My girl's past is surfacing

[bish]

oopsie, well you never know how unhinged this guy is right now, I think I would go nuts if I ever saw anything like that.

 

I'd show it to her and ask "WTF is this s##t???"

 

Then see how she tries to weasel out of it.

 

Then I'd leave...or if it were my place, tell her to get out.

 

A past should be left in the past...obviously she likes her past and wants to hold on to it. He was right to call her what he did.

[downthatslide]

I want to again thank everyone for their help and suggestions in my situation. I have, still, decided to hang in there and try and make this mess work. Its practically clockwork how this relationship is expanding and changing.

 

There tends to be a period of time where I'll feel very close to this girl and content with the situation as I personally believe that people can and do change. More importantly, I tell myself, and try to believe that this girl is not only being truthful with me, but is also not any longer the person she was in her youth. However, still, there will be about a week of quality time and then there will be some sort of torrential blow-up, and I hate to admit it, but this is not normal, nor healthy, and it sickens me.

 

Here is the newest situation that has managed to wreak havoc on my conscience. Since my original posts, myself and this girl shared a wonderful Christmas together. Up to this point, I was considering that this relationship may not make it because I didn't know if she would truly commit to me.

 

For the holiday, I didn't get her much, both my budget and my feelings restricted what I could offer her. Naturally, she broke the bank on me. I estimate she spent about $500 on myself. This is absurd. But it doesn't end there. We spent nearly every minute of the holiday week together and had an amazing New Year's Eve.

 

After midnight, she sat me down and we talked for what seemed like ages. She handed me a very long letter. The letter was very heartfelt and it was utterly beautiful. It read something to the effect that, and this is near verbatim, she regrets her past, wishes it did not hurt me as it did, and if she could do it again, she wouldn't have done those things. After, we discussed everything, and I do mean everything, read my original posts if you've forgotten, literally, everything. And she completely broke down into tears.

 

But that was not even the end. When she calmed down, she looked into my eyes and told me she loves me. She told me multiple times and said how she wants a future with me and only me.

 

I admit, I was taken in by her endearing words and the sincerity I felt from her. I was very happy, reassured, and nearly said it back to her right then. But I didn't, and thank God that I didn't.

 

Things were working out for almost a week afterwards...Then it all went right back to hell.

 

She's been saying she loves me often. Yet this past weekend, another crisis. I was wasting time on myspace and was on a friend of a friend's page and I was most stricken to see my girl's profile on this friend's page. This was surprising because I: 1)never knew she had myspace, 2)didn't know she knew this loose acquaintance of mine, and 3) saw she was online right then, as we were not together.

 

Needless to say, I brought this up when I saw her next. She claimed to never, ever go on the thing, and didn't want to let me see her page. I insisted and told her that I thought we were supposed to be truthful with one another.

 

As you can guess, I was shown the page after an argument, and what I saw was another disaster. What I did see was many of her friends were the people I had seen in the pictures/videos (yes, those forsaken pictures/videos), and also I saw that there was, without a doubt, streaming contact with them based on the comments I saw.

 

I told her right then that this was the last straw. Then I sat her down and told her how this makes me feel. And I went to leave.

 

And she lost it. She began sobbing, absolutely crying her eyes out. Screaming that she was sorry, and would delete the account immediatley, completely hysterical in tears. She even had the audacity to scream, "But I love you!" And I told her that she doesn't know the meaning of the word. This yielded more and more crying.

 

Now, in retrospect, this is where my "actions that I regret" begin. She was really crying hard, and to be honest, it was unlike anything I've ever seen. She was weeping, shaking, screaming and fighting to embrace me. She has made me feel awful many times, easily the worst I've felt that I can remember. But still, I felt bad for her, and I stayed with her. I should have left, and I didn't.

 

I haven't seen her since. She called me dozens of time and leaves messages pledging her love and undying loyalty to me. And I do not know what to do.

 

I thought that I could make things work and I thought I might just care about her, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Everything was going well, but I just cannot trust her.

