Being a musician and having a relationship..

[cutegirl]

Yeah and I said being busy doing things he likes, especialy if those things are music and higher education, should only help him get and keep a girl. Then because of all the rock star talk, and talk of guys hooking up with bunchs of girls I saw mentioned and cheating, I mentioned that I dont think this is his situation. I think he'd be happy at this point to just find one girl he clicked with, it doesnt strike me that hes in a situation where tons of chicks hes atracted to are trying to start relations with him at this time.

 

Being a musician is automatically a high-risk candidate for a relationship. I would probably automatically disqualify a musician because I think they are more likely to cheat. If there are girls at the gigs then that's already considered "high-risk" and likely to cheat. He said there were females there. I would not date a guy that is surrounded by female fans every night.

 

ALL guys cheat. Guys want a relationship with one girl but they WILL cheat when on the road. Even if the girls don't try to start relationships with him he will be tempted.

 

I know I'm not the only female who thinks like that. There are some women out there who would NEVER consider a musician for this reason alone.

[Poboy]

i used to be a in a band while in college and had a serious relationship then. it was tough and somehow we did manage to survive the time.

 

if you are looking for a serious relationship, look at other places like college rather than the shows.

dont ever give up on your music for a relationship. you have to balance everything out... music , career , relationship , family etc. tough but possible. if you cant, passion for a hobby shouldn't be sacrificed. my gf understood the fact that i have to balance and give time to everything so was very considerate. that wasn't the case with other band members and they saw many come and go... i just got lucky i guess.

[Green]

Well I have never cheated! And I will never cheat. And this guy doesn't strike me as a guy who has ever cheated (may be wrong). And I happen to know a bass player in a band, in my big city full of women who hasn't found a girl to be in a relationship with for over year... (hasnt been laid either)

The way you are with one thing is the way you are with everything. Logically then the way you are with one guy is the way you are with all men. The reason for this is simple, the fastest part of your brain is also the most stupid. If you have one bad experience with a guy it remembers how you felt and the moment there’s a guy around it replays the feeling, this isn’t helpful when you’re trying to have healthy relationships. When you meet a new guy do you worry he will reject your feelings, well have you ever been rejected by a guy before? Your subconscious mind is working to protect you from feeling that feeling by replaying the feeling as a warning so you avoid the behavior that led you to the feeling the first time. Maybe some times you feel jealous when you see your guy talking to other girls, even though you know he’d never cheat. Well that feeling probably comes from a previous boy friend who cheated on you. It has nothing to do with the current guy, unless you act on that feeling and get shtty with him and give him a reason to cheat. Then suddenly all the guy you get together with are cheating on you and you wonder why. It’s sometimes hard to ignore these feelings and its very hard to let them go. But there are several good techniques.

[cutegirl]

Well I have never cheated! And I will never cheat. And this guy doesn't strike me as a guy who has ever cheated (may be wrong). And I happen to know a bass player in a band, in my big city full of women who hasn't found a girl to be in a relationship with for over year... (hasnt been laid either)

The way you are with one thing is the way you are with everything. Logically then the way you are with one guy is the way you are with all men. The reason for this is simple, the fastest part of your brain is also the most stupid. If you have one bad experience with a guy it remembers how you felt and the moment there’s a guy around it replays the feeling, this isn’t helpful when you’re trying to have healthy relationships. When you meet a new guy do you worry he will reject your feelings, well have you ever been rejected by a guy before? Your subconscious mind is working to protect you from feeling that feeling by replaying the feeling as a warning so you avoid the behavior that led you to the feeling the first time. Maybe some times you feel jealous when you see your guy talking to other girls, even though you know he’d never cheat. Well that feeling probably comes from a previous boy friend who cheated on you. It has nothing to do with the current guy, unless you act on that feeling and get shtty with him and give him a reason to cheat. Then suddenly all the guy you get together with are cheating on you and you wonder why. It’s sometimes hard to ignore these feelings and its very hard to let them go. But there are several good techniques.

 

I have never been cheated on (I prefer to be alone, I have no interest in relationships nowadays anyways) but I know most men cheat, it is encoded in their DNA.

