Is this a good idea or bad idea?

[Cobra_X30]

WHY are you still confused? He looked you in the eye and told you that you are NOT wasting your time. He's made it clear that marriage is a given. You should have no doubts here.

 

SG,

 

Your super good at the giving advice to others thing!

[Krytie TV]

Yeah you are right. Wow, you guys are good! I'm going to talk to him about it tonight, and see what he says. Actually the condo that he is looking at is a really good deal and its a 2 bedroom which would give us more space and room.

 

I don't know LB, I'm still with your original view on this. There's just somethign weird about paying for your bf's condo. It would only pay off if ALL of the equity went into a new house when you two are married. Anything short of that would be a regret.

 

Some things just make some people feel weird. This would be one for me.

[scratch]

Yeah you are right. Wow, you guys are good! I'm going to talk to him about it tonight, and see what he says. Actually the condo that he is looking at is a really good deal and its a 2 bedroom which would give us more space and room.

 

There's another option that will let you get the condo without feeling like you're paying him rent. Your guy can get an interest-only mortgage, and you can split all the bills. If you don't qualify for that kind of mortgage, have the broker (or anyone who understands mortgages) show you the composition of the each payment, and the principal (equity) component can be fully his responsibility.

[MystifiedByMen]

I don't know. I'm not sure I agree with the guys 100%. I would be worried to hell if I were her. I'd be worried because I'd have to give up my own place and pay for something that's not in my name. I'd worry that IF we broke up, I'd have to cover costs of moving AGAIN, and start acquiring all new things to put in my new place all over again. Lets face it, it's hard to fit both parties things in one condo. Who pays for her things if she needs new furniture, moving costs, etc.. if they break up. SHE does. Then all the money that she spent on "their" condo is gone. She has no nest egg and he does. The ball is totally in his court. All in HIS favor. Until they are married, she should be worried. There is nothing wrong about worrying about your own security. It's not selfish to do so, it's natural. In love and marriage, you MUST think ahead and not jump into things otherwise divorce is sure to follow hasty decisions. You have to plan ahead for the worst. It’s so unromantic, but true. It SOUNDS like he will marry her, but he hasn’t even proposed yet. I would never count on anything. Sorry to sould so negative.

[norajane]

Plus owning and paying on time is good for your credit score!

 

HIS credit score. It does nothing for hers if she's not the owner.

 

Lauribelle, I gave you my opinion in your other thread about living together. I wouldn't move in with him until you are engaged. Actually, I wouldn't move in with him until marriage, but I don't think you can hold out that long.

 

Yes, it may be more convenient to move in together because it will be easy to see each other, and it may even make sense financially so you don't have to pay two separate rents. But ease and convenience and money shouldn't be the deciding factors, in my opinion. Moving in together is hard work learning how to share space and finances and responsibilities, and I just wouldn't go through all that unless we are 100% committed to the relationship. Been there, done that, and would never do it again.

[Krytie TV]

Just when so many had Lauriebell82 convinced it was a great idea the "nays" had to rear their heads

 

I agree with Norajane. You should really wait until the situation is firmly such that you are paying into your "collective" pockets, not just his pockets. I do feel there's nothing wrong with living together in a renting situation though.

[Lauriebell82]

Thanks for the advice everyone..I'm not convinced yet Kyrtie don't worry! None of that is a definate and I have never given him a definate yes or no before.

 

As far as the moving/apartment situation. I live in a college town (my boyfriend lives an hour 1/2 away where I am from and where my parents live). Right now I live in an apartment and will be moving back in May when my lease ends (regardless of whether my bf and I are together, so I'm not moving just for him). My bf's apartment lease ends at the same exact time, which is why we started talking about moving in to a new apartment together..we are both going to need a place to live.

 

As far as my options go..I can live with my parents (which I don't want to do) or get my own apartment, which I don't even know if I could afford to do depending on salary. I already gave myself a timeline for living together, and if he hasn't proposed by that time I'm going to move out. That seems fair to me. As far as the condo goes, it probably won't happen. He knows I'm hesitant and he would never push me into something I didn't want to do. I don't really care about living together before being engaged (I did it before and it wasn't a problem, we didn't break up because of the living situation). We had a really great talk the other night and worked a lot of stuff out. Yeah, he hasn't proposed but I got a better idea of where he is at. I'm only 25, I really am not in any kind of rush to get married, therefore I don't need an engagement before living together. Our relationship is serious enough, that it's leading towards that. I'm torn about the condo idea, he knows this. So I don't know what will happen with that.

[Lauriebell82]

Update: We actually talked about the issue again today, and he said that we won't make any decisions on it until the time comes. Chances are we will probably just get an apartment for a year and then see what happens after that (that's the time limit I gave myself to wait to get engaged). He knows I am unsure about the whole thing, and chances are in a year 1/2 we will most likely be engaged, so I'd be more willing to do it then.

 

Input?

[melodymatters]

Update: We actually talked about the issue again today, and he said that we won't make any decisions on it until the time comes. Chances are we will probably just get an apartment for a year and then see what happens after that (that's the time limit I gave myself to wait to get engaged). He knows I am unsure about the whole thing, and chances are in a year 1/2 we will most likely be engaged, so I'd be more willing to do it then.

 

Input?

I'm liking that better. I mean I hate to be a naysayer, as I started to feel when cobra and SG started piping in about love and paying rent ANYWAY, but I think the fact that you are posting this shows that you TOO have questions about the situation.

 

And now you have BOTH nora jane and myself saying " been there, done that, wouldn't do it again". And I think we are both pretty sensible woman, don't you ?

[Lauriebell82]

I'm liking that better. I mean I hate to be a naysayer, as I started to feel when cobra and SG started piping in about love and paying rent ANYWAY, but I think the fact that you are posting this shows that you TOO have questions about the situation.

 

And now you have BOTH nora jane and myself saying " been there, done that, wouldn't do it again". And I think we are both pretty sensible woman, don't you ?

 

Yes, I do think you are both sensible. I think cobra and SG brought up excellent points, but I am going to be cautious about the situation. I mean my bf can say "I'm not wasting my time" all he wants, but until he proposes to me I won't really know for sure. He gave me better hope for a future, which is really what I was after. I'm just going to try to relax and continue to build our relationship. I really do want to live with him, because I love him and want to be with him. I'm honestly not worried about the whole "why buy the milk, when you can get the cow for free" thing, my bf is not the type to just string me along and never propose. Actually, during the talk he never even mentioned that he wasn't ready to get married or wouldn't be for a reallly long time. So that makes me more secure in moving in together, that we are on the same page about things. I think I'll leave the mortage and house situition for when we get engaged. Until then, it's going to be renting!