 

Sorry for the length, but there it is.

[Trialbyfire]

downthatslide, I feel for you. It's tragic when people don't realize how important it is to follow through.

 

No matter how beautiful the words, how heartfelt, how wonderful, it's actions that reflect intent.

 

She's full of crap.

[Krytie TV]

She's full of crap.

 

Pure poetry that only TBF is capable of. I would have to agree. You decided to take the high road and work through it with her and she made you choke on it. Please don't wait for another reason.

[Cobra_X30]

I thought that I could make things work and I thought I might just care about her, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Everything was going well, but I just cannot trust her.

 

Sorry for the length, but there it is.

 

Let her know that she has proven more than once that she has not moved on... that her past is too much a part of her present. She can keep in contact with her F*** buddies, but you have no interest in bieng a part of that.

 

Stay with her or leave her it doesnt matter... either way... you need to start openly dating other women.

[bish]

IAs you can guess, I was shown the page after an argument, and what I saw was another disaster. What I did see was many of her friends were the people I had seen in the pictures/videos (yes, those forsaken pictures/videos), and also I saw that there was, without a doubt, streaming contact with them based on the comments I saw.

 

BOOM...thats is all you need to know right there...you need to kick her to the curb. She isn't worthy.

 

 

I told her right then that this was the last straw. Then I sat her down and told her how this makes me feel. And I went to leave.

 

And she lost it. She began sobbing, absolutely crying her eyes out.

 

Too bad. You think she'd give up talking to the guys she banged in those videos for you? If she says yes, you can be fairly certain it is a lie.

 

 

Screaming that she was sorry, and would delete the account immediatley, completely hysterical in tears. She even had the audacity to scream, "But I love you!" And I told her that she doesn't know the meaning of the word. This yielded more and more crying.

 

Good..stand your ground..don't let her sucker you back in.

 

 

Now, in retrospect, this is where my "actions that I regret" begin. She was really crying hard, and to be honest, it was unlike anything I've ever seen. She was weeping, shaking, screaming and fighting to embrace me.

 

She should have thought of that before keeping her video collection of her banging other guys and chatting with them online. She obviously doesn't respect you enough to leave the past in the past. So leave her in the past and move on.

 

 

She has made me feel awful many times, easily the worst I've felt that I can remember. But still, I felt bad for her, and I stayed with her. I should have left, and I didn't.

 

Dude...she played you like a fiddle. hell, she probably got online and told her f##k-buddies that you had an argument and that she had you eating out of her hand.

 

 

I haven't seen her since. She called me dozens of time and leaves messages pledging her love and undying loyalty to me. And I do not know what to do.

 

DUMP HER!!! Thats what.

 

 

I thought that I could make things work and I thought I might just care about her, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Everything was going well, but I just cannot trust her.

 

Of course you can't. Hell, if she still stays in contact with the guys in those sex videos, I'd bet the bank that she meets them here and there. I'll bet she has cheated too. don't think for a minute the guys in those videos don't see her as an easy piece and don't think they don't proposition her to meet up for more of what she gave them in those videos.

 

She kept the videos and stayed in contact with those men for a reason....and it wasn't to talk about the weather and relive the plain old good times.

 

Face it...she kept the videos of her having sex with all these guys because she wanted to remind herself of the wild sex she had with them.

If she wants to relive it in her mind..fine...but keeping the sex videos and keeping in touch with these guys? Totally unacceptable.

 

You need to find your cahones and excise her from your life. And don't let her boo-hooing and crying deter you.

 

If you don't want to do that and want to stay with her...then its your call. You'll just have to learn the hard way.

[dbtmarley]

What happend to those people in the thread crying about forgive her past? Snooping? I say good detective work Dick Tracy and props to you for finding your future ex wife's issues out before the marriage.

 

She is disgusting to say the least....

[BetrayedMM]

Well, there you have it. It seems her past is her present after all.

 

Here's a little secret that might go way over your head and may be irrelevant(I thought of it though when Cobra said her past is her present- in a way that's very true), but time is not linear. We only perceive it that way. Your actions have a ripple effect, both in your life and those around you.

