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when we fight


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this woman i know for a few years now has this problem of always wanting to break up when any little thing goes wrong betweenus.


she denies any knowledge of why she does this but said her first instinct is to flee as far away from me as she can.

it really stresses us both out that would just leave me at the drop of a hat when things go wrong, and her too because she claims that she loves me and wants a future with me but that when we fight, which is hardly ever, that she just naturally wants to get far far away from me.


she has not as of yet ever left me, but just the thought that she thinks about it makes me hurt.

she lives with a friend right now and is working a part time job and seems content to stay at this job and it really annoys me too.


i love her dearly but i want to get to the bottom of why she would behave in such a manner?

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YOU ASK: "i love her dearly but i want to get to the bottom of why she would behave in such a manner?"


I'm at a handicap because I can't interview her but my guess is that she was abused as a child. Many people from abusive backgrounds develop a "fight or flight" neurosis-type reaction as a result of their childhood. Some choose to stick it out and fight to resolve things when problems or disagreements arise, others would prefer to get out of dodge and move on.


This is something you have no control over. In time, she'll have to come to terms with this, figure out why she has the problem, and resolve it.


It would be nice if you wouldn't behave in such a way as to give her so many opportunities to want to leave. Be more kind and understanding and don't engage her. Just let her release her steam whenever she wants without arguing with her.


When one or both of you matures to a greater degree, the relationship should improve dramatically...if the two of you are still together at that time.

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