Spark2211 Posted December 9, 2007 Posted December 9, 2007 My boyfreind and I have been dating for just over 2 years. We've been living together for the majority of that time and were freinds first. Early on in the relationship, I cheated on him with my ex. I felt so stupid, and ashamed. He forgave me and gave me a second chance. A while later, I did it again... We broke up and soon realized how much we actually cared for each other and got back together, after a while, we moved away so I could go to college, he came too and has been a great support system. About a week ago, I went home for a few days. While I was there, I cheated on him again... I don't know what is wrong with me, or what is wrong with my ex, my current boyfreind(now ex) or the relationship... Am I just a terrible person?! Do I deserve to be forgiven? I hate that I've caused him so much pain and what's worse, I barely know why I did it... I love him so much... I realize it's very hard to see that through this story... If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. Not just because I'm guilty, but because he's hurting so much right now... and it's all my fault. Anyone have any insight at all?
bustertypsy Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Spark,3 times!!!! That makes you a serial cheater.If he has an ounce of intelligence he will steer well clear of you.Once a cheat,always a cheat,3 times a cheat,well!! I am sorry,but I will never find any good advice to give a cheat.Next to a physical abuser they are the bottom of the social barrel.Real people who love each other and run into communication problems,or are rowing,and can't get on,these are the people that have real hope in saving,reconciling their relationships.What you need to do is get help to deal with your attention seeking problems.Make peace with yourself and learn to love and commit to one person,it's really the best feeling in the world.You have a lot of work to do.It's up to you if you want to better yourself.I wish you well.
superm0nkey Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 The poster above makes a good point - you need to work out WHY you're compulsively cheating and deal with those issues before you're ready for any kind of committed relationship. Your ex was right to end your relationship.
Lee725 Posted December 10, 2007 Posted December 10, 2007 Am I just a terrible person?! Do I deserve to be forgiven? I hate that I've caused him so much pain and what's worse, I barely know why I did it... I love him so much... I realize it's very hard to see that through this story... If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. Not just because I'm guilty, but because he's hurting so much right now... and it's all my fault. Anyone have any insight at all? Well, I going to try to be nice here, please forgive me if i go off-line a bit..... i am sorry but yes/no in my books. You are a terrible girlfriend for what you have done - it does not mean that you are generally a terrible person. He found it in himself to forgive you twice before this last time, in my books thats twice too often. If i were him would i forgive you? No Way. You didnt just break his trust, you crushed it and rammed it in his face. You probably need to: (in my little opinion) A) Get some sort of counselling or help to work out why you do these things. (way before you commit to another relationship of any kind). B) Leave him alone, you have no right to intrude into his life in any way, even if you feel guilty, dont try to off load your guilt on him, he has probably heard more than enough. Dont contact him. Give him time to heal. Imagine how he would feel after this? Hopefully he is strong enough to not let this affect his sense of self esteem, but somehow i doubt that because if he were stronger he might have forgiven you once, but the second time your butt would have been out that door (i know some people will say once out the door). C) Get some self esteem (not speaking for all), but the people i have known in my life to be serial cheaters generally have low self esteem. They go from person to person seeking approval and affection from them because there sense of self worth is generally pretty low. They "Feed" off the affections of others and this can go from seeking compliments right through to what you are doing and getting physical attention. Basically they crave attention and this can mean that there partner is not providing them with enough or they generally just need it (almost like a drug) 24/7.
Tony T Posted January 12, 2008 Posted January 12, 2008 My boyfreind and I have been dating for just over 2 years. We've been living together for the majority of that time and were freinds first. Early on in the relationship, I cheated on him with my ex. I felt so stupid, and ashamed. He forgave me and gave me a second chance. A while later, I did it again... We broke up and soon realized how much we actually cared for each other and got back together, after a while, we moved away so I could go to college, he came too and has been a great support system. About a week ago, I went home for a few days. While I was there, I cheated on him again... I don't know what is wrong with me, or what is wrong with my ex, my current boyfreind(now ex) or the relationship... Am I just a terrible person?! Do I deserve to be forgiven? I hate that I've caused him so much pain and what's worse, I barely know why I did it... I love him so much... I realize it's very hard to see that through this story... If I could take it all back, I would in a heartbeat. Not just because I'm guilty, but because he's hurting so much right now... and it's all my fault. Anyone have any insight at all? You are one confused lady. The details you set forth above do not seem to jibe with the details in your other post of this date: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?p=1490241#post1490241 If you cheat on a guy TWO OR THREE TIMES, I promise you unless he is severely retarded the relationship will never, ever be the same and you will just have to move on...and get some counseling on the way.
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