katie82 Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 just wondering what people thought of this- i am in a relationship where we never fight- disagreements usually just amount to low-key arguments but it never really feels like fighting but more like a discussion. my boyfriend is very level headed and calm and refuses to fight about most things, he usually just prefers to disuss things rationally- i know, this sounds ideal, right? today i was talking to one of my guy friends who said that its healthy to have a big argument every now and then, that its good for a relationship is something wrong with my relationship, since we've been dating for 1 year and have never had a heated blow-out, have never had a screaming match? i was in a relationship a few years ago where we fought ALOT and it was really bad for me and my psyche- i was always depressed and stressed out by all the fighting, so i thought this situation was much healthier but does not fighting=a lack of passion or something? thanks everyone! katie
shadowplay Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 It's not necessarily a bad thing, but it may indicate that he has trouble expressing anger or strong emotions which could be a problem. Do you feel like he's passionate about you? Is he very laid back in general? Is he passive?
Lostgurl Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 just wondering what people thought of this- i am in a relationship where we never fight- disagreements usually just amount to low-key arguments but it never really feels like fighting but more like a discussion. my boyfriend is very level headed and calm and refuses to fight about most things, he usually just prefers to disuss things rationally- i know, this sounds ideal, right? today i was talking to one of my guy friends who said that its healthy to have a big argument every now and then, that its good for a relationship is something wrong with my relationship, since we've been dating for 1 year and have never had a heated blow-out, have never had a screaming match? i was in a relationship a few years ago where we fought ALOT and it was really bad for me and my psyche- i was always depressed and stressed out by all the fighting, so i thought this situation was much healthier but does not fighting=a lack of passion or something? thanks everyone! katie It sounds like you two are very compatible. It's definitley a good thing that you two don't have sceraming matches. They are NOT fun! I have heard that saying that fighting = passion in a relationship. But i think that it's constructive arguements that they are talking about. There's nothing like good make up sex
Geoffrey Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 that your guy doesn't automatically run all his emotions through the "anger" filter like most men do. There's such a thing as debate, and disagreeing without being disagreeable, but as far as a big blowup is concerned, that is something relationships can well do without. I've been with women who would, sometimes, literally explode about some emotional issue and be out of control for about 20 minutes, screaming and screaming, until I can get a word in edgewise and start the calming-down process. All the while I would sit there and just have no choice but to let them throw their tantrum and run its cycle. It's refreshing when it never gets to the detonation stage! It saves so much more energy for other things that are far more rewarding than an argument!
shadowplay Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 that your guy doesn't automatically run all his emotions through the "anger" filter like most men do. There's such a thing as debate, and disagreeing without being disagreeable, but as far as a big blowup is concerned, that is something relationships can well do without. I've been with women who would, sometimes, literally explode about some emotional issue and be out of control for about 20 minutes, screaming and screaming, until I can get a word in edgewise and start the calming-down process. All the while I would sit there and just have no choice but to let them throw their tantrum and run its cycle. It's refreshing when it never gets to the detonation stage! It saves so much more energy for other things that are far more rewarding than an argument! out of curiosity, what were the fights usually concerning?
Touche Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 No, it doesn't mean lack of passion. I mean do YOU think it does? You're very lucky to be with such a mature man. I waited my whole life for a man like that and finally found him at 33. Who needs all the drama! We've been together 13 years next month. I can count on one hand the times our disagreements deteriorated in to a screaming match. It's just not usually what we do. We can be passionate in our disagreements without yelling or calling each other names. Sounds like it's that way with the two of you. Count your blessings!
Author katie82 Posted September 15, 2007 Author Posted September 15, 2007 he is a pretty laid back guy and he doesnt sweat the small stuff, which is why he never really sees a point in arguing or fighting about petty things. i actually admire that about him and wish i could be more like that the few times we have argued it was about something stupid that i usually picked the fight over- for example, he didnt feel well so he didnt want to come hang out with me and my friends, and i got upset- really dumb things like that. i think 99% of the time, i am the one who picks a fight and its usually about something stupid (typical girl behavior though!)
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 A man who yells and screams is a man put into my ejecto seat, with no ifs, ands or buts... I've yet to do it, either. Be glad that you can discuss and debate, as long as you can resolve. If you can't resolve your issues, no matter if you don't indulge in over-emotionalism, they will only continue to build resentment.
IpAncA Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Crazy as this sounds but I think I'd have to pick a fight about not having any. I'm all for talking rationally but sometimes glove goes and round one beings.
Touche Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 That is crazy, IP. I can't understand the need for drama. It does seem to be a "girl" thing. Mature women don't have any use for it and nor do mature men. TBF, you crack me up with that "ejecto seat."
IpAncA Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 That is crazy, IP. I can't understand the need for drama. It does seem to be a "girl" thing. Mature women don't have any use for it and nor do mature men. Mature or not, majority of relationships IMO have fights every now and then.
Touche Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Mature or not, majority of relationships IMO have fights every now and then. Absolutely. But to purposefully start them is not mature. Nor is letting it become a shouting match with name-calling. I'm not saying you do that. I'm just saying.
Trialbyfire Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Hey Touche, BOING...the short face-planting friction burn exit or the long bomb, straight to the moon. Your choice of spring setting. Don't forget Ipanca, you can still have make-up sex without the yelling and screaming.
IpAncA Posted September 15, 2007 Posted September 15, 2007 Don't forget Ipanca, you can still have make-up sex without the yelling and screaming. Maybe in your house.
katiebour Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 Another Katie! Well, Katie My b/f and I don't argue much either. We do have occasional disagreements that deteriorate into quasi-silent-treatment cold-wars, but thankfully these don't last long until we come slinking back to one another to apologize, talk it out, and kiss and make up. I think as long as shouting matches aren't being supplanted by passive-aggressive resentment or anything like that, then you are fine. My dad and my stepmom have been married happily for 20 years, I've never, ever, heard them argue about anything. My stepmom mostly rolls her eyes at my dad when he farts or says something silly- she'll get this look on her face and go "Oh, Cecil." that's as far as it goes. So a good relationship without fighting is definitely possible and healthy! Just curious, why are you concerned about this? Do you feel like there is a lack of passion in the relationship?
ls707 Posted September 16, 2007 Posted September 16, 2007 just wondering what people thought of this- i am in a relationship where we never fight- disagreements usually just amount to low-key arguments but it never really feels like fighting but more like a discussion. my boyfriend is very level headed and calm and refuses to fight about most things, he usually just prefers to disuss things rationally- i know, this sounds ideal, right? today i was talking to one of my guy friends who said that its healthy to have a big argument every now and then, that its good for a relationship is something wrong with my relationship, since we've been dating for 1 year and have never had a heated blow-out, have never had a screaming match? i was in a relationship a few years ago where we fought ALOT and it was really bad for me and my psyche- i was always depressed and stressed out by all the fighting, so i thought this situation was much healthier but does not fighting=a lack of passion or something? thanks everyone! katie consider yourself fortunate; its very rare to find some one like what you have; level headed people are very hard to find. I had a similar situation as you did with one of your x's who always fought with you. One of my x's was quite verbally abusive; and would yell just for the smallest things. Needless to say I pulled out within 3 months of it. Stop listening to other ppl telling you what a "good" relationship should be according to their perspective. Im thinking hes just jealous of what you have found..heh.
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