Trialbyfire Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 This man is displaying passive-aggressive tendencies. I agree that he's controlling. I would pack all his stuff into a box and mail it to him. This way, no more contact is necessary. Get call display/call block at home and on your cell phone, and if you don't recognize the number or it's his, I wouldn't answer it. Don't let him intimidate you with assorted voicemails.
Author Ruby Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 He has never so much as raised his voice to me, its this silent treatment and childish behaviour that I cant take. Why do I feel scared? My ex was completely cookoo and did crazy stuff and verbally abused me at every occasion.
Author Ruby Posted September 9, 2007 Author Posted September 9, 2007 He is making a deal out of his stuff but he has nothing important here, just a few t shirts and a pair of shoes and some aftershave.
IpAncA Posted September 9, 2007 Posted September 9, 2007 Then give it to him and when it's done don't contact him and tell him to do the same.
Author Ruby Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 He has rung to speak to my son to wish him good luck at his new school. He then spoke to me and I told him not to call again and that I will get his stuff together. I text him today to let him know that his stuff is in the cupbaord outside my house and he rang to ask me to bring it indoors as he is at work and wont be home till late and someone could take it. He tried making small talk but I stopped him and put the phone down. This is so hard as I miss him alot
Author Ruby Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Does anyone think he can change? Does anyone here think that if he realises what he has lost that he could change his behaviour?
Lishy Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 My sister's husband changed after she left him, he realised what he lost and made an effort and now they are happy! So maybe he can!
Kwo-ne'-she Posted September 10, 2007 Posted September 10, 2007 Does anyone think he can change? Does anyone here think that if he realises what he has lost that he could change his behaviour? People can, and do, change. The thing is, you have already set a cycle in motion. He throws a tantrum (even if it is a silent one), you give in, and are back together. You have "taught" him that if he behaves a certain way, you will accept it, give in, and go on as if it never happened. You reinforce the behavior every time you give in. If you want this man, but want to be treated differently, you are going to have to stand up, and show him that this type of thing is no longer acceptable. Taking him back at this point, you would end up having the same problems as before. Time apart, is the only way to make him understand you have had enough...if you truly have.
Author Ruby Posted September 10, 2007 Author Posted September 10, 2007 Do you really think that could work? I dont want to split but I know I cannot out up with this anymore. How much time apart would show him I am serious?
Author Ruby Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 I have told him not to call me again I am not going to answer his calls now
JCD Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Ruby, as long as you feel angry at him you can not let him go because when the anger subsides you'll start feeling guilty of how you've acted towards him. What needs to happen is you need to seek self respect for yourself. That and not anger will release you from his grasp. I know it's tearing you apart and that's why I said for YOU, you could take him back one more time so that YOU can see for final time that he won't change. YOU need to see this and get self respect. If you don't, then you will always wonder if the decision of breaking up with him was the right one or not. If you feel now that YOU made the right decision of not seeing him and you got your self respect back then you don't have to get back with him. No matter what we say, YOU have to be the one that makes the choice to let go of him.
Author Ruby Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 He just rang me - After I sent him a text asking him not to. He rang and witheld his number and my son answered. He rambled on to me about making some money and i asked if he got my text and he said yes. So I asked why he was calling then and he said "we can still be friends cant we?" I cut the call short and now I am so angry Is he deliberately trying to hurt me? he didnt even mention what he had done!
climbergirl Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 Ruby, as long as you feel angry at him you can not let him go because when the anger subsides you'll start feeling guilty of how you've acted towards him. What needs to happen is you need to seek self respect for yourself. That and not anger will release you from his grasp. I know it's tearing you apart and that's why I said for YOU, you could take him back one more time so that YOU can see for final time that he won't change. YOU need to see this and get self respect. If you don't, then you will always wonder if the decision of breaking up with him was the right one or not. If you feel now that YOU made the right decision of not seeing him and you got your self respect back then you don't have to get back with him. No matter what we say, YOU have to be the one that makes the choice to let go of him. Yeah, what JCD said.
climbergirl Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 The whole 'let's be friends' approach is a ruse on his part. He isn't believing that you're serious about splitting up and with any contact he knows he still has you in his web, so to speak.
Author Ruby Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 How can I let him know I am serious? I sent him a very serious text that was not messing around, it was to the point.
StaringContest Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 This situation sounds oddly familiar. i dont understand why he keeps calling me about it' date=' its just a movie, a couple shirts, and his four wheeling helmet.[/quote'] http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=127412 I think you and missmebaby should be each other's "sponsor", you know, like in AA. If you feel the urge to call these f*ckin losers, you call each other instead.
climbergirl Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 This situation sounds oddly familiar. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=127412 I think you and missmebaby should be each other's "sponsor", you know, like in AA. If you feel the urge to call these f*ckin losers, you call each other instead. Nah, I think missmebaby's guy said cruel and awful things to her when they were together and when he ended it. I could be wrong, but I think Ruby's issue with her man is the way he deals with conflict (silent treatment) not that he says abusive and mean spirited words to her. But, you're right, calling a girlfriend who understands will help.
Author Ruby Posted September 11, 2007 Author Posted September 11, 2007 MIssme's ex is a sick and disturbed man. He is definately Narcisstic and maybe Bipolar, my guy is just acting like a damn child! It is so frustrating and even though I need advice on what to do/say I know he is not a nasty piece of work. The ONLY problem we have is the way he deals with problems, that is why it is so hard to throw it down the drain. Mind you, its getting a bit easier now that I have told him how I feel Watch this space lol
jcster Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 If you really don't want to end it, would you consider couple's therapy? It sounds like you both need to learn better methods of communication and resolution of differences. If you want him to change, then give him the opportunity to learn how to make lasting, effective changes.
StaringContest Posted September 11, 2007 Posted September 11, 2007 I was referring to the little game they both played with making a big deal out of getting some worthless stuff back.
Author Ruby Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 I woukd consider councelling but he wouldnt i bet! I dont even know if it is worth it, today i feel like i never want him back
Author Ruby Posted September 12, 2007 Author Posted September 12, 2007 He is unbelievable! He kept ringing me all night and left messages saying he needed an email address that I had stored on my pc. This man couldnt send a mail if he tried, he is useless with computers! I text him the address and he replied thank you with loads of kisses I ignored it Why the hell is he making stupid reasons to call? Why cant he just admit he is acting like an ashole and try to sort it out? He obviously missses me so why is he acting so anal?
whichwayisup Posted September 12, 2007 Posted September 12, 2007 He doesn't want to admit he's an a-hole because then that would be admitting he did something wrong and in his mind HE DIDN'T DO anything wrong. From now on, ignore him. He's testing you to see how far he can go with you. NC is NC so BLOCK him, both email, instant messenger and text. That way you're not tempted to reply back to him.
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