- BF got into email and found historical msgs from ex

[RecordProducer]

Possibly not where you hail from, but down here on Earth it means that she cheated.

Going out to dinner with an ex is cheating? My husband is friends with some of his exes and I don't see it as cheating. It's not an issue if there is trust and no feelings for the exes.

[reservoirdog1]

Dinner with an ex = not cheating.

 

Modeling a new nightie for said ex that they GAVE you = may as well be cheating. At the very least, completely inappropriate and massively disrespectful to current BF. For god's sake, what is her boyfriend SUPPOSED to think happened?

[bish]

Forgive for the long story....While on a business trip, I met up with an old ex for my belated birthday dinner. He also brought me presents (perfume, nightgown, earrings)

 

Unacceptable

 

 

I have a long history with this ex, who has always seems to turn up when I am going through a bad time in my life and is very attention, spoils me and treats me like a lady (manipulative now that I look back). In retrospect, I should have cancelled, but thought it would be ok and innocent. I left after dinner and presents and drove back to my hotel and called my boyfriend to check on him and tell him I had dinner with an old friend and got a birthday present of perfume and it was a little wierd.

 

My BF apparently got a wierd feeling

 

And of course you can't blame him for feeling that way.

 

 

and went into my email account and found a message sent later that night from the ex telling me how great and sexy I looked, especially when I tried on the nightie, and "too bad I didn't try on the panties".

 

Uh....I thought you went back to your hotel room alone...something happen you aren't telling us? And getting a present from someone is one thing...perfume a nightgown and panties?? Get real.

 

 

I then looked into my email account and find out that I have historical emails (in my sent box I had failed to delete) from the ex detailing years of our history of back and forth. Not sure how much the BF read but enought to be extremely hurt and need to think about what we should do...and I don't blame him, I would be devastated. I haven't met up with the ex in several years and have been with my BF and have no desire to be with the ex...I think I just like the attention and feeling attractive.

 

If you like the attention and really wanted to be alone with this ex to get the attention, you shouldn't have a bf. I understand liking to be desired by the opposite sex. But knowing someone is attracted to you, the putting yourself alone with that person so you can get more of an attention fix is two different things with the latter being unacceptable.

 

I don't want to lose my BF and don't know what to do or say, and especially don't want to get caught in a lie. THe truth is that I have made bad relationship choices throughout the years, and the ex was always conveniently around to pick up the pieces (and apparently all detailed in my sent emails - very stupid). Since being with my BF, I haven't been interested in anything else, just realize now that I probably needed some special attention.

 

You need special attention? What are you, 16? This has entitlement princess written all over it.

 

 

I feel horrible. What should I do to convince my BF he is the one for me?

 

Thanks for listening.

 

I don't know there is anything you can do. First off, why would this guy say you looked good in the panties he bought you if nothing happened?

 

And since he is just your bf...I'd be prepared to lose him if I were you...either that or be prepared for him to start caring less and less until he goes out and finds someone he can trust.

 

But what do you do? The only thing you can do...bust your ass to SHOW him, not tell him, that he is the only one for you. You plan romantic evenings with him...give him shoulder rubs...treat him like a king. It may work, it may not...that is up to your bf to decide if he wants to forgive you or not.

 

But the only thing that you can do is bust your ass to make him feel safe with you. Give him access to all your email accounts and tell this ex of your he is to NEVER contact you again...by phone, by business trip, and most of all...by email.

 

If you aren't willing to do that...then say goodbye to your boyfriend and set him free.

[bish]

I don't see that you did anything so wrong

 

You don't think trying on a nightie for an ex-bf is wrong?

 

and her bf read that this guy told her she was sexy...whats he suppose to think....they went out like to guys would talking about football?

 

I wouldn't blame him if he dump her quite promptly.

[bish]

Going out to dinner with an ex is cheating? My husband is friends with some of his exes and I don't see it as cheating.

 

Does your husband get sexy gifts from these exes and do they go back to a hotel somewhere so he can try them on for them?

[RecordProducer]

Does your husband get sexy gifts from these exes and do they go back to a hotel somewhere so he can try them on for them?

Wait, i didn't get that thing. This might be a misunderstanding. What is a nightgown?

 

I thought they just went to dinner andf that was all. She said she drove back to her hotel room after the dinner. So how and where did she try on the nightie?

 

I don't like hiding and lying, so you're right, what she did was wrong. But not going to dinner with the ex. I mean, had she told her BF about it, it should have been OK, IMO. Anyway, who cares?

[alwayswandering]

Some of the people on here need to calm down and live a little...You are absolutely NOT stupid, it's super typical to want and appreciate attention from someone than who you are with. Now if you're serious with someone, I would definitely consider turning down such gifts as nightgowns....And this guy (your ex) should definitly be restiricted to times when you're single and are looking for conformation. Any other time, Id say avoid him. You're boyfriend will feel insecure until he's convinced that he's enough for you and the only way he'll know that is if you make it clear that you are not seeking outside attention...especially from someone you have history with Hope that helps

[MrsHellnoFire]

My BF apparently got a wierd feeling and went into my email account and found a message sent later that night from the ex telling me how great and sexy I looked, especially when I tried on the nightie, and "too bad I didn't try on the panties". .

 

YOU ACTUALLY TRIED ON THE NIGHTIE FOR YOUR EX?? WAS THIS AT HIS PLACE OR WHAT?? YEAH, I THINK YOU OVERSTEPPED MANY BOUNDARIES AND YOUR BF HAS REASON TO BE STEAMING.