 

At this point, she's gonna have one hell of a time proving she's no longer the person in those videos. After all the 'sincere' lies, how can you believe her 'heartfelt' pleas? I heard nothing about her addressing the issue anyway- why she does this. She just says she's been 'bad' and that's it? No. There is a reason she does this, it has nothing to do with you, and she hasn't gotten to the bottom of it.

 

Remorse is more than mere regret- it's acting to correct the problem.

[vivrantflo]

What a shock.. all the women that were defending the girlfriend have coincidently stopped posting on this thread...hmmm....

[Cobra_X30]

What a shock.. all the women that were defending the girlfriend have coincidently stopped posting on this thread...hmmm....

 

Good call Vivrant!

 

All gone except TBF... who was with the guys on this one anyway!

[Chrome Barracuda]

I seen this thread from the begining and all those women need to learn one thing that always prove true:

 

You can never turn a ho into a housewife!!!

 

Plain and simple.

 

She's a ho, It is what it is.

 

I aint saying all hoes are bad but they dont make good wifey material you understand me?

 

All those women who was on this thread trying to defend her shut the hell up pretty quick! aint got nothing to say now!!???

[dbtmarley]

You can never turn a ho into a housewife!!!

 

 

 

You can turn them into howives though I suppose....

[Chrome Barracuda]

You can turn them into howives though I suppose....

 

 

That might work. lol.

 

Just get her to sign a prenup cause she'll leave when the next baller comes along!

[blind_otter]

Why should I defend her now? More information has come to light -- information which was unavailable at the time of the original post, I might add.

 

I think it's pretty declasse to enjoy the fact that this woman is seriously disturbed and obviously has deeper issues than those of being a "ho".

 

I stand by what I said, in context. Maybe because I used to be promiscuous, after I was raped, and after receiving several years of therapy I am no longer that way....

 

I still believe that your past is NOT your present.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Why should I defend her now? More information has come to light -- information which was unavailable at the time of the original post, I might add.

 

I think it's pretty declasse to enjoy the fact that this woman is seriously disturbed and obviously has deeper issues than those of being a "ho".

 

I stand by what I said, in context. Maybe because I used to be promiscuous, after I was raped, and after receiving several years of therapy I am no longer that way....

 

I still believe that your past is NOT your present.

 

 

Everyone is different but when your lying and dont take steps to change the nastiness about yourself inside. Are you surprised when people talk about her in that way.

 

She made her own bed, now she can lay in it.

[Cobra_X30]

Why should I defend her now? More information has come to light -- information which was unavailable at the time of the original post, I might add.

 

I think it's pretty declasse to enjoy the fact that this woman is seriously disturbed and obviously has deeper issues than those of being a "ho".

 

I stand by what I said, in context. Maybe because I used to be promiscuous, after I was raped, and after receiving several years of therapy I am no longer that way....

 

I still believe that your past is NOT your present.

 

Hmmm... the point you should gather from this is that most men here could sense her issues. Almost like we saw her wearing clear heals...

 

Your still trying to identify with her on some level. She isnt you... and perhaps her issues come from a different place.

 

Realize that just as some men are so nasty on the inside that they are unfixable... so are some women.

[bish]

Why should I defend her now? More information has come to light -- information which was unavailable at the time of the original post, I might add.

 

I think it's pretty declasse to enjoy the fact that this woman is seriously disturbed and obviously has deeper issues than those of being a "ho".

 

I stand by what I said, in context. Maybe because I used to be promiscuous, after I was raped, and after receiving several years of therapy I am no longer that way....

 

I still believe that your past is NOT your present.

 

You are missing a HUGE difference between you and the poster's gf. She kept sex videos...do you keep sex videos around from your former boyfriend's?

 

She is holding on to the past while you are not.

[THE THRONE]

I want to again thank everyone for their help and suggestions in my situation. I have, still, decided to hang in there and try and make this mess work. Its practically clockwork how this relationship is expanding and changing.

