momto4boys Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hi everyone. I am new here. I just have some things on my mind and could use some advice from an objective party. My husband and I have been married for almost 10 years now and together for almost 12. We have 3 kids together and I have one from my first marriage. I am a stay at home mom and am back in school part time to pursue another degree. The first 3 years of our marriage were incredible. He always doted on me and never let me forget how much he loved and adored me. When I got pregnant with our 6 year old, I went into a deep depression and shut everyone around me out. I eventually came out of it but never fully recovered 100% until last year. During my last pregnancy, my OB put me on meds and it did help and I remained on them until last summer when I decided that I really didn't want to be on them anymore. I had some withdrawal, but after a few months, it went away and I've felt much better ever since. A few years back when we were at a friends party, H had a little too much to drink and confessed that he had a very strong attraction to one of his clients a few years earlier. Of course it bothered me, but I had no choice but to let it go. Then a couple of years later we went out to dinner with a big group of friends for one of their birthdays and everyone came back to our house. Again, he had too much to drink (only the second time in our marriage mind you), and he propositioned one of our friends to touch him "there" and luckily she said no and I was sitting right there and said "uh, helllooooo, I don't think so!". He apologized and was mortified later that he said that. I know it sounds like he's a pig, but honestly he is a very stand up kind of guy and is a true gentlemen and is all about family. Those things have just stuck with me. Fast forward to this past new years eve. A woman he works with (who's new to the company) had had a converstation with him a few weeks earlier about what part of town he lives in and it came up that our next door neighbor is one of her closest friends. Anyway, she said that she'd stop by sometime if we were home when she was there. Well, my oldest son comes in on New Years and said "This lady outside wants to say hi to you" to my H. We were laying on the couch together and I said "no don't get up, I'm comfy", but he said that he didn't want to be rude so he went. Well, I figured I had better go too, so I went out and just as I opened the door, she was throwing her arms around him to give him a big hug. When I walked up, she said "Hi, I'm ___. He's a cutie!" (pointing to my H). I didn't know what to say but realized in that moment that I didn't like her one little bit. I mean, who says that the first time they meet the wife of a coworker!!!??? I told him later that I don't trust her and he laughed and said "you have nothing to worry about". But, she was older with blonde hair just like the woman he had the strong attraction to years ago. He laughed it off and I swear that he didn't take me seriously, but I didn't get a good vibe from her at all and I'm a very intuitive person. After that, we had a huge "discussion" about how he feels my depression put a big wedge between us and although he feels differently about me, he still loves me the same as he always has!??? What the heck does that mean??!! I thought we were on the upswing of things, but after that I guess not. I just wish he had talked to me about this all along so we could have worked through it, not just when something else is the precursor to a big discussion. Since that day, the woman he works with has been coming to her friends house more often. I'd never seen her car there before New Years and it's a very noticeable one at that. Sorry for the huge rant, I just don't have anyone to talk to. He's sick of hearing about it and I don't want to beat a dead horse. Do I let it go and hope for the best and am I truly overreacting?? Or, do I go another route? Any and all advice would be really, really appreciated! Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted January 16, 2008 Share Posted January 16, 2008 After that, we had a huge "discussion" about how he feels my depression put a big wedge between us and although he feels differently about me, he still loves me the same as he always has!??? What the heck does that mean??!! Well, if I'm doing the math right, you were dealing with depression - and all that goes along with that for both of you - for the better part of 6 years. As someone who has seen that situation up close in family members, I'm not shocked that your H has said that it had an effect on your M. While his choice of words might be better, do his thoughts come as a surprise to you ? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author momto4boys Posted January 16, 2008 Author Share Posted January 16, 2008 Hi thoughts don't come as a surprise to me, but I felt so alone for so long because I really didn't feel that he was there for me when I was going through all of this. He's not a very communicative person in general, so I understand that he may not have known what to say, but he wasn't there for me when I needed him most. Link to post Share on other sites
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