teenager acting stupid

[cicada]

Originally Posted by Nevermind

Mh. So this was just a little rant without really asking for help? Maybe put it in the personal rant section

I didnt know there was a section here like that , if there is i will go rant there when i feel like ranting. thanks.

[cicada]

This is just one example of the many problems your son may already have.

 

 

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/22595760/

 

 

Most people would not be very happy about their teen smoking because it is unhealthy and being overweight carries many risks as well.

 

I dont think I said that i think it is ok to be overweight.. or that i was happy that he was. Let me just say once again I got your point . and Thank You for your imput

[cicada]

Hi everyone,

well his schedual re adjusted to school . now he is back to what i consider a more normal schedual . his talk back attitude is really a immature teenage thing i guess but he is getting under my skin again . today has been insane , i feel like we are all arguing about lunch . it is really ridiculous. we had something in the crock pot , and it wasnt ready exactly at noon .I had just come home from my one hour walk with my dog and here comes my teen . I'm hungry can you make me something , i said to him the crock pot should be done in like half an hour so just try to be patient.

well he wasnt going to be and just told me that fine he was going to eat just rice then . I told him just wait . anyway he said that he was just going to eat that and that was lunch . I told him well , if you cant wait then i guess so . but then not even 10 minutes later he was all in my face every five minutes , I need something to eat , i dont like this or that in the fridge and on and on and on and on and on and on .. i swear . i told him you just ate all that rice i told you to wait. anyway .. after about half an hour of him nagging me I felt like i was going to go insane. so I talked to my husband about it and he got annoyed, so I guess I shouldnt have even said a thing.

so my teen comes out not even 2 minutes after i talked to my husband and starts barking about when will it be ready ... i dont like that , cant you get some take out ? and on and on and on . . and my husband snapped at him . he told my teen don't worry about it , in a really loud sarchastic way . my teen went in his room and slammed the door. then i heard him punch the wall . sigh~,

ok i figured i better just make him somthing he likes just to mellow things out around here, and the crock pot wasn't done after 30 minutes. so I made my teen some eggs which he usually loves. I knock on the door like a peace offering i gave him that lunch . he basically ripped it out of my hand and said just give it to me already and slammed the door in my face. WTF. dam that makes me mad. my husband says to just ignore him cause he is an idiot and he isnt going to change cause we want him too . so now I am anxiety stricken with this . makes me really angry , i feel like there is nothing in my controll here. this house seems like it is run by my teens moods. I do get tired of him sometimes.

also ,some info: my teen is 17 going on 18 , 270-280 pounds . ifyour wondering why i am brining it up , i was critisized for not brining it up before so there it is agian . this thing with the food proboly does have to do with his weight and his attitude in ThIS matter.

Edited January 20, 2008 by cicada

[Ronni_W]

...he would have a big tamtrum that in the long run wouldnt even be worth my grief

Of course you have every right to choose whatever is the easiest course of action for YOU and results in the least amount of aggravation for YOU.

 

But being a parent sometimes means not avoiding "tantrums and grief"...and rather role-modeling personal values (sharing, consideration) and life skills (negotiating through conflict, setting healthy boundaries.)

 

He is a teenager, OF COURSE he is immature. He has attitude and is talking back because his parents have not yet made clear the consequences that he will have to face -- like you, there is a level of "grief" that he absolutely will do anything to avoid.

 

 

OTOH, the kid is eating because he needs it, not to upset his family and not because he is "selfish" or "uncaring" -- normal teenage growth just does require an enormous amount of energy, which requires an unfathomable amount of fuel/food...and then an incomprehensible amount of rest so they can repeat the cycle .

 

Perhaps you or a school nutritionist can help him make better choices about high-fuel snacks and meals?

[Nevermind]

Compulsive Overeating:

• Obsessed with thoughts about food.
  
• Eats to relieve worry or stress.
  
• Eats until they feel sick.
  
• Feels anxious while eating.
  
• Worries or feels anxious while eating which results in more eating.
  
• Overeats because the food is there.
  
