing this to happen, and I hate her for doing this to me. I hate the person who I was; the person who fell for her, the person who did everything he could to make her happy, the person that gave his heart. Most importanty, I hate that person that believed everything that she said. I've never felt so betrayed and everything good in me is lost. I know I can't contact her anymore. I know she's not coming back. I know that she doesn't even stop to think about how horribly she treated me and how hurt I feel. I know that she doesn't stop to think to herself 'I told him I would never break his heart.' Its so much easier to just walk away and never look back. Its easier for her to not look back at me standing there with tears coming out of my eyes from what she did. Its easier for her to hang up the phone instead of hearing the hurt in my voice. Its easier for her to move on and pretend we never happended. But i'm still stuck here and I can't deal with it, and I tired of telling myself things will get better when I seem to feel worse with each passing day. The emptiness and agony keep me here. I can't hold on to anything. I can't hold on to love, hope, trust; anything. I'm sure my friends are getting tired of hearing me talk about the hurt and I don't blame them. Today one of my friends asked me how I felt today and I said not good. She said why and I told her becase I just felt undeserving of all of this. She just stayed quiet. Truth is it's not her job or anybody elses to make me feel better. I have to do that on my own but I can't. I can't hold on to anything. I'm too depressed. I feel too alone in my head. I feel too empty and hopeless. Many people on this forum have been hurting for months over there loss and I just can't make it through another day like this. I hate myself for this, for spending and entire year with her, and for everything I felt in that year.

[JustinWolf]

Dude, you're beating yourself over this. STOP NOW! Stop talking about her, stop just stop. You can do it. I was in your situation and I got through it. I'm feeling so much better. I'm feeling fine! it takes time but just keep that in mind. Just man, I understand how you feel and I know when you read this you think "No, nothing will be." I thought the same things and honnestly they aren't true. You will feel better as long as you let go and stop beating yourself over what happened and realise, it's over and just move on strong.

[RainyGirl]

Richard, time will be your best medicine. You will heal. It might seem like it gets worse before it gets better, but it WILL get better. You are a wonderful person to have loved someone the way you have. At this moment, somewhere near to your location, there is a very LUCKY girl waiting to get introduced to you. I know girls that would kill to meet a guy like you. Just wait it out, my friend. Just wait it out. You can do it.

[richardcruz]

At this moment, somewhere near to your location, there is a very LUCKY girl waiting to get introduced to you. I know girls that would kill to meet a guy like you. Just wait it out, my friend. Just wait it out. You can do it.

 

Rainy..thank you so much for this comment. After reading this, I closed my eyes and imagined that there is someone somewhere that can really appreciate me. Someone that won't hurt me anymore. Someone that will treat me kindly. My God, if i could just feel that right now. I'm so tired of hurting and crying. Today has been such a long long day. It it has been raining non-stop in my neck of the woods. Its so hard to hold on when all you feel is agony and days feel like years.

[SmileyFace82]

Hey Richard,

 

I wrote early on in your other thread and i'm sad to hear that you are still feeling pretty down and feeling the way you are right now. All this crying etc. is okay, i've been there, done that. I had even broke down at work and had a long chat with my boss(!) about it weeks after i split up with my ex. The world around me seem to be crumbling down around me but i realised that i had to stop feeling sorry for myself... i had to get ahold of myself and get a grip.

 

Months on now, and i'm feeling better, i look back and realise that i had been silly, looked back and regretted a million things that i did and didn't do. Perhaps "regret" is not the right word, but there were instances where i know i will do differently if the situation ever arises in the future. That's because our life is a journey and whenever we encounter a problem or a setback, we must learn from this. It's a lesson. I thought the girl i'd split up with was the one for me, but as my head has started to clear i realise that it would never have worked. My gf also cried on my shoulder and hugged me when i left her at the airport once... yeah i had those moments too, and i can choose to hold on to those moments if i wanted to or I can CHOOSE to remember the bad times/moments where it will convince me that we weren't "perfect" for each other.

