NoIDidn't Posted October 19, 2007 Posted October 19, 2007 Is it really about a source of income for a BW and kids? Really? It's about emotional security. Lost is partly to blame for that emotional insecurity. Now we are going down a slippery slope of rationales. Slippery in that it could come off as I am saying that the OW doesn't owe the family anything, when I am not saying that at all. Sure she owed the common decency of not interfering in a marriage, but it wasn't a choice that she could have made alone. IMO, the brunt of the outcomes to the family of the wayward, goes to the wayward. Unless the OW is a bunny boiler. But even then, he should have screened his applicants better. Again, MM is responsible for the emotional security of his kids too. Not Lost. But I do agree that Lost shares a part of the insecurity that resulted from participating in an A with the MM. It just seems like you are looking to give Lost more responsibility and MM less. In the matter of percentages of responsibility I still assign 100% of responsibility for the choices of my H AND 100% of the responsibility of his co-worker for her choices. We can't break up personal responsibility into percentages so neatly as 50/50. Even in a marriage each partner much give 100% of themselves. Truthfully if one is only giving or getting 50% of the other's capabilities, then it explains why they are so unhappy or miserable. Lost certainly did come off as smug with her actions and justifications for bad mouthing the man, but she is not responsible for him or his kids. The two are separate issues. I recall him getting fired for something not even related to the A to begin with. I could be wrong about this, though. Many men put their families deep into debt because of gambling. Would we sue the cassino for continuing to allow him to gamble away his mortgage? If MM had maxed out all of his credit cards and sent his home into foreclosure, would we blame the bank or the MM for his choice? Different scenarios but the same outcome - emotional and financial insecurity that was caused by the person's choices.
mopar crazy Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 My FWH xOW also got him fired about 3 months after he ended their A. He just got promoted to a supervisor the first of the year and was only in the position 10 months when she filed a report on him. When he was called into the HR dept to give his side of the story he did admit that him and the xOW were involved in a EMA a few months prior. He said that xOW was always worried he was going to fire her. He said he did not plan on firing her, said she was a good worker, and besides he did not have the final say on whether she would be terminated or not. I don't know word for word what was said in the HR dept, that is just what I understood. That day my H was terminated. He immediately hired a lawyer. At one of his appts his lawyer said it sounded more like "horsing around" rather than sexual harassment. H lost the case b/c of some contract rule. All of our family and friends said that BOTH have them should have been terminated, not just H. The next day xOW was seen crying in the office when she was told he was terminated. I found that out from one of H's co-workers that knew of the A. H had to start from the bottom again at a new job. It caused financial hardship on us and four years later we are just now getting caught up. I don't blame the xOW on all of it, I blame both. He should have never put his hands on her. But, why did she the need to go and turn him in for something so petty? I have heard from several ppl that work there she would grab men's crotches, rub their legs, or make sexual comments. Only thing was, no one turned her in. Did she not have any thoughts or concerns how this would effect our children loosing his job? Guess not. Guess she was still hurt by the end of the A and the one way to get back at him was to get him fired. I could be wrong but I doubt it.
MrsHellnoFire Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 Yeah, well, I guess we shouldn't think anything then, about his W and kids suffering, huh? It's his problem right? Should have kept it in his pants,etc...tough luck for the W and kids... OK! I'm jumping in here, but whose fault is this but his own? Why should everyone look after a cheater to make sure his life remains intact after the fallout? What did he expect? No consequences for his actions? That attitude and lack of responsibility leads to further cheating down the road. Of course he will make it through this, but there will be lots of suffering on his part finding a new job and making ends meet and he pretty much deserves it and brought it on himself. Sorry if that offends anyone, but why should I or anyone care what happens to a selfish cheat? If anyone was not taking his kids into consideration, it was him. He chose to start an affair risking his wife and family. And that was OK with him.
OpenBook Posted October 20, 2007 Posted October 20, 2007 I'm jumping in here, but whose fault is this but his own? Why should everyone look after a cheater to make sure his life remains intact after the fallout? What did he expect? No consequences for his actions? That attitude and lack of responsibility leads to further cheating down the road. Of course he will make it through this, but there will be lots of suffering on his part finding a new job and making ends meet and he pretty much deserves it and brought it on himself. Sorry if that offends anyone, but why should I or anyone care what happens to a selfish cheat? If anyone was not taking his kids into consideration, it was him. He chose to start an affair risking his wife and family. And that was OK with him. I couldn't have said it better myself, MrsHell.
mopar crazy Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I'm jumping in here, but whose fault is this but his own? Why should everyone look after a cheater to make sure his life remains intact after the fallout? What did he expect? No consequences for his actions? That attitude and lack of responsibility leads to further cheating down the road. Of course he will make it through this, but there will be lots of suffering on his part finding a new job and making ends meet and he pretty much deserves it and brought it on himself. Sorry if that offends anyone, but why should I or anyone care what happens to a selfish cheat? If anyone was not taking his kids into consideration, it was him. He chose to start an affair risking his wife and family. And that was OK with him. Yes, it is his fault, but it's also the OW's fault for knowingly getting involved w/ a MM. Why should just the MM be punished for his part of the A by getting terminated? Why not both of them? They were both active in the A, not just him. Whether he pursued the OW or not, they were both involved. They both could of said no to an A.