• Eats too fast so they can eat more.
  
• Eats everything on the plate even when they feel full.
  
• Feels guilty when they overeat.
  
• Hides food so they can eat in secret away from other people.
  
• Goes on a food binge after dieting or after trying to cut back.
  
• Does not like the feeling of being hungry.
  
• Sees food as something to be avoided or as harmful.

Do you see anything from this in your son?

[cicada]

Of course you have every right to choose whatever is the easiest course of action for YOU and results in the least amount of aggravation for YOU.

 

But being a parent sometimes means not avoiding "tantrums and grief"...and rather role-modeling personal values (sharing, consideration) and life skills (negotiating through conflict, setting healthy boundaries.)

 

He is a teenager, OF COURSE he is immature. He has attitude and is talking back because his parents have not yet made clear the consequences that he will have to face -- like you, there is a level of "grief" that he absolutely will do anything to avoid.

 

 

Perhaps you or a school nutritionist can help him make better choices about high-fuel snacks and meals?

 

I agree with what you are saying , i have been dealing with this for years , I have put my foot down what seems like a million times. at what point does he have responsibilities for his own actions? I still am continuing to get on him about overeating and such . it was almost as if he had to have something in his mouth for 2 hours .. there was breakfast then pistachios till noon and then what i told you about. I am just burning out in repeating myself continuously , i don't feel like i am getting anywhere. councelor is a great idea but I have suggested things like this and he flat out refuses. i cant throw him over my shoulder so that is where my frustration lies. it isnt only food that is the problem too , it is his whole personality . he is arrogant and has no respect/ i told him he needs to respect others including his parents.. he says he doesnt believe in respect. he believes it appreciation .. whatever.

[cicada]

Do you see anything from this in your son?

maybe 5 of those things on the list , i have been guilty of 1or 2 there as well .

[Ariadne]

Hi,

 

~ my husband says to just ignore him cause he is an idiot

 

~ it isnt only food that is the problem too, it is his whole personality. he is arrogant and has no respect

 

----

 

It sounds like you don't even love your son and that you can't stand him.

 

That's why he eats so much. You messed him up.

 

Ariadne

[Green]

Hi,

 

~ my husband says to just ignore him cause he is an idiot

 

~ it isnt only food that is the problem too, it is his whole personality. he is arrogant and has no respect

 

----

 

It sounds like you don't even love your son and that you can't stand him.

 

That's why he eats so much. You messed him up.

 

Ariadne

 

Probably ...

[Ronni_W]

...he says he doesnt believe in respect. he believes it appreciation .. whatever.

Well then...I would ask him to start showing his *appreciation* (No point fighting about the words when it is the behaviour that is the real problem.)

 

You can consider learning about teenage nutrition yourself, just to know without doubt that you are providing the best meals and snacks for his physical needs. My own 6'4, 200 pound son eats waayyy more than his 5'11, 155 pound brother -- and it has always been that way. There is more growth to 'fuel' in a larger body that is still growing, is how I see it.

 

OTOH, it is possible that your son has developed an eating disorder (whether mild or severe) to compensate for low self-esteem and lack of self-respect and self-confidence, which is common when we are not taught adequate skills/tools to develop those in normal and healthy ways -- which most of us were not...I am not calling you a "bad" parent -- like every other mom and dad on this planet, you have always done what you felt was best and "good" -- that is a given.

 

If you do suspect an eating disorder, again, it is up to you to do your 'parenting homework' so that you will be properly equipped to support him in his dealing with that and ultimately getting to a place of high self-esteem, and a positive outlook for himself and those around him. I don't know what resources 'Overeaters Anonymous' offers, but it may be a place to start(?)

 

You may also want to consider researching "how to parent unruly teens" type of material -- there must be resources on the web that will help you overcome your prior misguided parenting efforts.

 

He is arrogant and disrespectful because you have spent his life avoiding opportunities to guide him to improved behaviour, and letting him "get away" with things rather than dealing with a bit of (temporary) aggravation. By doing that since he was a baby, you set up this environment in which he is feeling entitled and acting without personal responsibility.