 

There tends to be a period of time where I'll feel very close to this girl and content with the situation as I personally believe that people can and do change. More importantly, I tell myself, and try to believe that this girl is not only being truthful with me, but is also not any longer the person she was in her youth. However, still, there will be about a week of quality time and then there will be some sort of torrential blow-up, and I hate to admit it, but this is not normal, nor healthy, and it sickens me.

 

Here is the newest situation that has managed to wreak havoc on my conscience. Since my original posts, myself and this girl shared a wonderful Christmas together. Up to this point, I was considering that this relationship may not make it because I didn't know if she would truly commit to me.

 

For the holiday, I didn't get her much, both my budget and my feelings restricted what I could offer her. Naturally, she broke the bank on me. I estimate she spent about $500 on myself. This is absurd. But it doesn't end there. We spent nearly every minute of the holiday week together and had an amazing New Year's Eve.

 

After midnight, she sat me down and we talked for what seemed like ages. She handed me a very long letter. The letter was very heartfelt and it was utterly beautiful. It read something to the effect that, and this is near verbatim, she regrets her past, wishes it did not hurt me as it did, and if she could do it again, she wouldn't have done those things. After, we discussed everything, and I do mean everything, read my original posts if you've forgotten, literally, everything. And she completely broke down into tears.

 

But that was not even the end. When she calmed down, she looked into my eyes and told me she loves me. She told me multiple times and said how she wants a future with me and only me.

 

I admit, I was taken in by her endearing words and the sincerity I felt from her. I was very happy, reassured, and nearly said it back to her right then. But I didn't, and thank God that I didn't.

 

Things were working out for almost a week afterwards...Then it all went right back to hell.

 

She's been saying she loves me often. Yet this past weekend, another crisis. I was wasting time on myspace and was on a friend of a friend's page and I was most stricken to see my girl's profile on this friend's page. This was surprising because I: 1)never knew she had myspace, 2)didn't know she knew this loose acquaintance of mine, and 3) saw she was online right then, as we were not together.

 

Needless to say, I brought this up when I saw her next. She claimed to never, ever go on the thing, and didn't want to let me see her page. I insisted and told her that I thought we were supposed to be truthful with one another.

 

As you can guess, I was shown the page after an argument, and what I saw was another disaster. What I did see was many of her friends were the people I had seen in the pictures/videos (yes, those forsaken pictures/videos), and also I saw that there was, without a doubt, streaming contact with them based on the comments I saw.

 

I told her right then that this was the last straw. Then I sat her down and told her how this makes me feel. And I went to leave.

 

And she lost it. She began sobbing, absolutely crying her eyes out. Screaming that she was sorry, and would delete the account immediatley, completely hysterical in tears. She even had the audacity to scream, "But I love you!" And I told her that she doesn't know the meaning of the word. This yielded more and more crying.

 

Now, in retrospect, this is where my "actions that I regret" begin. She was really crying hard, and to be honest, it was unlike anything I've ever seen. She was weeping, shaking, screaming and fighting to embrace me. She has made me feel awful many times, easily the worst I've felt that I can remember. But still, I felt bad for her, and I stayed with her. I should have left, and I didn't.

 

I haven't seen her since. She called me dozens of time and leaves messages pledging her love and undying loyalty to me. And I do not know what to do.

 

I thought that I could make things work and I thought I might just care about her, but I don't want to make the wrong decision. Everything was going well, but I just cannot trust her.

 

Sorry for the length, but there it is.

 

So are you going to grow a set of Jupiter sized balls, or are you gonna wimp out again, listen to the passive people on this board, and continue to drag yourself through this?

 

BTW, you need to get checked out for std's.

[Sal Paradise]

Actually the signs were there in the original post. He said she had lied about the contact she had with some of these men. He also said that she said it was in the past yet she kept videos of the events.

 

She's staying in contact with the men and keeping the videos, yep it sounds like someone who has moved on.

 

All of that was in the original posts.

