My wife has checked out of the marriage

[riobikini]

Very true, Woggle.

 

-Rio

[Ladyjane14]

She filed a restraing order for domestic violence and I cannot see my kids. It is completly fabricated evidence but in the meantime the judge has ordered me to stay at least 100 yards from my house, wife and kids.

 

Try not to worry, S&H. Claiming domestic abuse in order to remove a husband from the home has become a fairly common tactic. In order for the courts and police to 'err on the side of caution', restraining orders are generally granted right away to those women who request them. But... family court judges and cops are all too familiar with this strategy and they DON'T appreciate being yanked around by smartass women who try to milk the system.

 

Work closely with your attorney, be calm, and bear in mind that this is a TEMPORARY situation.

 

I dont understand how someone that i have been with for 12 years can be so cruel and evil.

 

A WS is kind of like a split personality. The confusing part for most betrayed spouses is that you can see occasional glimpses of your old mate underneath the veneer of this horrible, nasty, selfish person they've become.

 

It's impossible to know which "personality" will win out. Sometimes, a formerly wayward spouse comes "out of the fog" and can't even identify with what a jerk they were while under the influence of the affair. Othertimes... they're just the same raging a*hole for the rest of their lives.

 

I think this is one of those times where all you can do is hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.

 

Here's a couple more threads for you to read... (I was digging through some old threads trying to remember who it was who had this "restraining order" maneuver pulled on them... but sorry, I just can't remember. )

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=116079

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showthread.php?t=114972

Anyway, the reason these two threads are pertinent is that both these guys started out hurt and confused, just like you. But as you read through their posts, you see them gaining ground and finally by the end, feeling confident and enjoying their lives again.

 

You're in a rough spot, that's true. But it's gonna pass. Have faith.

[Gunny376]

Honestly its a pots and pans divorce. We dont have any savings because she would spend the money as it came in. So it really doenst matter. But if she doesnt have the money to move out then she doesnt have to. I really want to throw her out but then i will have to support her and loose my house. Not to mention what its going to do to the kids.

 

4 weeks ago she said we were working things out and signed a contract to remodel the kitchen. Now that she has come out and said she doesnt want to be with me and wants to be with other men I will loose 60K if i back out. The custom cabinets and counter tops are already made and the appliances are already purchased.

 

this is soo strange to hear from my wife. She has never been like this. I think it all started after the boob job she got in March. There is something about this. I have spoken to alot of people and only 1 person out of 12 that got boobs has stayed with their familys. The other 11 within a year left.

 

I also was talked into 5 weeks ago (when she said we are working things out) signed a 3 year BMW lease at 600 a month. so now with me having to support her and the debt she left me with im screwed.

 

Somehow I missed posting to this thread?

 

But yep! That's where my troubles in my marriage all started ~ that damned boob job! I'm such the point such that's a Red Flag. A woman tells me she's had a Boob job, wants one, is planning on getting one or I suspect such? I won't date her, or if I alredy am? That's it ~ I'm done.

 

Trust me Buddy, you can't get rid of this parasite of bitch quick enough. From scaning over your thread, your STBXW and my Hex sound like identical twins.

 

I go out of my way these days to look for women who know the value of a dollar and a good man. Who appreciate what I've got to offer and bring to the table.

 

When the dust is all settled ~ you're going to look back and swipe your forehead and say ~ "Man! That was a close one!"

 

The first thing that you need to is to do a brain dump of all the BS she's put in your head (and is still trying to pump your head full of! You've done all any GOOD man can and could have done. Now? Do what you have to do to protect yourself and your children. That who and what's it all about now?

 

Let some other "boob-loving" idiot of a fool support her 14k mind. The old boy that married mine, (she was my first and only wife, his second, but he's Husband No. #4 to her) is digging himself an early grave trying to please her. She get's older, uglier, meaner and sicker with each passing day ~ but he's got so I guess that makes him the Winner!

 

Meanwihile back at the ranch? I'm happier, more content, at peace with myself. I'm making more money that I ever made in my life, while owing less money than I ever have in my life. I don't have everything I want? But, I've got everything I need. My retirement covers my living expense, and the nut I've got to crack over and about that? $268 a month. My relationship with my Son and Daughter could be better ~ but the main obstacle with that is that they're in the twenties and busy living their own lives day to day.

 

There's light at the end of the tunnel, you've just got to be strong-minded and have a brave heart to get there. You just got to exert some self-control and self discipline (OK, at times? A LOT! )

[2boys2dogs]

I am going through the same thing...

This all sucks for all of us that are going through the walkaway wife syndrome. Last night I bought two books, After the Affair, and Divorce for Dummies. I already have been reading Love Must Be Tough. I recommend all three books. I would buy a copy of After the Affair for your wife too, I am going to!