Author lost4ever Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 Funny that I am now at fault for his wfe and kids emotional state, let me state this one more time. He was fired for another reason, nothing to do with me. He was not trying to get hired into the company again and had no idea it was even being looked into, ( read the other post) so he doesn't even know I caused him to not get hired. His wife and kids do not know he ever had an affair, they have no idea, affair is over, he is back with family (i am sure someone will bring up how I caused the emotional damage from him pulling away from wife) but really you all know thats not true, come on he didn't love me, he wasn't going to really leave his wife for the "free piece on the side" so how could I be on his mind so much that the wife was that hurt by emotional withdrawl? If I would have stated my post to say; I was in a relationship as a MW with a MM, I told my H and broke off A. MM gets fired after the split for something that was not my doing, now they want to hire him back into my department, if I give the go ahead, what should I do...I think everyones tune would have been different, then I should have been thinking of my soon to be XH and making sure I never had contact with MM again. Or what if I wrote the same and then said, yeah my MM got fired and I got him a job in my department so now I can work with him everyday, and he lives in another state right now so for awhile (until they sell the house I get him all to myself) Maybe now that we work together everyday we can build on our relationship
justice Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Here's to saving your own A@@ at the expense of others. Way to go!
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 He was fired for another reason, nothing to do with me. You had a helping hand in him getting fired though. so he doesn't even know I caused him to not get hired. So what he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him, right?
Author lost4ever Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 You had a helping hand in him getting fired though. No I didn't have a hand in it, not even close So what he doesn't know, doesn't hurt him, right? Hurt him? know it doesn't
Author lost4ever Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 and I did not have a hand in helping him get fired, nothing to do with me at all
Author lost4ever Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 Here's to saving your own A@@ at the expense of others. Way to go! It wasn't a matter of saving my own a$$, my a$$ had nothing to do with this situation, it was never on the line
whichwayisup Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Okay, I guess I need to read both threads, I'm abit confused ? You posted two times as two different people or something? And one was from one POV, the other from your own POV? Sorry...I guess I should be reading more before posting. Either way, you ruined this man's chance of having a good well paid job because YOU couldn't handle working with him. You chose to have the affair, it ended. It's over and done with. So yeah, if you hadn't told your VP afew bad things about him, then he probably would have been hired. Question, did you tell your VP that you had an affair with MM and that is why you really didn't want him working with you again?
Author lost4ever Posted October 21, 2007 Author Posted October 21, 2007 No never told VP about A, Yes, I didn't want to work with him anymore, however VP would not have looked at re-hiring MM if I didn't bring up how the firing was crap. After this being said, the VP was going to go over MM boss's head and hire him for his group, first he sat me down to verify that I would vouch that he is an upstanding empolyee, I told him the truth; (truth of everyones opinion) and when I said he was a jerk, I of course didn't use that word with my boss and I didn't say I thought he was a jerk, I said co-workers and customers all have a problem with him being a "jerk" the double post thing is a crazy mess, I posted my story, another member thought they should copy my post and put it on another board to prove a point that her opinion was not based on being a BS...just long..and confusing...
RecordProducer Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Any person who intends to get involved in cheating should pose two question to him/herself: 1. What will happen if I get caught? 2. Can I afford it? If you can't afford to divorce or lose your job or kids, you can't afford to cheat either. Unfortunately, the third party can afford it. You know the joke... a parrot, an elephant, and a monkey fly in a plane. The parrot tells the stewardess "Hey, bitch, bring some beer over here!" She tells him that she will kick him out of the plane if he continues to talk to her like that. The parrot laughs. Encouraged by the little parrot, the elephant and the monkey start talking to the stewardess in the same manner. She finally kicks them all out of the plane. So they are falling down and the parrot flies next to them. The elephant and the monkey ask the parrot: "Why did you encourage us to talk like that? The two of us are gonna die!" The parrot replies: "Why were you being cocky when you can't fly?" So the MM and their families become victims of the OW. The OW can afford the affair, but why were the MM being cocky when they couldn't afford to get caught? She doesn't care about his children, so she is evil. But he doesn't care about his own children! That makes him an idiot.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Jeeze people... your going to jump all over somebody for telling the truth? Look, if I'm about to hire somebody and he is a super big A-hole, I want to know ahead of time. Plus... If my boss asked me for my honest opinion on somebody... I'm going to give it. Oh sure I'm going to do it Mary Poppins style... with a bucket of sugar, but I'm still going to give my honest opinion. So, what is wrong with telling the truth?