 

You keep saying you hate the way you feel, hate this and hate that... You've gotta stop this. What do you like? Think more positive...let's focus on the stuff that makes you happy yeah? give yourself a time frame. I've promised myself that i'm not going to speak to my ex AT ALL until my birthday in the summer... until then, i'm going to concentrate on myself. I know it's still early days but i'm feeling better for it already. I do still think about her sometimes but whenever i do, i immediately think of the bad times i had with her, little things she did to annoy me and the way she treated me when we split up. I don't want to spend the rest of my life with someone who can treat me like that... Instead i focused on my career and in making more friends. Things i neglected whilst i was with her.

 

I've said all this to make you realise that you're not alone in all this. I experienced what you are experiencing right now as has many other people and it's not the end of the world. You've got to get a grip and sort yourself out. Stop feeling sorry for yourself. People around you can help but ultimately it's up to you whether you want to feel better...its your choice, it's your decision. The power of "decision" cannot be underestimated. Sometimes it is as easy as saying "i don't want to feel like this anymore, i want to be happy".

[ninjaturtles]

How are you feeling today?

 

Your friend may not have said anything when you told her you felt that the way your Ex treated you is underserved because she may have known what to say. it doesnt mean you deserved it.

 

I know how it feels, to remember the good times. To trust someone so much especially after you have been heartbroken. Thinking about it makes me sad. She put a lot of hope in you after you were very hurt about your EX-EX...You thought she would be there for you..You never imagined she would totally forget all the things she said to you.

 

You know what a male friend of mine said? He said 'talk is cheap'. You can never ever rely on words. One day, they are meaningful, the next day the maker of the statements totally forgets that she said those things to you, those things which gave you hope.

 

 

I feel for you because I can feel your pain. You did nothing to deserve this and ONE day, she will remember all the hurt she put you through. She knows she is hurting you so much...one day she will be repaid.

 

You are going through such a terrible time now but bad times don't last forever. Once, you were so happy with her right? Those were the good times. Now, you are depressed...this is a bad time. Very soon, you will no longer be in this place...you have to believe that. You have to believe that there are better days to come.

 

 

Ok, I know this is kind of irrelevant, but Angelina and Brad pitt are having another baby, this time it may be twins. I also read they intend to finally tie the knots. (I am not very sure about the marraige rumoir) however she is indeed pregnant again. You can imagine the pain Jennifer Anniston went through. SHE IS HUMAN after all. You can imagine opening all the magazines and seeing the man you got married to, raise a family with one of the most beautiful women in America. When I read today that they are expecting a baby, I could feel Jen's pain. This is just an example of the horrible things in life we go through. The heartbreaks etc. Jen's best friend, courtney cox is happily married with a child. Everyone around Jen seems to fine. They are happy..including Angelina.

 

You may not be in the UK, so you may not know who the following people I am going to talk about are. Well, some pretty lady , called Alesha Dixon was married to this guy called Harvey. They had dated for 6 years prior to gettting married. Well, about a year and a few months ago, Harvey left his gorgeous wife for some woman called 'Javine' whom he met whilst they were working on some musical.

A year later, Harvey and this woman are having a baby!!! Alesha(i.e the ex wife of Harvey whom was chated on) admiited in an interview that she wanted to commit suicide at some point. Once she was driving and she wanted to drive off the road. In the same year that her husband left her, she got dropped from her record label. In other words, she had no job etc. (As she is a musician).

 

Well, a year later on, Alesha is doing very very fine. She recently won a competiton called 'strictly come dancing'. She is happy, even though she is single. At the moment, her ex husband and his new girlfriend Javine are expecting a baby. Nevertheless, I can confidently say that Alesha is truly in a good place. She has made a lot of money from her new found fame (as a result of her winning a competion). She is in a much betetr place and things can only get better for her because she has been through the worst of the worsts!! Having been left by her husband whom she dated for 6 years for some women; having lost her job that same year. etc.

 

 

My point being that people have been through horrible things in life. Just like what you are going through. However, there are people who have even been through WORSE things! They went through hard times but they are fine now. YOU WILL get better Richard.

 

You have to realise that you must feel a lot of pain and it is NOT going to be easy. People get let down by thier husbands and wives..people they have lived with for years and years. They got through it Richard..so will you.

 

 

Realise that you have been betrayed. Accept it richard. Once you accept it, only then will you find the grace to move foward. It is not going to be easy. But people have been through it....so will you.

