luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Who attacked you ? I made a comment about that stupid cake eating phrase, I am just sick of seeing it that's all. It's lame. To the second part of your sentence :lmao: no comment I'll just laugh. show me where I adviced anyone to hang on to a married guy. I find it more offensive that you make stuff up I never said, than to point out a trite phrase that has been used to death and has lost its appeal a LONG time ago. Um, "adviced" is not a word. And by slamming my advice, you must be advising (not advicing) the opposite, which would be to hang on and on, even longer than the three years she's already waited. As for your attack, you called me a "parrot" using the "same lame a$$ cliches over an (sic) over an (sic) over..." You got dissed yesterday, so now you're just digging at me. That's okay. You're only confirming your personality over and over and over...
stillafool Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 besides everyone knows that sex is better when there are emotions vested, if lack of sex at home is what keeps people going back to their OW/Om then why not just get avergage sex at home!?!? Good sex is not about two people that are GREAT in bed, it is about the emtional tie, without it, it is just sex. TC you ask who cares...apparently you do that is why my comment was in response to yours. MM does have a deep emotional connection to his wife and that's why he won't leave. That's why they probably have great sex too, no matter what he tells the OW. I have never heard of a cheating MM who tells other women "my wife and I have great sex but I love having sex with you too." They just aren't that honest. When will people understand if you will lie to one person you will lie to another.
OWoman Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I have never heard of a cheating MM who tells other women "my wife and I have great sex but I love having sex with you too." They just aren't that honest. stillafool - I can introduce you to a few? Because I'm not a believer in exclusivity, and have never demanded / expected exclusivity from MM I've been involved with, there's never been any pressure for them not to have sex with their wives, nor to pretend that they're not, nor to pretend that if they are, it's not good. And so I've had comments from MM about good with their wives, yes - at least initially. Probably because of the added spice that the secrecy of an A adds, or whatever, most have lost interest in marital sex along the way (though some have continued with it anyway, because for many men, ANY sex even bad sex is better than not) and focused more on the A. Or made the mistake of trying to spice up the married sex with tips they've picked up from the A and found that different things work for different people... Dishonesty is not a given, if you expect it and are happy and comfortable with receiving it. But nobody's a fool enough to tell you something that's going to backfire on them!
stillafool Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 OWoman this is probably true with you but you don't sound like you want these men to leave their W's for you so they can be more honest with you. Most OW get emotionally involved and the MM does not want to hurt them as well as have them possibly shut the door to sex with him.
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 stillafool - I can introduce you to a few? Because I'm not a believer in exclusivity, and have never demanded / expected exclusivity from MM I've been involved with, there's never been any pressure for them not to have sex with their wives, nor to pretend that they're not, nor to pretend that if they are, it's not good. And so I've had comments from MM about good with their wives, yes - at least initially. Probably because of the added spice that the secrecy of an A adds, or whatever, most have lost interest in marital sex along the way (though some have continued with it anyway, because for many men, ANY sex even bad sex is better than not) and focused more on the A. Or made the mistake of trying to spice up the married sex with tips they've picked up from the A and found that different things work for different people... Dishonesty is not a given, if you expect it and are happy and comfortable with receiving it. But nobody's a fool enough to tell you something that's going to backfire on them! So the MM who tells the OW that he has good sex at home but wants her also - does he tell his wife that he has great sex with her but spreads it around anyway? He's dishonest one way or the other.
