CJ77 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 So 7 mnths later and here I am still hung up on my ex. reason being that we went from talking once a week to almost everynight for 2-3hrs a night. He ended things saying that he stilled liked me and that maybe down the road we would have a second chance. 2 mnths ago he told me that he could kick himself for losing me and seemed like maybe he wanted another shot but backed down and never acted on it. I was very upset by that and I think was a turning point for me. On and off he gives me the impression he still likes me or wants a another shot but yet doesnt act on it. When he sees me at work he gets a big smile on his face, gets upset if I walk by him and dont stop to say hi or bye. So I made up my mind enough was enough. So tonight I told him that i dont feel its a good idea we continue talking and being friends. I explained to him that i couldnt handle it and that hes not coming back so i need to let him go and move on so I can have other relationships. I told him how hard this is for me bc he was special to me and then I told him that i need my time away from him and if he should decide he wants more than friends than to let me know but for now I need to be away for him bc I cant handle the just friends thing. so he told me that he had an idea and that he would give me as much space as he can and that when i feel ready to talk to him again then to talk to him...he then told me that he had to get going and that he will miss talking to me and then said goodnight so i cried and got all upset bc it almost feels like we were breaking up again...stupid i know but it was such an awful feeling but i just feel so confused but i believe i made the right choice bc this is 7 mnths of draggin this out and It wasnt fair to me, bc how I see things is that if he really could kick himself than why doesnt he do anything and now tonight I opened the door to him that if he wanted to get back together then he is welcome to talk to me and let me know but once again i got nothing so do you all agree this is for the best?? Link to post Share on other sites
Freddy Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 CJ I think your doing the right thing. I know your also upset and hurting, so you need to do NC if you really want to move on. I'm working on almost my 7 month also but I have chosen to go a different route. We will cling on every word they say or do with the intention that they will some how come back. I have a feeling he really loves you, you just need to let see that on his own. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 Yes, CJ! I did the same thing a month ago. It IS for the best. An addiction is not the same as a commitment. He called me Saturday, on the 27th day of NC. We talked for two hours, like usual, and I miss him like crazy. But I told him I'm saving that two hours a day of intense connection for the man who's my real partner. The one I keep waking up with, through thick and thin and all. It's he$$a tough. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 oops, long refresh, posted twice... Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I'm in the exact same position as you are... except I tried being "friends" with my ex-boyfriend for 2 YEARS! Imagine suffering for that long! It was a stupid idea, let me tell you. The friendship was messy and complicated and the words "soap opera" are quite fitting.. So yes, I think you are doing the right thing by ending your friendship although it's painful and you are going to miss him. I miss my ex everyday, but just think, it's better to miss them than to be caught in the messy "friends" web with them... it's too confusing and complicated and it prevents you from moving forward and letting go.... Keep on truckin!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Graduate Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I was in a similar situation 3 years ago. I let him string me along for 6 months and then I went into absolute NC. Of course it was hard at first, and it took me a long time to get over him, but it felt so much better than these daily hopes and wishes and interpretations of every little gesture and word to see if he wanted to come back. Looking back my only regret is that it took me 6 months to cut him loose. If he wants you, he knows where to come find you, so you got nothing to lose and everything to gain. Stay strong, it gets better! Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 It was two years of LD "friendship" for me too! Crazy. I had no idea how deep into it I was. Details, please, Ashbash! I will post whole story on my own thread, so as not to hijack the OP's Link to post Share on other sites
Ashbash11 Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I'll make you a deal, CalamitousJane, if you start your own post, I will give details.. I have a lot of them..hehe Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 13, 2007 Share Posted December 13, 2007 I put it under "Breaks and Breaking Up", because I'm pretty sure that's what it is... Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 thanks everyone!!!!! I really appreciate u all sharing your thoughts, and experiences as well as encouraging me. It's tough to let go of a person that means that much to you. I think what helps me get through it, is i keep thinking that whatever is meant to be will ALWAYS be.. Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 I think "whatever's meant to be" comes fastest when you're honest about all your feelings and gentle and compassionate at the same time. Sounds like you've been that way. Now it's just a matter of waiting out the pain while your heart heals. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted December 14, 2007 Author Share Posted December 14, 2007 exactly....this may sound wierd but i think what makes this so hard for me is that when me and my ex had first started goin out we used to go out for coffee alot and just talk and i can remember looking at him from across the table and having this strong feeling from within that i still cant even explain what it is but almost like i felt like we connected, but yet i could never fully explain this feeling. out of all the boyfriends ive had, never felt anything even remotely like that, even the ones that i REALLY liked and took awhile to recover from, never felt that way. Even now that we are apart, I still can feel that feeling. It was funny and i know this is coincidental but you know how sometimes the moon is really small and it kinda looks like a banana, well i would only think of something crazy like that and we always used to laugh about that and how i called it the banana moon. well yesterday i was walking out of the store and something told me to look up at the sky and i just stared at it and i wondered to myself if he would notice it tonight and sure enough a few hours later he called and asked me if i saw my banana moon. and then thats when i told him we couldnt talk anymore....funny how things go Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 14, 2007 Share Posted December 14, 2007 Oh, that makes me cry right now. Take good care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted December 17, 2007 Author Share Posted December 17, 2007 ok everyone just a little update..nothing major but since i had that little chat with the ex, i saw him today at work for the first time. I went up to the cafeteria to grab some tea and his back was to me but i knew it was him. I went about making my tea because if i had said hi hows it going i would be going against what we talked about. anyway he had saw me as well and we both went about our business and acted like we didnt even know eachother. like complete strangers. Apparently he had worked this whole weekend but he is clearly avoiding me because i would have never had known he was working if i didnt happen to go up to the cafeteria while he was on dinner break bc usually he walks by my work area several times throughout a shift and if not several at least a few times. It was upsetting to me but a fellow co worker told me that hes just doing exactly what i asked but she told me not to think for one second that hes not hurting as much as i am...but i dont know about that part.... Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted December 17, 2007 Share Posted December 17, 2007 Hang in there CJ. It's tough as hell. I know for a fact that my ex/friend is having a hard time, he told me so last week. And right now my heart feels very heavy for him. I know he's suffering. I was a huge part of his life, and my support system is much better than his. All you can do is silently wish him well with all your heart, and visualize real, long-term love for both of you, in whatever form it might take. Link to post Share on other sites
asilisa Posted December 18, 2007 Share Posted December 18, 2007 Hi CJ I just wanted to say that I think you are doing the right thing. I myself have made the same decision. My ex wanted to tell me that he thinks about getting back with me every day but he doesn't want to make a mistake (by being with me) oh and he loves me and i'm his "girl". Well, I waited around for a month and a half and on Friday I told him no more talking. He didn't like the idea but I did! You derseve to be happy; so take care of yourself. I told my ex the same thing you told your ex "You know where to find me." They do know where to find us -- but don't wait around for him. Good luck --Lisa Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted December 29, 2007 Author Share Posted December 29, 2007 thanks lisa. All the encouragement and reassurance that ive done the right thing really helps. I dont think a day goes by that i dont think that maybe i made a mistake, maybe if i just kept on being "friends" he would see the light, but then i remind myself that im just kidding myself and its better off this way. he knows the deal, and if he ever decides he wants me back well then he will have to come find me... how are you doing with your no contact? good luck with everything!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted January 1, 2008 Author Share Posted January 1, 2008 ok another update.... so its been 3 weeks and right before i went NC i told my ex how i was going on vacation for two weeks. well he apparently still talks about me to his mom bc when i saw his mom at work she stopped me to ask how my vacation went. My ex and I both had a certain vacation spot in common which we both really enjoyed all our lives and thats where i went on my vacation so his mom decided to tell me after i tell her how my vacation went how me and her son are such a perfect match, right after she made that statement she gave me no time to respond as she immediately went into something else. but that really stung. She is definately making that statement to the wrong person as i am not the one who has asked to be broken up........ Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 1, 2008 Share Posted January 1, 2008 I think that's the way it is with these conflicted types. It's just as hard for them to let go of a relationship as it is to really commit to one. Sounds like he's using his mom to help him keep you hooked in. Mine is doing the same thing with intriguing emails and emotional phone messages - trying to keep one foot in the door. If he wants to come in, he can bring a couple dozen roses and ring the dang bell like a real man. Otherwise he should stay the hell off your porch. Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted January 4, 2008 Author Share Posted January 4, 2008 well all the pieces to the puzzle are finally starting to fit together about my ex. so i did my research slyly of course. He would never know how i got my info unless i told him, which i will never. so the reason why my ex just talks and no action is bc from sept till the present time there is one girl who hes gone on a few dates with. maybe 2 or 3 and i guess they havent been out in a few mnths and she wants to go out again. worse yet is that he brings her to our spot where we would always go. its funny bc not to long ago he said how hes been to our spot once or twice since our breakup and when he goes he thinks back to our times there. well now i know who he's been going with. so i feel like im back to square one but i really believe that once i get over this hump and the feeling of being stabbed in the heart that this was just what i needed to forget about him.... Link to post Share on other sites
CalamitousJane Posted January 4, 2008 Share Posted January 4, 2008 Aagh - that's awful. I never got people who bring their new loves to the same places that brought their old ones. Whenever I've found out that someone has done that with me, it creeps me out big time. Almost as bad as someone who keeps the same collection of sex toys from girlfriend to girlfriends. Major yuck. I'm sure he thinks of you when he's in your special place with the new girl. Maybe it makes him feel secure to have your ghost around. Sucks for the new girl though. She's worse off than you because she's the one who has to deal with his weirdness now. Maybe she doesn't feel it yet because she's keeping him chasing her, but I guarantee he'll get just as weird on her as he did on you. Thank goodness you're free of that! Link to post Share on other sites
Author CJ77 Posted January 6, 2008 Author Share Posted January 6, 2008 haha yes that is yucky!!! and sick too! so apparently with more research i found this other girl has a boyfriend so now im really confused. So i guess maybe they are just friends but i find it hard to believe that this girls boyfriend doesnt mind that she meets up every now and again with some guy so im a tad bit confused on her connection with my ex. and last night i talked to the ex bc our job could be somewhat dangerous at times with the way ppl are crazy these days. so a patient tried to harm me and who came to my rescue...yup him.... He acted all concerned for me and said that all he cared about is that i was okay one word went into another and before i went on my way he told me that him and i should go out for coffee soon. I just kinda looked at him and went on my way... it totally threw me for a loop in that for all of the 7 mnths we have been apart that was the first time he ever suggested us going anywhere together... so will i do it... no way.... if this guy ever thinks im going anywhere with him again he better be prepared to have some good explanations for everything and be prepared to do alotta chasing... Link to post Share on other sites
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