Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 While I've never dated anyone with AS, my exposure comes from a friend of my nephew's. My brother, the boys and I, have golfed a few times together. If you golf, you will understand that it can be an exercise in patience, particularly putting, water and sand traps. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hey, he also mentioned that he'd been diagnosed with Asperger's, and I'm wondering if anyone's ever dated anyone with that condition. Haha... You always have to get the weirdest guys, ah spookie? Hey, that's good. I think you are very smart btw (as far as I can tell, you know). I think smart guys like that don't expect to find some girl as smart as they are, just someone that it's not completely stupid. Hey, and maybe you are over estimating him, I mean, the guys you had before were nothing impressive, maybe this seems wow in comparison. Good luck there, Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 I have an eleven year old student with Asperger's. He is the most adorable, smartest little boy you have ever laid eyes upon. He always has the right answers to my questions..that is, if I can manage to deflect him from his staring out in space and babbling to himself long enough to get the answers. When he talks to me, he NEVER looks me in the eyes. He is always gazing out into the beyond. He also has a macabre fixation on death. He talks suicide and draws gravestones. Looking at him in calss, you'd think he was totally autistic, immersed in his own world, not there, not paying attention. Yet, he answers every single question correctly which means he not only pays attention but understands immediately what is being taught unlike half the class let's say. Strange little fellow. Precocious and unique. Still, he is maladjusted, emotionally uncommunicative and disruptive in class. Spookie, could you cope with someone like this within a relationship? Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hey, Dan Ackroyd was diagnosed with AS. I was trying to find an interview I listed to on npr once that I found very interesting. It was a woman describing how her mind worked and she felt her mind ran in photos and that she was super oversensitive to all of her surroundings. She did not like people but related very well to animals. She even invented some thing to do with cows that for her came easily because she related to the problem from the animals pov. I wish I could find that clip. There is a lot of information out there about this. Also, it seems like there are varying degrees of how affected someone can be with it. I even stumbled onto a marriage forum dedicated to it. Good luck Spooks. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Also, it seems like there are varying degrees of how affected someone can be with it. Yes, just as there are varying degrees of autism. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 theres a 50/50 chance he has nothing. alot of people self diagnose and say things like.. I have OCD... Im manic depresive... I have multiple personalities... I have Assburgers... and theyve never been diagnosed they just say it... maybe he doesnt have anything... you should ask if he was actualy diagnosed... and ... isnt asburgers one of those things that greatly varies from person to person and has a large net that the definition covers... he may not be that bad... Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 However, on the sexual issue - do you ever watch Boston Legal? There is a character on there with AS. I don't remember the preface to this, but he was like the 40 year old virgin, and ended up in bed with a hooker. When she went to touch him, he screamed out in that uncontrollable way that austistic people do, and the act was never consummated. I just think if you spend time with this person, you will find some very bizarre and strange behavior patterns will surface. Remember, this is autism, and will comprise a plethora of other emotional disorders, including OCD, sudden outbursts, uncontrollable physical movements, etc. Someone with AS does not function at an expected social level, and I think once you get past the blush of being attracted to his unilaterial intelligence, you may find the social stresses to be overwhelming. All I will say about our one and only sexual encounter (which ended the relationship promptly) is that afterwards I spent the night balanced on the edge of the bed - so as to avoid physical contact - unable to sleep. I left at sunrise, never to return. Still, he is maladjusted, emotionally uncommunicative and disruptive in class. Spookie, could you cope with someone like this within a relationship? If there's a sex issue, it would be a deal-breaker. I know there's a good chance there is. He can be awkward about it, that would be ok, but having a full-blown phobia of physical touch isn't something I'd be able to deal with. Regarding OCD, uncontrollable movement etc. ... I don't think all that would bother me that much. Maybe I'm being naive. But I'm certainly not going to discount him as a potential partner simply for having AS before I've spent any time with him to know what that would mean for me. Learn more about the disorder, get to know him but don't let it get serious yet. Maybe he is just meant to be a friend... Yup. That's what I'm doing. I'm going to take it really, really slowly. If he's just meant to be a friend, that's ok too. Haha... You always have to get