 

Some men are more likely to cheat than others so if you want a guy who is more likely to be faithful you pick someone less desirable so they have less options.

 

Man with money = no good, VERY likely to cheat, even if he's fat and ugly. Also can always afford to buy hookers.

 

Musician = no good. Travels too much = more likely to cheat. Many men think that if they are in a different zip code then it is not cheating. I even read this in a book WRITTEN BY MEN to warn women about cheating men and there ways... Constantly surrounded by females

 

Good looking guys = No good, receives too much female attention. Has too many options available.

 

MOST MEN CHEAT. This has NOTHING to do with something that happened in my past! Many MEN have told me that they all cheat because it is unnatural for a man to be with one partner.

 

Biologically a woman gets pregnant and stays pregnant for 9 months while a man is able to disperse his sperm indiscriminately with no limits! It is something that is backed up by science and scientifically proven, not something that I made up because I got played or whatever.

[dropdeadlegs]

He cheats on her all the time. I don't consider it a compliment if he married her but sowed 10,000 oats before he actually married her.

 

Rock frontman JON BON JOVI insists working in the music business meant it was inevitable he would cheat on his wife DOROTHEA, and he maintains the experience was "great fun".

 

The KEEP THE FAITH singer claims being a player is part of the job, although rock 'n' roll family men such as JOHN LYDON and DAVID BOWIE might disagree.

 

He says, "Rock has this destructive image and there's a lot of hedonism to be had, but it's great.

 

"I've had my fun, trust me. I haven't been a saint - I've had my lapses with other women, sure.

 

"Welcome to the music business."

 

Source : http://www.contactmusic.com/new/xmlfeed.nsf/mndwebpages/bon%20jovi%20infidelity%20is%20part%20of%20the%20job_22_01_2006

I suppose your sources depend on what you want to hear or believe.

 

I don't pretend to know the truth about Jon and Dorothea's marriage, but here's a source that suggests a different viewpoint.

 

http://www.komodorock.com/latest-news/latest-news/jon-bon-jovi:-never-cheated-but-no-saint-either-200710172284/

[dropdeadlegs]

Dynamo,

 

Musicians are hot, whether physically or not.

 

There is something about a person so talented, especially if they can actually write music. I must admit that playing music written by others doesn't have the same mystique for me.

 

Regardless, a musician requires a mate that is self confident, and part of that responsibility is on your shoulders. If you make her feel like she is all you will ever need, she will feel exactly that.

 

Unless she is incapable. Unfortunately far too many are just that; incapable.

[Green]

I have never been cheated on (I prefer to be alone, I have no interest in relationships nowadays anyways) but I know most men cheat, it is encoded in their DNA.

 

Some men are more likely to cheat than others so if you want a guy who is more likely to be faithful you pick someone less desirable so they have less options.

 

Man with money = no good, VERY likely to cheat, even if he's fat and ugly. Also can always afford to buy hookers.

 

Musician = no good. Travels too much = more likely to cheat. Many men think that if they are in a different zip code then it is not cheating. I even read this in a book WRITTEN BY MEN to warn women about cheating men and there ways... Constantly surrounded by females

 

Good looking guys = No good, receives too much female attention. Has too many options available.

 

MOST MEN CHEAT. This has NOTHING to do with something that happened in my past! Many MEN have told me that they all cheat because it is unnatural for a man to be with one partner.

 

Biologically a woman gets pregnant and stays pregnant for 9 months while a man is able to disperse his sperm indiscriminately with no limits! It is something that is backed up by science and scientifically proven, not something that I made up because I got played or whatever.

 

Well I am very atractive and wealthy and can promise you I do not cheat. And my friends are also atractive and wealthy and I would know it if they cheated on their gf's and wives.

[Jilly Bean]

I suppose your sources depend on what you want to hear or believe.

 

I don't pretend to know the truth about Jon and Dorothea's marriage, but here's a source that suggests a different viewpoint.

 

http://www.komodorock.com/latest-news/latest-news/jon-bon-jovi:-never-cheated-but-no-saint-either-200710172284/

 

 

OMG! There IS a Santa Claus! Oh, please let me believe this to be so...

