Please Help I think my bf is gay

[crystal123]

Hi, I am a 24 year old female. My boyfriend and I have been best friends for a long time. Ever since the first time we met, I sensed that he liked me. He asked me out several times, but I just didn't feel the same. After several years of deep friendship, I finally fell in love. We've been going out for almost a year and it has just been a blessing! We are inseparable, and say "i love you" all the time. Even days apart feels like months. We also have sex almost every night- I find him so sexy, and he constantly tells me how much he wants me. However, more and more I've been feeling that he doesn't enjoy touching me as much as I do touching him. When I asked him, he merely told me that some guys doesn't enjoy cuddling and that I am overly affectionate.

Recently however, I found out that he has been visiting a gay porn site. And it ruined me. Now when I look at him, the face that I so loved and trusted, I just feel so confused. Throughout the years he has been talking about beautiful women all the time, and has never sent out a gay-vibe. Despite the cuddling and overly affectionate issue, he has always made me feel beautiful, sexy, and desired (or could that just be due to my infatuation with him?).

Is it possible for him to be gay and still find me attractive? If he is bi- why does he only visit a gay porn site? How should I handle this issue? (I don't think confronting him and asking about his sexuality works, because he is a very private person). I feel so confused, hurt, and foolish right now.

[Tony T]

1. "Is it possible for him to be gay and still find me attractive?"

 

Absolutely, but it is also possible for him to visit gay websites and be straight as an arrow.

 

2. "If he is bi- why does he only visit a gay porn site?"

 

He may just be curious about what is shown there. Maybe he wonders how his penis size stacks up with that of other males. Maybe he was sent a link in some spam email and saw a friend of his pictured there. You can speculate about the reasons he goes there until the end of the world.

 

3. "How should I handle this issue? (I don't think confronting him and asking about his sexuality works, because he is a very private person)."

 

What you think doesn't matter in this case. It is very critical that you resolve this issue quickly, today if possible. This is something you can't keep your mouth shut about, I don't care how private he is. THIS IS AN ISSUE THAT DIRECTLY AFFECTS YOU!!!

 

You need to sit him down, and in a very discrete and understanding tone of voice let him know how you came to know he was visiting this gay porn site. Don't be confrontive but just tell him it's important for you to know what the nature of his interest is in this site.

 

Yes, he will probably be embarassed. But if the two of you don't have a close enough relationship that you can't discuss this issue candidly and openly, then you need to move on anyway.

 

You also need to discuss, in depth, why he doesn't enjoy touching you and being near you as much as he used to. Perhaps he's just getting used to you, perhaps the newness has worn off, etc. You have to understand that people are seldom as lovey dovey later into a relationship as they are in the beginning. That's just the nature of humans.

 

Once you get his answer to these questions, you can make a decision as to what to do. If he gets defensive or refuses to communicate with you at all, you have no choice but to move on. The relationship can no longer function as it used to with this hanging over your head.

 

Just be assured that his looking at this gay site, in and of itself, is no indication of his sexual preferences. He will have to be open and honest with you about this.

[yes]

I'm straight, and i've looked at gay/les/bi websites. just something to think about!

 

-yes

[moimeme]

I totally agree. He could just be curious as to why gay guys like what they like. The good news is that he isn't homophobic so he's probably quite secure in his sexuality. It's the guys who fear and dread differences in sexuality that I flee from.