 

Think about your EX- ex....didnt you find happiness after her with your most recent Ex? That's the same way you will be happy again.

 

 

However, I must add that I dont think you should look for someone to help you get over the pain. I know it is easier that way and if someone comes along..you can give it a try. However, using myself as an example...in the past I always got over my ex boyf's by finding someone new. I never actually knew how to happy by myself. Now, I am going through it alone, with myfriends. Not with any guy. You need to be able to be happy alone. Trust me..it is very very important in life that you do not base you happiness on someone else..because THEY COULD ALWAYS BETRAY YOU. This girl of yours (ex) gave you hope, you thought she could not do what she did....however she even hurt you MORE than your EX-ex.

 

 

Richard......take it a day at a time. Mourn morun mourn but please be positive as well. Time alone cannot heal you, you need to be positive and decide what you want .

 

Hugs.xxxxxxxxxxxx

[richardcruz]

I feel for you because I can feel your pain. You did nothing to deserve this and ONE day, she will remember all the hurt she put you through. She knows she is hurting you so much...one day she will be repaid.

 

Romans 12:19 KJV Dearly beloved avenge not yourself but rather give place to wrath for it is written, vengeance is mine. I will repay saith the Lord.

 

My point in quoting this bible verse is this. Well personally I'm a religious man (or at least Im try to be even though at times its hard, im far from perfect). I respect everyones choice whether religious or non religious, or maybe a different religion all together. I think as long as whatever you believe in makes a overall better, stronger person than thats a good thing. But so far I feel the only thing that has been comforting to me has been these post from all you kind people and my faith.

 

I guess regardless of what you believe in, the idea of "karma" and "what goes around comes around" is pretty much taught in someway across the board. Everyone can't be wrong. I think there has to be some kind of balancing force that regulates these type of things.

 

I'm hurting extremely bad right now in all honesty. It hurts. What hurts most is the betrayal; the fact that she treated me like trash. But you're absolutely right. I need to accept it. She did what she did and its done. I have to walk away with that. As hard as this may seem, I need to walk away knowing that I treated her really good and I wasn't the one that broke things in the end..that was her. She was the one that treated me like I never mattered. So I guess, whether its right or wrong to believe feel this way, I have found a bit of comfort in understanding that this wasn't my doing and that she will feel the pain that I felt one day. I walk away now knowing that I got screwed over but I got to let things be.

[serendip]

I think you have to come to the realization ...that it's over between you two and move on with your life. The sooner you realize that...the sooner you will start to heal.

 

Dude...I know the pain all too well

 

best of luck

[4everloveu]

To Richard, stop blame yourself. You done everything you could. Time to pick up the piece and move on. I know it easy to say but hard to be done. I been there and still feel the pain right now. I cry almost every night, but did he care if I cry. NO. I lost my father at the same time we broke up. I called him, text, email and he don't reply. I just want him to know how I feel and need him next to me to comfort me. I was all to myself, feeling sad and lonely until my father passed away. I still love him now because it's no one fault. I just hope he realized how much I love and care for him. I'll alway by his side when ever he need me.

 

I know I deserve better and someone will appreciate my love. You deserve better and for someone don't even care for you. You can just let it go and move on. I promise, you will feel better as day go by. Just take it easy day by day. When the right time come, you will heal and the right girl will show up in front of you. Someone that appreciate your love and love you with all their heart. I know it hard right now, but at least you try. You will find as day go by, it will get easy. BIG HUGGGs

Edited January 29, 2008 by 4everloveu

[richardcruz]

