Urgently need assistance with this!!

[Jilly Bean]

YES. I am ALL for changing behavior when you think you are doing something harmful or useless. However, changing in order to attract a certain type of girl may backfire on you. I mean, how long can you keep up that face? It's one thing to pursue a phase, but something entirely different to try and change the essence of who you are. Eventually, we tend to revert to type.

 

Then again, you're young (correct)? Lots of changes to be had and made at your age.

[Jordane]

Change is good if it is genuine. However, if you "change" to get that girl, eventually, you will go back to your old self and what you are comfortable with and she will be shockedn and therefore, your relationship will faulter.

[slade the anarkist]

yeah recently turned 21

but its only a minor change that we are making here right ?

[Dynamo]

i know people say dont change yourself for anyone, but you all agree that circumstances change when it is NECESSARY to READJUST yourself to achieve a goal. such as readjusting yourself to meet the correct type of girl you are after

 

Well there are two types of self-change. There is the one for self-imrpovement, where you are looking to better one aspect of your life. This is completely acceptable, and personally I highly encourage everyone to do this. After all, "If you want change, you've got to make change". I'm a big follower of this philosophy, I've basically spent the past five or so years really rebuilding who I want to be and I'm really proud with the changes I've made in my life and how far i've come. It sounds like your looking for self-imrpovement, albeit to meet a girl of your dreams. This is acceptable, too.

 

The *bad* kind of self-change is the one where you do it to try and impress someone, fit in with a certain crowd or clique, or just doing it because it's the "cool" or "popular" thing. You know, Highschool-like stuff. You should never change who you are for others, only for your self.

[slade the anarkist]

Its not the personality thats changing i think its just the style. its like.... if someone says "man i am an emo and i am constantly taking **** for it. maybe i should cheer up and wear more casual stuff"

 

same thing. different context

[Jilly Bean]

Well, sure. If we are talking cosmetic changes, then yeah - go for it. My yoga teacher is like friggin Madonna - every week he has a new hairdo/color. I love that about him, though.

 

Dynamo did a great job of illustrating the types of change. Just make sure you are doing the former.

 

I still can offer manifying counseling, though. lol.

[slade the anarkist]

sounds cool jilly. i mean, if u did just chat with me on msn or somethin for a bit. that would be awesome. just a few points?

 

i think i might be little bit immature too - jilly and dyn you both point out obvious points which i keep looking straight past. heh i lack the level of moral you both uphold.

 

 

i cant tell if this change is to impress someone else or to improve myself.

i guess you could say its a change to improve myself that WILL impress someone else? hand in hand.

[Jilly Bean]

sounds cool jilly. i mean, if u did just chat with me on msn or somethin for a bit. that would be awesome. just a few points?

 

For sure! PM me and I'll give you my email.

 

i think i might be little bit immature too - jilly and dyn you both point out obvious points which i keep looking straight past. heh i lack the level of moral you both uphold.

 

Pfft. Dyn is the wise one. I just had the tips of my bleached platinum and wore a lot of black when I was your age.

 

 

i cant tell if this change is to impress someone else or to improve myself.

i guess you could say its a change to improve myself that WILL impress someone else? hand in hand.

 

Fair enough. But I would offer it's always best to change for YOU. Then the right people will be attracted to that.

[Dynamo]

sounds cool jilly. i mean, if u did just chat with me on msn or somethin for a bit. that would be awesome. just a few points?

 

i think i might be little bit immature too - jilly and dyn you both point out obvious points which i keep looking straight past. heh i lack the level of moral you both uphold.

 

 

i cant tell if this change is to impress someone else or to improve myself.

i guess you could say its a change to improve myself that WILL impress someone else? hand in hand.

 

 

Don't worry I know just how you feel, I was in your same boat a couple years back. It is confusing, but you'll work through it. It's one of the first big steps in really figuring out who you are, who you want to be, where you want to go in life.

To me, it sounds like you really want to meet someone - weither you want a relationship or a one-night-stand type of deal I don't know, but I get the impression you are willing to change yourself to meet girls. This could be interpreted as good or bad. You want to change yourself so you can meet some women that are interested in you, which will in turn make you happy with yourself, am I getting it right?

 

In a lot of ways that is wanting to change so that you 'fit in'. You want these girls to be attracted to you like you are to them, and the best way you can see yourself doing that is by changing to be more "normal" - more of a type of guy these women are used to approaching and being approached by.

 

What you should do is really think to yourself, "Who do I want to be? What do I Want to act like? How do I want to look and feel?" Now I know it sounds really corny, but just try it - don't think about the girls you want to meet, or potential lovers. Just concentrate on yourself for a moment.

 

Now this might not come to you quickly - it might take days, even weeks. But once you figure out what it really is you want for YOURSELF, then you can start working towards it. The key is being confident in yourself, no matter who that may be or how you may dress - I know, I know, it seems a lot easier to just go out and buy a new wardrobe, but this'll actually WORK in the long run, and your confidence in yourself will attract all the girls you could want.

 

Good luck, man.

 

EDIT: Yet again, beaten to the punch by JB (Who basically said what I said in a rather nicely condensed way! )

[slade the anarkist]

You want to change yourself so you can meet some women that are interested in you, which will in turn make you happy with yourself, am I getting it right?

 

bingo.

There was a guy i went to school with, who was really quiet. Still is really quiet. He's 21 aswell, and still a virgin i think? He comes out places with us in a group - and there are a heap of girls that like him alot?! and i cant figure out what it is about him they like so much? I mean.. sure he's mature.. but he's quiet.. and personally i think he is very boring/bland. Way too quiet. so... neutral with everything. He's been defined as the "snag"?

 

 

 

jilly i cant see how to PM you with my email addy. soo ill just chuck it here?

[email protected]

[Dynamo]

bingo.

There was a guy i went to school with, who was really quiet. Still is really quiet. He's 21 aswell, and still a virgin i think? He comes out places with us in a group - and there are a heap of girls that like him alot?! and i cant figure out what it is about him they like so much? I mean.. sure he's mature.. but he's quiet.. and personally i think he is very boring/bland. Way too quiet. so... neutral with everything. He's been defined as the "snag"?

 

 

He probably comes off as the strong, silent type. Some girls really dig men of few words. Just different tastes. Maybe your personality comes off as too strong? Would you consider yourself overly energetic/"in your face" at clubs?

[slade the anarkist]

yes. very energetic. maybe a bit too in your face... haha very maddox-style in your face. but more colloquial.

 

for example..

i find i tend to greet old mates with "HAAY MOTHER F**KER"

 

but honestly... when i go out clubbing/pub trekking, i just 'am myself' and for some stupid reason i am under the influence that offensive language promotes emotion in what i say to people.

 

i get too carried away maybe. this is why i said i still am a bit immature :S

 

 

 

EDIT: Jilly, i cant access private messaging because i am a new member.. and for some reason u have to wait a few days or something before your account is fully activated or somethin

Edited January 4, 2008 by slade the anarkist

[Jilly Bean]

OK, I'll add ya...