Hang in there man. Keep posting, keep venting here, not at home!

[sadandhurt]

The good thing is now i am past the morning stage! I cannot believe she would stoop this low to use the kids agaist me. I feel no love or caring for this women anymore. I cannot wait to (not too soon) meet women that i actually enjoy being around.

[IpAncA]

Remember that when she trys to be nice to you don't think she's changing her ways. Instead ask yourself what does she want from me or need to benefit.

 

I am sorry she stooped low enough to use the kids. Sometimes when people go through divorce you get an idea of what people really are like. Can bring the worst out of people.

 

I do hope everything works out for you.

[Timberlane]

Man, I've been reading this whole thread. Pretty harsh stuff. Good luck to you, sadandhurt. I'm still dragging with my divorce, but at least we don't have children and she moved back to Europe. Not having to live with someone that has lost feelings for you sure makes things more pleasant. Your wife sounds like the most despicable sort. Good riddance!

[sadandhurt]

so she is really playing dirty with this restrainig order. she openly spoke to my mother (i didnt know anything about it) then the next day tried to have be arrested for violation of the order. She told my son (5 years old) that mommy and daddy got in a fight and daddy isnt coming home. I went to dispute the RO and she wrote another declaration stating that she needs this more than ever because i have alread violated it.

 

We now have approx 30K in lawyer fees for a divorce that only has approx 100K in equity in the house.

 

She is using the children against me and there is nothing i can do about it. I dont understand this leagal system.

[Ladyjane14]

...so she is really playing dirty with this restrainig order. she openly spoke to my mother (i didnt know anything about it) then the next day tried to have be arrested for violation of the order. She told my son (5 years old) that mommy and daddy got in a fight and daddy isnt coming home. I went to dispute the RO and she wrote another declaration stating that she needs this more than ever because i have alread violated it.

 

I don't understand how her speaking to your mother puts YOU in violation of the restraining order.

You know, she can get into REAL trouble with the law if she gets caught just making sh*t up as she goes. Police and court officials don't take kindly to having their chains yanked, and they'll likely have no problem prosecuting her if they catch her making false charges.

 

I think all you can do at this point is to follow up with your attorney and make sure you surround yourself with witnesses. Keep a journal, receipts, everything you can to account for your whereabouts at any given time of day. That way, if she accuses you of something and you can PROVE you were somewhere else... she's busted.

[sadandhurt]

I dont understand how a women i have been with for 12 years can completely hate me. she seems to dispise me. My kids are feaking out. I just dont understand how this happens to people. is this common.

 

My ex wife is a beutiful women which makes it hard for me because i feel like she is going to be with someone (or is already with someone) right away and i wont find anyone. Im stuck in a poor me stage and cannot get out of it.

 

What do I do?

[Woggle]

I dont understand how a women i have been with for 12 years can completely hate me. she seems to dispise me. My kids are feaking out. I just dont understand how this happens to people. is this common.

 

My ex wife is a beutiful women which makes it hard for me because i feel like she is going to be with someone (or is already with someone) right away and i wont find anyone. Im stuck in a poor me stage and cannot get out of it.

 

What do I do?

 

Yes it is very common with women. They can turn on you in a second and you will never know what hit you. She is just acting like the typical woman and you need to get yourself a lawyer fast.

[Woggle]

Do women like her realize how harder they make it for women who really are abused? These laws are set up to protect battered women and not for some witch to use as leverage in a divorce case.

[Gunny376]

I dont understand how a women i have been with for 12 years can completely hate me. she seems to dispise me. My kids are feaking out. I just dont understand how this happens to people. is this common.

 

My ex wife is a beutiful women which makes it hard for me because i feel like she is going to be with someone (or is already with someone) right away and i wont find anyone. Im stuck in a poor me stage and cannot get out of it.

 

What do I do?

 

She doesn't "hate" you, she's minimizing you ~ de-humanizing you. People do this to neturalize their guilt. Its the reason servicemen call their enemy's names like "zipperhead's, gooks, 'Charlie' 'Krauts".

 

Pretty basic human pyschology if you think about it.

 

So, where is this guilt of her's coming from?

 

As far as finding someone else? Its a "skill-set" that can be easily enough learned. You could be an over-weight, pot bellied, bald insurance saleman from Bosie, Idaho and find you more women than a freight train could haul. IF you're on top of your game when it comes to women.

 

The problem isn't finding women ~ the problem is finding the "right" woman for you.

[Gunny376]

Do women like her realize how harder they make it for women who really are abused? These laws are set up to protect battered women and not for some witch to use as leverage in a divorce case.

 

No and don't care. What is all the more, the half that treat "good men" like crap don't realize how much damage they're doing to the whole dating game.

 

They act like they're still back in HS or college, when all the young studs were chasing after them and they could have any man they want.