 

Yes, it will be much tougher to change these long-standing dynamics now but, with you and Dad acquiring the proper information and tools, YOU CAN DO IT!!! -- you can get back to being a happy, loving and mutually supportive family

 

Sending strength and Guidance to all of you.

[nittygritty]

It sounds like your son is extremely depressed. His compulsive eating is merely a symptom of the real issues that are bothering him. When your rant describes you and your husband calling your son "stupid" and "idiot", even in a rant that your putting on the internet, it kinda comes across as forms of emotional and verbal abuse that your son may be experiencing and its painful to read.

 

Is your husband your son's bio father or step father? Either way if he is calling your son an idiot that should bother you as a mother.

 

When your son was a young child was food used to quiet tantrums? Because it sounds like your feeding him as a teenager to quiet his upset feelings and if you've taught him to cope with food than its unfair to blame him for behavior that you may have taught and enabled.

 

Family Counseling and Individual counseling for your son and yourself might help you all to communicate with each other in a more healthy and respectful way.

 

Also, High School is socially difficult and stressful at times for most teenagers. "Home" and "Family" should be a safe source of acceptance and love and that doesn't sound like what's happening when it sounds like you wish your son were gone. Self destructive behaviors and even suicide are all risks of depression, especially teen depression, so please get help for your son.

[InferiorityComplex]

I am voicing my opinion because I still am somewhat in this rut...and I just turned 20.

 

When I was 12 to the day I moved out at 17 I gave my mother hell. I slept in till 2pm on the weekends, and sometimes even later. Especially on school breaks I'd take advantage of my sleep schedules. Of course I had a computer in my room, so I'd stay up till 6am in the morning playing World of Warcraft and chatting with people online. I think that's what all modern age teenagers do.

 

My history with my mother may be slightly different though...when I was 15 I was 5'3" and weighed 105lbs and was a cheerleader...my mother would can me a fat whore seemingly every day...or otherwise belittle me.

 

I never had friends...I shy-ed away from everyone...keeping myself locked in my room at all times except to grab a snack (I never ate at 'healthy' family meals at the table because I had to participate in conversation with my family.)

 

My mother would yell at me...try to get me to clean my room...and enforced all kinds of rules. Which alot of you parents say "Well she's your mother, and she should be doing that"

 

Well even if that is the case...she disciplined me my whole life...and I fought her tooth and nail the whole way. Till the day I emancipated myself and moved out.

 

I was also very focused in school...I graduated from highschool with honors the month before I turned 17. I started college at 17 and was living on my own working full time and going to school full time. Now I am 20 years old...I hate my mother...she will never be a part of my life again, and I am soon going to be taking her to court for 3 years of back child support and also to fight to take custody away from my mother for my 16 year old deaf sister.

 

I own my own house, I work full time, I go to school full time, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. And I owe none of this to my mother. So yes, I maintain a messy house, I sleep in till 1pm on the weekends and still play on my computer till 4am. As does my boyfriend. And we both gained a significant amount of weight...but we are happy. Which neither of us could say when we lived with our poor excuses for parents.

 

I'm not by any means saying that you are a bad mother...that was just mine...and maybe I was ranting a little too much about my own...but I think it may be time for you to face the fact that...he may be your son....but you need to start looking at him like a tenant. Cause when he moves out his room doesn't need to be clean...or he doesn't have to monitor his food intake.

 

Does he work? Cause even a teenager focusing 100% on school should be working a minimum of part-time...or he'll end up tremendously unprepared for the real world. If he has a job, then request rent. This will pay for excess food consumption, and then you wont be able to yell at him for his bed time or whatnot...then if he fails classes it becomes his fault only.

 

Sorry for the long post...but I hope you were able to read into it somewhat.

 

(BTW...I hate people that make a huge deal about the BMI...it's not accurate. Everyone is different. I'm 5'3" and 175lbs...and I am by no means even overweight, let alone obese. So quit the finger pointing...it's not nice...especially to point out to a mother that her child is "fat" God, big boys make the world go round!)