OWoman Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 So the MM who tells the OW that he has good sex at home but wants her also - does he tell his wife that he has great sex with her but spreads it around anyway? He's dishonest one way or the other. Well, as I said, no one's going to 'fess up to something that's going to backfire on them! (Generally speaking... obviously some do.) And most MMs feel (rightly or wrongly) that there are some things their W would rather not know, and that the "honesty" they want is limited to hearing what they WANT to hear.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 . That's why they probably have great sex too, no matter what he tells the OW. I have never heard of a cheating MM who tells other women "my wife and I have great sex but I love having sex with you too." They just aren't that honest. When will people understand if you will lie to one person you will lie to another. that's because he is NOT having great sex at home. If he were he would not be cheating, if he were having great sex at home that would be there would be no emotional problems at all in the rel. not even boredom, and he would have absolutely no need in his head to stray. Unless of course he was a sex addict.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Um, "adviced" is not a word. And by slamming my advice, you must be advising (not advicing) the opposite, which would be to hang on and on, even longer than the three years she's already waited. As for your attack, you called me a "parrot" using the "same lame a$$ cliches over an (sic) over an (sic) over..." You got dissed yesterday, so now you're just digging at me. That's okay. You're only confirming your personality over and over and over... you know what I mean, so I make a lot of typos, is it really that important? focus on the message not the typos...I focus on your message not the person behind it...tha says it all. I wasn't slaming your adviCe I am slamming the repetitive use of a pop term that's annoying. I am TOTALLY losing sleep over what you think of my person :laugh::lmao: Make me laugh I love an afternoon chuckle!
reboot Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Oh my god.... as if sex is all there is to a marriage....
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Well, as I said, no one's going to 'fess up to something that's going to backfire on them! (Generally speaking... obviously some do.) And most MMs feel (rightly or wrongly) that there are some things their W would rather not know, and that the "honesty" they want is limited to hearing what they WANT to hear. This is what we're saying about many OW/OM though. And it doesn't sound like this is the case for the OP. It sounds like she hopes for more in the future and that, in the past, he has given her reason to have that hope. But what a waste of a good period of her lifetime so far (3 years!). It would be a shame for her to waste more. It's clear that it's not only about sex for her.
whichwayisup Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I have to say, I love typo's, they're so funny! My favourite is when (I) and afew others misspell (mispell?) public and put down pubic...lol By the way, cake eating is not limited to men Oh definately. There are many MW's who are cake eaters as well. Cake eating isn't gender specific.
OWoman Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 that's because he is NOT having great sex at home. If he were he would not be cheating, if he were having great sex at home that would be there would be no emotional problems at all in the rel. not even boredom, and he would have absolutely no need in his head to stray. Unless of course he was a sex addict. Don't think I agree with that, necessarily. A guy having great sex at home with a wife who's old, fat or ugly is not going to be tempted at the prospect of sex with a woman who's younger, more attractive or sexier in some other way? If only to measure just HOW great the sex he's getting is, really...? OK, that makes for a fling, not an A, but often tasting the excitement of sex outside of the marriage is enough for him to reconsider his marital sex - is it really so great, after all? And I've had As with guys whose marital problems have been around issues other than sex - wives who're still switched on enough in bed, but are "controlling b!tches" or "obsessive" about the house / kids / shopping / their careers or have just become so "dull and boring" that they can't have an interesting conversation anymore. 1
OWoman Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 This is what we're saying about many OW/OM though. And it doesn't sound like this is the case for the OP. It sounds like she hopes for more in the future and that, in the past, he has given her reason to have that hope. But what a waste of a good period of her lifetime so far (3 years!). It would be a shame for her to waste more. It's clear that it's not only about sex for her. It's not only a characteristic of As (dishonesty to OWs or to BWs from MM). It's one thing that has really irritated me with SGs and one of the reasons I preferred As with MM, who I found generally to be more honest with me once I was upfront about what I wanted from the A and the conditions under which I was prepared to engage in it. I found SGs would tell you what they thought you wanted to hear, but in most cases all they really wanted was for you to marry them and have their babies and make a nice little home and family for them. Which was SO not what suited me, not what I wanted and not what I was going to agree to, openly or by subterfuge!