 

These are the very same one's who get into their thirties, fourties, and fifties wondering why the dating pool has dried up? These are the same women who think they were "born" with everything they need to get through life with! And, they're wrong.

 

They're the same women that don't understand why guys like me will pass them by to get with "That"

 

You check out some the profiles on some of these dating sites ~ and its such a joke. Yea she's attractive, pretty, got a killer body, and then you scroll down the the profile and to get with her you've got to earn at least $80,000 to $100,000 a year ~ in rural Alabama! And, she works as a receptionist making less than $10 an hour! I don't do Goldiggers!

[sadandhurt]

Thanks for the replies from all of you. I feels good to know im not the only one.

 

I know Im not even close to being into another relationship now but i feel like there is something wrong with me. And I now have a hard time talking to women.

 

thanks again

[Gunny376]

Why? They don't bite! (Well most of the time?)

 

They're just people! They have the same doubts, insecurties, fears, anxieties, issues (and more) as you do?

 

Despite what some Femi-nazis would have you believe men and women are 80% more alike than dislike!

 

And of course your not ready for another relationship, and you won't be for some time now. But the time to begin working on yourself is here and now. Getting your head and azz wired back together ~ getting your act together. Now is the time to examine your past, and to learn from your mistakes ~ most of which came from not having sufficient knowledge to begin with.

 

I wasn't born knowing how to dance ~ so I took dance lessons. I wasn't born knowing how to approach a woman and ask for her phone number. Now, I'll walk up and strike up a conversation with a woman and ask her for her number. Either she'll give it to me or she won't. Sometimes, I get bogus numbers? Sometimes they giggle and laugh and tell me they're married or already seeing someone else. (But they Thank me for asking ~ its flattering for them to be asked ~ they like knowing they've "Still got it")

 

I wasn't born knowing how to dress in a manner that women find attactive.

 

Its all a leanred skill.

 

When I was in sales, and had to dress up everyday to the "nines" I had women "ooohhinng and awwwing" but the way I dress in my current job ~ I don't get as much attention. But, I know! All I have to do is reach into my closet.

 

The biggest things about approaching women is

 

Confidence

 

Gaining their trust

 

Making them feel "safe" with you!

 

Making them laugh and smile ~ show them a good time.

 

And not treating them like a VLSS ~ Vaginal Life Support System ~ a piece of meat put on this Earth to be used and abused for your sexual gradification ~ treat them like HUMAN BEINGS, appreciated, wanted, needed, valued, for the unique indiviuals they are.

 

(While keeping in mind? They're all crazier than Hell (just like men) and there's no such thing as understanding them, because they don't always understand themselves.)

[sumdude]

Thanks for the replies from all of you. I feels good to know im not the only one.

 

I know Im not even close to being into another relationship now but i feel like there is something wrong with me. And I now have a hard time talking to women.

 

thanks again

 

I know how you feel ... this will pass in a while. Just like Gunny says, take care of yourself and what you're doing for now. The rest will work itself out. Your confidence and self image took a beating and will recover in a little time with some work. The more you worry and think about it the more it actually becomes a problem.

 

There's nothing wrong with you, You're injured and need time to heal.

[sadandhurt]

today she is trying to take my children from me. Now instead of 50/50 like she has always agreed on she is saying i can see them only 2 weekends a month. I have no choice but to fight this one to the end.

 

I saw her today for the first time since the RO and she looked different. She not only acts like someone i dont know but i dont even recognize her. I dont understand where all of her hatred came from. I know you say its her way of dealing with the guilt, or maybe a defense mechanism but its unreal. I grew up with a not so good group of people and even the ones in prison are not this mean.

 

I just miss my children and my home.

[Gunny376]

Its hard! All day hard! You've just got to suck it up, s**t, slime and all! Suck it up AND DEAL with it!

 

Divorce isn't for the weak-minded, nor the weak-hearted! Its hard! All day hard!

 

Stay with me! Don't you QUIT on me now!

 

We'll get your azz to the otherside of divorce!

[sadandhurt]

She is really sticking by to only giving me 2 weekends with the kids for custody. We have been going back and forth talking bad about each other in declarations and i just want it to end. But she keeps pushing for this custody. i know if because she wants the child support. She is basicly saying that she should get everything and i should just work hard and send the checks.

 

So by making this false allogation she has

 

1 - taken our kids from me. I have no idea what is going on with them and have no say in what they do

 

2 - had me thrown out of my house.

 

3 - now she will not give me any reasonable custody

 

Can she do this. We have mediation on tuesday. Will they help to try to add some order to this? Feels like I have no rights as a man that has worked hard to provide a good life for his family. All I can do is keep fighting it but someone needs to step in and stop this. is this what mediation will do?