[cicada]

I am voicing my opinion because I still am somewhat in this rut...and I just turned 20.

 

When I was 12 to the day I moved out at 17 I gave my mother hell. I slept in till 2pm on the weekends, and sometimes even later. Especially on school breaks I'd take advantage of my sleep schedules. Of course I had a computer in my room, so I'd stay up till 6am in the morning playing World of Warcraft and chatting with people online. I think that's what all modern age teenagers do.

 

My history with my mother may be slightly different though...when I was 15 I was 5'3" and weighed 105lbs and was a cheerleader...my mother would can me a fat whore seemingly every day...or otherwise belittle me.

 

I never had friends...I shy-ed away from everyone...keeping myself locked in my room at all times except to grab a snack (I never ate at 'healthy' family meals at the table because I had to participate in conversation with my family.)

 

My mother would yell at me...try to get me to clean my room...and enforced all kinds of rules. Which alot of you parents say "Well she's your mother, and she should be doing that"

 

Well even if that is the case...she disciplined me my whole life...and I fought her tooth and nail the whole way. Till the day I emancipated myself and moved out.

 

I was also very focused in school...I graduated from highschool with honors the month before I turned 17. I started college at 17 and was living on my own working full time and going to school full time. Now I am 20 years old...I hate my mother...she will never be a part of my life again, and I am soon going to be taking her to court for 3 years of back child support and also to fight to take custody away from my mother for my 16 year old deaf sister.

 

I own my own house, I work full time, I go to school full time, and I have a wonderful boyfriend. And I owe none of this to my mother. So yes, I maintain a messy house, I sleep in till 1pm on the weekends and still play on my computer till 4am. As does my boyfriend. And we both gained a significant amount of weight...but we are happy. Which neither of us could say when we lived with our poor excuses for parents.

 

I'm not by any means saying that you are a bad mother...that was just mine...and maybe I was ranting a little too much about my own...but I think it may be time for you to face the fact that...he may be your son....but you need to start looking at him like a tenant. Cause when he moves out his room doesn't need to be clean...or he doesn't have to monitor his food intake.

 

Does he work? Cause even a teenager focusing 100% on school should be working a minimum of part-time...or he'll end up tremendously unprepared for the real world. If he has a job, then request rent. This will pay for excess food consumption, and then you wont be able to yell at him for his bed time or whatnot...then if he fails classes it becomes his fault only.

 

Sorry for the long post...but I hope you were able to read into it somewhat.

 

(BTW...I hate people that make a huge deal about the BMI...it's not accurate. Everyone is different. I'm 5'3" and 175lbs...and I am by no means even overweight, let alone obese. So quit the finger pointing...it's not nice...especially to point out to a mother that her child is "fat" God, big boys make the world go round!)

 

I did read everything you wrote, sorry you went through that. That is what i dont want to be to my son ( a tyrant that bitches all the time ) . I usually get angry with him and discuss with him when I feel like i really need to . he can be just so i dont even know how to describe it .. he disects every word I say and then he disagrees with every word somehow even when it doesnt make any sence. I tell you I know when i am wrong , and there have been times where I disagreed with something he did and after some conversation i will realize that i am being too jumpy or something . but there are times where i know that he is wrong , like his eating habits and such . and the fact that he is really arrogant. I could bring up alot of examples but that would be too long .

 

Sometimes i think parents will get on their kids too much like I do Sometimes. I know I do it cause i want him to suceed . he did have a job i think he may get one again once in college. You have some really great ideas and some perspective that i need. TY. That is great that you are doing so good for yourself now. I dont know but I think when parents bitch at their kids it is usually because they care so much about them and maybe they dont do it in the right way or they are too extreme about it ( i am not saying this is what your mom was doing cause i dont know her but it might be ) . I wonder if i am sometimes. I remember my friend told me once that her mother always bitched at her everyday growing up . she has moved out and has her own family now . she tells me that she did hate her mom .. and that her mom still bitches at her time to time on the phone . she said she asked her mom why are you driiving me away by bitchin at me all the time?she said her mom told her that the day she stops bitchin at her it's the day she doesnt love you anymore. made her think , made me think .