[birdmadgirl]

Hey there!

 

I haven't had a chance to read the other responses yet, and I may kick myself for that later. I'm at work, though, and I only have a few brief moments to get this out.

 

I'm also in a band (keyboards/vocals), and I've had difficulty finding people who could see past the stereotypical rocker persona to take me seriously as relationship material. I've never understood that, either, because I couldn't be any more different (for the record, I'm the only girl in a four-piece electronic/art-rock band, and we're all in our thirties. We're a very tame bunch). I think the majority of people who aren't familiar with the lifestyle almost expect you to be unfaithful. Stereotypes exist for a reason, to be certain, but it is incredibly frustrating when people reject you out of hand based on them when they know nothing about you, specifically. That's certainly been my experience, anyway. Perhaps it's a confidence issue, as someone else here suggested. That just seems so absurd to me, because from my perspective, it's just one facet of who I am. It doesn't make me special, necessarily. Just different. And it certainly doesn't mean I sleep around. I don't.

 

Recently, I did date a drummer from a band that opened for us. That crashed and burned so very hard. As it turned out, he upheld that stereotype to the fullest extent he could. ;-)

 

Best of luck to you, and I'm sorry if I missed the point of your original post. I've been dealing with some frustration of my own where this is concerned, so you're definitely not alone.

 

Cheers!

[morrigan]

 

I think the majority of people who aren't familiar with the lifestyle almost expect you to be unfaithful. Stereotypes exist for a reason, to be certain, but it is incredibly frustrating when people reject you out of hand based on them when they know nothing about you, specifically.

 

I agree with this. I'm in a long term relationship with a musician; he also works a regular job and is content to accept that he's never going to become a millionaire from his music. I think jealousy over the time spent on music is the bigger issue than the jealousy and insecurity about the musician hanging out and possibly cheating with fans. The same creative passion that initially attracted someone to a musician causes them to become jealous about the amount of time the musician spends with their craft.

 

I can't blame people for having assumptions about the sex and drug use musicians do; it does occur, but there are exceptions to the rule. It's the same way with anyone else you meet; they either live up to the agreements you mutually make or they don't. As far as advice on what type of girls to seek out, I'd suggest going for other creative types, not necessarily musicians, but someone who enjoys your music but isn't already an uber fan of your band and has their own interests outside of hanging out at all your shows. Basically someone who doesn't need the assurance of being in contact with you 24/7.

[Dynamo]

he wouldnt be on here wonder about being in a relationship if he currently had oportunities with girls he found attractive... Girls hes attracted to arnt throwing themselves at him. Hes just a regular guy who is busy with a band and school, he just hope to find a girl he likes, and that will like him back. I say being in a band and busy with posotive things will only make him seem more attractive. But hes going to have to make an effort to meet women hes attracted to if he's lonely for a relationship

 

Exactly, KMT is hitting the nail on the head with his posts - I'm not in the big rock star situation right now.. We play small gigs like at bars, pubs, etc. We do eventually plan on doing independent gigs, but that probably won't be for awhile. It's not like we have hordes of female fans screaming their lungs out at the site of us, LOL!

 

Although like I said, since we play at places like bars and clubs and such, there obviously are going to be not only men but single women, too at these things. I have noticed that the band tends to draw the focus of more girls then, say, average joe sitting at the bar, and after gigs when we all have drinks women (and men, though!) have engaged all of us in conversation.

 

I've talked with my band mates about they're relationships a little the other day. The drummer has been with the same girl for a couple months, the bassist is having some relationship issues at the moment, the lead guitarist isn't currently seeing anyone (but I've heard he's been with his fair share of people.. Yeah..). Funnily enough the lead vocalist, the guy often personified as the perfect "Rocker" stereotype, has been with the same girl for three years, almost 3 and a half. So I don't know what to think about that!