 

The problem is that some of the posters in this thread accused the OP of being insecure and focusing on the number of men she had been with. The truth is that these posters were so focused on the number discussion that they didn't pay attention to the real issue (the girl was dishonest and not trust worthy). They are the ones who made it about the number.

[lino]

Actually the signs were there in the original post. He said she had lied about the contact she had with some of these men. He also said that she said it was in the past yet she kept videos of the events.

 

She's staying in contact with the men and keeping the videos, yep it sounds like someone who has moved on.

 

All of that was in the original posts.

 

The problem is that some of the posters in this thread accused the OP of being insecure and focusing on the number of men she had been with. The truth is that these posters were so focused on the number discussion that they didn't pay attention to the real issue (the girl was dishonest and not trust worthy). They are the ones who made it about the number.

 

too true!

 

With or without the new information the OP gave, I still stand by what I said earlier in this topic, a girl like this is good to have around as a piece of a*s & nothing more.

[SpanksTheMonkey]

Hey everyone, I have a situation that I'd like to share. In short, its tearing me apart, here goes.

 

 

 

 

Then, it gets progressively worse, a few weeks later, she left her diary in plain view. It spanned 2004-2005 and I didn't read it cover to cover, but I did breeze through it. I saw that she had caught crabs as well.

 

 

 

 

 

But there are several problems in my way. First, I, flat out, don't want a whore for a girlfriend.

 

At this point, I really am clueless. . I'm willing to keep seeing her and using her for sex as I don't feel comfortable committing to someone with such a past.

 

I am very confused and extremely torn about this. She tells me she's falling in love with me, but I really cannot return these feelings.

 

Anyone have a similar situation, or have any advise for me? I'm lost...

Look girls like that are haveing sex whith all those guys because they lack the ability to see that sex dose not equil love sex=love to them! I know it sounds crazy but thats just how some girls think.

 

They want to be excepted and loved by some one and all to tradgicly 99 out of a hundred times all they get is bedded down and no return call the next day.

 

So that destroys whats left of there self esteem and so on and so forth its a nasty circle shes not a whore unless she was doing it all for money.

 

And flat out to me you sound a little high and mighty there what are you even doing snooping thu her belongings? If anything I think she can do better and I hope she sees thu you soon.

 

Your so upset and torn but your still willing to use her for sex???? what a nice guy yep your def a golden catch yourself there.

 

You don't love her and by saying you can use her for sex I'm sorry but your no better then the man whores who used her in the 1st place

[BetrayedMM]

One thing came to mind after the 'new info', especially after the reaction to being caught- sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. Google it, see if the symptoms fit.

[Cobra_X30]

And flat out to me you sound a little high and mighty there what are you even doing snooping thu her belongings? If anything I think she can do better and I hope she sees thu you soon.

 

Your so upset and torn but your still willing to use her for sex???? what a nice guy yep your def a golden catch yourself there.

 

You don't love her and by saying you can use her for sex I'm sorry but your no better then the man whores who used her in the 1st place

 

While I understand what your trying to say... the shoe just doesnt fit.

 

If she wanted different she would be putting her past behind her. He is actually treating her as her actions say she wants to be treated.

 

Now... I would recommend to him to just dump her and walk away, rather than just throw some emotional distance in there. But that's just so he can have some sense of moral superiority... otherwise... I can't really fault him for doing what she wants.

[MrsHellnoFire]

Since she falls in love so quick.. I don't know.. how many other "conquests" did she "fall" for as well??

[eastcoastMan]

sounds like Borderline Personality Disorder. Google it, see if the symptoms fit.

 

A person with BDP will often praise a person and put that person in VERY high regard only to do a complete turnaround and despise that person when the borderline feels their trust has been violated. The snooping of the diary didn't trigger the turnaround so not sure if she has BDP. A borderline is often promiscuous.

 

Be careful! A person with BDP can absorb you, exhaust you, pull you in, only to spit you out, feel remorseful and pull you back in again. A vicious cycle! Even trained psychologists yield caution when treating borderlines.