I dont think any parent is a perfect parent I am sure i am not.

[cicada]

It sounds like your son is extremely depressed. His compulsive eating is merely a symptom of the real issues that are bothering him. When your rant describes you and your husband calling your son "stupid" and "idiot", even in a rant that your putting on the internet, it kinda comes across as forms of emotional and verbal abuse that your son may be experiencing and its painful to read.

 

Is your husband your son's bio father or step father? Either way if he is calling your son an idiot that should bother you as a mother.

 

When your son was a young child was food used to quiet tantrums? Because it sounds like your feeding him as a teenager to quiet his upset feelings and if you've taught him to cope with food than its unfair to blame him for behavior that you may have taught and enabled.

 

Family Counseling and Individual counseling for your son and yourself might help you all to communicate with each other in a more healthy and respectful way.

 

Also, High School is socially difficult and stressful at times for most teenagers. "Home" and "Family" should be a safe source of acceptance and love and that doesn't sound like what's happening when it sounds like you wish your son were gone. Self destructive behaviors and even suicide are all risks of depression, especially teen depression, so please get help for your son.

 

Did I say we called him an idiot ? I think it alot because he acts like one but we dont say that to him . If i wrote something that sounded that way I miswrote. sorry .

depression i agree with , i think he is . most overweight people are depressed or have some kind of emotional problems. I think i approach him rationally most of the time , but i do lose my temper big time with his food tantrums and attitude cause sometimes when he starts on me abotu something it is like a never ending argument . even when i try to be rational with him he will be like he dont want to hear it . at what point does a child have responsibility for his own behavior ?. I understand he is a 17 going on 18 .. but i was 17 once and i surely did not show the amount of disrespect he does.

How do I get help for someone who flat out refuses it without commiting him into a psych ward ? i dont think he is that extreme where he needs to be commited. I would do it if i thought it was that bad , but i dont think it is . I do think he needs counseling but he refuses I have discussed it with him a few times. he says he is unhappy cause he is overweight , that's it. i told him he needs to do something about that like go for a walk or ride the skateboard and such but he wont . so i feel like i have hit a wall. really.

[InferiorityComplex]

I appreciate how you responded to my post. I didn't know if to expect an angry retort or not.

 

My mother did deal with issues differently than other parents, which is why I am not about to compare you to her. My mother would frequently insult me and beat me up. She is a very self centered narcissist. For instance, in my freshman year of high school I had 12 friends commit suicide, overdose, get into a car accident or murdered. I told her that I thought I was depressed (and rightfully so) and needed someone to talk to. And she went on this huge rant about how I was acting screwed up to get attention and to make her look bad to the neighbors.

 

When I moved out, my mother started giving the brunt of her tantrums to my sister, who until I moved out was my mother's favorite. I am now contemplating taking my mother to court to fight for custody of my 17 year old deaf sister and for $7000 of back child support.

 

I only replied to your post because I saw alot of myself in your sons situation. Mainly because I just was a loner and didn't really have any friends. I completely detached myself from others after the death of so many that I was close to. I would love to talk to you further if you are interested in hearing about any of the things I did to turn my life around from the depression and actually start living my likfe.

[cicada]

Well then...I would ask him to start showing his *appreciation* (No point fighting about the words when it is the behaviour that is the real problem.)

 

You can consider learning about teenage nutrition yourself, just to know without doubt that you are providing the best meals and snacks for his physical needs. My own 6'4, 200 pound son eats waayyy more than his 5'11, 155 pound brother -- and it has always been that way. There is more growth to 'fuel' in a larger body that is still growing, is how I see it.

