BenThereDunThat Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I REALLY thought this post was great...Just wanted you to know my OP! DITTO, DITTO, DITTO!!!! And p.s., the word "roommate" is a HUGE trigger. Huge. I'd say run, run far away. But, based on a few of your words (i.e., I'm smart, I don't need this, etc., etc.) Girl, he is PLAYING you like a violin. Your words: "I don't sleep around, I've only been with one other person...." Here's what you're gonna hear next (mark my words on this one), "I wasn't looking for this. It just "happened." "I care about my wife, but really, we've just been ROOMMATES the last couple of years." I DEEPLY care for YOU...I've never met anyone like YOU... I just want you to be HAPPY...that's all I've ever REALLY wanted....if that means your being happy with another man, so be it (cough, cough, I'll "try" to get over it....) because, after all, you DESERVE it. I'd "gladly" give up my LOVELESS life for YOUR happiness. If that's all I meant to this world, then (sigh) I've done SOMEthing.... Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have found this site very insightful. I wish I had found it before engaging into an A with my boss. As I am sure you are well aware and have experienced that a heart break is very traumatic. Losing your self worth is 100 fold. Choosing to enter into an Affair is your personal preference. you have come here to get others oppinions on this type of relationship. Each person that has given advice, as stated earlier has been through this and are very well aware of the emotional roller coaster ride that comes along with the act. If the A occurs be prepared for a few things to occur: 1. Wife finding out and not knowing what she is capable of 2. Other people finding out and you gaining a reputation 3. Losing your job 4. him no longer acknowledging you after the fact regardless of things that had been stated in the past 5. Dealing with the left over emotions But, on the bright side you may be a lotto winner 1 out of every 10,000 Affairs that end up on a good note. But if not, many will be here to help you through it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lala2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 In every other aspect of my life, I take advice to heart and in some cases, I change my opinion. I have no idea why I can't do that in this situation. I know that what everyone is saying is right, but I am just not accepting it for some reasons. I obviously have some issues, seeing as I really like a man that I shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I have seeked a lot of advice on this issue, and I want to change my mind. My friends have even told me that I may be overanalyzing the situation: -He called me on the phone with a very friendly, general question. That doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he commented on how much he likes working with me and how I carry myself, that doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he touches me on the back doesn't mean he likes me. -He really hasn't done anything that would make me go "Whoa, this guy is falling for me." So I don't know why I feel so strongly.....this is a problem, and I am trying really hard to learn from everyone on this site and get over it, but it is much harder than I originally thought, and I haven't even done anything yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Here's what you're gonna hear next (mark my words on this one), "I wasn't looking for this. It just "happened." "I care about my wife, but really, we've just been ROOMMATES the last couple of years." I DEEPLY care for YOU...I've never met anyone like YOU... I just want you to be HAPPY...that's all I've ever REALLY wanted....if that means your being happy with another man, so be it (cough, cough, I'll "try" to get over it....) because, after all, you DESERVE it. I'd "gladly" give up my LOVELESS life for YOUR happiness. If that's all I meant to this world, then (sigh) I've done SOMEthing.... Soooooooooooo true, not exact words but same context Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 In every other aspect of my life, I take advice to heart and in some cases, I change my opinion. I have no idea why I can't do that in this situation. I know that what everyone is saying is right, but I am just not accepting it for some reasons. I obviously have some issues, seeing as I really like a man that I shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I have seeked a lot of advice on this issue, and I want to change my mind. My friends have even told me that I may be overanalyzing the situation: -He called me on the phone with a very friendly, general question. That doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he commented on how much he likes working with me and how I carry myself, that doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he touches me on the back doesn't mean he likes me. -He really hasn't done anything that would make me go "Whoa, this guy is falling for me." So I don't know why I feel so strongly.....this is a problem, and I am trying really hard to learn from everyone on this site and get over it, but it is much harder than I originally thought, and I haven't even done anything yet. But, dear girl, this is what they do. Put those little "feelers" out there. Then, when you react to them, it's a "surprise" to them. Puts it all on you. It was YOU who came on to me. Oh, I'm sorry, did you misread my signals? No matter, too late, I've fallen for you now. Lucky us! Again - I really wasn't looking for this (read: YOU brought this about, not ME) Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 In every other aspect of my life, I take advice to heart and in some cases, I change my opinion. I have no idea why I can't do that in this situation. I know that what everyone is saying is right, but I am just not accepting it for some reasons. I obviously have some issues, seeing as I really like a man that I shouldn't. Don't get me wrong, I have seeked a lot of advice on this issue, and I want to change my mind. My friends have even told me that I may be overanalyzing the situation: -He called me on the phone with a very friendly, general question. That doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he commented on how much he likes working with me and how I carry myself, that doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he touches me on the back doesn't mean he likes me. -He really hasn't done anything that would make me go "Whoa, this guy is falling for me." So I don't know why I feel so strongly.....this is a problem, and I am trying really hard to learn from everyone on this site and get over it, but it is much harder than I originally thought, and I haven't even done anything yet. What makes you think that he is willing to engage into an Affair with you then? Other than because he is a man. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lala2007 Posted August 22, 2007 Author Share Posted August 22, 2007 ^I don't know, really I don't have any idea if he would want to be in an affair with me other than he thinks I am attractive. I will try my best to get over this. Thank you for all of your advice. Link to post Share on other sites