 

cutegirl, I appreciate your opinion. While I don't see myself as the type of guy who'd ever cheat if I was with a girl I was happy with, it IS helpful to hear a woman's personal opinion, so thanks

 

Dropdeadlegs: haha thanks! Since we are still making a name for ourself, our gigs are 50/50 our own work and covers of other bands. So far it works pretty well - we usually open with something of our own work, and gauge weither the next performance should be a cover or another original based on the response we get from the crowd. Has worked out well so far.

 

Birdmadgirl: Hey, glad to see someone else on here who's in the same boat as me! Thank you for your input, best of luck with your band! Keyboardists can add so much to a band, they are highly underrated - we jammed with a keyboardist a few weeks ago and it completely added another great element to our music We're actually thinking of trying to find a keyboardist to join, LOL!

[birdmadgirl]

Birdmadgirl: Hey, glad to see someone else on here who's in the same boat as me! Thank you for your input, best of luck with your band! Keyboardists can add so much to a band, they are highly underrated - we jammed with a keyboardist a few weeks ago and it completely added another great element to our music We're actually thinking of trying to find a keyboardist to join, LOL!

 

Well, keyboardists are great, but I'm biased. ;-)

 

Seriously, though... thank you for your well-wishes, and same to you! Out of curiosity, I noticed that you mentioned doing covers. Might I ask which covers you've done? We try to do a new one every other show.

[blind_otter]

Yeah I'm sure there are opportunities, although I'm sorta in a funny predicament - the women who go to our shows, sure they are attractive, but they just aren't my type of girl. Most of them like to party, drink a lot, etc etc. I'm all for having a good time, but I'm looking for a real relationship with a girl - someone who'd rather stay home and watch movies or go out on a picnic in the park, rather then go out and party hard every night.

Like I said I'm in a band for the music experience, I'm not a huge fan of the Band/fan atmosphere.. =/ I know, it doesn't make much sense, but I'm stupid like that.

 

I didn't read the rest of the thread but one of my friends gets around this by dating women who are in his band. I don't know how well that's worked out, though, since he recently moved away from his wife and is now living solo and working at a recording studio.

[Dynamo]

Well, keyboardists are great, but I'm biased. ;-)

 

Seriously, though... thank you for your well-wishes, and same to you! Out of curiosity, I noticed that you mentioned doing covers. Might I ask which covers you've done? We try to do a new one every other show.

 

We've really done a lot of different stuff - the majority of our own music would fall under hard-punk, classic-metal and occasionally melodic metal. although we've covered everything from the Beatles, Zepplin, Stones, AC/DC and more.. What we play really depends on the atmosphere of the gig and the type of response we'll think we'll generate. =)

 

EDIT: Hey Blind Otter, thanks for the reply All the people in the band are guys, and I'm afraid I don't roll that way... Haha!

[blackbird]

My fiance and I've discussed this problem for the future, as he doesn't tour right now with his music project(s) but plans to. While I do have some issues with the amount of time that would be spent apart and the kind of environment he'll be spending that time in (clubs, liquor, girls), he's also brought up that he's just as troubled by leaving me alone during that time - worries about me going out without him, spending time with male friends, feeling a lack of attention and finding too much comfort in the companionship of another guy, et cetera. Not that we don't trust each other, but it's good to air. Do you have any worries along those lines? I mean, just as much as there are stereotypes about the traveling salesman who's always away from home, they don't have all those woman-at-home-with-the-milkman/handyman/postman jokes for nothing.

 

I would think about that and talk about those feelings too, with anyone you're involved with in the future. I know that for me, it somehow helped to alleviate my own fears, knowing that he has similar ones as well.

[underpants]

No men are good doobies, especially a rock star. They are all bad

 

Paul McCartney

 

Dynamo,

 

Good for you that you found a wonderful outlet for your creative energy. For that I applaud you.

 

No matter what field you pursue, romantic relationships do take mutual respect and sometimes compromise by both parties involved. Just keep things reasonable, honest and choose a good person. If you find that girl then honor and respect her and what you two have.

 

You should not have to decide between a creative passion and a relationship. It takes work from both people (just like any relationship) and with that the proper dynamic should compliment both parties.

 

If a hot chick is chatting you up after a show, be flattered and stay faithful to your lady.

 

Good luck.