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Don't think I agree with that, necessarily. A guy having great sex at home with a wife who's old, fat or ugly is not going to be tempted at the prospect of sex with a woman who's younger, more attractive or sexier in some other way? If only to measure just HOW great the sex he's getting is, really...? OK, that makes for a fling, not an A, but often tasting the excitement of sex outside of the marriage is enough for him to reconsider his marital sex - is it really so great, after all? And I've had As with guys whose marital problems have been around issues other than sex - wives who're still switched on enough in bed, but are "controlling b!tches" or "obsessive" about the house / kids / shopping / their careers or have just become so "dull and boring" that they can't have an interesting conversation anymore. Yes, it's very common for many men to just want to have a variety of women to screw, and they lie to get it.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Don't think I agree with that, necessarily. A guy having great sex at home with a wife who's old, fat or ugly is not going to be tempted at the prospect of sex with a woman who's younger, more attractive or sexier in some other way? If only to measure just HOW great the sex he's getting is, really...? OK, that makes for a fling, not an A, but often tasting the excitement of sex outside of the marriage is enough for him to reconsider his marital sex - is it really so great, after all? And I've had As with guys whose marital problems have been around issues other than sex - wives who're still switched on enough in bed, but are "controlling b!tches" or "obsessive" about the house / kids / shopping / their careers or have just become so "dull and boring" that they can't have an interesting conversation anymore. I can only speak from myself yeah? My ex's W was neither old, nor fat (well chunky but not fat) nor ugly, she was actually three yrs younger than me and very plain jane dressed sort of like a guy so basically the complete opposite to me. she was also very introverted where I am a total extrovert sort of magentic personality in social settings, she was the opposite hated being in social settings and why he was always alone at all social functions and how I met him..we had problems in our rel because of that because he was an extrovert that too and he was not used to having his woman have more attention than him....that's another show. so it was not a matter of getting tempted with better, just different. He always described me as the dream woman he wanted to date but never had a change to because he always seemed to attract the meek and mild "follower" types, I am the opposite. We were together emotionally for 6 months before we started the physical connection and the "I love yous" from him came months before we even slept together. BEfore he had even moved out to be with me actually.... I dunnow I know all rels are different but there is so much at play that you can't just pin point it to one better than the other etc. Read this thread a lot of what this woman says I had heard from my ex. It was very interesting to see: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=130853
TogetherForever Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 People like this should not get married!!!!!! If you wanna screw around, stay single!!!!
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 It's not only a characteristic of As (dishonesty to OWs or to BWs from MM). It's one thing that has really irritated me with SGs and one of the reasons I preferred As with MM, who I found generally to be more honest with me once I was upfront about what I wanted from the A and the conditions under which I was prepared to engage in it. I found SGs would tell you what they thought you wanted to hear, but in most cases all they really wanted was for you to marry them and have their babies and make a nice little home and family for them. Which was SO not what suited me, not what I wanted and not what I was going to agree to, openly or by subterfuge! Well, yeah, anyone can lie to anyone. However, in nearly all marital situations, promises were made between the two to "cleave only unto each other" etc. etc. Now the guy (or gal, if the wife is the cheater) is lying to their marital partner and sneaking around behind their back, and MOST OF THE TIME is also lying to the OW/OM to get to them; get empathy from them and a sympathetic ear which gives the OP the feeling of "Oh, I can so be better than this person's awful spouse!" In your situation, you aren't expecting any sort of exclusive "cleaving" lol. Quite different than the normal affair situation. I'm sure the OP would prefer her man did his "cleaving" only with her, from what she says.
stillafool Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 that's because he is NOT having great sex at home. If he were he would not be cheating, if he were having great sex at home that would be there would be no emotional problems at all in the rel. not even boredom, and he would have absolutely no need in his head to stray. Unless of course he was a sex addict. TC how do you know what kind of sex people are having at home unless you are there with them? The MM is not going to tell the real truth about his sex life with his wife most times. And, just because people have great sex does not mean they do not have emotional problems and that they do not get bored in relationships. I have been in relationships where the sex was great and I got bored. It happens. Also sometimes it is that these men want variety, opposites if you will. You say you are different from his w because you are an extrovert? Indeed, that's probably what attracted him to you. However with enough of your personality he might become attracted to a more introverted type. You can never tell with a cheater. Another thing, just because she may have been quiet and introverted does not mean she was not good in the bedroom. You know what they say about those quiet girls?