the weirdest guys, ah spookie? I don't know how I do it. You should meet some of my exes. My first BF, in HS, was definitely a genius, but he had full-blown ADHD and if he wasn't medicated, he'd get this insane glint in his eye. Also complete social retard. Most recent ex I'm sure was neurologically typical, as they say, but acted like he was entitled to AS behavior (disregarding people's feelings etc.) Complete narcissist. Lots of my friends are "abnormal" for various reasons as well. Like my best friend: maybe he has AS too? He's always claimed to, and reading more about it, it would certainly explain his inability to comprehend that people have feelings, his strange manner of speaking, and the fact that in over four years, he has never given me a hug. Hm. Dan Ackroyd was diagnosed with AS. I was trying to find an interview I listed to on npr once that I found very interesting. It was a woman describing how her mind worked and she felt her mind ran in photos and that she was super oversensitive to all of her surroundings. She did not like people but related very well to animals. She even invented some thing to do with cows that for her came easily because she related to the problem from the animals pov. I wish I could find that clip. There is a lot of information out there about this. Also, it seems like there are varying degrees of how affected someone can be with it. I even stumbled onto a marriage forum dedicated to it. I've been hanging out in an AS forum for the past couple of days and a lot of the threads are HILARIOUS... people discussing, in great length and in very formal grammar, the littlest things we take for granted. One thread I read was titled "Why do people say "How are you?"" Thousands of lengthy replies. Link to post Share on other sites
Trialbyfire Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 One thread I read was titled "Why do people say "How are you?"" Thousands of lengthy replies. :lmao: That's AS in a nutshell. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted December 30, 2007 Author Share Posted December 30, 2007 theres a 50/50 chance he has nothing. alot of people self diagnose and say things like.. I have OCD... Im manic depresive... I have multiple personalities... I have Assburgers... and theyve never been diagnosed they just say it... maybe he doesnt have anything... you should ask if he was actualy diagnosed... and ... isnt asburgers one of those things that greatly varies from person to person and has a large net that the definition covers... he may not be that bad... He has been diagnosed, but you have a point that it greatly varies from person to person and may not be "that bad". I haven't spent enough time with him to have any idea. I guess I'll find out soon enough though. Turns out (and the fact that it took me this long to find this out is probably symptomatic of BOTH our social inadequacies as this kind of question would have come up in normal people's conversation right away) but he is 40 miles away from me right now (we're both visiting family on the east coast). We might meet up here instead of waiting to go back to TX. Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Hey you, he'd get this insane glint in his eye. Also complete social retard. Most recent ex I'm sure was neurologically typical, as they say, but acted like he was entitled to AS behavior I guess the list is even longer than I thought. I had in mind that guy that told you to meet in a parking lot I guess it was, and took you to buy dope and stole your beers and you took that thing with you when you left. Link to post Share on other sites
marlena Posted December 30, 2007 Share Posted December 30, 2007 Spookie, I think you should give it a try. Like you said, you can't know how bad it is until you get to know him better. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Oh, I've been hanging out in an AS forum for the past couple of days and a lot of the threads are HILARIOUS... people discussing, in great length and in very formal grammar, the littlest things we take for granted. One thread I read was titled "Why do people say "How are you?"" Thousands of lengthy replies. Maybe I should go there. Maybe I have something like that... I think I can dig those people. Ps: Oh, I thought AS was Aspergers Edited December 31, 2007 by Ariadne Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) Spookie, I don't see the harm in dating him a bit and seeing what happens. What can it hurt? Also: I'm ruling myself out. I agree. Although, you may have this: Ass burgers Edited December 31, 2007 by Storyrider Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 ... I have Assburgers... A couple of buns, with your meat in-between? Good catch, Story. Link to post Share on other sites
Author spookie Posted December 31, 2007 Author Share Posted December 31, 2007 Oh, I've been hanging out in an AS forum for the past couple of days and a lot of the threads are HILARIOUS... people discussing, in great length and in very formal grammar, the littlest things we take for granted. One thread I read was titled "Why do people say "How are you?"" Thousands of lengthy replies. Maybe I should go there. Maybe I have something like that... I think I can dig those people. Ps: Oh, I thought AS was Aspergers http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=4 Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 http://www.aspiesforfreedom.com/forumdisplay.php?fid=4 Very interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