lost4ever Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 What makes you think that he is willing to engage into an Affair with you then? Other than because he is a man. Does a MM need another reason?? Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Don't go looking for trouble. Link to post Share on other sites
Hurt & Alone Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Does a MM need another reason?? Well, I guess thats why I stated other than being a man I should have said MM. Link to post Share on other sites
Cad Rake Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 At this point she's received all the advice she needs. Now I think she's just looking for attention. Probably does the same thing at work. Link to post Share on other sites
frannie Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 Well my advice is 'don't do it', but then advice is really worth what it costs, which as we all know, is nothing. Think of this: fast forward about 9 months, when you've slept with him and he's treated you sweetly and all the things you can't believe you could possibly have with him have happened (because they easily will... if you think it's hard to sleep with a MM at work you just haven't been living long enough... it's the easiest thing in the world ) ... anyway, fast forward through the inevitable and into this scenario: you've bonded sexually with him (ok if you insist not, then emotionally) and all of a sudden he pulls the 'guilty feelings about my wife' card, or the 'working on my marriage' chestnut, whatever... the end result will be the same: i.e. you working in a place where everyone knows (or suspects) what's been going on, you can't bear to look at him without crying, and you just don't know how you can get through the day without re-reading and analysing his short emails that are basically saying: it's over, now move on. Then imagine how hard that is to deal with and walk away from. Compare it to the chance you have now. Just don't go there. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 The way we connect is different than most. He really shows an interest in me and my life. He expresses regret for not going to school, and that leads me to believe that he isn't happy in his life. I don't want to come in and "save" him or anything, and I don't want to ruin his marriage if he is happy, but something is telling me he isn't or else he wouldn't say/do these things around me. It isn't your business if he's happy or not in his marriage. Some MM are happy but still like to get a little something on the side if the opportunity presents itself. As pessimistic as this sounds, I have respect for marriage, but I do know that divorce rates nowadays are staggering. C'mon, if you really had respect for his marriage you would move on. If in the event he does get divorced then you have something to look forward to - an old divorcee with alimony and child support payments. I don't think that I will ever get married. I feel like you can be completely and totally connected/committed to someone without making it legal. I can support myself, I am a strong woman. You are right you are a strong woman so hold your chin up and leave this guy a lone. That is no excuse for wanting a married man, but that is just how I feel about marriage in this day and age. No that isn't an excuse for wanting a married man and just because you feel that way about marriage does not mean that you should purposely try to ruin someone else's commitment to each other. I've got news for you- you are going to be confronted with many temptations in this life and you have to learn now how to make sound decisions. One stupid mistake can ruin the rest of your life. Always try to do the right thing and you will never be sorry. It really is true that 'what goes around comes around' and just because you don't want to be married at the age you are now does not mean you will feel the same way in 10 to 15 years. You may be in his wife's position one day. Since you indicated this job is not a career job then why don't you just find another job and remove yourself from the temptation? Link to post Share on other sites
Mustang Sally Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 I have no idea why I can't do that in this situation. I know that what everyone is saying is right, but I am just not accepting it for some reasons. Because the amygdala is a very powerful force, indeed! In other words...your primal drives are being called into play by/with this guy. THAT, in itself, is not at all abnormal. What you have to figure out - hopefully, as you say, maturely - is how you are going to respond (or NOT) to these primal urges. My friends have even told me that I may be overanalyzing the situation: -He called me on the phone with a very friendly, general question. That doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he commented on how much he likes working with me and how I carry myself, that doesn't mean he likes me. -Just because he touches me on the back doesn't mean he likes me. -He really hasn't done anything that would make me go "Whoa, this guy is falling for me." Now here, I think that females in particular tend to have an uncanny ability to sense when there is chemistry in the air...(phermones, anyone?) I doubt you are merely "overanalyzing." In fact, he sounds to me like a player/predator, who is likely well-seasoned in luring young co-eds..... My advice: Find a single hottie-guy to enjoy yourself with. Maybe you can turn some of the energy and positive feelings you have about yourself due to this guy's attentions into something extremely HOT with a more appropriate dating-choice? It's ok , in my opinion, to let some (older, should-know-better) man's attentions to you be a compliment, of sorts. But I would agree with the majority that at this point in your life, sounds like you could do A LOT better for yourself. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
directx Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 You don't want to mess with your boss! That cannot end well. Imagine having to see him EVERYDAY after the wild nights end. What about when he fades you out and falls for ANOTHER chick? If you like your job, I wouldn't mess with it. Now, if I had a female boss that had the hots for me... I could probably handle that. BUt that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
Road Rage Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 The only thing that can diffuse this situation is another guy. Hopefully one who is younger and very single....and of good character. Other than that, it`s a done deal with this lass:( Link to post Share on other sites
outofdarkness Posted August 22, 2007 Share Posted August 22, 2007 The only thing that can diffuse this situation is another guy. Hopefully one who is younger and very single....and of good character. Other than that, it`s a done deal with this lass:( oh, ok..i see..ya quoted Al Gore..Enough said. Link to post Share on other sites
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