Author blon_dee Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 Oh man, this is ripping me up.. the waiting.... I dont know how to act, i have asked him a few times for a chance to work things out... now all i get is we need to talk, and i do miss you..... It could go either way right????
ElvenPriestess Posted December 15, 2007 Posted December 15, 2007 It could totally go either way. But you have to first of all calm down. Remember that you WILL see him, and dwelling on "what might be said" or "what will I say if he says this" and other things like that are just going to drive you crazy right? I know there's this anticipation feeling you have, but just remember that whatever is going to happen will happen. And leave yourself at that. You're asking for a chance, he's telling you "we need to talk." He's unsure of how things will go, so he doesn't want to commit to anything. So I think you should be casual if you talk to him before seeing each other, just relax, keep your mind busy with things you enjoy. And lastly. Worry won't help you. It'll just keep you up at night. No matter what happens everything will be ok. Just remember that.
Author blon_dee Posted December 15, 2007 Author Posted December 15, 2007 Yeah, you're right, i do need to calm down.. I just hate the unknown.. My impatience got me into this mess.... when we first broke up, then i back pedalled because it was so impulsive, he asked me to wait till the following night for him to think about things.. and i didnt wait.. i jumped the gun again... Its not good is it??? Havent heard another word since the miss u text last night... I havent contacted him either, so im doing ok..... Thanks for all the advice, will keep u posted..... Fingers and toes are crossed that we can work it out.. It still just freaks me that the msgs he sent are so ambigous.. They could be a yes, or a no!.. aahh....... Having a few drinks tonight with friends, hopefully that will chill be out a bit.....
Author blon_dee Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 Well.... had a big long discussion with a few of my friends over drinks last night... 2 of my closest friends are guys... And after hearing the whole story (they hadnt heard it before), they think i would be just crazy to even consider getting back with this guy.. Im even more confused now. But im starting to think, i do deserve better! I cant help but think if he really loved me and it was right, he wouldnt have done or said the things he has . I wonder if i should even bother catching up for this chat he wants to have this week.. What do you think?
ElvenPriestess Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 I think you need to. Not for him, but for you. Or else you'll always wonder what he had to say. This will give you the chance for much better closure too.
Author blon_dee Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 Yeah i guess so.. im just having so many thoughts going through my head.. I just am over being hurt like this. hes sent me a few msgs this evening, asking what i've been up to over the weekend etc.. chit chat... i just dont know..
Author blon_dee Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 Oh man.. he just sent me another text saying he misses me.. Why is he doing this??? its just confusing me!!
ElvenPriestess Posted December 16, 2007 Posted December 16, 2007 Oh man.. he just sent me another text saying he misses me.. Why is he doing this??? its just confusing me!! Because he's just as confused as you are. And he doesn't realize that right now him saying those things is not helping. You could politely tell him that you'd like him to refrain from that at least until you speak in person, but of course then you run the risk of pushing him away, which I assume you don't want to do. At best you'll have to take it at face value. Think "He's away from me, he cares for me, it's only natural that we miss each other." And not read anything else into it.
Author blon_dee Posted December 16, 2007 Author Posted December 16, 2007 Ok, the texts kept going.. i know i should have stopped, but i didnt... He then said maybe we werent meant to be.. isaid all iwanted was a chance again.. i wish i hadnt said it.. he said how could we do things differently??? I just said, maybe wipe the past and go back to just dating an dhaving fun and not spend so much time together.. His reply to that was lets catch up on tuesday night and talk.. then he was just kind of flirting with me via text... I dont know what this means...????? I guess i will just be cool about everything when i see him and see what happens???
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Ok, so you both seem to want to work it out. But, shouldn't you be giving HIM another chance? That's how I see it. But I guess that isn't a huge deal. And yes, play it cool, don't let him push you into speeding things up too fast. If he tries, just remind him that you two agreed to back it up a bit. Tuesday night for catch up? Make sure it is IN A PUBLIC PLACE. I don't know why, but I have a gut feeling if it's at your place or his place, he'll wanna put the moves on. HAVE to tell me how Tuesday goes.
Author blon_dee Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Hmmm.. im not sure thats the case, that he wants to work it out... Im not convinced of that at all yet.. i do however, think you are right that he will put the moves on.. I am not sure yet how i would handle that... And you are also right that i should be giving him a chance.. that is true and i know it.. But i think we both have faults here, i never gave him much of a chance after taking him back last time with me being so paranoid and insecure and needy.. I really believ ethat, not to take back that he did a very bad thing.. He is to blame for our problems when you get down to it, but still, i did agree to take him back and i should have been better about it.. Does that make sense?? Would it be such a bad thing if he put the moves on??? just wondering what you think..