The urge to call her isn't there anymore. What's been tough is accepting the fact that she hurt me deeply and that she has no remorse about it. Mornings are definitely the hardest. I always struggle to get out of bed. Not one day has passed that I haven't thought of her as soon as I open my eyes upon waking up. I've also been dreaming about her these past few days and that makes it really hard. Throughout the day, I'll catch myself drifting off into thought. Today is a pretty windy day out in my area. I was staring out of my office window looking at the wind move through the trees and I suddenly started thinking to myself if she was thinking about me in that very instance and if she has any idea how bad she hurt me by treating me the way she did. Has any of that sunk in yet? Will it ever? I'm starting to accept the fact that I got screwed over and I just have to take it in and move on. As undeserving as I was for the way she treated me, she did it anyways. I've really been trying not to think about her. When a good memory comes into mind, I immediately try to think of the way she was with me in the end. I remind myself of the way she told me that she hates it when I get dramatic when I was just crying because it hurt so bad, followed by her saying that she didn't have time for this and the hang up. Those are the things I need to remind myself of. I haven't cried for two days now. I don't know if any of you guys remember a movie called "Cast Away" with Tom Hanks. Well basically the guy works for Fed Ex and he is en route to do training in some other country when his plane goes down in the middle of the ocean. He survives the crash and finds himself living on an uninhabited island. He's alone. When he first gets of the island, you can see the despair as well as the hope in his eyes. Well half way into the movie, a 5 year time lapse occurs. You immediately notice the stark contrast. Tom Hanks character has now grown a long beard and is plucking fish right out the sea effortlessly with a makeshift spear . The whole point of this long example is that you can see that he the has grown completely numb to his situation. He portrays no emotion, no despair, just emptiness. He has adapted to his situation. Despite his extremely unfortunate circumstance he has learned to accept it. He has learned to live by the day in a reality that he obviously never asked for, but was given to him regardless. I apologize for the movie analogy but this is the best way I can describe my current feelings. Yeah things really still hurt, but alot of the time now, I find myself just feeling numb. I feel like I have no heart. Kind of like I'm just living.

[dom1]

Hi Richard,

I posted on your last thread, and it was probably not the kind of response you wanted to hear. It seems like you are moving in the right direction. I am recovering from a chemical dependancy, and anyone who knows anything about addiction, knows that it is alot like being with someone you love, and then losing them. You literally go through a physical withdrawal that is very similar to withdrawal from drugs or alcohol.

 

I began attending Narcotics Anonymous (NA). I was very reluctant at first to put any weight in the kinds of things that they had to say there, but some things really started making alot of sense. The one thing I have really learned there is to "Take control of things that are within you power, and accept that you have no control over the things that aren't".

 

All you can control is you, and believe me, you can control yourself, your thoughts, your emotions, and your actions. Anything outside of you, ie her, are not within your control. Accept that, and you will begin to focus on yourself, and improving your own life. You seem to be moving in that direction, and thats a huge step. Keep it up man, never stop moving forward. If you don't, I promise you will regret it forever for letting someone else have control over you destiny. Keep going dude, you're getting there.

[NickP]

hey richard,

dom1 has got a gd point there..

it's time to MAN UP dude.. some1 told me that when i had a bad brk up w my ex, and it just struck a chord. one day man, u gotta protect a woman, a family & a career, so u gotta learn how to take what life throws at u with a pinch of salt!! u've got ur answer from her that there isn't a future for you and her, so now it's time to move on and u're doing good for the first week i can tell ya for sure! keep at it and b4 u noe it, it's 3+ mths and u dunt think bout her as much nemore. no doubt my mind does wander to her at times but ive accepted that it's over and that's v v impt !

 

listen man, u gotta Love yourself b4 u'll ever be ready to Love some1 else. keep at thinking about how horribly she treated u at the end of the relationship and you'll be well on ur way to realising that she doesnt deserve some1 like u who loved so very greatly.

 

AT ALL TIMES, DO NOT LET UR MIND WANDER !! alwez focus on something, i.e. work,friends, etc.

hope i made some sensee..

stay strong man

 

nick

[richardcruz]

Thanks for the feedback. You guys are absolutely right. I'm in my late twenties already and I do need to start acting more like it. The show does go on without her. Well I'm trying to keep busy by going to the gym and taking care of other things that I kind of neglected in the past. I'm also gonna be receiving a pretty big job promotion in a few weeks so I'm pretty excited about that. I'm trying as hard as I can to appreciate what I have and see the positive side of things. But its when I "sit still" that those thoughts come around. The best thing so far (as you guys have suggested) that has somewhat helped; think about how she treated me in the end. This has been instrumental in stopping myself from wandering to far in thought. "Control things that you can, accept that which you cant." I like that. Does make alot of since. I've always been a very anxious person and I think I need to apply that to my life in general. I really can't wait till the day when the thought of her doesn't bother me that much and I don't have to put so much energy in focusing on things other than her.