Modey3 Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Hey Everybody, So here it goes. I've been dating this girls for over 2 months we are already having sex and stuff and it's great. I only see her on weekends because I'm buisy with school and she works full time. Lately I've been under a lot of stress from school casue the semester is winding down and all my engineering projects are coming due. I don't know why but I guess I got the feeling without any evidence that she may not be happy in the relationship. Just to make sure she was happy I asked her last Tuesday. She said she was, but it bothered her when I seem mad at her when couldn't stay over on the previous Saturday night becaue she had to help her brother out. So I explained that I wasn't mad just dissapointed that I wouldn't be able to see her, but I understood why. So anyways we talked more about how we felt about each other. I think what came out of the talk is that she now knows that I have stronger feelings for her than she does for me. She says she caes about me and wants to be committed in a relationship. This is one problem I think cause how can you be committed in a realtionship without any love? I think I love her because i want to be committed. Its just weird because I usually don't want to be in a commited relationship unless both we both love each other. This whole week, even after that talk on Tuesday she hasn't on her own accord said she "missed me" or any other affectionate things like that. She usually said these things in the past. Anyways I wrote her an Email last night saying that I wanted to hear her say she "missed me" or stuff like that because she didn't say it all week and in light of the converstion we had Tuesday night I kinda needed to hear it. I got no response to my Email even though I know she read it. Anyways this is the first time in the realationship that I've actually needed to hear her say those things. Im not usually like that. Am I be rediculous, because if she can't do that I need to move on. Modey3 Link to post Share on other sites
jessicakicksbut Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 I don't think you are being rediculous. When in a relationship, I think it is necessary to hear some reassurance once in a while. We are not mind readers as human beings afterall. Not only that, I think any relationship built on strong principles such as love, respect, and honor words that show appreciation, longing for one another, and compassion tend to naturally come out. In my opinion, she seems very cold. She may either be just a cold person, or she may not really love you. Why would you want to waste more than two months on a person who does not love you, or is not falling in love with you? Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 YOU ASK: " Am I be rediculous, because if she can't do that I need to move on." Yes, you are being rediculous, demanding, controllling and lots of other things. No sincere person wants to say something like that just because the other person insisted that they do so. And you should be smart enough not to want that to happen. YOU ALSO ASK: "This is one problem I think cause how can you be committed in a realtionship without any love?" MOST people enter into committed relationships with one or the other NOT being in love. Love has nothing to do with it. People enter into committed relationships because there is a solid basis of honor and respect and the feeling that there is a foundation on which love can build in the future. You may have the ability to fall in love very quickly but a lot of people, I MEAN A LOT OF PEOPLE, don't fall in love in as little as two months. If they did do so predictably, that could cheapen the feeling. People fall in love when they do, not when it is expected that they do so. For you to demand that this lady be in love with you at this point is totally insane. Right now, she is thinking you are one nutty specimen. She cannot in her wildest dreams imagine a human being demanding that she say that she misses them. DUH!!! That's like demanding that somebody bark like a dog. If the lady is sincere, she's NOT in any way going to write you something like that just because you asked her to. If you can't respect her for that you have no business being in any kind of relationship. You need to be back learning the elementaries of human behavior. People fall in love with others at different speeds. Most people want to commit themselves to another they feel has all the traits of a person they would want to fall in love with. This girl may be quickly finding out that you are not that person if you go around demanding that her feelings be a certain way and that she express what you demand of her. She is not some kind of animal that does tricks on request. I think if you show some maturity here, be kind, and let things happen at a natural pace for the two of you....in other words have respect for her and the pace she lives...you will find you will be a lot happier person. And for gawd's sake, don't try to put words in her mouth and expect that she say or write them. That is about the most childish thing I have ever heard of. If somebody sent me an email telling me to write back that I miss them, I would tell them to take a long walk off a short pier. I would wonder who the hell they were trying to tell me what I miss and what I don't and what to write and what not to write. And I would think they were extremely insecure and insincere. Moreover, I would think they had a lot of growing up to do...no offense and don't take that personally. Link to post Share on other sites
Gio Casanova Posted May 2, 2003 Share Posted May 2, 2003 Yes, you're being too needy, yes, you're being ridiculous, and yes, you need to move on. At least pack for the trip, because she'll be sending your walking papers soon -- one way or the other. In all likelihood, she'll wait until she's got a new guy lined up. After two months, this girl is already bored with you, and if this story is a good example of your interactions with her, it's no wonder. Luckily, there's a silver lining to this cloud. You don't need this girl anyway, because you'd be much happier in a relationship with yourself. You send your girlfriend emails telling her what to write back anyway. Why not just set up a new email account, and write back and forth to yourself. That way, if you want to get an email that says "I miss you" or "I love you", you can just send it to yourself instead of telling someone else to. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Modey3 Posted May 2, 2003 Author Share Posted May 2, 2003 My whole point is that it's good to heat those things when you are in a long distant relationship. I just said I would LIKE to hear those things more becasue I havne't heard it in a while. Anyways I'm not going to force something outta her, if she can't say those things on her own accord (or dosen't care to) especially in this time when i need to hear it I think it's time for me to move on. Long distant relationships are tough and this is the kind of expressive communication that I need to hear every now and then. Modey3 Link to post Share on other sites
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