[CaliGuy]

Gotta chime in here. Read "Love Must Be Tough" by Dr. James Dobson. Lots of good advice here for people in your position.

 

Best of luck.

[Chrome Barracuda]

She is really sticking by to only giving me 2 weekends with the kids for custody. We have been going back and forth talking bad about each other in declarations and i just want it to end. But she keeps pushing for this custody. i know if because she wants the child support. She is basicly saying that she should get everything and i should just work hard and send the checks.

 

So by making this false allogation she has

 

1 - taken our kids from me. I have no idea what is going on with them and have no say in what they do

 

2 - had me thrown out of my house.

 

3 - now she will not give me any reasonable custody

 

Can she do this. We have mediation on tuesday. Will they help to try to add some order to this? Feels like I have no rights as a man that has worked hard to provide a good life for his family. All I can do is keep fighting it but someone needs to step in and stop this. is this what mediation will do?

 

I think at mediation you should just tell her you want your children. if the custody isnt 50/50 we go to court, there will be no negotiating! We'll see what the judge says about the deal or not. She wants a war, give it to her. the only person she is hurting is yourself. Oh and force the sale of the house and make sure she does it! The lawyer you got is a freaking moron tell him, if he doesnt grow a sack and goes after her juglar, he's fired!!!

 

And subpeona anyone you need to to give alimony attributing to your character. Document everything that happens to you, from here on out.

 

It's time to fight, dont lay down for this bitch!

[Gunny376]

She is really sticking by to only giving me 2 weekends with the kids for custody. We have been going back and forth talking bad about each other in declarations and i just want it to end. But she keeps pushing for this custody. i know if because she wants the child support. She is basicly saying that she should get everything and i should just work hard and send the checks.

 

So by making this false allogation she has

 

1 - taken our kids from me. I have no idea what is going on with them and have no say in what they do

 

2 - had me thrown out of my house.

 

3 - now she will not give me any reasonable custody

 

Can she do this. We have mediation on tuesday. Will they help to try to add some order to this? Feels like I have no rights as a man that has worked hard to provide a good life for his family. All I can do is keep fighting it but someone needs to step in and stop this. is this what mediation will do?

 

She's trying to bufflo ya! Man up!

 

We're not hearing the entire story here, you've got to let us know what's going on! We need good intel here.

[IpAncA]

She is really sticking by to only giving me 2 weekends with the kids for custody. We have been going back and forth talking bad about each other in declarations and i just want it to end. But she keeps pushing for this custody. i know if because she wants the child support. She is basicly saying that she should get everything and i should just work hard and send the checks.

 

I'm so sorry your going through this. I can't even begin to tell you how I feel. It's horrible and frankly she's a heartless b**ch.

 

She wants everything to revolve around her and all she has to do is go the mailbox and get your money. And you know what kind of thanks you get? "Haha...I got your money, the kids, whatever, and you can't do a damn thing about it."

 

 

Can she do this. We have mediation on tuesday. Will they help to try to add some order to this? Feels like I have no rights as a man that has worked hard to provide a good life for his family. All I can do is keep fighting it but someone needs to step in and stop this. is this what mediation will do?

 

I don't know where you live but this is pathetic. I can't believe you can enter a marriage and then when divorce comes the W makes the rules. What kind of system does this crap? It's like you have a feminism government because I've never heard of such a thing.

 

I have no idea what will happend Tuesday but I do hope that something good happends in your favor.

 

Good luck and don't give up.

[jesslindy]

Remember that the truth always comes out in the end. Your situation is temporary. I don't care what state you live in, melodrama and lying will only help you in the end in court. You need to find a TIGERSHARK lawyer, that will stop at nothing to help your end result. Interview as many as you have to. Find one that cares about your situation, not just taking your money. There are good lawyers out there. Make sure you find the right one. Get a court appointed child custody evaluator, these people are professionals and can see through lying and BS. They will make an honest assessment. And if your on the high road, and she is not, you will win.

 

Remember to keep your wits about you. Do not react out of emotion. All the things she has done are already giving you HUGE CRATES of ammo for court. Don't be snotty, dont be melodramatic, stick to the facts with a cool head, YOU WILL WIN. Go for full custody!! YOU WILL WIN!! Dont worry about the expenses, this is the rest of your life. I don't care if my divorce costs 30,000 dollars. I'm resilient, I'll find the money. So will you. Get strong, stay strong. Do whatever you have to do to be the best person possible. EVERYONE WILL NOTICE!! You can do it. Don't make mistakes. Don't do anything right now to hurt your case. Live like a monk if you have to. I could be sleeping with plenty of women right now, but I dont because I will give no ammo to my ex wife. Dont assume she is not watching. And you know what? Even if shes not, and you could get away with anything, doing so will make you feel better about yourself. Right now be a FATHER. Heal. You can do it.