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 TC how do you know what kind of sex people are having at home unless you are there with them? The MM is not going to tell the real truth about his sex life with his wife most times. And, just because people have great sex does not mean they do not have emotional problems and that they do not get bored in relationships. I have been in relationships where the sex was great and I got bored. It happens. Also sometimes it is that these men want variety, opposites if you will. You say you are different from his w because you are an extrovert? Indeed, that's probably what attracted him to you. However with enough of your personality he might become attracted to a more introverted type. You can never tell with a cheater. Another thing, just because she may have been quiet and introverted does not mean she was not good in the bedroom. You know what they say about those quiet girls? I agree with everything you said, in fact I don't even remember how we even got on to the subject of sex busy at work and not paying too much attention but...my main point on sex is and was at the begining of all this, that I don't think long term affairs are about sex regardless of what is going on at home they are about fullfilling needs and yes sex falls under that but it is not just that. I agree on the last part too, it often worried me thinking of a future with this man, I was the one that broke the mold for him in many respects and as far as the type of women he dated before he married. I think he just never had a woman who was the full package as in sexy on the outisde strong presence and strong determined and intellectually stimulating and fun as heck all at the same time, it was one or the other not all. So this inspired a lot of insecurities in him, he was constantly worried I would leave him for another man if a man payed a little too much attention to me etc.. So I totally agree on the last part. I'm really not THAT special but to him I suppose I was and so he was used to being the one in control all the time, he was sort of out of control with me. Anyhow...sometimes we seek out what we think we need, ie. something completely different than what we are used to and when we have it we realise it's not what we want because we are not familiar with it and it makes us uneasy. Could be some of that.
herenow Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 If anyone truly believes that physical affairs are not about sex, how about one of the OW here tell the MM you will no longer have any sexual contact with him and come back and let us know how often you still see him. If he stays married to a woman that he has no sex with, he should have no problem spending time with the OW and having no sex with her. Sounds fair, anyone up for it? I agree that some affairs are about validation and the MM being set on the OW pedestal. Yes, there is the ego factor of having an OW listen and show interest in his every move. All of that helps to fill what is missing in the MM himself, but the sex, well that is what keeps him coming back. I'm not talking about emotional affairs as this post would be completely irrelevant to those.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 If anyone truly believes that physical affairs are not about sex, how about one of the OW here tell the MM you will no longer have any sexual contact with him and come back and let us know how often you still see him. Gimme a break! Have a W tell her H she will never have sex with her again we'll see how quickly he sprints to the door as well. sorry but that is a lame example. Sex is a holistic part of any rel. of course if you were to tell your partner no more sex they would bail! C'mon!!!
Impudent Oyster Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 that's because he is NOT having great sex at home. If he were he would not be cheating, . That's a load of crap. I can say with absolutely certainty that my husband and I WERE having great sex (still are as a matter of fact), when he was with the OW. Explain that. I guess there must've been some other deficiency in our marriage, huh? If you figure it out, let me know, because my husband sure can't give me an explanation.
herenow Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 Gimme a break! Have a W tell her H she will never have sex with her again we'll see how quickly he sprints to the door as well. sorry but that is a lame example. Sex is a holistic part of any rel. of course if you were to tell your partner no more sex they would bail! C'mon!!! I totally agree with you. So, if it's true that these MM don't have sex with their wives, why haven't they "bailed" yet? As sick as you are about "cake eating", I'm sick of hearing that he is staying for the kids or the money or his wife is crazy. People get divorced everyday and laws determine financial and custody issues. So don't tell me that he can't leave because he is afraid of what his wife will do.
Tomcat33 Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I totally agree with you. So, if it's true that these MM don't have sex with their wives, why haven't they "bailed" yet? As sick as you are about "cake eating", I'm sick of hearing that he is staying for the kids or the money or his wife is crazy. People get divorced everyday and laws determine financial and custody issues. So don't tell me that he can't leave because he is afraid of what his wife will do. I was SPECIFICALY refering to Mino's example, go and read the reasons her guy tells her he is staying and then see what I commented on and why. I don't think EVERY guys does that, that IS a load of crap. Sorry gotta work don't have time to explain stuff because people are too lazy to read.
luvmy2ns Posted September 26, 2007 Posted September 26, 2007 I totally agree with you. So, if it's true that these MM don't have sex with their wives, why haven't they "bailed" yet? As sick as you are about "cake eating", I'm sick of hearing that he is staying for the kids or the money or his wife is crazy. People get divorced everyday and laws determine financial and custody issues. So don't tell me that he can't leave because he is afraid of what his wife will do. Right on, Sistuh!
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