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 Well, yes it would be bad in my opinion, because you are confused and uncertain about things. I don't think it is fair to you to try and juggle that in the balance. And if it turns out he doesn't want to work it out but makes moves on you, that could hurt you even more. You could end up feeling used. As far as the first time you took him back, you were hurt, didn't know how to handle that, and that's it. I mean, it's hard to be "good" in a relationship when someone has REALLY hurt and devastated you right?
Author blon_dee Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Yeah you are right.... i will just see how things go and be cool about it all....
Author blon_dee Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 So this is a bit weird right... Hes just been txt me again.. Just said Hi :-) and then, what ya doin?... i find it a little odd thats all....
Author blon_dee Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Told him i was going out tonight, coz my daughter has gone to stay with her father for the week... he txt me straight back and said, where are you going tonight??? Just curiosity u think?? I replied, Out for dinner... didnt say who with.. im going out for dinner with my mum..lol ;-)
Author blon_dee Posted December 17, 2007 Author Posted December 17, 2007 Sorry for rambling.. but this guys really got me going... After that last text, he RANG me??? First time since the break up.... just chit chat, and asked again, so what are you doing tonight? i just said again, going out for dinner ... then after i hung up, i got a text about 30 seconds later, saying it was great to hear your voice.... I havent replied.. Maybe the mystery thing has him thinking??? I find it very weird......
ElvenPriestess Posted December 17, 2007 Posted December 17, 2007 You've pulled back, and now you have him wondering. I think he's trying to figure out where you stand. And he's possibly testing to see if you'll come running back when he says these things. I think your responses have been great. He just needs to be patient and wait for Tuesday to come, or whenever it is you are comfortable with seeing him. He obviously misses you, but he needs to realize that those feelings can cloud better judgment. You are smart enough that you figured that out already. Now he needs to also.
Author blon_dee Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 hmm.... i think its kind of funny.. he text me first thing this morning asking what i was doing, i said driving home... he said, where did you stay last night?? i didnt reply (i stayed at my MUMS!)lol.... since then, hes tried to ring me 3 times but i have been on another call.. I think i might just tease him a bit and say i stayed at a friends... is that just being silly????
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I wouldn't say that playing any games is a good idea, but you need to guard your heart at this point. He needs to be patient until when you see each other.
Author blon_dee Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Yeah... since them he has not stopped calling and txting.. he just asked if i would be dining with him tonight???? I just dont get where hes coming from..
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 I think he feels better if he pretends that nothings really that wrong. He's not accepting you giving him the brush off. But he brought it on himself. Stand firm, tell him "We agreed to see each other on such and such day, and that is when I will see you. Ok?" You can't kick someone in the shin (ouch) and then try and kiss them (huh?) And metaphorically speaking that's what he's trying to do.
memorex1970 Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Hes obviously a bit jealous that you may be going out on a date or something...if you want this man back dont play games,you should be real straight with him. I feel he may get a bit p*ssed when you tell him you only went out with your Mum,he will probably say'why didnt you tell me in the first place' and this may tarnish your meeting...just my thoughts. I do hope it all goes well for you and then you can start to relax. Nick
Author blon_dee Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Hey guys.... well, he hasnt stopped with the flirty suggestive texts all day... He is calling tonight a date... then i had to ring and cancel coz my mum broke her arm.. and i was going to have to drive to pick my step dad up from the airport.. the ex bf is now offering to pick my step dad up, take him home and then come pick me up and take meout for dinner... hes even suggested a second date near his home on friday night.. all i can think of, unless hes looking for a FB, is that when i suggested we try again and he asked how we could do it differently, i suggested that we go back to the start and date and not be too serious about things... His reply to that was just, lets catch up tuesday night.. Is this his way of trying to go back to the start, or just try and get sex????? Im confused. .but i must say this flirting is kind of fun...... We had been together for a year.....
ElvenPriestess Posted December 18, 2007 Posted December 18, 2007 Would your step dad be comfortable with him being picked up by your ex? And are you ok with the idea? He seems to want to go to great lengths to see you. But the question as you said is motive. I think you should ask where he hopes things go. Ask him what he ants to get out of all this. The real test will be tonight. See how he reacts. Is he really interested in talking things over and working on building communication? Working out the differences, and apologizing for everything he's put you through? Or will he just flirt with you all night and ignore the important issues at hand? That's what you will get to find out. But if he asks to come home with you, don't do it. Instead come home alone and tell us how things went. :-)
Author blon_dee Posted December 18, 2007 Author Posted December 18, 2007 Yeah.. hes always had a good relationship with my family... my step dad sounded a little surprised, but happy enough about it.. I will get the answers tonight... i definately will.. And i will definately keep you filled in on whats going on... And if hes planning on going back to the start like i suggested???? DO i still have to send him home???
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