RecordProducer Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 So, what is wrong with telling the truth? Nothing. As long as it is the truth. And speaking of truth, to tell you the truth, the thing that bothered me most in this thread is that she was asked to comment as if she were trusted 100%. It kinda gives me a clue about what kind of intrigues can easily be spread at work places. Management should have records of people's performance and their immediate bosses should be acquainted with their personal abilities. It's totally ridiculous that one woman had the power to put the thumb up or down about another person's fate. And this woman happens to be his ex-lover. It creeps me out. I am thinking, some day an employer will ask my co-worker - some guy whom I rejected - about my performance and he will say whatever he wants. And I might go up or down, depending on how big a jerk or an angel he is. Creepy!
Cobra_X30 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 It creeps me out. I am thinking, some day an employer will ask my co-worker - some guy whom I rejected - about my performance and he will say whatever he wants. And I might go up or down, depending on how big a jerk or an angel he is. Creepy! Well, isnt it logical when your thinking about putting someone on your team to get an opinion on him? Isnt it also logical to ask some poeple who worked closely with him for that opinion? I dont fear that. I make sure everyone loves me. You should do the same. So when you reject a guy... be careful how you do it. You cant be rude and demeaning to others and expect good results. You dont reject allot of guys at work do you?
RecordProducer Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 You dont reject allot of guys at work do you? I don't work at the moment and I've never worked in the US.
Cobra_X30 Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I don't work at the moment and I've never worked in the US. LOL... then you should be fine! Besides if you havnt worked in the US, then you havnt really worked!
mopar crazy Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Jeeze people... your going to jump all over somebody for telling the truth? Look, if I'm about to hire somebody and he is a super big A-hole, I want to know ahead of time. Plus... If my boss asked me for my honest opinion on somebody... I'm going to give it. Oh sure I'm going to do it Mary Poppins style... with a bucket of sugar, but I'm still going to give my honest opinion. So, what is wrong with telling the truth? I do understand what you are saying. However, how could this VP take the OP opinion on xMM only? He could be a very hard worker and getting just ONE persons opinion should not make the final decision on the guy getting hired. And we all know why OP thinks he is a jerk don't we? I'm sure she didn't think he was a jerk when he was having an A w/ her. Reminds me of my H and the xOW. She never thought he was a jerk until guess what, he dumped her. Then she had all sorts of nasty names for him. He could of easily printed out those IM's and gave them to HIS boss but he didn't. He was too damn nice. And guess what happened in the end, she got HIM fired.
bish Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 So I think I told you all that my xmm and I work fr the same company, but different identities for the company, and that he was fired (HA, Still loving it) anyways today the VP asked me what I thought of XMM's work, I told him he is smart and great ideas, but he is a huge jerk and nobody gets along with him, co-workers or customers (he was going to offer him a job until I said that) Thought I would share and now that I said it I feel bad for doing so because it will take him a long time to find a job doing what he was doing....But I really cann't have him working with me....just can't Well good for you for getting back at a cheating man!!! Now while we are on the subject of revenge...what revenge do you think would be appropriate for his wife to get on you? Obviously if you feel the need for revenge on him....she has even more reason to get it on him AND you.
bish Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 I'm sure the guy, being M, needed told off or whatever, but his family didn't deserve to be punished. I hope the guy gts a job somewhere soon, where he can support them again. Well does this surprise you? She sleeps with another woman's husband...is an accomplice to betraying someone that his children love.....doesn't care who she hurts...his wife..kids...whoever....and now she is going to take the high road and brag about getting him fired which now hurts his wife and kids even more?? Does the actions of someone like her really surprise you?
justice Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 Just like you had nothing to do with the affair? Oh, sorry, I forgot, nothing to do with you, right?
bish Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 well, regardless of whether the OP is right or wrong, if anything, the MM is just as accountable as she is for any result that arises afterward. here's to hoping he learned his lesson and at his next job, he'll think before dipping his pen in the company ink. or anyone's ink besides his wife's. And since she cheated on her husband she could be called a jerk for the same reasons she called him one to his boss. Maybe she deserves to be fired too. And here is an excerpt from her other thread on her betraying her husband with this so-called "jerk". "I can only hope that I am/was smart enough to only have allowed intelligent, good people in my life and not people that are vindictive, or want revenge." Hmm...and yet here she is getting "revenge". hmmmmm
mopar crazy Posted October 21, 2007 Posted October 21, 2007 And since she cheated on her husband she could be called a jerk for the same reasons she called him one to his boss. Maybe she deserves to be fired too. And here is an excerpt from her other thread on her betraying her husband with this so-called "jerk". "I can only hope that I am/was smart enough to only have allowed intelligent, good people in my life and not people that are vindictive, or want revenge." Hmm...and yet here she is getting "revenge". hmmmmm Why was he fired, do you know? I missed why.
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