 

OTOH, it is possible that your son has developed an eating disorder (whether mild or severe) to compensate for low self-esteem and lack of self-respect and self-confidence, which is common when we are not taught adequate skills/tools to develop those in normal and healthy ways -- which most of us were not...I am not calling you a "bad" parent -- like every other mom and dad on this planet, you have always done what you felt was best and "good" -- that is a given.

 

If you do suspect an eating disorder, again, it is up to you to do your 'parenting homework' so that you will be properly equipped to support him in his dealing with that and ultimately getting to a place of high self-esteem, and a positive outlook for himself and those around him. I don't know what resources 'Overeaters Anonymous' offers, but it may be a place to start(?)

 

You may also want to consider researching "how to parent unruly teens" type of material -- there must be resources on the web that will help you overcome your prior misguided parenting efforts.

 

He is arrogant and disrespectful because you have spent his life avoiding opportunities to guide him to improved behaviour, and letting him "get away" with things rather than dealing with a bit of (temporary) aggravation. By doing that since he was a baby, you set up this environment in which he is feeling entitled and acting without personal responsibility.

 

Yes, it will be much tougher to change these long-standing dynamics now but, with you and Dad acquiring the proper information and tools, YOU CAN DO IT!!! -- you can get back to being a happy, loving and mutually supportive family

 

Sending strength and Guidance to all of you.

My goodness , thank You for your supportive reply . I apreciate it soo much . you hit the nail on the head with almost everthing you typed. it is extrememly overwhelming at this point . i hope that it does get better.

the stress of it all is causing issues between my husband and I . it is concerning. i have been looking things up online about teens and such . you know i tried to talk to my son earlier today .. he says "oh hear we go " i said what do you mean ? he said " the parenting game" i am like what are you talking about ? he said " your going to say this so iwill do that , and it isnt going to work " .. so that left me feeling a bit deflated especially since i had no agenda then to just have a word with him . uugghh~.

[nittygritty]

Did I say we called him an idiot ? I think it alot because he acts like one but we dont say that to him . If i wrote something that sounded that way I miswrote. sorry .

depression i agree with , i think he is . most overweight people are depressed or have some kind of emotional problems. I think i approach him rationally most of the time , but i do lose my temper big time with his food tantrums and attitude cause sometimes when he starts on me abotu something it is like a never ending argument . even when i try to be rational with him he will be like he dont want to hear it . at what point does a child have responsibility for his own behavior ?. I understand he is a 17 going on 18 .. but i was 17 once and i surely did not show the amount of disrespect he does.

How do I get help for someone who flat out refuses it without commiting him into a psych ward ? i dont think he is that extreme where he needs to be commited. I would do it if i thought it was that bad , but i dont think it is . I do think he needs counseling but he refuses I have discussed it with him a few times. he says he is unhappy cause he is overweight , that's it. i told him he needs to do something about that like go for a walk or ride the skateboard and such but he wont . so i feel like i have hit a wall. really.

 

You had said that your husband told you to ignore your son "because he is an idiot". You have also said "My husband is really not there for me". Having a toddler, a teenager and a husband thats not there for you would be a difficult and stressful situation.

 

Counseling might help you find a better way to help your son.

[Insane]

Wow. My parents grew up poor and they dont ever want me to feel what its like. Im sure i could wake my mom up at 3am and she would make me food. No joke.

[Ronni_W]

it is extrememly overwhelming at this point . i hope that it does get better.

Unfortunately, your entire family needs MUCH more than just 'hope' at this time. You and Dad must get into action...I'd suggest by first adding to your own set of parenting skills -- overcoming fear of conflict, communicating lovingly yet assertively, and setting healthy & appropriate boundaries-type of skills.

 

he said "your going to say this so i will do that , and it isnt going to work " .. so that left me feeling a bit deflated especially since i had no agenda then to just have a word with him . uugghh~.

An opportunity missed...that was a *perfect* time to say something along the lines of, "No, son. I have no agenda this time. I'm just concerned about our relationship and I'm starting to get that I haven't done such a great job of listening to what you want and need, and how you're feeling. I don't have answers but I'm starting to look for them. And I'd appreciate your help, if you're willing."

