he took my computer away

[swimmer 69]

my b'f of over two years came home from work the other day and just the modem from our computer and left!

 

yes we are still together, but he said cause i am on it too much, and i am addicted to it and not doing anything else but sitting on the computer.

 

i was sick with a sinus infection last week and missed two days of work from it, and yes i was on the computer alot then but i had nothing else to do and it did not cause me more pain as it would of at work to just sit there on the computer.

 

so he thinks since i could sit on the computer all day that i could of went to work too.

 

does this sound right? i feel like a little kid who has been grounded!

 

we are in our 40's and not some high schoolers here.

how would you folks here handle this?

 

yes he is right in the fact that i spend alot of time on it, but probably not much more then he does with the t.v. and or reading.

 

so what is the big deal? he is pist about the whole thing and today i asked him when is he going to bring the modem back, and he said, he may just shut the service off.

 

it is his computer, but we bought it together but he paid for it, and i pay for the use of it.

 

so i feel slighted by all this and am angry towards him but i do not show it or it will prove him right i think.

[HokeyReligions]

What do you mean you pay for the use of it?

 

If it's his computer then he has a right to limit the use by others, but if you have an agreement with him whereas you are paying to use it, then you two need to come to an agreement (like a contract) stating how much and in what way you can use it.

 

Ask him what his definition of "too much" is and why he feels that way. Does he think or feel that you are spending more time, or more quality time, with the computer than with him?

 

The same with watching TV or other individual activities. If you can both agree to the terms of computer use, and TV time, etc., then you can get past this and avoid future conflicts on this subject.

 

Sounds like you need to communicate to each other your feelings on these topics and really, really strive to understand each other and why you each feel the way you do.

 

My husband and I have argued over similar things and when we really understand WHY we feel the way we do, and how our actions, tone of voice, and choice of words makes the other feel defensive we are better able to communicate without hurting the other persons feelings.

[Just A Girl2]

Gee, I sense a deja vu here. Hmmm.

 

Maybe your boyfriend does have a point? I mean, if you were too sick to work but could sit around lounging on the computer for 2 days, that does look kind of lazy. Don't you think?

 

If you didn't feel too sick to be in bed, then perhaps he figured you could have been doing something more productive with your day. Seems to me this isn't the first time (wink wink) he's accused you of spending too much time on the computer.

 

There's nothing more off-putting than to be in a relationship with someone who has no motivation, ambition. Life is short.

 

If it's his computer, and he paid for it, then he has every right in the world to do with it what he wants.

 

So how are you online now if he took it away? Why don't you get off the computer and go spend some quality time with him.

[Kell]

Hi, It seems to me that you have more of a parent/child relationship going on rather than the equal partnership that I am guessing you strive to have. The action that he has taken is obviously out of frustration... The both of you need to find a common ground in a mature way or the computer might be all that you're left with. Oh, and i really don't think that it is a money issue to him, either. I think he could care less that you are using his computer, I think that the issue in his mind is that the computer, well, it's your life at the moment, and thats a bit sad.