shadowplay Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 (edited) I've only read the first post, but I would discourage you from dating someone with Aspergers. My brother has been diagnosed with this disorder. He's also extremely smart, but I've never been able to really connect with him on a deep level because he's so emotionally distant. I dated a guy who was diagnosed with Aspergers and it was the same deal. He would have brief bursts of deep emotion, followed by long periods of detachment where I couldn't reach him. He was easily distracted by his interests and obsessions. I was always on an emotional rollercoaster. The moments of intense connection left me wanting more and feeling miserable when they ended. He fooled me at the beginning because most of our initial interaction was through email, and he was very good at describing his feelings at length. Later I discovered that his expressiveness was just a cover for not actually feeling much -- a form of emotional masturbation. My mother, a psychologist, thinks that my current bf may even have some features of the Aspergers (though luckily not the full-blown disorder). That was her first impression when she met him, and she has a scary sense when it comes to people. He sounds very similar to the way you described this guy. I was intimidated when I first started dating him because words fall out of his mouth in witty, pre-edited sounding sentences. I think guys like this reel women in because they're smart and seem interesting, and their emotional flatness can be mistaken for mysteriousness. You want to be the girl who gets through his wall. But once you do get past the wall you may realize there isn't much there. Edited December 31, 2007 by shadowplay Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Hehehe Thanks! ----- This is my pet peeve. People are always asking 'How are you?' (Or cultural equivalent if this is just a UK thing!!) I haven't a clue how to answer this stupid question. Apparently you are supposed to say "I'm fine thanks/not too bad, how are you?". I can't do that, because its illogical ---- How are you? Its just one of those social niceties where people expect you to raise a weary smile and answer fine, ok or good. They're don't want a truthful, overly long or emotional loaded answer like: How are you? Well actually I'm terrible. I contemplated suicide twice this morning. Lets go and talk about my depressed state over a coffee. ---- Link to post Share on other sites
Nemo Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I like this one: I have always been closed-mouthed on such subjects because it takes too long to truly assess "how I am doing." Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I like this one: I have always been closed-mouthed on such subjects because it takes too long to truly assess "how I am doing." Ha ha! He wanted to answer, but the person who asked was already blocks away by the time he figured it out. Supposedly if you ask someone in Russia how they're doing, the most socially acceptable answer is, "Terrible!" And then to begin listing a litany of woes. That might explain some things about my family. Link to post Share on other sites
Green Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Ha ha! He wanted to answer, but the person who asked was already blocks away by the time he figured it out. Supposedly if you ask someone in Russia how they're doing, the most socially acceptable answer is, "Terrible!" And then to begin listing a litany of woes. That might explain some things about my family. I've had people answer the question of how they are doing in interesting ways... Some say " I'm still here" ... "Could be worse" ... "I've been better"... sarcasticaly "another day in paradise" ... "same as always GREATT"!! ...no response Link to post Share on other sites
Ariadne Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 Hey, That's good. I liked these ones: --- I answer either 'fine', 'ok' or 'alright'. I never return the question since I don't care how they are. Usually respond with either a blank stare or "fine" I usually say "im ok" then i proceed to explain exactly "how im doing" usually how hungry i am, some of what im thinking about and as much emotional state as i can discribe. I tend to answer honestly--I assume they really want to know, because I would. Otherwise, why ask? Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 I find it annoying when people respond with "peachy". I don't know why. Maybe because they take the peaches name in vain. What has a peach ever done to put you in such a sour mood? Peaches aren't sour. The appropriate fruit response should be 'persimmon' or something. Over the Holidays someone wished me a Merry Christmas and my response was "the same to your but more of it". I guess I was in a persimmon mood. Link to post Share on other sites
Storyrider Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 How about, "Just spiffy!" with a clenched jaw and a combative stare. Link to post Share on other sites
underpants Posted December 31, 2007 Share Posted December 31, 2007 How about, "Just spiffy!" with a clenched jaw and a combative stare. Yea, that is another one. It is like a dare. Do you really want to know? Next week I plan to use strange and vaugue responses to anyone who asks me this. ie.. Unders, how are you? Lima Bean Link to post Share on other sites
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