And THEN walk away and let him reflect on it. As well, continue to role-model this kind of honest and open communication/behaviour.

 

Reading between the lines of what your son said, it sounds as if he feels your goal has been primarily to control or "bully" him into doing what you want. Even if that was NOT your intention, it is your son's perception...acknowledge to him that you understand how HE is feeling about how you've been treating him. You could even say that you are sorry for giving him such a wrong impression and, again, are hoping to do a better job of that from now on.

 

If you are to lead and inspire your family, it really isn't a time for YOU to give in to your own feelings of being deflated or frustrated or at a loss. More productive to family harmony would be to overcome your own internal "stuff" (perhaps with help of individual therapist who also practices family therapy?) Dad ought to consider the same but if not, do not let Dad's resistance stop you from growing as a parent and person.

 

Not that you won't feel deflated, frustrated and helpless...only that a leader deals with that privately and still does her/his "leadership job" with skill and grace.

[Arch]

lol, quantity doesn't matter, the quality does when it comes to the food you are eating, you can eat as much as you want of something healthful and not get fat, while you can eat a small amount of crap and balloon out.

 

I honestly don't know if I should say this or not because my advice will probably be shrugged off but - I am in the same age range as your son, I know if my mother constantly harassed me about something I would get pissed off, my personality is if you push me, I push back just as hard.

 

I personally could lose about 20 pounds, I actually do allot of weight lifting but no cardio, my goals are not for weight loss, I personally am a eating machine,

 

I am 6'4 I eat about 3-4 meals a day + protein shakes + vitamins,

 

How about you give him an outlet to lose weight, get a gym membership or something.

 

I have to say from your posts you seem to be one of the least understanding mothers I have ever run into. I am just being honest.

[Monkey Boy]

My wife and I have 6 kids. ages 16,15,10,8,5 and 3. The four oldest are boys. The oldest, whom we'll call "Oz" (since he is all seeing and all knowing) is by far the hardest person I have ever had to share my time with. Don't get me wrong...the 15 year old is in real competition to take that title away from Oz.

My mom put that ole' curse on me when I was 16..and sure enough..I now have "two, just like me!"

 

They do everything talked about here...stay up late, eat when they want...show up after school with a bunch of friends to hang out..UGH!

[cicada]

lol, quantity doesn't matter, the quality does when it comes to the food you are eating, you can eat as much as you want of something healthful and not get fat, while you can eat a small amount of crap and balloon out.

 

I honestly don't know if I should say this or not because my advice will probably be shrugged off but - I am in the same age range as your son, I know if my mother constantly harassed me about something I would get pissed off, my personality is if you push me, I push back just as hard.

 

I personally could lose about 20 pounds, I actually do allot of weight lifting but no cardio, my goals are not for weight loss, I personally am a eating machine,

 

I am 6'4 I eat about 3-4 meals a day + protein shakes + vitamins,

 

How about you give him an outlet to lose weight, get a gym membership or something.

 

I have to say from your posts you seem to be one of the least understanding mothers I have ever run into. I am just being honest.

 

it is good to be honest.. i understand you dont really know me , and it is hard to see a personality sometimes through typing . let me just say that my husband has the same routine as you with the vitamins and such protien shakes as well.

my husband and i got him a gym membership and gave it to him . told him he can go whenever he wanted to .. the membership was for a year. and the gym by his school. he never went , even with encouragement and even the offer to go with him . after one year he never went .

once I convinced him to follow "my diet" which was just eat regular meals but only at home , no mcdonalds afterschool and such . i meade him all his favortie things pork chops and veggies and such ., chicken . whatever it was it was good and protioned well. he had in between snacks that i made. he said everything was good , and he didnt ever feel hungry . that whole week he said he wouldnt and couldnt lose weight doing that . at the end of the week he lost 5 lbs , i told his see. what did i tell you ? but then he just stopped. he said he didnt want to follow that anymore . he was going to do his own thing . anyway .. that was that .. he gained what he lost back . so it isnt like i havent tried.

..........................

 

my son came home today with a horrible attitude . . he had a class in socialogy and said that we weren't good parents and he hated us . and he has been saying it all night . i hate you , i thought i didnt but i do hate you guys ( me and dad) . so , I am just really stressed out cause i cant get through to him . we havent been perfect but am i supposed to acept this? i told him it is ok to be angry with us but dont hate us over the past. you have to move forward. he refused and told me to get out of his room so now I am paralized with anxiety . i told him I loved him and i am trying my best as a parent. he said whatever and before i left his room he told me .. "dont think this is resolved I dont want you to get the satisfaction of feeling like everything is ok now. " honestly I dont know what to do , my husband who isnt really supportive to me said to me that he dont care anymore. as long as my teen does well in school and such he isnt going tocomplain . and toldme to drop it. i feel really alone to tell you the truth . i tried topush how serious this situation is getting and my husband just told me that i was making him really angry. i really feel like there is nothing i can do and nothing my husband wants to do . he just says he doesnt know what to do , there is no solution . just leave my teen alone .

[Arch]

it is good to be honest.. i understand you dont really know me , and it is hard to see a personality sometimes through typing . let me just say that my husband has the same routine as you with the vitamins and such protien shakes as well.

my husband and i got him a gym membership and gave it to him . told him he can go whenever he wanted to .. the membership was for a year. and the gym by his school. he never went , even with encouragement and even the offer to go with him . after one year he never went .

once I convinced him to follow "my diet" which was just eat regular meals but only at home , no mcdonalds afterschool and such . i meade him all his favortie things pork chops and veggies and such ., chicken . whatever it was it was good and protioned well. he had in between snacks that i made. he said everything was good , and he didnt ever feel hungry . that whole week he said he wouldnt and couldnt lose weight doing that . at the end of the week he lost 5 lbs , i told his see. what did i tell you ? but then he just stopped. he said he didnt want to follow that anymore . he was going to do his own thing . anyway .. that was that .. he gained what he lost back . so it isnt like i havent tried.

..........................

 

my son came home today with a horrible attitude . . he had a class in socialogy and said that we weren't good parents and he hated us . and he has been saying it all night . i hate you , i thought i didnt but i do hate you guys ( me and dad) . so , I am just really stressed out cause i cant get through to him . we havent been perfect but am i supposed to acept this? i told him it is ok to be angry with us but dont hate us over the past. you have to move forward. he refused and told me to get out of his room so now I am paralized with anxiety . i told him I loved him and i am trying my best as a parent. he said whatever and before i left his room he told me .. "dont think this is resolved I dont want you to get the satisfaction of feeling like everything is ok now. " honestly I dont know what to do , my husband who isnt really supportive to me said to me that he dont care anymore. as long as my teen does well in school and such he isnt going tocomplain . and toldme to drop it. i feel really alone to tell you the truth . i tried topush how serious this situation is getting and my husband just told me that i was making him really angry. i really feel like there is nothing i can do and nothing my husband wants to do . he just says he doesnt know what to do , there is no solution . just leave my teen alone .

 

I am sorry to hear that, honestly your son probably has something thats bothering him but doesn't know how to tell you, you pushing the situation doesn't really help him because he feels cornered. You describing him as arrogant doesn't help.

 

He does not hate you if anything he views you as the only one who cares at all, he hates his current situation. Since your the ones around he says it to you. There is nothing you can really do beyond being open and telling him that you are always there to talk - express your love is unconditional, fat or skinny , stupid or brilliant you will always love him - and no matter what he has to say you wont be angry. I get a feeling that your son feels you/ your husband don't really love him because of the times you have been overly critical.

 

Trying to be proactive and prodding really just makes it worse, when he is ready to talk about what ever it is - he will come and talk to you. He doesn't want to feel like hes being made to talk to you - it is his choice to do so.

 

So regarding his weight - Is it something that really bothers him? Maybe he feels too self conscious to go to the gym? What does he spend most of his time doing?

Edited January 27, 2008 by Arch